Don’t Cave to Expectations
A/N: An anon request for a Spencer x Reader where they are quickly falling in love. One of them (the reader) is worried because they don’t want to have kids. When Spencer notices something is wrong with her, he asks what’s up. When she tells him, she gets a surprising answer. @coveofmemories
“Grandpa,” you said exasperatedly, “You’re going to have to get over it. Things aren’t the same anymore. I don’t want kids.”
This is why family dinners sucked ass. As one of five children, three girls and two boys, it was just assumed from the time you were little that one day you’d grow up and have a family of your own. Thing was, you never planned on having kids. And very few people in your family seemed to be able to accept that. Your mother and a few siblings got it, but your dad, your one brother, and all of the older members of your family couldn’t understand why you didn’t want them. “But you love kids,” your grandpa said frustrated at the fact that you wouldn’t be giving him another great-grandchild anytime soon, if ever. More than likely never. “And that boy you’re dating. The nice one that works for FBI, doesn’t he want kids?”
Spencer was your boyfriend of nearly five months - and you were falling for him hard, but you hadn’t had that conversation yet. “We haven’t talked about that yet, grandpa. But if he really wants kids then that’s not the relationship for me. I wouldn’t have kids to keep a man. I’d have them if I wanted them. No questions asked.” Although the words came out of your mouth with ease, the possibility that Spencer wanted kids was high and you weren’t ready to end this relationship. You loved him so much and you could tell he felt the same way about you.
Down at the opposite end of the table, your grandpa muttered to himself about the importance of having kids. “Listen, grandpa,” you started. You really did love him. He would do anything for you. But he was living in the 30s and 40s still and society just wasn’t there anymore. “I love you. But the world is changing. You just had kids back then, and I get that that’s the way it was, but it’s not that way anymore. You’re right, I do love kids. My nieces and nephews mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. But given my job and Spencer’s, if he’d the one I decide to marry, bringing a child into the world when we couldn’t give them our absolute all would be unfair to them.”
He wasn’t going to get it; you could tell as he huffed and puffed at the end of the table. You loved your family, but this dinner needed to be over soon. Plus, you were starting to get sick to your stomach. What if Spencer really wanted kids? You loved him so much…
“Okay!” Spencer said, turning around to face you. It was a nice weekend at his place, but after your dinner with your family a few weeks earlier you’d been uneasy, stumbling over your words because you were so nervous about losing him. “What is up with you? You’ve been pulling away for weeks now? And I know you wouldn’t just go from loving me to pulling away for no reason. So what’s up?”
Spencer grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him. “You know I love you, so much.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
With a deep breath, you decided to cross this bridge now. If he really wanted kids then you couldn’t be with him, but if he didn’t want them, then you’d know. “It’s just something that was brought up when I went to visit my family a few weeks ago.”
“I knew it,” he said, his smiled bright. He did love being right. “What happened?”
Ugh. This sucked. “My grandpa got on my case about me having kids.”
His eyes widened for a moment and then smiled. “He thinks you should have kids?”
You nodded, still unsure of where he stood. “I love kids, but my job is hectic, and I love my job, so I don’t think I could devote all the time that a child needs. Plus, I enjoy my independence and my nieces and nephews fill that need in me. I love kids, but I don’t want them.”
“Makes sense,” he said, pressing a kiss to your lips and then turning around to go back to what he was doing.
Wait, what? “That’s it?” You chuckled nervously. “You don’t have anything else to add to that?”
Spencer turned around on his heels, confused as to why you were confused. “Yea, what’s the problem?”
“Do you want kids, Spence?”
It was then that he finally seemed to understand. “That’s why you’ve been pulling away?” He exclaimed, walking back over to you and cupping your face in his hands. “You were nervous about me?”
Shakily, you nodded, pressing your forehead against his as you swallowed back nervous tears. “Yea. I see the way you are with your nephews and how much you love them, so I always figured you wanted kids. And although I love them, I don’t want kids, so if you really did then that would be the end of us and I didn’t want anything to end, so that’s why I was nervous.” Apparently, in five months of dating, you’d become much like Spencer in that you’d started rambling when you were nervous.
His lips pressed gently against yours once again. “I love my nephews…but I don’t want kids either. I thought I did once, but I don’t.” An immediate weight was lifted from your shoulders.
“Oh thank god,” you said as you wrapped your arms around him. “I didn’t want to break up with you…I kind of love you a lot.”
“I kind of love you a lot too,” he said. “My nephews mean everything to me. They’re enough.”
God, you felt so much better. Now you and Spencer could tell your grandpa to get over it. “Can I ask what made you decide you didn’t want them?…When you thought you once did I mean.”
Spencer grabbed your hand and led you to the couch, both falling to the comfy cushions as he pulled you into his lap. “Well, one, I love my job. I can’t imagine doing anything else, and I think it would be unfair to a child. JJ makes it work, but I don’t know how I could. Secondly, I love Henry and Michael so much, and I know I could love my own kid just as much, but given my job, I would never want them to be a target. JJ almost lost Henry once…I don’t think I’d survive that. And three, and probably most importantly, I have a lot of things in my medical history that I wouldn’t want to pass on to a child.” For a few moments, a comfortable silence fell between you. “I guess I’d just like to devote my time to my job, my studies, a couple of dogs at some point, and…the love of my life.”
Craning your head around, you crashed your lips into his. “You are definitely the love of my life,” you replied. “I feel better now.”
“Good.” He kissed you on the shoulder before pulling your feet up so you were fully situated in his lap. “And next time your grandpa gives you crap and I’m there, I’ll rattle off some statistics about why people who don’t want kids shouldn’t just have them for the sake of societal expectations.”
You had the best boyfriend ever. “Fantastic,” you said. “I’m sure my grandfather will have nothing to say to that.”