one thing i like about myself

4

This is what happens. If I think about a hundred in my head, you know that you can’t make a hundred. Everything we think about can’t happen in real life. Not just me, but I believe many people are like this. You too. It’s like that. How can what you think always happen? 

But this is also one part of the process. I have a lot of things I want to say, but I’m going to hold myself back. But I still want you to do everything that you want to do. Because it can happen. If you think a hundred, the hundred can happen. That’s happened to me before. It can happen to you as well.”

If you ever needed motivation/encouragement, here it is from Bang Yongguk.

The Game (Ethan Dolan)

part three.

part one, part two

Inspiration: Sorry by Halsey

Originally posted by graysonsbabymomma

I can’t tell you how long I had been crying, I lost track of time hours ago. I just couldn’t believe how stupid I was. I should’ve known this would happen. Ethan seemed like such a good guy. He seemed true and sincere but it was all an act. It was all to win a stupid game, a game I should have never agreed to. We could have been happy. I know that, and it's perhaps the hardest thing to know. my phone had been ringing non-stop since I left. I shouldn’t have but I opened the messages from Ethan reading each one.

Ethan: please let me explain.

Ethan: I didn’t care about her okay, I cared about you.

Ethan: I still do.

Ethan: please just meet me somewhere so we can talk?

Ethan: I’m begging you.

Ethan: I know you hate me but just give me a chance.

Ethan: I don’t want to lose you.

Ethan: you don’t need me, but I need you.

Ethan: I haven’t felt like myself in months, but when I’m with you everything just makes sense.

Ethan: I’m an asshole, I’m a player, I’m probably the biggest douche bag in the world but one thing I’m not is a liar. Nothing I said or did was a lie, please know that.

Ethan: I will do anything for you to please just talk to me.

Ethan: I’ve called 32 times and this is the 9th message I have sent you, I didn’t expect you to answer.

Ethan: just know how sorry I am.

Ethan: I made a mistake, now I’m living with the consequences. I regret it, I really do.

Ethan: I’m so sorry.

I put down my phone not able to read another message. I wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks. I heard a loud knock at my door making me suddenly aware. I walked over opening the door to see Grayson standing there with an angry look on his face. I’m sure at this point he knew all about it. I was sneaking behind his back and betrayed him.

“Grayson I..” I started but was quickly cut off.

“you went behind my back and with my twin brother, how could you do this to me? After everything, how could you?” He said frowning.

Grayson was really hurt, and I felt terrible. I didn’t realize how much my actions would hurt Grayson’s feelings. I was being selfish.  

“Grayson I’m so sorry. I’m such a terrible friend. I shouldn’t have went behind your back like that, friends don’t do that. It was a stupid game, that I never should have agreed too. I knew what I was doing would hurt you, and I did it anyways. I don’t know why I did it but I did and I’m so sorry Grayson. ” I said feeling more tears fall down my face.  

Grayson stood there staring at me. I don’t blame him for being angry. I hated myself for hurting him. 

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m the only one who looks stupid now. I understand if you never want to talk to me again, I wouldn’t. I don’t deserve a friend like you.” I said feeling as if I said everything I needed too.

Grayson and I stood across from each other. The tension in the air between us was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I deserved to lose him.

“Grayson please say something.” I said not being able to take this tension anymore.

I expected Grayson to yell and scream at me but he didn’t instead he hugged me. I was so confused. He hugged me tightly rubbing my back.

“you should be mad at me, you should be screaming at me, cursing me out, I deserve all of it Grayson. I deserved to have everything that’s happened to me.” I said feeling disgusted with myself.

Grayson took my head in his hands making me look at him.

“I’m hurt, I’m not going to lie. I’m hurt you went behind my back. I’m hurt you lied to me. But most of all I’m hurt that you can’t see that I’ve been the one in love with you this entire time.” Grayson said quietly.

Grayson was in love with me?

“Grayson.” I whispered in shock.

I thought about all the time I had spent with Grayson. Us cuddling on the couch while we watched movies. Us spending all night just talking about life. Us laughing about everything and anything. It was never just friendly. I was left contemplating everything. Grayson was right in front of me this entire time but instead I was chasing Ethan. I was so confused. It was as if everything in the past few weeks has crumbled around me.

“Grayson.” I said still in shock.

I couldn’t form sentences as Grayson stared holes in to me.

“Ethan doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who knows you inside and out, you deserve someone who sees all of your quirks and admires them. You deserve someone who’s seen you on your worst days and is in love with you regardless.” Grayson said stepping closer to me.

“someone like you?” I questioned my voice just above a whisper.

“someone like me.” Grayson said leaning in.

I felt my heart racing. Grayson was about to kiss me.

ETHAN POINT OF VIEW

I deserved it. It still hurts like hell but I deserved it. I hurt her. Me. I picked up my phone dialing her number again. It went straight to voicemail much like the thirty two other times I had called.

“it’s me again. this is voicemail number thirty two. Y/N please talk to me. I want to see you, I need to see you, I need to explain everything. Please just hear me out.” I said hitting send.

It was my fault. I made a scene and now everyone hated me.

As soon as she walked out, I was surrounded by people. One of them being Grayson, and one of them being Allison the girl I was technically dating.

“so you were cheating on me this entire time?” Allison asked her hands on her hips.

I didn’t say anything, there was nothing to say. Of course I did it. Was I sorry about it? Not really. Allison was a distraction, like most girls I date.

“you really are the biggest asshole on this planet Ethan Dolan.” Allison said slapping me across the face.

She walked away with tears streaming down her face but I didn’t care. It sounds kind of heartless but my heart just walked away from me. Her words replaying in my mind "congratulations Ethan, you won the game, but you lost me.“ Grayson came running over to me shoving me roughly to the ground.

“what did you do to her?” He growled.

David, Zane, and Toddy ran over grabbing Grayson and trying to separate him from me.

“no guys it’s fine.” I said waving them off.

David, Zane, and Toddy took their hands off of Grayson but stayed close by. I stood up slowly brushing the dirt off of myself.

“what do think I did Grayson, what I do best, I broke her heart.” I said.

Grayson clenched his jaw before punching me in the nose. It felt good to get what I deserved.

“I made her fall in love with me Grayson and then I broke her heart.” I said.

Grayson punched me in the nose again knocking me on the ground. I clutched my nose feeling the blood trickle out of it.

“she was the only one I had left and you took her away from me too.” Grayson growled.

“yeah well you don’t own her Grayson.” I said clenching my jaw.

Grayson punched me again before being grabbed by the boys again.

“Grayson enough.” Toddy said.

“no guys stop, I deserve it. Come on Grayson is that all you got?” I taunted standing up again.

Grayson broke from their grasp tackling me to the ground. He punched me a couple time before being ripped of me.

“I don’t want to be around you anymore, I don’t want to be your friend anymore, E, I don’t even want to be your brother anymore. You’re right, you deserve everything that happens to you because you don’t care about anyone but yourself.” Grayson said.

Grayson kicked me letting out all his anger. He had a lot of pent up anger and if hurting me helped him, I didn’t care anymore.

“you’re right Grayson, I’m a bad friend and an even worse brother. You’re right that I deserve this. But your wrong about one thing. I don’t just care about myself, not anymore.” I said wiping my bloody nose with the sleeve of my shirt.

“don’t you dare say you care about her.” Grayson said balling his fists again.

“but I do Grayson, I really do.” I said standing up to face my brother again.

“you don’t deserve her.” Grayson said.

He was right, I didn’t.

“I know that but it isn’t going to change the way that I feel.” I said facing Grayson.

“well that’s too bad Ethan, cause I’m not going to let you hurt her, not again.” Grayson said shoving me down once more.

He stormed away leaving me laying there. A couple of my friends came over helping me up.

“not cool dude.” David said to me before going to follow Grayson.

“I’m sorry dude, but you really screwed up this time.” Zane said walking away too.

“you want to tell me I’m an asshole too?” I said turning to Toddy.

“take care of yourself bro.” Toddy said patting my arm.

everyone was still staring at me, no doubt recording what just went down.

“party is over.” I said walking away from the people.

I went to the bathroom examining the bruises that covered my face. I looked like hell, that’s how I felt. last night played in my head like a nightmare and I just wanted to turn it off. But the truth is there is no reset button in life. You can’t take anything back, and you can’t undo anything. All of you actions have consequences, and the things you say and do will have a lasting impact on the rest of your life. I hadn’t seen Grayson since last night but it didn’t matter, he wouldn’t be talking to me anytime soon. I walked back out pacing around the room. I looked at the couch, memories of her beautiful lips on mine flooding my head. I heard a knock at the door. I ran over hoping it was her, but it wasn’t it was Cameron.

“ you look like hell.” Cameron said.

just seeing my sister here made me break down.

“Cameron I really screwed up this time.” I said as the tears fell from my eyes.

Cameron walked with me over to the couch sitting down.

“Ethan, look I don’t know the whole story but you’re my brother and I can see you’re hurting. If there’s one piece of advice I could give you it’s this- when there’s something you really want, fight for it, don’t give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you’ve lost all hope, ask yourself if ten years from now, you’re going to wish you gave it one more shot. Because the best things in life, they don’t come for free.” Cameron said looking at me.

everything she said hit me all at once. Cameron was absolutely right, in the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.

“go after her.” Cameron said pushing me towards the door.

I nodded my head quickly walking out of the door. I replayed everything I wanted to stay as I sped towards her apartment. I couldn’t lose her, not now. I quickly pulled in tires squealing. I ran up the stairs to her floor. As I got closer though my heart stopped. Grayson stood outside her door.

“I’m hurt, I’m not going to lie. I’m hurt you went behind my back. I’m hurt you lied to me. But most of all I’m hurt that you can’t see that I’ve been the one in love with you this entire time.” Grayson said just loud enough for me to hear.

“Grayson.” she said shocked.

please don’t say you love him too.

“Grayson.” she said again.

“Ethan doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who knows you inside and out, you deserve someone who sees all of your quirks and admires them. You deserve someone who’s seen you on your worst days and is in love with you regardless.” Grayson said taking another step in her doorway.

He was right, I didn’t deserve her.

“someone like you?” she said in a low voice.

“someone like me.” Grayson said.

I felt the tears fall from my eyes as I walked away. I blew it and now I was too late to fix it. We could have been happy, I know that. It is perhaps the hardest thing to know.

part four maybe…. xoxoxo

anonymous asked:

i'm a bi girl, or i consider myself to be. the thing is, i've only ever liked one girl compared to so many guys and i feel like maybe im tricking myself? that i really am straight and never really liked her? and so many of my friends are also bi so i want to be "speciall" or something? i just feel like i'm a fake lgbt+ person.

My dear lgbt+ kid, 

Don’t worry - worrying about being “fake” is quite common, it’s certainly not a sign that you are indeed fake. 

I wrote a long letter about it, I’ll quote a part here: 

“There may be a difference in the frequency. For example, you may crush on boys all the time and on girls infrequently. Or you may have had two serious relationships with girls and never met a boy (yet) who you could imagine that with. Just like preference, frequency is not a proof that you are actually “just gay/straight” or that your attraction to one gender is “just a exception” and does not count.  

Your attraction to two (or more) genders doesn’t need to be perfectly equal to be real. No matter which label you identify with, your attraction matters and deserves to get taken serious and not dismissed because it’s more complex than the black and white thinking of some people.” 

You can read the whole letter here

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom  

hells-finest-gentleman  asked:

I like to imagine Chase is one of Anti's favorite people but that his attitude toward him is just like "You're my son and I love you and you deserve only good things and if anyone hurt you I'd kill them myself, but when you're near me for more than 15 minutes at a time I want to throttle you." and I can just imagine Chase telling Schneep or someone like "Anti's pretty sick, bro, he's my new mum." and just having Schneep be like ".... I'm sorry, vwhat.....?"

Chase is everyone’s favourite person.

Anti’s totally on board and goes around boasting about how Chase is his son, and Dr. Schneeplestein is so out of the Internet loop and doesn’t understand help him

2

There I was again, at the place where a boy messed with my heart for the very first time. And the very last, for now at least.

And I couldn’t help but wonder what if he showed up again. I did not believe in love at first sight, but it happened. I became a naive romantic longing to see the stranger who made my heart race like crazy once more. Just to make things clear. Just to, maybe, continue the story we’ve started. The story about a girl with a secret and a boy who couldn’t stand being around his relatives.

But the hours passed and no one came. No one wants to go through the tall grass and everything. No one but me, and the only other person who would is miles away.

“Let go, Miracle. He’s gone. You’ll never see him again,” I told myself as I stood up. I couldn’t stay here without thinking about him. Not on my birthday. Everyone was going to come celebrate. I guess they wouldn’t rise an eyebrow if I, the birthday girl, came fashionably late, but just tell me, why stay here and wait for someone who isn’t going to return?

I wrote the ending to our shortlived, one-shot lovestory alone as my feet carried me away from the pond.

anonymous asked:

I think ksoo started changing since the things that happened with sasaeng fans(search about them if you dont know ,dont ask this account,no-one likes to talk about it)and I really don't blame him,it was awful.Also let's remind that he is an intorvet,I'm one myself and we usually dont like people to know about us or our feelings and when something happens in an environment that was supposed to be "secure" or trustworthy for us, we close ourselves so people cant attack us[btw ily and your blog♡]

yes that’s what the majority thinks too. i’ve talked about it mybe check the ks: analysis tag. it’s not mainly about fans wanting to intrude his personal life. back then, he was quite talkative. I don’t expect him to talk about his personal life and feelings. none of the other mmbrs do anyway. Just some funny remarks he used to make. But now if the mmbrs or ppl don’t ask him, he won’t talk about other things. that what really changed imo. altho i do notice that he smiles a lot. he’s really happy lately. that’s more important. i wish u the best in life, ks!

p/s: love kd more!

DO YOU LIKE GHOSTS ?   okay,  i’ll save you the whole sales pitch my wife left me,  she took the kids  and our  dog  and  i  forgot  to pay  for our cable company,  so i couldn’t  leave  the  tv  on to cry myself  to sleep in the bathtub because she  took  our  bed,  too     anyway !  this is an original  character :   a ghost come alive again  under  the wrong circumstances  and may be in need of friends.   they’re  pretty nurturing  when  one  gets to  know  them !    just  slam  that  like  /  reblog  if  you’re ever interested and i’ll check out people !  thank you !

To me one of the scariest things about being a young adult is realizing that I’m changing. I’m changing a lot and I’m changing fast and it’s not for the worse or the better. I’m just changing. Becoming a different person and being thrown into new situations. Gaining new mental problems and losing old ones, changing opinions, liking new tastes that I hated before, changing how I think and react and feel. Every experience every day is changing me so much and I don’t recognize myself anymore. I was told this would happen but actually experiencing it is an entirely different thing. For the first time I’m actually aware of how fast my personality and point of view is changing and in college it’s always one new experience after another. It’s exciting. It’s frightening. It’s neither good nor bad and I think I’m witnessing the death of my teenage self and I can’t stop it. It’s necessary. It’s growing up. But it’s all happening so fast. Nothing on earth could have prepared me for this and I’m not even the same person I was last week let alone last year. I’m ready and yet I’m not. Who knows what I’ll be like tomorrow?

@therealjacksepticeye

Far From Noise really spoke to me. Just as the game was just what you needed, it was really just the video I needed from you right now.
I’m in college, pursuing a theatre degree, I’ve made it to my junior year and things are pretty rough if I’m honest. But hearing you talk about your experience with school, with struggling with a creative space that feels almost competitive, with those nagging doubts that maybe it’s me who’s wrong and not enough. It was nice to hear that I’m not alone in this experience, that I’m not an island unto myself.
It was a comforting experience, I really felt like I connected with you, in a weird, one sided way that an audience can have with a performer. Sometimes you just need to sit on a cliff and talk life. So thank you. So much.

anonymous asked:

Can I just... I read code name verity because from the very positive talk about it on your blog, and now that I finished it I don't know what to do with myself. I'm just staring into nothing and thinking about it. It's such a good book, makes me want to be able to write like that. Damn.

Welcome, anon, to the club of people that have been wrecked by Code Name Verity.

And godddd, me too. Elizabeth Wein’s writing is just…. damn. I cannot tell you how many times when I was reading that book I had to close it and put it down because no one should have the ability to describe things like that. I actually started dog-earing the pages to keep track of the lines I liked the most and I almost never do that to books.

That book…goddddd. It’s like the epitome of “just fuck me up in the most beautiful way possible. Please and thank you.”

But also, would you believe that when I went searching for a gif to add to this response that they are all natalie dormer! I’m so ecstatic that so many people agree with my fancast.

Originally posted by amatalefay

cryptidgoose replied to your post “m-more autistic aizawa headcanons??? u prolly know if u follow me that…”

idk what’s happening but I’m crying dave. people accepting aizawa is literally the best thing.

i just–

i love the staff at UA partially because they just kinda accept this stuff. no one’s ever said anything about aizawa’s oddities and everyone just kinda accepts that toshinori is chronically ill. theyre all super understanding and good and like. if i was aizawa, those are exactly the kind of people who i’d wanna surround myself with. not just people who don’t get mad about the shit i do, but people who accept it and work with it rather than trying to change it. i like the staff a lot because of that fact. it’s like ideal adult-world to me.

anonymous asked:

are you there? i know you are going through your asks when here properly but i have a timely question and if it is allright with you can you answer it with the first thought in your mind? the question is sev/minerva (or sev&minerva). you say your thoughts move around alot on things but if you had to post right this moment about sev and minerva then what part of their relationship are you thinking about right present and now? (hopes making sense)

I am here (a rare weekend to myself, although I am meant to be doing something else, but I keep getting sidetracked with Tumblr).

I like your ask - you’re bang on the money; my thoughts do float and flutter in the wind, and one moment I am thinking about a platonic pairing, and then a romantic pairing, and then the two hating each other…and everything in between…

My CURRENT headcanon with Severus and Minerva is all based in the era where Severus became a teacher.  I can’t find the previous discussion (darn it), but this was all sparked by a post about Slughorn leaving Hogwarts in the 81/82 year, and what that meant for Severus (i.e. he didn’t walk in as Head of Slytherin or the main Potions teacher - and he was perhaps semi-apprenticing in the role, as we learnt that Minerva did under Dumbledore…but arguably had both positions land in his lap because of Horace suddenly departing).

I also think a lot about Minerva’s position at Hogwarts, and how it feels that she is heavily invested in the school…and how she would feel that this ‘barely out of school’, 'oddball’, 'greasy’, 'wannabe Death Eater’ is suddenly lining up to be Head of Slytherin.  I think a lot about how Minerva and Severus seem to complement each other in teaching style, and how - if Horace was supposed to be mentoring Severus - Minerva may have ended up mentoring Severus instead.

And I just love the idea of young Severus being a rather uncontrolled, emotional young man - perhaps wearing his heart on his sleeve a little too much at this stage in life.

I like to think of Minerva eyeing him suspiciously after the Potters have died - not at all recalling his early fondness for Lily Evans, but misinterpreting his grief as being for his beloved Dark Lord…because no matter what Albus said, she doesn’t trust him - she can’t trust him.

And I can just imagine it coming to an almighty row…that Severus stumbles across Minerva berating Dumbledore about Severus - about his employment, about his loyalties, about his behaviour…

…and Severus just explodes.  

And that’s what’s in my head at the moment - a furious young man who feels as if Minerva (and perhaps, by extension, Dumbledore) doesn’t trust him, doesn’t accept him and doesn’t believe in him.

I can just imagine him losing his temper at that point, because he’s lost EVERYTHING and now he’s attached to this godforsaken school for the next however-many-years, and he’s just pledged his all to Dumbledore, and he knows that Lucius has told him that he’s going to evade Azkaban through his contacts whilst he’s still quietly terrified at what might be in for him at the trial…and yet NOTHING seems to be enough.

So he flies into a rage - and it’s a rage that’s mixed up with his own feelings of shortcomings and not fitting in when he’s been in other social circles - and he erupts, saying that Minerva only doesn’t trust him to be Head of Slytherin because he’s a halfblood instead of a pureblood…but not only is he going to be Head of Slytherin, but those kids need him and he’s going to be the best Head of Slytherin that they’ve had - and Minerva had best watch out because that house cup has his house’s name on it…

…and that’s how their Slytherin vs Gryffindor cup rivalry starts…

anonymous asked:

What that dude meant was when most people talk about the clown meme, they post pics of actual, human clowns. You’re the first person I’ve seen to make them animals.. the whole ‘owning humans’ joke makes me kind iof worried too

Yeah that’s honestly a part of why i did it?,, i like stuff about pet monsters, like detailed posts talking about caring for pokemon sorta? I think its intereating and cute and the stuff ppl were coming up with was neat/inspiring tbh but the whole owning humans part… ehhhgh… but no-one owns a meme so i just decided to make something for myself based on it ^^//

Also i like the idea of clowns as just being, sweet and fun things? EVERYONE has them edgy and i won’t lie i like that too, but it doesn’t feel subversive so much as standard anymore, and i think for me personally i enjoy thinking about them as doofy sealdog pets… makes me happy….. cuties….

Incidentally it means all human(s dressed as) clowns in my setting are baiscally fursuiters tho hsjdhdjdjj

5

One thing I loved about the AAC shoot was this comic series we did!
I love the way it turned out and it’s beautiful! Even though I had to sort through like….400 pictures because we took….so many…..

Please do not tag as shipping! The cosplayers are related and don’t make it weird!!

Thanks to Shannon for the idea and taking the pictures!

Myself as Link from Breath of the Wild

@the–lord–protector as Princess Zelda from Breath of the Wild

7

Sometimes a Family is One Daughter and Her Eight Dads

“You told me not to make a big deal but you seem to have forgotten that my entire mission in life is to make a big deal out of your accomplishments. So consider this your graduation party. Surprise!”

“Dad, everyone’s here!”

“Well yeah, everyone wanted to come and support you.”

“Is that… a mac and cheese… bar?”

“Sure is. Fully customizable, down to the type of mac. And there’s an ice cream cake. The good kind with the crunchies in the middle.”

“I… don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. Just go have fun with your pals, alright? I’m so proud of you, Amanda.”

Lance sadly still barely has any character development but hey at least I turned his vlog into the Klance material that the fandom really wanted.

Edit: it totally slipped my mind when i posted this ffs but credit to ouranronpa on instagram for replacing the words like ‘allura’ and ‘she’ and turning them into ‘keith’ and ‘he’

Disclaimer because there’s actually discourse over this???: I myself don’t ship Klance. I just don’t see the chemistry between them tbh they’re just good friends, and although I understand that the problem with his vlog was the fact that it was literally just him talking about a one-sided crush—all the while having no character development—that doesn’t mean ya gotta give an essay over why you don’t like the video lmao. It’s a lighthearted joke. It’s practically a shit edit. Don’t take things about a TV show so seriously.

Notes to the girl whose house I live in

by reddit user JJX2525

It took me a week to find where you keep your wifi password. A whole week! I was really worried you’d thrown it away, but lo and behold, there it was in the cutlery drawer of all places. Everything about the way you organize things confuses me. I guess because you live on your own now you just put things any old place. I know there was someone else before, I heard you talking about him on the phone. Johnny, I think? Jimmy? Anyway, I know because you said it was tough being alone. But you’re not alone, of course. You have me!

Keep reading

Based on @paperficwriter‘s Genos headcanon(s)!