On August 3rd, 2016, I started questioning my gender identity, and I started keeping a diary around the same time as an outlet for all the trans feelings I had. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I felt like back then and how I was so so so unbearably confused, and how I had no idea that I would ever feel this happy and confident in myself.
So I’ve picked out a bunch of interesting moments from the very exciting three months in between when I realized I was trans and when I started hormone replacement therapy, and I’m going to make little comics about them! I’m even going to try and quote my diary if it’s not too cringe-y…
Anyway, all the comics will be tagged #oneyearago so the series will be all in one place!
My gender journey started when I stumbled upon some transition timeline pics for the first time, so I figured it’d be fitting to start by posting one of my own. These photos were taken a little over a year apart:
Tomorrow will be exactly one year since I stopped wearing a FitBit and obsessing over steps and calories burned. I remember taking it off was one of the scariest and most freeing things I had ever done. It was like a shackle in a way, controlling my life and making me a slave to numbers. It’s been a year and I haven’t blown up from not taking a certain amount of steps every day or burning x amount of calories. It’s been a year and I am more than okay. I am alive.
This is one of my most strikingly vivid memories. Even though it’s just a totally normal, boring moment, I was living out my biggest, most secret dream. Strangely enough, the thing that I remember most is the clean plasticky smell of the Party City wig.
Despite me being in my pyjamas, I wanted to show myself as I was last year and as I am now. Little difference! I am proud of myself for not having gone back to the way I was before and being able to keep my shape. It’s been difficult to maintain but the fact I can keep so much control makes me happy and I feel better and healthier than ever being the way I am now 😃😃😃
This is the first little thing in the One Year Ago series. Today is the one year anniversary of when I started questioning my gender identity. My understanding of my feelings was so limited that it wasn’t until I saw a photo of someone who looked kinda like me pre-transition that I was able to realize that deep down, I wanted to transition too.
(also, I’m experimenting with some new photoshop tricks!)
This is the first one with a real diary quote! When I do pull a direct excerpt, I’ll put it in little quotation marks.
This is the day I started documenting my feelings, and initially I was obsessed with listing memories of moments where I wished I was a girl. At this point I also wasn’t using the word “transgender” to describe myself, even in my head.
The third installment of my One Year Ago series. This is two days after I first tried on that wig, and now I barely spent a minute without it. I felt like an archaeologist slowly revealing the shape of something ancient and mysterious buried deep within me, it was thrilling and terrifying and validating all at once.