online counselling college

Questions to Ask When Making a Decision

1. What is holding me back from going ahead and making the decision?

2. What is my biggest fear?

3. What will my life be like if things turn out badly?

4. What will my life be like if things go exactly as I hope?

5. Who else is affected by my decision, and what are their thoughts and feelings?

6. How important are their thoughts and feelings?

7. Is there any other information I need, or facts that are important, for making the decision?

8. What would make the decision easier?

9. Can I test the water first, or take a few small steps?

10. How will I feel 10 years from now – if I say “yes” or if I say “no”?

Some Features of High Maintenance People

1.    They generally believe that their needs are urgent. This is true for even the smallest things, and often it appears as if their needs are endless.

2.    They demonstrate a sense of entitlement. Nothing but the best will do for them, and they expect their requests to be prioritized.

3.    They have often experienced an injustice (or a trauma) in their childhood. This creates a sense of debt they think the world now owes them – a debt they expect others to continually repay.

4.    They are impossible to please. There is always something wrong, or disappointing to this person. No matter what you do, they’ll always grouch, complain, and whine.

5.    Their life is a series of mini-dramas. Throughout the day they will have numerous mini meltdowns – and usually over things that others see as “no big deal”.

6.    They place a lot of importance on their value and status. This is often related to their assumed entitlement. Thus, they expect certain treatment, rights, and privileges.

7.    They are obsessed with comparisons. They love extravagance and luxury, and want to know how they compare with everyone else.

8.    They are never contented and at peace with how things are, even if they’ve lived somewhere for years and years, they’re always planning changes, or buying something new, or just griping and complaining about the way things are.

9. They are highly critical of others. They hold other people to unreasonable standards, which are subjective, external, and arbitrary. Their views and opinions are clearly all that matter, and they believe that they are right and that other people are just wrong!

Developing Effective Study Habits

Below are some tips to help you develop the attitudes and habits which lead to success:

1. Take responsibility for yourself, and your failure or success.

2. Understand that you’ll need to priorities the way you use your time and your energy. Make your own decisions, and don’t let your friends dictate what’s important, and how much you should work.

3. Figure out when your most productive work times are, and the types of environments where you work best.

4. Try to understand the material well – don’t just memorize what the textbook says. If possible, try to explain it to a friend.

5. Try something else if revision doesn’t help. Don’t just keep reading the same things again.

6. Then, if you still don’t understand then ask for some help. It’s not going to magically fall into place.

7. Study with a friend, and share ideas, and test each other on what you’re meant to know.

8. Keep working and revising throughout the term so the material stays fresh and is easy to retrieve.

(Copied it from onlineconsellingcollege)

How to Know if you’re in the Right Relationship

1. You feel secure with the person and are happy to commit to a relationship with them.

2. You don’t feel you need to hide anything from them.

3. You respect them, and they respect you. Neither feels superior to the other.

4. You are happy for their successes. You don’t feel as if you’re in competition with them, or that their successes make you feel inferior.

5. You don’t challenge, criticise or attack each other in front of others.

6. Neither of you is looking to the other to have unmet needs met, or to make up for personal feelings of lack or inadequacy.

7. You are happy for your partner to spend time with their family and other friends.

8. You don’t have a secret back up plan (“If he cheats, or leaves, me then I’ll … “If he does X then I’ll do Y”)

9. You inspire each other to be better people.

10. You know that they’ll always be there for you.

When You Feel Discouraged

1.  Try and figure out the reasons behind it. Make a list – and then highlight the main factors.

2.  Go through your list, item by item. Try and dig more deeply for the underlying reasons. Is it because you are afraid of being seen as a failure? Is it an area that’s important to key people – so you feel they will judge your value by that? Are you afraid of disappointing and letting yourself down, or disappointing someone else who matters to you?

3.  Try and gain a broader, and more balanced, perspective. This is only tiny aspect of your life. There’s so much more to you, and your personality.

4. Think about your physical and mental health. Are you totally exhausted, run down or burnt out? Are you lacking sleep, or emotionally drained?

5. Is there someone you can talk to, who believes in you, and will help to build you up, and can see your gifts and strengths? We all need friends who can see beyond the chaos – and remind of our worth, and how valuable we are.

6.  Reassess your plan, and maybe think about some changes. Do you need to change your goals, or re-set your expectations. As things change in life we have to make some adaptations. That may be all that’s needed for things to turn around.

7. See how you are feeling as being temporary. There’s still hope for the future! In time, things will work out.

Tips for Successful Arguing

1. Pay attention to time and place. It’s better to deal with things privately, and when neither person is stressed, or pushed for time.

2. Be respectful – and give thought to the words that you are using. Don’t attack, blame or shame or use profane, abusive language. (Often “it’s not whatyou say; it’s the way that you say it.”)

3. Don’t just pile on the negatives, or list all your grievances, hurts and complaints. Make sure you mention things you are grateful for, and things that are good, and are not going wrong.  

4. Try to keep to the topic or your point will lose its focus. It’s easier to deal with one thing at a time.

5.  Related to this, try to be specific – and not vague and general. Also, name the emotions you are feeling at the time. I

6. Keep control of your emotions, and try to stay calm. Very little will be gained if you start to lose your cool.

7. It’s not about winning and being seen as being right. The goal should be “improving your relationship”

8. Finally, remember that anger often masks and covers hurt – and is actually a sign that the person’s seeking love. So work on building empathy and deepening your love.

What’s your Personality?

1. Sanguine: The person with this type of personality is impulsive, pleasure-seeking, outgoing, warm, friendly, sociable and charismatic. They tend to enjoy social events, meeting new people and making new friends. They are often lively, energetic and enthusiastic. They are also creative and imaginative. However, sanguine individuals are also sensitive, empathic and compassionate. On the downside, they may struggle with following tasks through to completion, good time keeping, being organised and remembering things.

2. Choleric: The person with this type of personality is ambitious, driven and likes to take control. They are often marked by energy, passion, determination, a clear focus and firm commitment to goals. They tend to dominate others and like to have their own way. On the downside, they may be impatient, intolerant of those who do things differently, and may be subject to mood swings.

3. Melancholic: The person with this type of personality is a deep thinker, who takes life seriously, and feels deeply about the things that matter to them. They are usually introverted, and very private, people. On the downside, they have a tendency to over-think problems, or to worry excessively about fairly minor things. They are usually independent, self-reliant, have strong principles and tend to be a bit of a perfectionist.

4. Phlegmatic: The person with this type of personality is laid back, relaxed, kind, contented and happy to go with the flow. They are non-judgmental, accepting, peace loving and flexible. On the downside, they may be viewed as lazy and lacking in passion, direction and energy. The phlegmatic person makes a wonderful friend!

6 Ingredients of Good Friendships

1. Genuineness. Friends “like” each other. There should be nothing fake about friendship. These healthy relationships are rooted in love, the bonds of which are trustworthy. It is never about what either party stands to gain, but all about just having that person in our lives. Friends are dependable and protective of each other’s interests.

2. Non judgmental: Friends love you just as you are! Always supportive, a friend’s business is not to criticize you, tell you what to do and how to do it, instead friends believe in each other, and have no hidden agendas.

3. Loyalty. Friends will always have your back! Loyalty solidifies such relationships. Rarely is there back-biting, gossiping, and spitefulness; true friends never gloat over your mistakes or snicker when you fall. What makes friends so priceless is that they stand by each other and are always the first to lend a supporting hand.

4. Mutual respect. You are precious just as you are! It’s all about respecting and appreciating all the differences in character, personality, career paths, etc … and never wishing the other person was different. Most importantly, “changing” or “fixing” the other should never be on the agenda. A friend respects your thoughts even when they do not agree; and never thinks he/she is superior.

5. Open communication. Talk to me about anything! Unless it’s superficial, friends are not afraid to discuss deep-seated feelings, thoughts, vulnerabilities, dreams and fears — knowing there’s trust and love. Friends know how to listen and not make it all about “me”. You can afford to let your guard down around friends and simply be yourself.

6. Forgive and forget. I still love you … regardless! Things are not always perfect. Yes, there will be misunderstandings and arguments, but friends don’t let these stand in the way. Friends sometimes make mistakes and even when they let us down, we are still able to forgive and wipe the slate clean … knowing that the intention was not really to cause pain. Hardly is there tension, mistrust, resentment between good friends.

Source: http://www.duniamagazine.com/2011/10/6-ingredients-of-healthy-and-honest-friendships-td-jakes-video/ (abridged)