one-to-grow-on

Don’t Cave to Expectations

A/N: An anon request for a Spencer x Reader where they are quickly falling in love. One of them (the reader) is worried because they don’t want to have kids. When Spencer notices something is wrong with her, he asks what’s up. When she tells him, she gets a surprising answer. @coveofmemories

                                                             —-

“Grandpa,” you said exasperatedly, “You’re going to have to get over it. Things aren’t the same anymore. I don’t want kids.”

This is why family dinners sucked ass. As one of five children, three girls and two boys, it was just assumed from the time you were little that one day you’d grow up and have a family of your own. Thing was, you never planned on having kids. And very few people in your family seemed to be able to accept that. Your mother and a few siblings got it, but your dad, your one brother, and all of the older members of your family couldn’t understand why you didn’t want them. “But you love kids,” your grandpa said frustrated at the fact that you wouldn’t be giving him another great-grandchild anytime soon, if ever. More than likely never. “And that boy you’re dating. The nice one that works for FBI, doesn’t he want kids?”

Spencer was your boyfriend of nearly five months - and you were falling for him hard, but you hadn’t had that conversation yet. “We haven’t talked about that yet, grandpa. But if he really wants kids then that’s not the relationship for me. I wouldn’t have kids to keep a man. I’d have them if I wanted them. No questions asked.” Although the words came out of your mouth with ease, the possibility that Spencer wanted kids was high and you weren’t ready to end this relationship. You loved him so much and you could tell he felt the same way about you. 

Down at the opposite end of the table, your grandpa muttered to himself about the importance of having kids. “Listen, grandpa,” you started. You really did love him. He would do anything for you. But he was living in the 30s and 40s still and society just wasn’t there anymore. “I love you. But the world is changing. You just had kids back then, and I get that that’s the way it was, but it’s not that way anymore. You’re right, I do love kids. My nieces and nephews mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. But given my job and Spencer’s, if he’d the one I decide to marry, bringing a child into the world when we couldn’t give them our absolute all would be unfair to them.”

He wasn’t going to get it; you could tell as he huffed and puffed at the end of the table. You loved your family, but this dinner needed to be over soon. Plus, you were starting to get sick to your stomach. What if Spencer really wanted kids? You loved him so much…

                                                            —-

“Okay!” Spencer said, turning around to face you. It was a nice weekend at his place, but after your dinner with your family a few weeks earlier you’d been uneasy, stumbling over your words because you were so nervous about losing him. “What is up with you? You’ve been pulling away for weeks now? And I know you wouldn’t just go from loving me to pulling away for no reason. So what’s up?”

Spencer grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him. “You know I love you, so much.” 

“Then what’s the problem?”

With a deep breath, you decided to cross this bridge now. If he really wanted kids then you couldn’t be with him, but if he didn’t want them, then you’d know. “It’s just something that was brought up when I went to visit my family a few weeks ago.”

“I knew it,” he said, his smiled bright. He did love being right. “What happened?”

Ugh. This sucked. “My grandpa got on my case about me having kids.”

His eyes widened for a moment and then smiled. “He thinks you should have kids?”

You nodded, still unsure of where he stood. “I love kids, but my job is hectic, and I love my job, so I don’t think I could devote all the time that a child needs. Plus, I enjoy my independence and my nieces and nephews fill that need in me. I love kids, but I don’t want them.”

“Makes sense,” he said, pressing a kiss to your lips and then turning around to go back to what he was doing.

Wait, what? “That’s it?” You chuckled nervously. “You don’t have anything else to add to that?”

Spencer turned around on his heels, confused as to why you were confused. “Yea, what’s the problem?”

“Do you want kids, Spence?”

It was then that he finally seemed to understand. “That’s why you’ve been pulling away?” He exclaimed, walking back over to you and cupping your face in his hands. “You were nervous about me?”

Shakily, you nodded, pressing your forehead against his as you swallowed back nervous tears. “Yea. I see the way you are with your nephews and how much you love them, so I always figured you wanted kids. And although I love them, I don’t want kids, so if you really did then that would be the end of us and I didn’t want anything to end, so that’s why I was nervous.” Apparently, in five months of dating, you’d become much like Spencer in that you’d started rambling when you were nervous. 

His lips pressed gently against yours once again. “I love my nephews…but I don’t want kids either. I thought I did once, but I don’t.” An immediate weight was lifted from your shoulders.

“Oh thank god,” you said as you wrapped your arms around him. “I didn’t want to break up with you…I kind of love you a lot.”

“I kind of love you a lot too,” he said. “My nephews mean everything to me. They’re enough.”

God, you felt so much better. Now you and Spencer could tell your grandpa to get over it. “Can I ask what made you decide you didn’t want them?…When you thought you once did I mean.”

Spencer grabbed your hand and led you to the couch, both falling to the comfy cushions as he pulled you into his lap. “Well, one, I love my job. I can’t imagine doing anything else, and I think it would be unfair to a child. JJ makes it work, but I don’t know how I could. Secondly, I love Henry and Michael so much, and I know I could love my own kid just as much, but given my job, I would never want them to be a target. JJ almost lost Henry once…I don’t think I’d survive that. And three, and probably most importantly, I have a lot of things in my medical history that I wouldn’t want to pass on to a child.” For a few moments, a comfortable silence fell between you. “I guess I’d just like to devote my time to my job, my studies, a couple of dogs at some point, and…the love of my life.”

Craning your head around, you crashed your lips into his. “You are definitely the love of my life,” you replied. “I feel better now.”

“Good.” He kissed you on the shoulder before pulling your feet up so you were fully situated in his lap. “And next time your grandpa gives you crap and I’m there, I’ll rattle off some statistics about why people who don’t want kids shouldn’t just have them for the sake of societal expectations.”

You had the best boyfriend ever. “Fantastic,” you said. “I’m sure my grandfather will have nothing to say to that.”

anonymous asked:

One thing I don't get is the statement "Lapidot was rushed". Ok, but... lapidot isn't canon? They're getting closer overtime, but... they're not actually a couple yet. So, how can the romance be rushed if they're not actually involved romantically? All their current episodes (plus future ones) would be the actual build up to becoming a couple. If you think they became friends too fast, then ok, but you can't bash them for being a couple if they aren't one. They're still growing their friendship

Originally posted by gameraboy

Exactly!

This is Kylie Jean ❤️
Kylie was born with a pretty common heart defect. We were assured that most children grow out of it by the time they are 2 and those ones that don’t, usually always grow out of it by the time they are 4.
Unfortunately, the valves pumping blood to Kylie’s heart have not grown in they ways we have hoped and now almost 5 and a half, we start our journey to find the best solution for Kylie and will see just what her diagnosis is for the future.

We are able to double insure Kylie due to the protections pre-existing conditions have under the ACA. Without insurance, a heart surgery will bankrupt not only my husband and I but her father and step-mother as well. There is no reason why 4 hard working people should be forced to loose their homes in order to save their child. We would gladly give our home to save her life, but it’s pretty awful when you have to choose to be homeless to save your child in this country.

The next generation of former teens on Tumblr are going to be embarrassed not because they were “Potterhead fandom grab your wands” but because they were harassers and suicide-baiters and the like.

At least people back then only had to worry about being total cheeseballs and having harmless fun, some of y’all are gonna have to own up to being actual monsters to other people for what? Validation? For funsies? Getting your sick kicks at posting hateful content in the positivity tags?

One day you’ll hopefully grow up and realize what you really were. You’ll have to look in the mirror every day and remember what a horrible person you used to be, all the people you hurt and all the lives you probably ruined, all the suffering you no doubt contributed to.

I hope it haunts you. I hope it’s a twisting rusty knife in your chest.

The Rose that Grew from Concrete

Did you hear about the rose that grew
from a crack in the concrete?
Proving nature’s law is wrong it
learned to walk with out having feet.
Funny it seems, but by keeping it’s dreams,
it learned to breathe fresh air.
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else ever cared.

-Tupac Shakur-

A LIST OF SWAN QUEEN FAN FICTION

B/C I KNOW Y’ALL ARE TIRED OF LOOKING FOR SWANQUEEN FANFIC RECS ON TUMBLR SO HERES THE GOOD SHIT.

  • all of these are in english
  • if you have any recommendations or additions, please let me know!
  • some fanfictions that i originally planned to include on this list were deleted by their authors :( 


CLASSICS (favorites)

The Art Of Being Extraordinary - if you haven’t read this already, wyd? The ending will destroy you - be prepared to cry. 

Letters From War - another extremely well known fic among swen. a heart-wrenching and beautifully written AU fic. even if AUs aren’t your thing, seriously, give this one a try.

Emma is a soldier on reserve in Fort Benning. Regina is the Mayor of Storybrooke. Through a pen pal program designed to ease the ache of homesick soldiers, Emma and Regina begin sending letters to one another as their relationship grows from cordial acquaintance to something neither woman would have expected - until the letters stop coming.

A Trail Of Destruction - DEFINITELY a classic imo. this is one of my favorite fanfictions of all time.

A hostage situation in City Hall leaves behind a battered, broken sheriff, and a mayor wracked with guilt. Trigger warnings for violence and gun threats and general angst. Slow-burn swan queen.

Miles To Go - AU; emma and regina meet at a party and the rest is history. this ones pretty long (80 chapters), but so worth the read! angsty & lots of ‘sexy times’ 

Everyone has their own story, this one is theirs and it paints the picture of a love story that spans over two decades, with all the ups and downs and everything else in between. SwanQueen AU
 

Of Love and Loathing - a lot of angry sex in the beginning, which eventually turns into lovey sex. another well known and well written fic - this author is one of my favorites. *reaaallyyy hot smut 

“I have been sleeping with someone,” Regina began tentatively, an acute awareness that once she said the words out loud that the madness behind her highly unorthodox situation became all the more real, “whom I absolutely loathe.” •Emma/Regina•

Meet me Halfway - one of the first swan queen fan fictions i ever read! still a classic to this day. AU

Emma Swan works hard every night as a bartender, struggling to raise her son and save up enough to own her own bar. Regina Mills is an upper class New York photographer who wouldn’t normally spare a second glance at people below her. When their paths cross, their lives adapt to each other, but how much are they willing to change?

Love Undefined - in the process of re-reading this one because of how much i love it. angsty as hell but such a beautiful story.

It’s been eight years since the last time Regina and Emma saw each other, eight years since Emma lost part of her happiness, her family, and everything fell apart. But she hasn’t forgotten those three years in New York, or any of what Regina had brought into her life. A late night phone call to Regina takes Emma back eleven years to when they met, saved each other from loneliness, and Emma started learning what it meant to live. She relives the moments that had changed her life for the better, and even the ones that had hurt.

Teacher’s Pet - KNOWN AS THE ONE TEACHER/STUDENT FANFIC THAT EVERYONE HAS READ. 

Emma Swan is starting her senior year. Her friends tell her about the Creative Writing teacher that she has on her schedule and how no one had passed her class with an A, not even her bookworm friend, Belle. What will she do? And who exactly is this ‘bitchy Evil Queen’ as they claim her to be? SwanQueen. Student/Teacher. M for language and future chapters.

Lost in Translation - i wasn’t sure about this before reading it but i LOVED it. the description pretty much sums it up.

AU. Regina is deaf. Emma is the only one who refuses to give her pity. In response, Regina is thrilled by this new challenge and the stand-offs commence, but over time she finds out there is more to the blonde woman than just a target to throw a stinging quip and pointed glare at.

Send Up a Signal - emma and regina are actresses and their fans ship them with each other. ;)

Emma Swan is catapulted into stardom, the newest lead actress on a sanitized show featuring modern fairytales. Regina Mills is a long-undermined star with a chip on her shoulder and a thousand reasons why she’s invested. Naturally, they loathe each other on sight.Their characters’ fanbases, however, have other ideas.

Reset - SO. GOOD. 95 chapters. if you’re looking for long fanfics, this is for you. 

Following the breaking of the curse everyone in Storybrooke is finding their happy ending, with one exception. Resigning herself to having lost Henry’s love and respect forever, Regina decides there is only one path available to her.

Take Me Home Tonight - AU!! lots of smut :) this is a newer one that i’ve seen around twitter and tumblr and i really enjoyed it! this one’s pretty short (14 chapters)

AU: Nineteen year old Emma Swan is a senior at the exclusive all girls boarding school, Foxhaven Academy. When her friends find out she’s a virgin they send her to the city to find a guy to take her v-card. But Emma is more interested in a sexy older woman she meets in a bar. A SwanQueen story.

The Staircase - non-consensual sex in the first chapter, so please be aware of that; its not for eveyone. this story is very dark but has a happy ending i promise!

Regina could still smell her cologne and feel the cheap pleather pressing into her back. The brunette sucked in a breath. She was still lying on the floor at the staircase’s base and she stared back up at it. Everything was different now. Changed. She felt broken by what had just happened, appalled and enraged, dirty. WARNING: NC17 for non-consensual sex. Dark. (But gets lighter.)

the trouble with emma - very very well known within the swan queen community. i’ll be honest, i never really got into the story but i can acknowledge that it is the most well-written fanfiction i have read to date. the author is truly talented. (the first in a series of fanfics)

Post ep 4x23, Emma becomes the Dark One and learns nothing is quite as it seems or as simple as black versus white. When Regina removes the curse no one in Storybrooke is prepared for the far reaching fallout which leaves none of their lives unaltered or untouched, least of all Regina’s.

SMUT 

shadow haven  - the one smut fic everyone has read.

Emma Swan is a PR agent who is sent on a holiday by her boss. Regina Mills is the owner of a private island named Shadow Haven. There is more to Regina than initially meets the eye. This story dips heavily into the BDSM subculture. Swan Queen romance / BDSM story.

the wicked stepmother - the one kinky fic everyone has read- or attempted to. i couldn’t get through the whole thing but the first few chapters,,, holy hell.

When the Evil Queen catches baby Emma along with Snow White, she decides on a new revenge. In Storybrooke, Snow White will be allowed to raise her daughter… but on her eighteenth birthday, Regina will come for her. Emma might just enjoy that.

in control  - Regina had never been in the habit of relinquishing control, but when it came to Emma Swan, she was starting to find out that giving in had its benefits. - Established Swan Queen - One Shot. Rated M for language and content.

the collar - It will carry strong mature themes as well as a Mistress/Slave relationship but it is also a lot more than that. However, as a warning this story will celebrate the shades of grey of our favourite couple as they find their way to each other and will deal with darker elements of their characters. Emma’s history differs a little from canon but will be covered by the story but there is no Henry and she is an adult in this fiction.

a little taste  - author of A Fine Line and Letters from War. 

Emma has been desperate to know what it’s like to kiss the smirk off of Regina Mills, but when she finally gets the chance, it doesn’t seem to be enough.

tempest - A storm ushers in an expected opportunity for Regina to finally rid herself of Emma Swan. She will posses the sheriff’s heart and then crush it. But what happens when nothing goes as planned? Rated M for language and Swan Queen sexytimes.

come on be nice - Regina has decided that the quickest way to get rid of Emma Swan is to scare off the commitment phobic woman with a come-on. This, as with many of Regina’s plans, does not go as, well, planned. Rated M for Swan Queen sex.

black lace - Emma and Henry find a way around the 'no visiting’ rule involving binoculars and the walkie talkie. Emma’s attention is fully on her son, she truly doesn’t intend to watch Regina at all. At least until the mayor begins undressing in front of her window..

dirty words - Regina is plagued by thoughts of a certain blonde. Deciding she is in need of cathartic release, she writes a quick narrative in hopes of cleansing her system. However, by a happy accident, the story falls into the wrong hands. What will Emma do with this new and intriguing insight into the mayor’s mind?

damn you, miss swan  Emma visits the mayor one night with a bottle of wine to cheer her up. Anger issues and smeared lippy ensues. WARNING: Includes a non-explicit passing reference to rape. This is my first story. A/N Jan 2015: Way back when I wrote this, no one knew anyone’s back stories, so I just made up stuff. Don’t be upset for canon divergence if you read it now. It wasn’t canon then.

mirror tricks The Evil Queen has made her way to Storybrooke, but she only seems to be interested in one thing: Emma. When Regina realises this, her jealousy starts to get the better of her.

my enemy’s enemy After her mother’s death, Regina finds a terrible surprise hidden among the witch’s belongings. Unfortunately, the only one able to cure her from the ailment is Emma…if she agrees. Strong language and mature themes. First stab at SwanQueen :)

ANGST

to remember her happy ending - “She doesn’t even remember her family! How am I going to explain this to her when she hates me!” She was falling apart now. The way the women in the other room had just looked at her, with such disdain. That wasn’t her wife. That was the Mayor, the Evil Queen maybe…but not her wife.

for endings are where we begin Regina Mills is your average working mom - she spends long hours at her bakery, loves her son Henry with all that she is, and can touch dead things and bring them back to life.Emma Swan is an orphan, an ex-convict, and a bail bondsperson residing in Massachusetts. She is also currently dead.This is the story of how they meet.

the loudest silence - New to Chicago Emma, a professional cellist, is shocked to find that a beautiful deaf woman is her new president of the board. As their friendship grows Emma begins to wonder, what does it look like when a world of sound and a world of silence meet somewhere in the middle? SwanQueen AU

broken 16 year Emma Swan is a preachers daughter on a tight leash, what happens when Regina Mills returns to town, dark, mysterious and dangerous? Will her father’s expectations take over or will Emma follow her heart? Is Regina legit or is Emma cute little pawn? Will Emma be able to love Regina for who she is or will her dark past ruin it ALL! SwanQueen G!P Some BDSM

bring her home Cora’s dead. Henry lives with the Charmings. Regina continues spiraling through grief and loss and hatred. Then Emma suddenly falls unconscious and Henry shows up at Regina’s door because he needs her help to bring Emma back. Reluctantly, Regina embarks on a wild swan chase through Emma’s mind, a whirlwind of ‘roads‐less‐traveled’ and ‘what‐ifs’ and ‘might‐have‐beens’, in order to bring her home.

if the blazer fits Emma decides to dress up like Regina for a Halloween party at The Rabbit Hole, a seemingly innocent decision that surprisingly leads to a relationship. The romance is openly feared by some and secretly despised by an unlikely source, who plots to end it.

a fine line Upon Regina’s banishment, the small town of Storybrooke becomes protected once again by an enchantment that prevents anyone from leaving or entering Storybrooke. Emma and Regina find themselves on the edge of the town, wishing for a way to the other side.

a pale imitation Regina is furious with Emma after she brings back Marian, but since she can’t take it out on her, Regina creates a mindless clone of Emma to hit instead. The clone doesn’t stay mindless for long though, developing an obsession with Regina. Written for summer 2014 Swan Queen Big Bang. (TW for sexual assault/rape and graphic depictions of violence)

FLUFF

one fine mess - Regina’s gut twisted with an agonizing pull and, for just a moment, she thought she might need to take up the same position as the woman crouched before her. “You’re pregnant?” she whispered grimly. Emma’s only response was to turn and retch into the toilet again. — Swan Queen, magic!pregnancy

coffee at midnight - (so good) Slow burn AU that starts with two women from different parts of the USA meeting on Twitter. Emma is an insomniac loner who is a Personal Trainer. Regina is a writer with a sleepless baby. Their lack of sleep and love for coffee soon brings them together and after that they find it hard to part. This is a fic where coffee is taking to mythical levels, despite it’s bad effect on people with insomnia and people with babies - showing that sometimes what you need and want isn’t always the thing that is wholesome and harmless. But also that denying yourself it will only lead to misery, something which Regina has to apply to other parts of her life.

all the single ladies With the library in desperate need of renovation, Storybrooke prepares for a fundraising dinner and bachelorette auction. What mischief and romance can be found as a result? SwanQueen with some RedBeauty Rating has been raised to M - now including adult content.


TEACHER+STUDENT / EMPLOYEE+BOSS

teacher’s pet - see above (classics)

take me home tonight - see above (classics)

step into my office, baby  - This is what you get for doing the nice thing, Emma thinks. You do that whole Pay It Forward bullshit - you buy a lady some coffee and you pretend like it isn’t totally motivated by how she looks in a pencil skirt - and she goes and insults your business card and turns out to be your company’s new Executive Director. Real fucking cute.From now on, she is drinking tea.or, the one where they’re in an office.

teaching miss mills  - Swan Queen Teacher AU: Emma is a gym teacher, who moves to Storybrooke Academy after becoming disenchanted with her job back in Boston. Regina Mills is the Head of English who Emma somehow seems to keep having run-ins with, despite the best of intentions. Along the way, Emma adjusts to small-town life, gets her teaching mojo back and grows closer to Regina. NOW COMPLETE

troubled teachers - COMPLETE! SwanQueen AU. Geography teacher Emma Swan starts a new life far from her troubled past and meets history teacher Regina Mills. But all is not as it seems when it comes to the composed, intelligent, and beautiful brunette. Family struggles and difficult relationships lead to a friendship and soon something more blossoms. Rated M for Ch 7, 18, 22, 24, 28, 29, 31, 35 and 38

not a virgin anymore When college student Emma Swan wakes up one morning with no memory of what happened the night before she’s very surprised she finds herself in professor Mills’s bed. 

is that so, miss swan? - College student, Emma Swan, is confronted by her favorite professor and secret heart-throb, Dr. Regina Mills. What happens when Emma is forced to reveal her secrets? We shall see. AU. Slightly OOC at times. No magic. SwanQueen. Rated M for serious language and eventual sexy times between our two favorite ladies.

butterfly effect - in her final year of college, Emma finds she has more to account for than the extra credits she needs in order to graduate. Only… she doesn’t expect it to come in the form of her newest instructor, Professor Regina Mills. Complete. AU Swan Queen

a sophisticated seduction Emma’s a college student, working as an intern at the Dazzle Magazine for a powerful woman she has never had the good fortune of meeting. But everything in her life is about to change when they finally meet. Especially when one falls so deeply in love with the other and the insecurities from a broken marriage comes to light. (Not Based on The Devil Wears Prada)

some other faves

down east decisions - Massachusetts State Police Capt. Emma Swan leaves her red-hot career to become the police chief of sleepy Storybrooke, Maine. She’s hoping for a less-complicated, less-dangerous life, a desire that is dashed on both counts. AU. No magic. Crime drama and romance. Swan Queen is endgame.

that drunken night - Emma’s wasted and accidentally calls Regina instead of her mom. And Regina isn’t as loathe to talk to the blonde as she usually pretends. Did things change between them so radically while they were in Neverland? (No copyright infringement intended.)

chasing henry - SQ. Tired of the tricks and lies of both of his mothers, Henry follows the dwarves, Red and Granny when they use Tiny’s magic beans to return themselves to their old land. Emma and Regina both chase after him, and they reluctantly travel together through the Enchanted Forest in order to find him and bring him back home safely.

so does this make us both the other woman? - Set after 3b in a peaceful Storybrooke where Regina is with Robin and Emma’s fallen into a relationship with Hook. Shame about all that subtext that’s rapidly threatening to become text.

D&D Curses

There are initially four different ways to use the Bestow Curse spell in D&D 5e. Those are as follows:

  • Disadvantage on ability checks and saves for one ability score
  • Disadvantage on attacks against you
  • WIS save or do nothing during a given round
  • +1d8 necrotic damage when you damage them

The spell normally lasts for a minute, but if cast with a 9th level slot, it lasts until dispelled, which is worth noting because the best curses last until dispelled. if cast with a 4th level slot, it lasts for 10 minutes. A 5th level slot is 8 hours. A 7th level slot is 24 hours. These all have their uses for creative players, but the best part of the spell by far is the encouragement to invent your own curses, which many players and DMs have taken as a challenge for their own creativity. So while it is certainly not new, it’s my turn to take a crack at it!

Unique Curses

* - A curse marked with an asterisk is a 9th-level only curse due to its powerful detriment or long-lasting nature. But who is to stop you from enchanting an innocuous item with such a curse?

  • Hair Growth/Loss: You are cursed to grow hair at a rapid rate for the duration of the curse or else lose all of your hair (it grows back after the curse ends).
  • Mute/Deaf/Blind: You are rendered either mute, deaf, or blind for the duration of the curse.
  • Forbidden Speech: You are cursed to never speak about a certain subject, topic, or word for the duration of the curse.
  • *Rapid Aging/Deaging: You are cursed to either age by one year each day, or to grow one year younger each day. After you reach your final day, you die.
  • *Phylactery: Your fate becomes tied to a creature or object. If the creature or object is slain/destroyed, you die as well.
  • Ugliness: You are cursed with horrible deformity for the duration of the curse. You have -5 on Persuasion checks and Deception checks for the duration and are easily noticed and shunned by most humanoids of any race.

image source: Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn

  • Possessed Limb: One of your limbs (usually an arm) acts on its own for the duration of the curse, usually attempting to harm its host, harm others, or sow chaos.
  • Petrified Limb: One of your limbs becomes petrified and is unable to be used for the duration of the curse. It could turn into any solid mineral like stone, iron, glass, salt, or gold. Any damage it takes is retained once the curse is lifted.
  • Funny Looking: For the duration of the curse, anyone who you attempt to communicate with bursts into uncontrollable laughter. This does not prevent hostile creatures from attacking you, but prevents them from speaking.
  • Lichsight: For the duration of the curse, you can see the spirits of the dead. Whether real or illusory, you cannot communicate with them and you must make a WIS saving throw each round or become frightened and run in a random direction or cower in place (50%/50%).
  • Butterfingers: Each round while the curse is active, you must make a DEX saving throw. On a failed save, you drop whatever you are holding and cannot pick up or hold anything for the rest of the round.
  • Forgetful: You have a tendency to forget things. During the curse, whenever new information is revealed to your character, you have a 50% chance to not be able to remember it, even after the curse has ended.
  • *Lady of Shalott: You are doomed to die if you ever lay eyes directly upon another being, and must therefore look at the world through a mirror and avoid direct sight of others. The difficulty of maneuvering a hand mirror or the necessity to close your eyes effectively makes you blinded while in combat, imposing disadvantage on attack rolls.
  • Stingy: During the curse, you must make a WIS saving throw whenever you intend to part with money. On a failed save, you opt not to spend your money on it. You cannot make another such save for the same purchase, even from a different seller.
  • Empty Coinpurse: You are compelled to buy things until all of your wealth has disappeared. You will even go so far as to barter your own goods once out of money. Whenever you find something for sale, you must make a WIS saving throw. On a failed save, you will do anything you can to attempt to purchase it or trade for it. Only if the seller refuses three times will you give up.
  • *Baleful Polymorph: You are transformed into a small creature or tiny animated object for the duration of the curse. You retain the ability to speak using a disembodied voice emanating from the creature or object, usually paired with animation like a moving mouth (if a creature) or a mouth-shaped part (if an object; like a book opening and closing its covers and such). You can move with a move speed of 10 ft. per round if an object.

image source: Star vs. the Forces of Evil 

  • Talking Tumor: You grow a tumor-like second head that can speak that embarrasses, berates, or otherwise annoys and inconveniences you. It has +6 for Persuasion, Deception, and Intimidation checks, helping it be a complete jerk.
  • Evil Aura: Plants within 15 ft. of you wilt and turn brown or gray and animals within 60 ft. feel afraid or threatened by you for the duration of the curse.
  • Bad Taste: Eating food or drinking water causes you to become poisoned for 1d6 hours, or for the duration of the curse.
  • Bad Luck: Whenever you have advantage for the duration of the curse, you instead have disadvantage.
  • *Prophecy: You become destined to die under certain circumstances. Whenever it is possible for those circumstances to be met, you must make a relevant saving throw (falling boulder? DEX save. Poisoned apple? CON save. etc.) or begin dying. The victim cannot be threatened by the curse more than once every 2d4 hours. The curse will take increasingly convoluted measures to try and make the prophecy come true the longer the curse lasts.
  • *Guardian: The victim is polymorphed into a hostile creature of CR 6 or less. The victim is given some sort of command like guarding a location or spreading suffering, and will continue to do so until the curse is lifted or they are slain. They revert to their regular form if they are slain. The victim cannot communicate and is hostile to all creatures. The creature becomes immune to the charmed condition.

image source: Sleeping Beauty by Henry Meynell Rheam

  • Slumber: You fall into a deep slumber and cannot be awoken until the curse is lifted.
  • Eternal Rest: If slain while under the curse, you cannot be resurrected by any means even after the curse fades.
  • Phantasm: You believe that you have been polymorphed into a small creature (like a toad or chicken) and act as such for the duration of the curse.
  • Unquenchable Thirst/Hunger: You feel eternally hungry and thirsty. You must make a WIS saving throw whenever you encounter food or drink, no matter how dangerous or questionable it might be (swamp water, obviously poisoned food, moldy bread, etc.). On a failed save, you consume it.
  • *Obedience: Whenever someone you can understand issues a verbal command to you while you are cursed, you are compelled to obey. You may attempt a WIS saving throw to resist a given command for one minute.

Hold your tongue! (Ella Enchanted)

  • Magical Immunity: You become immune to nonharmful spells for the duration of the curse. Spells cast by enemies or damaging spells still affect you, but healing spells and buffs do not.
  • Unhealing Wound: A wound you have will never heal. Your maximum hit points are reduced by 2d4+the caster’s spellcasting modifier. This curse cannot reduce a creature’s health to 0 in this way.
  • *Wandering: While under the effects of the curse, you are compelled to wander. Each day at dawn, you must leave and never return to the same city/town or 2.5 mile radius (if in the wilderness).
  • *Deadly Descendants: All of your descendants are cursed to kill their birth parents, whether intentionally or not.
  • *Lonliness: You are cursed to die alone. Anyone you become romantically close to or close friends eventually leaves or dies or meets a horrible fate.
  • *Gargoyle: You are petrified during the daytime and return to normal at night for the duration of the curse.
  • Voyager: You cannot set foot on dry land for the duration of the curse, taking 1d6 psychic damage each round that you do.

Removing Curses

Yes, there’s always a Wish spell or a Remove Curse spell, but I often believe that if any cleric can remove a curse it undercuts the drama of the punishing spell. Instead, use an alternative way to remove the curse. Most of it depends on how the curse was placed and the reasoning behind it. For instance, if you refuse to give a gypsy shelter from the cold in your luxurious castle, you might get transformed into a beast until someone falls in love with you. Here are some ways that one could feasibly break a curse (if the situation allows).

  • Give back an item that was stolen from the caster
  • Complete a quest or mission for the caster
  • Kill the caster
  • Pass the curse onto someone else (through some deliberate means like a handshake or kiss or losing a wager)
  • Seek out a powerful extraplanar being
  • Seek out special magical ingredients for a cure
  • Find a loophole in the wording of the curse (either through tricky wording or by finding a liminal loophole. “No man of woman born” could exclude a man born by C-section. “Neither day nor night” could exclude twilight)
  • Change your alignment (an evil or chaotic character learns to be good or lawful.)
  • Change your ideal or traits after learning some sort of lesson
  • Overcome one of your flaws.
  • Let the curse run its course instead of fighting it.
  • Find true love/True love’s kiss etc.
  • Prove your worth to the caster
  • Atone for past sins
  • Selflessly risk your life for someone else
  • Convert a creature to worshiping the caster’s deity
  • Avenge the caster

image source: Disney’s Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Feel free to use this list and add to it your own ideas for curses! There are so many possibilities that it’s never out of the question to find a new curse that uses arbitrary magical rules to drive the plot of a story. I guess that makes curses the sitcoms of the fantasy world.

official ranking of every rose emoji on emojipedia

this is a rose that you’ll give to your lover, a rose represents your heart

this one is a dried rose that you can find on the corner of a street at midnight while walking home, gives the feeling of a heartbreak 

a delicate one, this is the rose in the garden of versailles, fragnant and always sweet 

this one is grows from an angel’s tears, a rose you’ll find on the grave of a loved one, kind of a sad beauty

this one is for magical love spells, has a sharp scent you can even smell it from an another room 

this one tries her best 

this one is from the wonderland, she’ll speak to you with a gentle voice and sing to you while you are trying to sleep 

this one drawn by a dreamer child, this rose is a kind one a beautiful friend for that lonely child

this is the one drawn by the dreamer child’s future lover, this one is a quiet one with a kind heart 

this is an origami rose made with scented tissues 

this is a rose little fairies use it for their dresses, a rose you can find in a big magical forest

this one is a summer rose you can find in sicilian beaches left alone, a rose to put your hair 

Lord of Shadows playlist

tmi-city-of-bones15-blog said:Hey Cassie, I was wondering if you have a Playlist for each book that you write? Or if you have something to inspire you on those moments?

I do! You can find old ones on this tumblr, and here is the one for Lord of Shadows! (Sometimes people complain the songs aren’t new — I tend to mix up old and new songs, and remember, the book was written last year!)

Lord of Shadows

Six Blade Knife, Dire Straits

Your six blade knife can do anything for you
Anything you want it to
One blade for breaking my heart
One blade for tearing me apart
Your six blade knife can do anything for you

Fuck It And Whatever, The Echo-Friendly

We are sleeping in a rainstorm
With no lightning rod
So please remember my love
As we lie in the arms of an angry vengeful God

And I know we can’t stay together
But I’ll keep you safe forever
And I know that sounds heavy
But fuck it and whatever

Kill Your Heroes AWOL NATION

Well I met an old man dying on a train.
No more destination, no more pain.
Well he said one thing, before I graduate
“Never let your fear decide your fate.”

I say kill your heroes and fly, fly, baby don’t cry.
No need to worry ‘cause, everybody will die.
Every day we just go, go, baby don’t go.
Don’t you worry we love you more than you know.

Blood in the Cut, K. Flay

Met back up with the boy I love
Cried on the streets of San Francisco
I don’t have an agenda
All I do is pretend to be ok so my friends
Can’t see my heart in the blender
Lately, I’ve been killing all my time
Reading through your messages my favorite way to die
Take my head and kick it in
Break some bread for all my sins
Say a word, do it soon
It’s too quiet in this room

Sweet Disaster — Dreamers

Some nights feel like every night
This one feels brand new
Only got bad things on my mind
When I’m with you

Tell me that you need me on the floor
Passed out in your dirty clothes
Ask me what the hell I’m looking for
Like you don’t know

Shatter in the Night — Vesperteen

Laying in the yard and we worship the stars  

And I blow your mind while you kiss my scars. 

We rise and we fall. We’re floating 

And all our time’s revolving around what we see as true 

But it’s breaking me and it’s breaking you

Every Other Weekend — Annie Rapid (always makes me think of Livvy & Ty)

But we are one 

For you are here 

Inside a place so far away 

My brother always near 

It’s every other weekend 

And it’s in the messages they send 

Broken promises will mend 

For all these things we can’t count on 

Will one day make us grow up strong

No Mermaid — Sinead Lohan

we went down to the edge of the water
you were afraid to go in
you said there might be sharks out there in the ocean
and i said i’m only going for a swim

i was swimming around in a circle
i wasn’t always in view
you said we might get into red flag danger
and i am alone when i’m not with you

but i am no mermaid
and i am no fisherman’s slave
i am no mermaid
i keep my head above the waves 

Breaking Free — Night Riots

You’re not my savior, just someone I used to see
I am broken
Something’s wrong inside of me
I feel violent
Like I’m dying
I feel broken
Maybe I’m just breaking free

These Taming Blues — Joe Tex

Is it ever gonna not be so hard to see you around?
Am I really really really really gonna have to leave town?

I mean I called upon a bunch of angels calling angels ain’t you supposed to come and take away these blues?

All five kinds of rains

All nine kinds of thunder and

Eighteen white horses who will not ever come to me!

Don’t plant your feet, love, in that garden of blame.

Don’t break me no more, love.

I’m already tame.

Home  American Authors

I’ve got these letters tattooed on my arm
That remind me each second of where I come from
And the long hard road to get me back home

I’m not trying to part the ocean waves
I’m not trying to overthrow the throne
I’m just trying to find a way to make it back home


In Our Bedroom After the War — Stars

Wake up! Say good morning to that sleepy person lying next to you
If there’s no one there, then there’s no one there, but at least the war is over
It’s us – yes, we’re back again, here to see you through, 'til the days end
And if the night comes, and the night will come, well at least the war is over

Meet me in the Woods — Lord Huron

How long, baby, have I been away?
Oh, it feels like ages though you say it’s only days
There ain’t language for the things I’ve seen, yeah
And the truth is stranger than my own worst dreams

Anna Lee — firekid

Sinking sand
When I sleep
I see her ghost
Siren’s hand pulling me six feet below
Pyramid
Wasted dreams
Built it for two
Inherited her color scheme
Now it’s my tomb

agenderraskel  asked:

You call Steve "punk". Have you ever slipped punk clothing into his closet? Does he wear it?

well, he absolutely refuses to wear combat boots. which i find personally offensive, because i wear steeltoe combats almost every day. but steve insists that having tromped across most of europe in steeltoes and only being saved from trenchfoot thanks to the miracle of old-timey science, he will no longer wear combat boots unless theyre the custom ones that go with his cap costume. sorry. uniform. and that since sneakers exist in the future and are, and i quote ‘like walking around with old mrs mckinneys angel cake for shoes, buck, its great’ he will not be wearing boots if he doesnt have to. 

the day we talked him into skinny jeans was pretty great. have you ever seen a dog doing that high-step when you put shoes on them?? he looked like that for the first half hour or so. and then he tried to ‘jog’ up the tower lobby steps, and split his pants open at the crotch. 

it was a good day for the ladies (and some of the gents. you know. the ones who didnt immediately grow inferiority complexes) in the lobby of stark tower. 

it was not a good day for steve rogers. 

putting steve in any kind of plaid just makes him look like a lumberjack, not a punk. so that doesnt work.

steve cant wear black without looking like a vampire, hes so pale. but one time he borrowed my dont-touch-me black leather motorcycle jacket and managed to make that look badass for a little while. and then he let a little girl in central park facepaint a sunflower on his left cheek, which pretty much spoiled and sort of badass look he might have been managing. which wasnt much, because he was still wearing khakis. 

dork. 

I am Queer.

So, re that convo that keeps occurring about whether Queer is a slur and should not be used.

When I came out, everything was Gay and Lesbian. We all called ourselves Gay and  Lesbian because that was what had been yelled at us as youths. The symbol was the pink triangle. The pink triangle was used by hate groups and oppressors to identify us. 

We took it back. We took gay back.

During my time at Macalester college the student group name changed from Gay and Lesbian Alliance to LGBT Union. We listened, we learned, we included more people more explicitly. The symbols were the pink triangle and the AIDS ribbon. Two badges of death. And you would take them from our cold, dead, hands, motherfucker. Right? 

Right.

After I graduated, the rainbow flag became predominant. Made by AIDS activists, by the way. Still coming out of death. And Queer became the thing. It was more inclusive, and the T was moving from transsexual to transgender, and what about married Bi folks… (I mean, when I came out I knew people who called themselves trannies, because that was still a thing then.)

So, anyway, Queer. Queer was the word, like Gay, that got shouted from passing cars. 

whatareyouafuckingqueer. 

 Queer.

But when accused of  being a hated, vile, thing, you can take two paths. You can deny being the thing, and agree with your accuser that being this thing is AWFUL. The WORST. Of course you are not that thing.

Or. 

Or.

You can INCREASE BEING THE MOTHERFUCKING THING.

Am I a dyke? Really? WATCH me cut my hair and buy a leather jacket and wear silk ties, you sonuvabitch. Call me queer? Really? YOU CAN NOT HANDLE THE QUEER.

Some time after that, other acronyms and terms started being used. QUILTBAG, for instance. Ace/Aro, these are now in use. Lots of terms. But nearly all the things we call ourselves have been used as weapons against us. Nearly all the symbols we use for our resistance have origins in our deaths. 

Not just oppression. 

Death.

So when you say you want the term dyke, I will try to remember that. If you call yourself a flaming faggot, I will nod and move on. If I call myself queer and you flinch, I will try to respect that, but you don’t get to tell me to stop. Everybody who came out before you has taken the rocks and bottles and made them into shields and wind chimes. If I am unashamed of being queer, you do not get to give that word BACK to the fuckwits who made it a slur. 

Resistance, jubilation, and freedom go one way. We grow more expansive, more inclusive, louder, larger, brighter. We don’t have to all like each individual sequin, strobe light, or pixy stick at this party. But you sure as shit don’t lock ANYBODY out.

anonymous asked:

What do you think of Harry saying SOTT is about a mom dying in childbirth. I'm just ??????? What do you think SOTT is about?

For reference:

‘Sign of the Times’ came from ‘This isn’t the first time we’ve been in a hard time, and it’s not going to be the last time.’ The song is written from a point of view as if a mother was giving birth to a child and there’s a complication. The mother is told, ‘The child is fine, but you’re not going to make it.’ The mother has five minutes to tell the child, 'Go forth and conquer.’

Harry Styles, Rolling Stone

When I read this I immediately thought he’s trying to tell us without telling us that Jay was the inspiration for SOTT and making it his lead single is a tribute to her. I mean, that’s my take on it. Makes sense to me.

She prepared her kids (which for all intents and purposes includes Harry) for her death.

Just stop your crying
It’s a sign of the times
Welcome to the final show
Hope you’re wearing your best clothes

Referencing a funeral here.

You can’t bribe the door on your way to the sky
You look pretty good down here
But you ain’t really good

Understand when it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go. Riches can’t save you. Your life may look great from the outside. But it’s not always as good as it looks. And those last two lines may be a reference to how shocked everyone was that young, beautiful, vivacious Jay had passed. It’s not all good in Harry’s hood, even if that’s what the tabloids and paps and gossips make it seem like.

We never learn, we’ve been here before
Why are we always stuck and running from
The bullets, the bullets?
We never learn, we’ve been here before
Why are we always stuck and running from
The bullets, the bullets?

We’re all whistling past the graveyard like death isn’t coming for us and our loved ones. When it comes, we’re devastated. We know it’s coming eventually, but we can’t get in the headspace of truly being ready for it. So we live on the run. Running from death. But it will catch us eventually.

Just stop your crying
It’s a sign of the times
We gotta get away from here
We gotta get away from here
Just stop your crying
It’ll be alright
They told me that the end is near
We gotta get away from here

To everything there is a season. The time of death is upon us. But don’t stay in this place of grief. It’s ok to move on. Keep living your life. 

Just stop your crying
Have the time of your life
Breaking through the atmosphere
And things are pretty good from here

Jay wants her kids to enjoy life, even though she’ll be gone. She’s going to a better place. No more suffering.

Remember, everything will be alright
We can meet again somewhere
Somewhere far away from here

It feels terrible now. But eventually, it’ll get better. And she’ll see them again someday. N.E.R.D.–noone ever really dies. Energy just transforms.

We don’t talk enough
We should open up
Before it’s all too much
Will we ever learn?
We’ve been here before
It’s just what we know

Don’t take your loved ones for granted. Share. Bond. Grow together. Do better. A mother’s wisdom.

I feel like this is where it was going with the dying mom comments. Of course, for many fucked up reasons, he obviously couldn’t say this was about Jay. But I think he dropped enough of a hint for us to pick up. It’s not the first hard time or the last? I think in Ever Since New York, Harry made it clear that hiding his relationship with Louis and engaging in fauxmances has been very painful for him and I’m sure for both families as well. The child is fine, but you’re not going to make it? Yep, all her kids are thankfully fine. The mother has 5 minutes to tell the child to go forth and conquer? That must have been what the last months of her life felt like–5 minutes. Not enough time. But she prepared them. God bless.   

Olivia Puckett as Zoe Murphy

Here, I’m gonna analyze and describe Olivia Puckett’s performance as Zoe Murphy, and the ways in which it differed from Laura Dreyfuss’s. Enjoy!

First of all, Olivia Puckett is a blessing to us all. I love her so much (have you seen her Instagram stories?!) you all have no idea. She was so sweet, so good.

I’ll start from the beginning. Instantly, right as she entered during “Anybody Have a Map” her differences with Laura Dreyfuss were evident. She slouched in her chair, her foot giggling under the table. Also, with Connor, her dialogue was lighter, in a way. She delivered the “He’s definitely high” line almost jokingly, like she was just this younger sister poking fun at her brother. It wasn’t disapproving and harsh the way Laura’s delivery felt.

Even while they were exchanging “Fuck you’s!” they seemed more like siblings messing around than two extremely damaged teenagers taking out their anger on each other. It honestly felt like a normal sibling relationship. She wasn’t even yelling, and neither was Mike Faist. It wasn’t mean or anything. It was. Good.

Even when she marched off the stage, proclaiming that she’d leave without Connor if he doesn’t spead up, I felt as though she wouldn’t leave without him. Like that was yet another joke. No big deal. Like she’d wait in the driveway for him to come, and maybe give him a bit of a hard time about it all later, but that they’d laugh about it next week or something.

Then, she met Evan. She rushed over to him in the middle of WTAW, and he instantly recoiled, his shoulders turning inwards, his eyes on the ground, his hands twitching. She seemed genuinely concerned. Her voice was low, and she seemed to purposefully stay away from him, almost fearful of scaring him, while simultaneously wanting to be closer.

When she called Connor “a psychopath,” it sounded like she was angry with Connor for pushing Evan, who obviously didn’t deserve anything, but wasn’t disgusted or hateful. She didn’t sound like she hated Connor. Or even really disliked him. Just has a stereotypical teenage sibling relationship that’s a bit edgy.

When she walked away– “Okay…Jose…” –she turned around and looked back at Evan before leaving, almost fondly. It almost gave me the impression that this crush was requited, and perhaps had been for some time. That Evan’s love for Zoe wasn’t one-sided, that Zoe didn’t grow into liking Evan throughout the musical, but actually, in fact, liked him before it even began.

She entered, again, before “For Forever” and I could see a physical change that occurred in her during the 10 minutes or so she was off-stage. I could almost see her lose Connor, in that entrance. As she noticed Evan’s presence, she didn’t ask “Why is he here” like “Why is this weird kid in our house” but more like “Why is Evan, who I talked to in the hallway a few days ago, here?

Throughout the dinner before “For Forever,” she did this leg jiggle again. Which was. So fascinating. She had these particular ticks, ones which almost mirrored Evan’s. They seemed like two pieces of the same pie, in their own peculiar way. Simply, if Olivia Puckett announces one day that Zoe Murphy has a minor anxiety disorder, I would believe her in a heartbeat.

When she retorted about good times with Connor, saying that “There were no good times!” she didn’t sound like a possibly abused sibling. She sounded almost angry with herself, as though she was wondering why she didn’t notice something was wrong with Connor, as though she wished she’d tried harder. She didn’t sound like someone who was wronged and was furious, she sounded like someone who was remembering her entire childhood and trying to pinpoint where everything went wrong.

Laura’s Zoe seemed like a young person who suddenly lost control over seemingly everything in her life, someone who was almost drowning. Olivia’s Zoe seemed like a young person who had just temporarily misplaced control, someone who was floating just above the water’s surface.

During “Requiem,” Olivia cried, actually cried, which is something Laura definitely did not do. 

The whole “You were not the monster that I knew” thing was much less believable. But the “You’ve given me my brother back. Thank you.” thing at the end of “You Will Be Found” was so. much. more. believable.

I really felt for Olivia’s Zoe. “Requiem” was when I started crying fully during this performance, rather than during “You Will Be Found” (which normally what gets me). I felt her loss so deeply and profoundly, like she was taking the whole audience on this journey with her.

She truly seemed to mourn Connor, to have loved her brother. She seemed so devastated during “If I Could Tell Her” that she never got to tell Connor what she thought. 

It was just a different kind of loss.

As well, her relationship with Evan was so vastly different. She seemed to be more interested in him specifically and less interested in his connection with her brother. At the end of “You Will Be Found” when she kissed Evan the second time, she kept a hand on his when he pulled away. When he kissed her back, she wrapped her arms around him and like hug-kissed him. In the boot, with Laura Dreyfuss, Evan leaned Zoe into her back on the bed. 

The opposite happened here, with Zoe really taking control of their kissing, pushing Evan into the bed.

Also, during “Only Us” she put a hand on either side of Evan’s face and held him so softly when she sang “We can’t compete with all that” rather than motioning with one hand (see: Laura and Ben’s performance of “Only Us” on Seth Meyers). There was a part where she sat on Evan’s bed and Evan kneeled before her, and she held both of his hands between hers.

They held hands whenever they were together after that, honestly. During “Only Us,” Zoe normally kisses Evan once, at the very end of the song. Here, Olivia kissed Ben three (3) times. Twice while singing and once at the end of the song.

I cannot over-exaggerate the softness in her eyes when she looked at him. In all honestly, y’all, I felt myself really loving their relationship, which isn’t something I did beforehand. 

With Laura’s Zoe, I never would recommend Zoe and Evan being together for their own health. With Olivia’s Zoe, if they had met under different circumstances, if Evan hadn’t lied, I firmly believe that they could’ve had a healthy and happy relationship.

And the kegger skit!!! OMG!! She did the same dorky voice that Evan did with “til your mom gets home” when she said “in three hours!!” and they laughed. They laughed a lot.

It was so interesting to see almost Ben’s reactions as an actor to what Olivia was giving him. This was only the second time they’d ever done the show together in those characters, and it must’ve been so unusual to what he had been doing for the past hundred or so performances.

Zoe was so sweet? And? So strong? And never once mean to Evan? With Olivia, the whole “you don’t have to keep saying sorry….I was a little impressed, you ruined it” thing wasn’t as weird? It didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt like: Zoe liked soft Evan, who apologizes all the time, she just wanted him to be comfortable enough around her to not feel like he had to apologize, rather than wanting him to change.

She felt like a young girl, who had suffered an immense loss, who was coping as best as she possibly could. She wasn’t some semi-popular girl who Evan liked purely because he thought she was hot (neither, of course, is Laura’s Zoe, or any form of Zoe, in fact). She was a multi-dimensional person who existed in her own right outside of anyone else. There was no room to see her as anyone else.

When she found out about Evan’s lie, it was almost more devastating. 

I would have believed her if she had said she loved Evan. 

Laura’s Zoe was angry and possibly depressed. She was desperate to grab a hold onto anything in her life, her life which was quickly spiraling out of control before her eyes. There, Evan seemed like the perfect person to grab onto, someone that was malleable and almost willing to be controlled.

Olivia’s Zoe felt in-control, like she knew what she was doing and knew where she would be in ten years, she just wasn’t there quite yet.

She obviously loved Connor and was mourning his death, but there didn’t seem to be as much guilt involved.

In her final scene, where she met Evan at the orchard, she, like Evan, seemed to have also gone through a metamorphosis. She seemed to have grown so much, and she held her head higher, too, just like Evan. To me, Zoe is a lead character, sharing the female lead title with Heidi Hansen, rather than a supporting character.

I love Laura Dreyfuss with my entire heart and soul, and her Zoe was a very particular character as well. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact differences between her Zoe and Olivia’s Zoe, because they are both truly incredible. Both woman are powerhouses of whom I will forever be in awe. Both portrayals make Zoe a fascinating, dynamic, complex, female character, one that is much, much more than a love interest or plot point. She, in some aspects, feels like the beating heart of the show. It’s hard to put my connection with her into words.

Again, like I said with Michael Lee Brown’s Jared vs. Will Roland’s Jared, neither performance was better. Both are heart-wrenching and powerful and conveyed a message to the audience, reached out and grabbed our hearts in their hands. Both are incredible. Just very, very different.

Essentially, Olivia Puckett’s performance was incredible. Unbelievable actually. Any desire to not want to see the understudies is pointless and wrong, let me tell you. This entire cast and entire crew are the most talented people I’ve ever seen.