Harry Styles - “Confessions” Part Four
Alright… there’s gonna be a part 5. But, let’s do this! Part four of the ‘Confessions’ series!! Hope you guys like this one as much as you’ve liked the others. Let me know! It’s a touch happier … or is iiiiit?
Harry groaned as he awoke, the sunlight poured down on him and he felt a layer of sweat on his forehead from the light as well the body pressed into his. When he lifted his head, finding that it rested on the back of his couch instead of his pillow, he had a moment of confusion before he remembered. You being curled up in his arms, still fast asleep against his chest, also helped jog his memory.
It took him a moment to realize what had woken him but he quickly realized it was his phone buzzing in his pocket. He knew there was no way to pull it out and answer it without waking you so he let it continue until finally it stopped. Harry sighed, taking in a deep breath as he rest his head on top of yours, his cheek resting against your soft and sweet smelling hair.
He was just starting to drift off back into his nap when his phone began going off again. Apparently whoever was calling him really needed to have a chat. He opened his eyes and sighed, wondering how he could possibly do this. He didn’t want to wake you but it seemed whoever was ringing him wasn’t going to give up. He shifted a bit to the side until eventually he was able to slide out from under you, helping you lay back gently onto the couch, thankfully still fast asleep.
He didn’t even care about the phone call in that moment as he stared down at your slumbering and peaceful face. All he had seen the last while was pain and heartache but now it was all gone, just for a little bit at least. He couldn’t help as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth, bringing a large and ringed hand up to brush a few hairs off of your face. The moment was then ruined by the phone once again going off. He knew he had no choice now but to take it.
When he left the living room, heading down the hall towards the kitchen, he pulled the phone out and felt his heart rate increase when he saw his mom’s name and face flashing across his screen. Why would she be calling him so many times? He hadn’t told her what was going on, he told his sister as he had gone to stay with her the night he had told you but she had sworn not to tell their mother.
“Mum?” He questioned, answering the phone finally, as he opens the back door in the kitchen and steps out onto the back porch. “Is everythin’ alrigh’?” He questions as he leans against the railing of the deck, running his fingers over the hard wood.
“You tell me, Harry.” Came her reply. No hello, no greeting, no asking how he was. Yeah, Harry knew in that moment that she had definitely found out.
“Did Gem tell you, then?” He mutters, hoping it was from his sister and not that the media had gotten wind of the situation. Even with both parties involved having signed an NDA, which he hated having to see your face as you had to agree not to talk about how he knocked up a girl, these things could still get out and he dreaded the moment that they did.
“She shouldn’ have had to, Harold, why haven’ you come to me abou’ all of this?” Harry sighed, hanging his head, unsure of how to answer. The truth was that he was afraid of his mothers disappointment. He felt he had made her so proud up until now and what a way to ruin that than with a situation like this. He had already broken the heart of one important girl in his life, he couldn’t handle doing it to another one just yet. “So it’s true then? You got a girl pregnant?”
“Yes, mum.” Harry mutters, running a hand through his hair before his fingers begin to play nervously with his bottom lip. “Well, I go soon to have a paternity tes’ done, bu’ as of now we are almos’ certain tha’ I am the fathe’,”
“And Y/N left you?” Harry hadn’t spoken to his sister since before he left for LA so of course she wouldn’t know that you had for some reason agreed to join him on this little adventure. “The one girl who could handle your lifestyle, put up with everything she’s had to, and you go and do this to her.” That was exactly what Harry hadn’t wanted said to him. He already knew all of this but to hear that disappointment, the disbelief, in his own mothers voice hurt almost as much as he imagined it would.
“She’s here in Los Angeles with me.” His mother was silent on the other end. “We broke up, yes, bu’ she knew…” He sighs. “I don’ deserve her to, bu’ she came to help me through this.” He hears his mothers answering sigh as she took this information in.
“Wha’ are you going to do, Harry?” Her voice was full of concern now. She had gotten out her reprimanding and now it was time to make sure her son was okay. No matter how upset with him she was, he was her son and she would support him through this.
“I don’ know, mum.” Harry had done so well at keeping the tears at bay but in that moment he broke again. The tears fell a few at a time down his stubble covered cheeks, his green eyes shining as he hung his head, resting it on his arm that was supporting his weight on the rail of the deck.
“Oh, Harry.” She sighed, picking up on the brokenness of her son on the other end of the phone.
“I can’ do this,” He turns and takes a few steps over to a deck chair, falling into it as he wipes at his wet cheeks and stares off across his green lawn before he closes his eyes, resting his head against he back of the chair. “Wha’ do I do, mum?” His voice was so quiet as he begged him mother to help him through this even though he knew that she couldn’t. No one could.
“We will take this one day at a time, love, okay?” She offers, her voice calm and reassuring. “I’ll fly out there as soon as I can.”
“No, mum, you don’t have to do tha’.” Though as soon as she had offered, Harry knew he needed her to. He needed that motherly hug, that parental guidance as he began to navigate his own way into potential parenthood.
“Too late, I’m lookin’ at flights now.” She argued and Harry knew it was a lost cause - not that he would fight hard for her not to come anyway. “You and Y/N need someone to help you through this.”
“Thank you.” Harry didn’t even have to say it as more than a whisper but Anne picked up on his gratitude fully anyway.
“How is she doing? Y/N?” As Harry thought back to you, fast asleep and peaceful inside, he had to bite at his lower lip to keep the tears from falling again but when he opened his mouth to speak nothing but a jumbled mess of words came out.
“She’s.. I.. i-i mean..” And then a small, quiet sob fell from his mouth and Anne sighed. “She’s never goin’ to forgive me, mum. I’ve lost her.” He squeezes the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he looks down at his feet, more tears leaking down his damp cheeks. He didn’t even try to wipe them away now. It would be pointless as his eyes were burning with fresh tears, surely not stopping any time soon.
“Harry, love, true love always finds a way.”
“Mum, this isn’t some romantic movie. This isn’t going to jus’ resolve itself and everyone is goin’ to be all happy in the end. I fucked up, cheated on the most importan’ person in my life, lied to her about i’ and only told her when I had to because I found ou’ I had gotten the girl I cheated with pregnant. Would you forgive Robin if he did tha’?” Anne was silent and Harry knew it was because she knew he was right. “No matter how much her and I love each other, this is i’. She won’ forgive me and I’m tryin’ to come to terms with tha’.” But with the tears still falling down his cheeks he knew he was no where near close, if he ever really would be.
Just then, Harry turns as the back door opens and out you step. You had woken moments before to find Harry gone but heard his voice outside and came to see where he had gone off to. You had heard what he’d just said and he watches you as you walk across the deck and comes to take a seat beside him.
“Your mum?” You ask, gesturing towards the phone. Harry gives a nod, simply watching you, trying to see if you were going to say anything more but you don’t so he looks away and sighs.
“I should probably go, bu’ le’ me know when you’ll be here and I’ll le’ you know about the paternity test.” He says to his mother who takes a deep breath on the other end of the line, still full of concern for her son but now that she had heard your voice on the other line knew he would talk no more about the situation.
“I will, Harry. I love you.” Harry couldn’t help but smile. Even so much as his mothers voice made him feel better, knowing that she still loved him after he fucked up like this helped a lot. He only wished he could hear those three words from the girl sitting beside him.
“Love you too, mum.”
“Give Y/N my love as well. Bye now, darling.” With that, his mother ends the call and Harry sighs as he puts the phone down on the seat behind him and looks over at you, finally wiping at his damp cheeks.
“Mum sends her love.” He mutters. You can’t help but smile, biting at your lower lip. “She’s comin’ out here. Gemma told her abou’ all of this and she said she wan’s to help up through this.”
“That is very sweet of her.” And not shocking at all. Anne had always been the best support system you and Harry had in your relationship. She would listen to you both, helped you through tough times and much to your benefit told Harry when he was being an idiot. “You hungry?” You eventually ask after it was silent between the two of you for a few moments.
“Always.” He answers, looking over at you as you smile a bit. He returns it, one corner of his mouth upturned in a genuine grin.
“Let’s go out to eat. Somewhere nice where we can just enjoy some good food, strong drinks and .. nice company.” You lean over, nudging him a bit with your shoulder.
“Sounds much bette’ than sittin’ here all nigh’ bein’ sad.” Harry responds and you agreed, which is why you had suggested it. There was only so much more silence you could take before it drove you more insane than you already felt.
“Hear anything about going to do the test?” You wonder later in the night after a nice meal at a restaurant the two of you had gone to many times on many dates in the past. It had exactly what you wanted, good food, good drinks and great privacy.
“He sen’ me an email while we were eatin’.” Harry responds, shrugging a bit as he drives back towards the house with you in the passenger seat beside him. “It’s tomorrow mornin’.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” You questioned but thinking about it, you knew why. The two of you had been having such a lovely evening. He didn’t want to ruin it by talking about anymore of this baby stuff. The two of you had shared jokes, laughs, and stories. Even 4 years together you could always find stories to tell one another and Harry was happy to see that they could still do that. Maybe there was hope after all.
“Didn’ wanna bring it up.” He answered, focusing on the road before him. “You don’ have to go with me. It is gonna jus’ be quick, he said.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind.” You would prefer not to, of course, but you had come to support Harry so you would go if he needed you to.
“I’ll be alrigh’.” He smiles over at you and reaches over, resting his large hand on your leg for a second. When he goes to pull away, you grab for his fingers, tangling yours with his. You just needed to feel his skin on yours, those long fingers between yours, their warmth, the coolness of his rings. He looks over at you, a small crease between his brows but he gives you a smile, mimicking the one you were giving him.
“What do you they even do for this test? I mean.. what kind of test is it?” You had been wondering that ever since the lawyer had brought it up in the meeting earlier this morning. How did they go about testing if Harry’s DNA matched this baby’s when it was still in that woman’s stomach?
“He sent me a bi’ of information on it bu’ it seems like they jus’ take my blood and her’s. The baby’s DNA is in her blood now and so they can see test it if it matches mine.” He explains. “It’s all very scientific.” You give a small laugh but were stunned by this information. You had no idea paternity could be tested like that. It was a bit fascinating, actually.
“So you don’t want me to come hold your hand while they stick you with a needle.” You jokingly ask, pinching the back of his hand a bit. He laughs and shakes his head. He then has to release your hand as he needs two hands to pull into the driveway, pulling into the garage.
“I think I’ll manage just fine.” You give him a grin before sliding from the vehicle and the two of you head inside. “Oh, my mum jus’ sent me her fligh’ details.” He tells you as the two of you go to collapse on the couch and he pulls out his phone. “She ge’s here tomorrow nigh’.”
“Oh, good. It will be nice to have her here.” You sigh then, pulling your legs up to your chest and bite at your lip.
“You alrigh’?” Harry questions, tossing his phone down beside him and leans back against the couch, looking over at you. You look over at him, resting your cheek against your knees.
“I just feel tired, no matter how much I sleep. I feel like I just got done running a marathon. I could sleep for like a year.” Just to add on to your words, a yawn manages to escape your lips. Harry gives a small laugh, taking in how adorable you were. He resisted the urge to wrap his arms around you and cuddle you.
“You can go take another nap. Don’ le’ me stop you.” He gestures towards the hallway but you smile and shake your head, uncurling your legs and you let out a sigh. The room fell silent then, neither of you saying anything, just staring at the wall in front of you both.
Your heart pounded in your chest as you thought about how close he was to you, and for some reason in that moment you felt the urge to kiss him. You missed the feel of his lips on yours, the way his body surrounded you, the feel of his touch - gentle and warm. It had been so hard to be so close to him the last few days, no matter how mad at him, or how hurt and heartbroken you were, there had always been that draw towards the man beside you and it was back in full force in that moment.
“Hey, Harry?” You end up saying, not looking over at him, continuing to keep your eyes fixed on the wall but you see out of the corner of your eye as he looks over at you.
“Yes, love?” He questions, curious at what you were about to say. He was picking up slightly on your anxiousness and wondered what it all of a sudden could be about when things had been fine just a second beforehand. But you didn’t know what to say. You couldn’t get any words out though. So, you decide to shut off your brain from thinking logically, you instead just gave in to the feelings coursing through you and ignored the way your head was screaming at you.
You instead listened to your heart in that moment, the part of your heart that adored the man beside you, that was completely in love with him and leaned over quickly, not giving yourself enough time to back out and pressed your lips to his.
He gasps a bit against your lips but quickly kisses you back, his fingers coming up to tangle in your hair. You rest a hand on his cheek, the other on his chest as you lean into his chest. He turns towards you a bit more, bringing his other hand up to your waist, pulling you a bit closer. The feel of his lips on yours, the pressure they left on you, the buzzing in your chest, you felt alive for the first time in weeks and for once weren’t thinking about the entire situation. In that moment the baby didn’t matter, the cheating didn’t matter. You loved this man, you didn’t forgive him, but both of you were so emotionally unstable right now, you needed this.
You soon pull away from him, both of you breathing deeply. Harry was feeling this pang in his chest, butterflies in his stomach, even. He was feeling the best he had in so long, he missed your touch, your kiss, so badly and here they were again, back on his. He didn’t know what that meant but as he pulled you back in for another kiss, he just didn’t care. This could be your last kiss ever and he would be okay with how perfect it was. Nothing ever gave him that happiness, that soaring feeling, that sense of completeness like your kiss.
“I love you.” You pull back and whisper, looking into those green eyes of his that you loved so much. You just had to say it, even if it was just for one last time.
“I love you, too, sweetheart.” Harry gave you a small smile. He knew this most likely didn’t mean the two of you were okay again, he knew you were far from that, but he wasn’t going to complain about your sudden affection towards him. He would take this over crying and arguing any day. You give him one last smile before pulling back completely.
“I’m going to go take a bath and then probably get in bed, maybe read a little and call it an early night.” You tell him, pushing your fingers through your hair.
“Want some company?” Harry offers, completely joking though would of course do it if you were up for it but you laugh and smack playfully at his chest. “Goodnight, love.” He reaches over, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple.
“Good luck tomorrow morning, don’t let them hurt you too much with that needle.” You say as you stand up, making your way across the room.
“I’ll try.” You both exchange grins before you leave the room. That night, later, as you lay awake all you kept thinking about was the feel of his lips on yours once more. And for the first time in weeks, none of all this mess mattered and you finally were able to fall asleep with a smile on your face.