Do you have any crazy stories that didn't happen in the apartment?
Alright it is 11:30, I’ve had way too much caffeine today, and it’s Sunday Funday so I’m getting ready for some shots. This means it is an absolutely perfect time for some stories.
So let me tel you about my sex tape.
Yuuuup. So when I was a senior in high school there was this girl that I was hooking up with for a little while. One of the things she really liked was sex outside so for her birthday we had sex on the roof of the building she lived in. There are 2 important details about this:
1. there was a kid that I vaguely knew through baseball that lived in the building next door
2. his building was 5 stories taller than hers.
So we stop hooking up because we both started dating other people whatever not important.
Jumping forward almost a year, I am now at the University of Iowa and I have dislocated my knee again,so I’m in PT, and this kid walks up to me and starts talking to me. Turns out it’s the kid that lives in the building next door, and he’s there because he’s blown out his shoulder. Anyways, we chat and we start working out together, and we become pretty good friends.
So jumping forward again, it’s mid July and I get a call from this kid: there’s a group of girls, three sisters and a friend, that are moving into his building. They’re our age, or a little bit older, and they’re cute, so he offered to help them move in so he could flirt, and he’s calling me up to find out if I want to help out. It’s like a Tuesday, and I have nothing better to do, so I say why the hell not and I head over.
So I get there and I introduce myself and start helping out, and the oldest sister keeps looking at me weird. I just ignore it for a while because I assume it’s because I’m flirting hard with her sister, but after a while it starts bothering me. So I ask her.
“I feel like I recognize you from somewhere…”
So we start asking questions. What do you mean you recognize me? Could it have been from here? What about here? Did you do this? Have you lived here? No matter what we ask, she has no clue. So we ask her questions for like 15 minutes and she get’s this realization. She sprints off into the next room and comes back with her laptop and a CD case.
I don’t know what’s happening but I just KNOWit’s going to be bad. She holds up the CD case.
“I found this behind the bookshelf in your room,” indicating towards her sister. She’s mumbling, but at a speed that shouldn’t be humanly possible. She fumbles opening up her laptop. “And I didn’t know what it was so I put it in and um.”
Her screen jumps to life and she taps the space bar and right before my eyes it’s the girl next door and I on her roof, and we are going at it hard. The video plays for about 10 seconds before someone hits the eject button and we’re all standing there awkwardly and I start laughing because this is hilarious to me. And then a series of horrible realizations hit me.
1. Someone filmed me having sex.
2. I didn’t know about it and the only reason I found out was because of a series of extremely lucky events.
3. the dude who filmed it (you can hear him on the film it’s bad) made a hard copy of it which means
4. THIS IS NOT THE ONLY COPY
5. IF HE MADE A HARD COPY HE PROBABLY PUT IT ONLINE TOO
So before I can start freaking out the youngest of the sisters comes to the same realization as I did and loudly declares that we have to find this video online. So we spend the next hour and a half searching the internet to see if we can find this video and we just can’t. We give up and finish moving their stuff in, the middle sister gives me her number, and we all went home.
So here’s my favorie part of the story: literally every time I’ve ever told this story, someone I’ve told it to goes out and starts looking for the video online. It gets funnier and funnier to me as time goes on because HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO FIND IT IT’S FROM 5 YEARS AGO GIVE UP.
And my least favorite part was, I told this story to lil-bit-ghei and littlestspeck on Friday and I mentioned that I have two other tapes and fucking Nikki just goes “that you know of” and I just
In the middle of the road.
I’m just standing there and I’m literally JUST NOW realizing that this could have happened multiple times.
So yeah that’s one of the crazy stories that isn’t from that apartment.