only i can if necessary

*takes 50mg of melatonin and lucid dreams cataclysmic events in human history that have yet to occur as part of a prophecy that only I can fulfill or prevent as necessary*
*wakes up the next morning and forgets about it*

So I just did a post about how I manage my time and my daily schedule and such, and I felt like this part is really important and was getting lost in the minutiae of my day, so I made it a separate post. I was talking about various ways in which my life is not necessarily “normal”, like how I go to bed at 7:30, which people treat as one of my eccentricities, and rightly so. But while it is weird it speaks to the crux of my life philosophy, which I’ve spoken about before as regards dealing with anon hate:

My time and attention are finite resources and they have a value I can bestow where I wish. If something is not necessary to survive, does not solve a problem, or does not provide joy, I stop doing it.

I pay my bills and do my dishes and wash my clothes because you have to do those things. I engage in activism and try to stay current on the news because I believe I have a moral duty to contribute to society, and I run because it’s good for my heart and my body. I have friendships, engage in fandom, play the ukulele, write, go to concerts and movies and art galleries because it brings me joy to do so.

Going to bed early solves a problem for me: I wasn’t doing anything useful with that time anyway, I wasn’t enjoying myself or feeling happy. If I wasn’t getting any benefit from that time, how could I put it to better use? Sleeping is beneficial, so I tried that, and it worked; I get more sleep and I don’t miss anything I can’t catch up with. Work doesn’t make me especially happy or fulfill me in ways we could all wish, but that’s okay. Work is necessary to survive, so I do it. I don’t date much because I tried dating semi-recently and the promise of future joy did not outweigh the lack of joy that dating itself brought to my life; it was painful, ugly, and boring, and so I stopped doing it. 

The dating thing may change in the future, if eventually the promise of a relationship becomes more enticing, but it’s an example of how the pursuit of happiness is non-standard, and you are allowed to weigh the cost against the payoff based on your own personal feelings, not on society’s dictates. Because it turns out when you are doing what makes you happy, when you feel joy, you could give two shits about what everyone else thinks should make you happy. 

Sometimes, what brings me joy is sitting on the couch listening to a podcast I’ve already heard ten times and playing a stupid mindless flash game; I often catch myself thinking “I could be doing something more useful, something cooler, something more active” and remind myself “But this is making me happy, and it’s what I’m capable of doing right now.”

“Does this make me happy” or, if you’re struggling with happiness, “Does this calm and soothe me” is a great metric for what you should be doing in life when you are on your own time. It’s a good way to check in with yourself and lead yourself towards a more fulfilling life on your own terms. 

If you are out at a bar with friends, stop and ask, does this make me happy? Because there is no way in which asking that does not help. If being at a bar doesn’t make you happy and if it’s the only time you see your friends, maybe it’s time for a change; you are now free to pursue something that will make you happy. If being at a bar doesn’t make you happy but your friends do, and this is one way to bond with them of many, then it’s a cost with a later benefit, and you’ve now become conscious that while you aren’t happy right this minute, you are paying into future joy. And if you like being out at a bar with friends and are having a good time, then you’ve reaffirmed to yourself that you are happy and this is where you want to be. And affirming that you are feeling joy is a great thing to do. 

You don’t have to be happy all the time – but on your own time, when work and chores and the duties of the day are done, you should devote yourself to finding joy in whatever form that takes, be it a nap or a party or a date or your kids or, I don’t know, watching people make fake food on YouTube. 

Believing that your time and attention have value and should only be bestowed on the worthy means coming to believe that you have value, which is so hard to do that I’ll take any shortcut I can get. Devoting your time time and attention only to what is necessary or what is pleasurable means learning a great deal about what you value, and I truly believe leads you to a more fulfilled life.

So when people ask me about time management, I have real tips and tricks to offer – but I think the most important think I can offer is the suggestion that whatever time you have, you should believe it has value because it is yours, and you should direct it appropriately. 

Someone told me recently to focus on the issues that I have an influence on. Don’t let yourself become fatigued by every new horrifying thing you hear about on the news. Don’t get me wrong, listen to the news. Keep everything in your peripheral, but work on what you can. Devote yourself to your spheres of influence. 

It’s better than staying in bed all day because your head hurts from too much, too soon, too close to home. It seems obvious, but as someone who becomes easily overwhelmed and needs to save everyone, everywhere, it really helped to hear that doing what I can, where I can, is not only enough, but preferred and necessary. I’m focusing on queer rights, healthcare, The Dakota Access Pipeline, and going to every Black Lives Matter/Women’s protest I can. 

[2]

Syaoran.

Syaoran.

I was giving you credit two posts ago. Please don’t make me regret that.

You have made this EXACT observation two chapters ago.

I CAN LINK YOU THERE SYAORAN DON’T THINK I WON’T DO IT.

*lies down*

*gives up*

anonymous asked:

Could you give me some advice or inspo for make my languages notebook?

Hi there! Yes, I can give you some tips:

  • Get your tools - the only necessary ones are notebook(s), pencil and eraser, but you may also want to use ruler, sharpener, fancy pens and highlighters, scissors, tape, glue, correction tape, post-it notes, masking tape, stickers, etc. 
  • If you have multiple target languages, decide whether you want to have one notebook for all of your target languages or if you want to have a separate notebook for each of your target languages
  • Decide whether you want to put all the material for your target language in one notebook or if you want to have separate notebooks for vocabulary, grammar, practicing, etc. 
  • Plan the contents of your notebook - you can dedicate a notebook/section/page for things like alphabet/script, pronunciation, useful phrases, vocabulary, grammar, idioms and proverbs, slang, culture, media, textbook exercises, writing practice, translating practice, tips, motivation, study tracker, resources, etc.
  • Remember that what matters is not that you have a neat handwriting or pretty notes, but that the notes help you learn and revise what you have learned 

For more tips and inspiration, check these out:

I hope this helps, good luck!

anonymous asked:

hey there, new dm looking for advice! i recently started dming for a small group of my friends, and theyve taken to working on other projects during sessions or even just browsing tumblr, sharing jokes with each other. i think this is incredibly rude, and i asked them afterwards if they have any feedback or if i can do anything to make the game more interesting, what theyd like to see in the future. they said it was just fine. whats up??? am i paranoid? what can i do?

So mostly I’ve only found that new players don’t have game etiquette to not do these things. You can, of course, ask that they don’t use their phones during games unless it’s necessary. I personally can only post photos during game if someone rolls, like two d20s as a crit which is crazy but I’m not on my phone otherwise. If they’re really not paying attention make their initiative rolls suffer, or maybe they get a negative to perception, stealth, etc in game. It’s just straight up RUDE to not pay attention and play this way, so be creative! Maybe a monster is only interested in the players that aren’t paying attention and gets no damage from those that are playing (but also does no damage to those characters that are actually playing). Our DM might let us talk for a few minutes out of game, but takes in game time into consideration. So for example: we get off topic for five minutes…what’s going on game while that happens? Most likely you may get attacked. OR he’s kind enough to remind us to get back with the game before that happens. Only allow players out of game time during breaks….maybe you need more breaks? I like to break about once an hour or two since I like to smoke and it allows us all to break from the game and discuss strategy (or do whatever, check Tumblr, text your ride, etc). If they say it’s not you, it’s probably not your fault! Don’t feel like you’re making the game boring, there’s just some people that will be THAT person on their phone throughout the game. Punish them if you’d like. Maybe they just get sucked into a hole or vortex since they’re not paying attention. Or maybe it’s really not you, it’s them, and you need new players (which it has been for us in some cases). Hope that helps! Any other tips from my followers that have had similar problems?

I was actually pretty impressed with the Dirty Dancing TV remake…until that ending. What the hell?!?
Ambiguity isn’t an enemy that needs to be nuked off the planet folks. Let the fans decide all the ways the characters lives could play out.

like, why does it always have to be a giant evil dragon. are there not any other monsters

Superhero AUs #14

Last Meetings

- ‘So, I guess this is it, huh? It was nice…nice doing business with you’ AU
- ‘I did not pay you this much money for your irresponsible, reckless ass to die on me!’ AU

- ‘I’ve got a terminal illness and you used to be my partner-in-crime back in the good old days. Fancy one last hurrah?’
- ‘You couldn’t stop me if you tried. Besides, there’s a bank I’ve been eyeing up on 53rd every time I’ve been to bingo this month, and-’ AU

- ‘No!’ AU
- ‘Oh, my poor little hero. You really shouldn’t have given a new meaning to the phrase ‘bite the bullet’, especially not for me’ AU

- ‘Honey…honey I’m sorry, please forgive me’ AU
- ‘I always knew you were an evil bastard, I just didn’t realise you were a supervillain too’ AU

- ‘So. You’re retiring. (…but what about this? What about…us? Our rivalry? You’re my nemesis, what am I going to do without you?)’ AU
- ‘It’s time to leave the spandex where it belongs: in the past’ AU

- ‘If you die on me, you heroic fucker, I will resurrect you just so I can kill you all over again. Do not test the limits of my mad science because I will succeed, and with immortality in my grasp I’ll be around to ruin your day forever’ AU
- ‘I spend enough of my time trying to stop you breaking laws, could you please leave the laws of nature alone?’ AU

- ‘You’re an assassin’ AU
- ‘I wish you hadn’t realised that. I really am sorry about this’ AU

- ‘Hey, just ringing to ask how your day is going; I hope you’re having fun saving the day and all that heroic junk. Fighting a new villain? Starstrike, yeah, I’ve heard of her. Pretty cute, am I right? Me? Oh yeah, I’m fine. Kinda winded, just lost a fight against one of these new vigilante types, but I’ll see you tonight. I’ll get Chinese on the way home. By the way, you’ve always been my favourite hero. Have a good day!’ AU
- ‘I never got that Chinese’ AU

- ‘Even though I’m dying, I’m still glad it was you that finally killed me’ AU
- ‘You were the greatest hero of them all, and I can only regret that your death was necessary. Rest in peace, my old friend’ AU

- ‘I can’t wait for tomorrow. To finally get married to you will be the best day of my life’ AU
- ‘Me neither. Just one last patrol before the big day, I’ll be back before you know it’ AU

PS. These are sadder if you realise that for these to qualify as last meetings, someone has to leave forever…

“My objective is really to get rid of you so that you won’t need me or any other teacher. I am afraid some of my colleagues would not approve of that attitude because it is widely believed and said that in order to advance in the spiritual life, whatever that is, it is essential that you have a guru and that you accord to that guru perfect obedience. And so I’m often asked the question, ‘Is it really necessary to have a guru?’ I can answer that only by saying 'Yes, it is necessary if you think so.’

— Alan Watts

Hey, so, I totally get that Scott and Stiles can’t be attached at the hip their entire lives – that in order to grow as people they need to stretch out and try other things, new experiences, alternative bonds. I get that in real life you can be incredibly close with someone and drift apart from them quite naturally, nothing bad ever having happened. That you’ll look back on that relationship fondly.

But sometimes I think about the number of times they’ve literally put their lives on the line for each other. The sacrifices they’ve been forced into. The vows they’ve made – in words and deed. 

And I’m going, “Would they really have chosen to go to colleges so far away from each other?”/“After having lost Stiles for 3 months and felt a hole nothing and no one can fill, would Scott have let him travel miles away?”/”After almost losing Scott due to a misunderstanding that he only made worse, would Stiles have pulled away rather than insisted Scott take him with him (to Davis)?”

The only way I can parse it is if I believe they’re each in love with the other but don’t know how to express it. That they think they’re giving each other a kindness. That this is another sacrifice, another pledge. 

The only way I can reconcile it is to believe it will make them stronger – that they’ll realize other things aren’t as fun when the other isn’t there to comment, that the new experiences aren’t as rich when experienced alone, that their bond is necessary and unshakable. 

The only way I can feel all right about the whole thing is by thinking about how they finally confess their feelings, soft-spoken and heartfelt, under a moonlit Beacon Hills sky – a place of so much torture and torment finally becoming a haven.

anonymous asked:

“You don’t want me.” please and thank you.

(Oh, goodness, a nice sad one! Putting this in Boy Emperor AU. Since I jump around the chronology of this AU like whoa, just know it takes place not long after Imperial Gift–Armitage is Emperor now and they’ve FINALLY kissed wow wow.)

It has been nearly a year since Armitage’s coronation. The offers of marriage have been relentless. Armitage listens to each one with utter neutrality, his face perfectly blank, the parents and ambassadors like merchants with daughters and sons for sale. Armitage is patient and neither encourages them nor stops them as they make their pitch. He answers each one the same way–thank you. A diplomat will speak with you shortly.

Ren does not want to dare to hope that the meaning of this is what he thinks it is. 

It is not every night, but often, most nights, that Armitage will end up in his lap, as they trade long kisses, as Armitage plays with Ren’s hair that has grown long and thick. Armitage is so hard and cold in public, the very image of Brendol, and so soft and playful in private, so different, so–sweet? It is so idyllic–Armitage has no paternal specter over him, disapproving of his choice of partner, and is free to get as close to Ren as he likes–that Ren is sure it will not last. It cannot possibly last. This isn’t what Ren was brought here for, he is here to protect, to obey–he has wanted this for so long, for just about as long as he’s been with Armitage he’s just wanted to be so close–

 “Ren. Ren, wake up–”

This was a dream, no, Brendol’s still alive, I dreamed this–

“Ren, come on, you’re having a nightmare. Wake up, please.”

The Emperor only says please to Ren.

“What–what?”

“Wake up.” He’d fallen asleep in Armitage’s bed, which is large enough for a crowd, but it’s just the two of them, adrift in a sea of silk sheets. “Oh, stars, Ren, you were moaning and–maybe crying? I didn’t know what you were saying but I was worried–”

“No, don’t–don’t worry,” Ren breathes, forcing himself to sit up. He’s soaked in sweat, he can feel it prickling under his hair and all down his back. The last year wasn’t a dream, at least, but the thought of Hux seeing him so vulnerable is unnerving. What if Armitage doesn’t think he’s capable–?

“Calm down. Calm down.” Armitage takes Ren’s hand. “What was upsetting you so much?”

“Dreaming. Bad dreaming.”

“Are you afraid of something, Ren?”

Ren has every reason to lie, and the perfect opportunity. No, nothing. I fear nothing. It would be so easy to say. 

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“You don’t want me. I’ll fail you, I’ll–you’ll discard me. Or worse, even worse, I–” The words are tripping hard off his tongue, they hurt like falling down a flight of stairs but the gravity keeps pulling them out. “Or even worse, you’ll still need me but won’t want me anymore, not like–like how it is now. Like I’m just a placeholder, a consort, until you–until you marry someone of your own station–”

“Ren. Ren–” Armitage is pulling him close now, physically, arranging him, moving him into place so he can look him in the eye. But Ren is so ashamed that he can’t even look up. How was he better at this job when he was nine, not burdened by complicated frantic thoughts? He lets Armitage caress his hair. “Ren, Ren. Listen to me. Listen.”

Ren forces himself to look up. 

“Whether or not I marry is my own business. My own decision. There are–political reasons that it might be to my advantage. But I have the final say. And I might not. I don’t want to. I only would if it were absolutely necessary.”

“But you…A child…”

“I can name any heir I want. A child isn’t a concern of mine, at least not for the moment.” He touches Ren’s cheek. “I’m far more concerned with loyalty. With intelligence and power, with someone who knows me as wll as I know myself. There is no one like that but you, Ren.”

It is so frightening, to have this dangled before him, this confirmation of his hopes. Ren feels dizzy.

“I was only given to you to keep you alive,” he whispers.

“So you’re mine, then?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll keep you. I wouldn’t–I couldn’t give away what belongs to me, not when I have something so good–”

They settle back down in the dark, drunk on more kisses, more and more, they can’t seem to stop even though they’re sleepy and Ren is rattled and flooded with emotion, anxious but wonderfully so–is it possible to be anxious with relief? His heart won’t stop pounding, under the soft sweet touch of the Emperor’s hand. 

to new writers:

My roommate and I were just talking about this, so I apologize, but I am going to go ahead and give out some UNSOLICITED ADVICE.

New writers (or old writers or any writers, really, but especially the new ones):

Please know that every. single. writer. in the history of time and space has, at MORE than one point, sat back, thought about what they just wrote, stared at the screen for a long time, and said to themselves:

Dear god above, This. Is. Stupid. 

Sometimes it comes early on. You’re only a couple thousand words in and you’re like: Wait, what is this? This will never work. Gotta scrap this one. No good. No, sir. Maybe my next idea will be better. I’ll move on to that. Or, no, no I’m never going to be a writer. I’ll leave it for someone else. I’m done.

Sometimes it comes in the middle, when you realize that you ARE in the middle and suddenly your beginning is horrifically boring and your ending doesn’t matter and holy shit, this is terrible. 

And, sometimes, it’s right at the end. When you’re almost done and it’s 24k and you’ve been nonstop writing for THREE DAYS (or worse, six months) and your hands literally hurt - like stabbing pains up your arms hurt - and you suddenly realize that this ENTIRE fic is the worst thing to ever happen to literature. It’s too long and too jumpy and switches styles at random and that is three days of your life you’re never going to get back. You look at it and think- what am i doing right now? 

Also, more bad news, this moment might happen MORE THAN ONCE. Hell, it might even happen when you’ve already posted it and people seem to like it.

I don’t know why this happens. But, rest assured, every single fic or story or poem or song, you are going to have this moment. And it’s going to seem like this is a clarifying moment. Like the rest of the time you’ve been kidding yourself and THIS is when you can finally see the truth. That you are not a good writer and this is not a good story and this is a waste of time.

Here is my message to you: THIS MOMENT IS NOT TRUE. It is not some secret you’ve been keeping from yourself. It is not your moment of clarity. It is not a divine message from above that you are wasting your time. IT IS NOT TRUE.

Don’t let it beat you. Don’t stop writing. Don’t be afraid to write. Don’t be afraid to post. Push forward and write what you love and your. work. is. not. stupid

Your. Work. Is. Not. Stupid.

It’s just a moment. And fuck that moment.

Get out there and write.

Interview: Darius

Today we’re joined by Darius. Darius is a phenomenal visual artist who specializes in making beautiful digital art. He specializes in photo editing and makes wonderful pieces with inspiring quotes on them. Darius loves creating, as you’ll soon read. My thanks to him for taking the time to participate in this interview.

WORK

Please, tell us about your art.

I make art digitally. I would love to make things physically but I’m afraid that I have a low aptitude for that. I like photo editing which is a bit hard to describe because it can be so varying. I think the only necessary component to photo editing is that a photo be incorporated. Typically a subject is masked out and we use various softwares and applications to bend that photo to our will and make it into whatever we imagine it to me. I know that’s not the best explanation but it’s the best that I can offer (sorry), at least for now.

For about a year now I’ve started using shapes to make art. Basically what I do is I take shapes such as a square and triangle or maybe even an inorganic shape and combine them in whatever way I want to make whatever I want. For example, I may put an equilateral triangle on top of a square to make house looking figure from the too. The example is very simplified explanation of my process as for a given piece, I may use 100 different shapes and have a few thousand shapes in all in one photo. I can change the opacity, stroke, shadow, height, width, color of these shapes to give a piece even more depth or uniqueness.

I mainly make relatively simple pieces and put inspirational quotes on them. I’ve always really liked those pictures quotes that we all have seen somewhere on the internet. About 5 years back I thought that they were so great because one could positively touch another with word in an art form. It inspired me to start making digital art.

I’ve put my shape art and quote into one, combining the things I love and sharing them with others in the hopes of inspiring them or touching them in some way and of for my own enjoyment as well.

What inspires you?

I am mostly inspired by plants.

What got you interested in your field?  Have you always wanted to be an artist?

I’m not arting as a career or anything. It’s more of a very time consuming hobby.

Though I have been paid to create local campaign posters and store signs.

Do you have any kind of special or unique signature, symbol, or feature you include in your work that you’d be willing to reveal?

Hmm, no I don’t believe so

What advice would you give young aspiring artists?

I would like to young artist that perhaps aren’t as confident or capable in the art to not give up. I encourage them to try new mediums or to even make up their own.

I encourage them to try different art styles because there are so many and just because one doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean they all won’t. Most of all, have fun and love what you’re doing.

ASEXUALITY

Where on the spectrum do you identify?

I identify as Asexual Aromantic

Have you encountered any kind of ace prejudice or ignorance in your field?  If so, how do you handle it?

I’ve only realized my asexuality for hmm about a month now and I’ve only told two friends who received me positively, so I haven’t had much opportunity for that. Though I’m certain people in my life would tell me that I’m a closeted homosexual or that I’m making it up. Something out there like that. I’ve decided that I won’t really tell people, partly to avoid predicaments like that but also because I feel people aren’t obligated to tell everyone.

What’s the most common misconception about asexuality that you’ve encountered?

I’ve realized that most people don’t even realize that asexuality exists.

They think that it’s something made up and laugh, but not before bringing up asexual reproduction … sigh

I honestly haven’t encountered misconceptions because everyone in my life either doesn’t know what asexuality is or has a great understanding of it.

I’m sure I’ll encounter those with misconceptions in time. I just hope that I’m equipped enough to better educate them

What advice would you give to any asexual individuals out there who might be struggling with their orientation?

Take your time and breathe.

If you’re not sure if you’re ace or not, you’re more than welcome to use it as a title.

If you don’t know where you fall, that’s okay also.

Don’t feel like it’s necessary to give who you are a title or a name. You don’t have to have one.

You don’t have to use the split attraction model if you don’t want to.

You can be ace yet still enjoy sexual interaction with another.

Please understand that the only person who decides if you are ace or not is you, no someone else.

You aren’t broken. You aren’t going to die alone. You’re still capable of love. And you are very much loved by many.

Finally, where can people find out more about your work?

I mostly keep my art to myself and friends but I do post them on my Tumblr if I remember to.

Thank you, Darius, for participating in this interview and this project. It’s very much appreciated.

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//Here’s my commission info.

I’ll only have 2-4 slots open at a time depending on how long each one will take/difficulty so I can concentrate on each one and not rush. If you’re getting a glitch picture or gif, figure out which pictures you want for them!

I think I can only accept payment through paypal, but if necessary I guess we could figure something else out.

Glitch Gif examples under keep reading!

Keep reading

An Intro to Advanced Story Structure:

You’ll often hear that every story can fit into the three-act structure that you’re taught from very early on. This is mostly true, since ever story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, but stories are much more complex than that, and some will require more advanced structures to really plan out all the important plot points.

The four-act structure is something that I like to build off of a lot, which is really just the three-act structure, but the second act is broken into two parts.

So, when I’m planning my story I’ll break the whole plot up into four parts:

Act I: the inciting incident
Act II: the new world
Act III: the build-up
Act IV: the resolution

And usually once I’m done with this I’ll break the story into twelve parts:

Act I:
1. the ordinary world
2. the inciting incident
3. crossing the threshold

Act II:
4. tests, allies, and enemies
5. exploring the new world
6. the lowest point

Act III:
7. the turn
8. the build-up
9. approach to the inmost cave

Act IV:
10. the climax
11. the twist
12. the resolution

This is mostly based on The Hero’s Journey, but it’s more of just a general outline of how I structure my stories. And like with the hero’s journey, some of the parts can be switched around if necessary. The only reason I don’t really use the hero’s journey is because it doesn’t accurately reflect the length of each act, since some acts with the hero’s journey have four parts and others only have two, but with this version each act is neatly broken into three parts.

Next time you’re watching a movie, try to break down each part as it happens, then you can use this structure for your own screenplays. And of course there are many other types of story structures, so don’t get stuck in the idea that this is the only way to write a story, it’s mainly just a good jump off point from the three-act structure.

future-ll-evans  asked:

Think they have any favorite books? Not calling em dumb haha just wonderin if they have time to read he 😂

I can see Jax, Chibs, and Bobby being readers.

I don’t think Tig, Happy, Juice, or Opie do much reading at all, they’ve got other things to do. These are the guys that don’t even read instructions to put things together.

Kozik, Piney, Clay, Rat, Phil, and the rest I think probably did read but only when necessary. Definitely not for leisure.

I can see Jax reading self-help novels… Things like “The 48 Laws of Power”

Chibs probably reads the classics, Wuthering Heights, Atlas Shrugged, etc.

I just get the feeling Bobby liked old westerns. I don’t know why but I can totally see him reading Louis L'Amour novels like “Son of a Wanted Man”

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finally- my commissions are open!
i based my prices around how long it took me using the cash clock, as well as the quality of my art. they can be lowered or highered if people think it’s necessary.

at the moment, i can only pay through google wallet, as i cannot get paypal.

my gmail account for any transaction is thenumberonesonicfan@gmail.com

please ask me if you have any further questions! thank you! :D

“26 (8) of March (April), my son went to the intelligence in Yalta. At breakfast we were informed that two naval officers from the “Colchis” wanted to see me. I asked them to come in and have breakfast with us. They announced to me that they had come to offer the Empress and the Grand Dukes the use of their ship, to which I replied that they had all left on the English battleship. They were extremely puzzled and disappointed and immediately offered to take us all with them. I was very touched by this proposal and thanked them warmly. At this time, my son returned and said, That the Empress takes us with her, that there is still time, but one should not lose it, and that of things one can take with them only what is necessary. I said goodbye to the officers, and since they had to go to Yalta, I said that I would report to them the Grand Duke Nikolai Nikolaevich and I think that they will be accepted by them.  

God, how hard it was to leave Koreiz. My heart was bursting with pain and bitterly beating. About 5 hours, taking the hands of our granddaughter, we got into the engine and went to Yalta on the lower road … At Yalta Mall, we found a myriad of people, anxiously running, carrying with them their meager belongings. A steam-boat was sent for us from the Malbro. To get to it you had to go through the decks of two steamers. 

It’s getting dark. The general bustle, abrupt conversations, entreaties to take with you and besides a lot of curious people. Thanks to the courtesy of the British officers, we were able to temporarily enter the captain’s cabin to wait until we were allowed to pass further since at that time the refugees were loaded on an English destroyer. All this mass of refugees forcefully squeezed, with faces completely bewildered. In view of the departure of the royal family, everyone was in complete panic. After half an hour we were already under the protection of the English flag.  

For me, the consciousness that I leave Russia and become a refugee was oppressive: my soul was melancholy, and I experienced tormenting moments, which no one, even the worst enemy, would not want to endure. Ah, how hard it all is, hard … inconceivable melancholy of me all forged, I walked along the deck of this huge ship, stubbornly greedily peering at home, saw mountains, wrapped up in a rushing fog, pine forests that stood out dark spots, barely illuminated already Appeared stars. The whole picture became more dear to me than ever, not because, between it and me, there was already that space that could not bring me closer to them, but could only remove it. I felt that I was losing all this: “Farewell for a long time, forever.” I did not cry, but inside my heart sobbed. When the flag was lowered on the ship and the English anthem was heard, I listened anxiously to him, and when the English played “God save the Tsar,” my wife and I quietly began to cry…” 

-Count Felix Felixovich Sumarkov-Elston, Prince Youssoupoff Senior recalling his departure from Russia. From E. Krasnykh book, “Prince Felix Yusupov: In everything give thanks…”