one of the greatest moments on tv right there

Imbalance

Warnings: gore

Notes: AU where Tim Drake doesn’t kill the Joker after getting kidnapped and going insane, but Dick does. I wasn’t sure if I should post this on ao3, so I’ll put it here for now.

He wasn’t a murderer. He wasn’t a sadist. The flesh piling above the carving knife with the snap of skin layer after skin layer had caused the bile to bubble inside him; it was something he never wanted to experience again. The smile that had rested on his face when he walked out of the warehouse wasn’t because of those lifeless, bloodshot eyes but because those bloodshot eyes were lifeless. No man, no woman, no child would have to stare into the catacombs behind those dilated pupils aside from behind closed eyelids in nightmares and distant memories.

His thoughts didn’t make sense anymore and his sentences jumbled together like one long stream of connected nothingness, making as much sense as the steady string of dark red spit that fell from the clown’s mouth to dilute the acid yellow vomit pooled beneath his neck.

He’d killed. He was a killer. There were nights he wondered if Tim was the sane one in this world and he himself was sitting in a padded room somewhere, drawing pictures of dead clowns for his walls.

On the off chance he was living, on the off chance he was sane and what had just happened actually existed in recorded history, he wasn’t ashamed of his actions. He’d been willing to unbalance himself endlessly if it meant stopping that bastard from hurting innocents ever again. That monster slaughtered for sport. Laughed at suffering like a giggling infant. Looked at death like it a children’s cartoon.

That was what separated killers like Dick Grayson from murderers like the Joker.

Barbara was the first to come. She’d knocked on his door his and when he opened the door to find her and not the pizza delivery guy, he froze.

He couldn’t decide between falling to his knees or slamming the door and finally pulled her inside before shutting the door and sitting down with his back to the wood. After a moment, she nodded. Sat down beside him. Embraced him.

“I saw the body,“ she said. “It’ll be fine,” she said. “I’m with you,” she said. “I’ve got you,” she said.

Honestly, Bruce was probably the first to actually know. Not two days had passed before the story was leaked from the Gotham Police and the news began running headlines like CLOWN PRINCE FOUND MURDERED, BATMAN SUSPECTED MURDERER MURDERER MURDERER JOKER’S LAST LAUGH LAUGH LAUGHING MURDER MURDER MURDER MURDER BAT FINALLY SNAPS MURDER MURDE-

It wasn’t. It wasn’t a murder.

The criminals don’t think so, though. The crime report for the month hasn’t come out yet, but he’d bet his salary that it’s less than half of what it was before.

No more bank robberies, no more child sex rings, no more assassinations. Gotham and Bludhaven are dead quiet, ironically.

Bruce hasn’t called. Dick knows that he knows, though. He has eleven missed calls from Steph and the world’s greatest detective isn’t often beat to the punchline by a teenage girl.

Jason is there, one night. On his couch, the bathroom steams and a towel is thrown halfassed on the hallway floor. He stops a moment, a phantom pain in his neck from their first encounter after the Lazarus incident, but then he’s sitting on the couch beside his brother. The TV blares with a shitty movie, and a pizza box is open on the coffee table. Without a word, he grabs the beer bottle lying in Jason’s right hand and takes a sip.

Someone leaks photos of the crime scene; Dick hears the news at work.

When he goes out for patrol that night, Jason stays home.

“No deals to worry about,” he mutters. “Everyone’s shittin’ their pants, scared they’ll get a carving knife to the face if they do anything.”

The first time he visits Tim since the Joker’s death is worse than the first time he visited ever.

Tim doesn’t talk still, and his gaze never leaves the wall even after Dick says hi and awkwardly hugs his brother. He’s got bandages on his wrists that weren’t there before and Dick recognizes the nonsensical papers that Tim once stapled to the walls were now taped.

Leslie had left after walking Dick to Tim’s room, but he knows they aren’t alone. He can’t see the cameras, but he knows Bruce is listening in. Probably Leslie too, being his doctor, but definitely Bruce. Despite that, he talks about that night. The beginning, the end.

There are many that night’s. That night his parents fell. That night Bruce fired him. That night Jason died. That night Tim was found. That night- that night he killed the Joker. They all have a beginning, and end. But he doesn’t specify the date, or what he was doing beforehand. He doesn’t need to, these things are always balanced from one conversation to the next.

He tells Tim how the muscle underneath that bleached skin wasn’t anything different from their own. The vocal chord was average, the bones were average, the blood was average. Fucking average. That thought alone disgusts him more than the faded sound of the quick snapping of his jaw like a whip striking an old wooden floor board. The pasty peeled skin from his heels was wrapped loosley along the narrow end or a crowbar and forced down his throat. The sound of thick hot blood, spit and skin stirring and sloshing around in that slack mouth as his pliers peeled a fuzzy, yellow tooth from dark red gums with a gentle tug of his wrist. The thought that underneath the purple pin up and starchy skin, behind that scarlet smile and a besetted brand there was nothing more than the nuts and bolts of the everyday model man made the task even harder to complete.

He jumps from one thought to the next, his words don’t make sense and he feels like the crazy one in this situation.

He tells Tim about the sound a hammer makes when it cracks a skull. It’s gooey and wet, the slit he makes runs deep and through, he thinks maybe he can see the brain, but then the dark crimson blood starts staining his gloved fingers and he yanks back, flipped skin still in his grip before his arm flexes and two pieces of bleached scalp and acid green hair fall to the ground with a repulsive ‘plop.’

The words go from a memory to a story and all past tense endings leave his sentences and he’s there. He’s there. The Joker is there. It’s that night all over again.

He wonders if Tim sees what he sees, or if he’s living his own hell on repeat, detatched from this reality.

He tells Tim about the images he can’t get out of his head, about the nightmares that keep him up at 3 am, leaving his coffee stock on empty and his bed a mess.

He tells Tim about Jason, who is there every night. He tells Tim about what it’s like to be held without a constant need for reassurance. He knows this is the end, he’ll never be the same. He knows that these nights will become habit. Jason smokes when he wants to forget, and Dick’s apartment now permanently smells like cigarettes.

He knows he shouldn’t say anything. He should just grab a handful of crayons and draw. He knows, but he doesn’t.

Tim is in there somewhere and Dick talks with his brother, not with his shell. When he leaves, he goes to hug the kid, and he’s still staring at the wall. Tim hasn’t looked away, maybe he never will. He grabs the keys Leslie gave him from his pocket as he stands, and suddenly hands and twisting his wrists, clawing for the small piece of metal. metal. Feral eyes meet his own, and sleeves are beings pulled apart with childlike precision. The key slides under the gauze before Dick is standing and shouting.

“Tim! Tim!” He says. “Tim!” He says it again. “Tim!” He manages to pull one wrist away from the other, and it’s too easy. Too easy. It shouldn’t be this easy- it shouldn’t be so easy. This is Tim. This is Tim.

Leslie is by his side in a second and he’s being shoved out of the room.

He doesn’t say goodbye.

When he gets home, he checks his phone. Bruce hasn’t called. Jason is on the couch and says they’re out of beer. He nods, he’ll get some from the market.

When he pulls on his Nightwing suit for patrol that night, Jason is still lying on the couch.

“I ordered pizza,” he shouts from across the apartment. “Get your ass out of the suit and come over here, I’ve got the shit comedy channel on and our new stash of beer.”

He hesitates between slamming the bedroom door and laying down sleep on the bed and eventually compromises after taking off the suit and pulling on a pair of sweatpants. Walking out, he shuts the bedroom door behind him and sits down on the couch on top of Jason’s legs, who takes up all three cushions.

He checks his phone before climbing into bed that night, and has no new messages.

When he wakes up at 3 am with teary eyes and sweat dripping down his forehead, Jason is there to hold him and the phone stays silent.

I’m not mentally ready for tonight.

We’re saying goodbye to one of the greatest women on television. One of the greatest characters, Emma Swan.

I’m not prepared for this. I never thought this day would come, when Jen wouldn’t be gracing our screens as Emma anymore. I always thought that when this show was over, she would be right there in the middle, along with her family saying goodbye, reliving the moments of her emotional journey.

And it’s not like she’s dying. But to me, might as well because she’s not going to be there anymore

This Is It

Pairing: Dean x reader, Sam x reader

Word count: about 3030

warnings: smut, fluff, slight angst, swearing, unprotected sex (be safe)

(Not my gif, found it on google)

Just like after every successful hunt, you were out at a bar, celebrating with the Winchesters.

It was just barely that this hunt hadn’t gone to hell. All of you had some point been in real danger of getting seriously injured, but you had all luckily made it out with just a couple of scrapes and bruises.

These were the kind of hunts it was difficult to calm down after. Being so close to death made your adrenaline pump, it didn’t exactly help to see the people you care about in mortal dangerl. That was really why you had gone to the bar. It was a celebration, but it was mostly so you could find ways to let off some steam.

You usually had two options in situations like these. One-night stand, or a fight. Tonight you really weren’t in the mood for a fight.

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8 Things Unhappy People Refuse to Admit

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
―Abraham Lincoln

Everyone experiences an unhappy mood on occasion, but there is a big difference between experiencing a temporary bout of unhappiness and living a habitually unhappy life. That’s what chronically unhappy people do. And although many of these people are afraid to admit it, a vast majority of their unhappiness stems from their own beliefs and behaviors.

Even if you are generally a happy person, take a look at the list below.  Many unhappy individuals initially refuse to admit that they carry these beliefs and behaviors, even when the evidence stacked against them was undeniable. See if any of these points are keeping you from experiencing greater amounts of joy.

1.  They struggle with self-respect.

Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.  Be your own best friend.  Trust your inner spirit and follow your instincts.  Accept who you are completely, the good and the bad, and make changes in your life as YOU see fit – not because you think anyone else wants you to be different, but because you know it’s the right thing to do, for YOU.

Be the person you will be happy to live with for the duration of your life.  Don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and self-worth.  Know that our first and last love is always self-love, and that if you can’t love and respect yourself, no one else will be able to either.

2.  They are self-conscious about what others think of them.

The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom and peace of mind.  In fact, you can end half your troubles immediately by no longer permitting people to tell you what you want.

You have to put your life in your own hands.  Others may be able hold your happiness hostage temporarily, but only you can do it permanently. 

3.  They are holding on to old grudges.

You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart.  Life is far too short to be spent in nursing bitterness and registering wrongs.  Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are confident enough to stand on their own two legs and move on.

In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way.  It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.  Nothing empowers your ability to heal and grow as much as your love and forgiveness.

4.  The routines they follow imprison them.

Remember that the way you’ve always done it isn’t the only way.  It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re 70 is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $6 lattes from Starbucks, or not having frequented the same night club for years.  But the regret of missing out on opportunities is a real, toxic feeling.

The bottom line is that you’ve figured out drinking and going out.  You’ve had enough lattes.  It’s time to figure something else out.  Every corner you turn or street you walk down has a new experience waiting for you.  You just have to see the opportunity and be adventurous enough to run with it. 

5.  There’s a lot they can’t control (even though they try).

Life is often unpredictable.  Some of the great moments in your life won’t necessarily be the things you do; they’ll be things that happen to you.  That doesn’t mean you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life.  You have to take action, and you will.  But don’t forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change in an instant – for better or worse.

To an extent, the universe has a plan that’s always in motion.  A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts to rain – it’s a scary thought, but it’s part of life’s cycle.  All these little parts of the machine, constantly working – sometimes forcing you to struggle, and sometimes making sure you end up exactly in the right place at the right time.

6.  They let their fears numb them from life’s goodness.

“Numbing” is any activity that you use to desensitize your feelings so that you don’t experience vulnerability or hurt.  But by numbing yourself to vulnerability, you also numb yourself to love, belonging, empathy, creativity, adventure and all of life’s goodness.

Remember, every worthwhile venture in life – intimate love, friendship, a new business, etc. – is scary.  These things are inherently risky.  They are unsafe.  These things aren’t for the faint of heart.  They take courage.  And most importantly, they can’t coexist with fear.  When you open up to life’s greatest opportunities and joys it means you’re also giving life the opportunity to break your heart, but trusting that it won’t… that the risk is well worth the reward.

7.  They are addicted to avoiding themselves in the present moment.

This is something we all struggle with sometimes.  It’s also the root cause of nearly all of our unhappiness.

One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin – to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.

We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude.  For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.

And it doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.  The bottom line is that we are all addicted to avoiding ourselves.  Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.  So begin today by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life. 

8.  The grass isn’t greener anywhere else.

If you feel anxious because you constantly feel like you’re missing out on something happening somewhere else, you’re not alone.  We all feel this way sometimes – like the grass is greener somewhere else at this very moment.  But let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all.  You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something wonderful might be happening elsewhere.

So let it go, and realize you have everything right now.  The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are, at this moment.  Celebrate the perhaps not so insignificant fact that you are alive right now.  This moment, and who you are, is absolutely perfect.  Take a deep breath, smile, and notice the green grass under your own two feet.

Afterthoughts

Let me tell you a secret I’ve learned about happiness.  Nobody is happy all of the time.  It’s perfectly normal to experience considerable fluctuations in your level of happiness from day to day, month to month, and even year to year.  In fact, according to a recent scientific study, overall levels of happiness decline from one’s teens until one’s 40s and then pick up again until they peak in one’s early 70s.  So the chances are that your happiest days are yet to come.  Hopefully that gives you something to smile about today.

Why is Oliver and Felicity’s story one of the greatest hero love stories we ever had?

Oliver and Felicity might not be a comic couple but they certainly are one of the greatest hero love stories of our time, one that encompassed the popularity of iconic couples such as Louis Lane and Clark Kent or Mary Jane and Peter Parker. We have to be aware of the fact that we live in the age of television. despite how precious and entertaining these comic books are, they’re much less popular than television shows. Comics are loosing their popularitiy as well as their canons and it’s the fact that we can’t run from anymore. We all said this so many times but I’ll say it again: The purpose of Arrow wasn’t to simply copy the comic books and its characters. It was an open field and even though writers initally started with canon couple and storyline, it ended up growing into something else. There are so many universes and different canon versions in comics; for example just in New 52, entire DC unvierse was relaunched and changed. There are bunch of storylines that were once canon but not anymore; bunch of characters that were once strictly tied together but now barely know each other. So it just happens to be that television world is one of those new canons. I don’t know why is it so hard to accept that in this particular adaptation of Green Arrow, Ollie and Dinah didn’t match well. Why keep pushing and forcing something that cleary doesnt work, just because it was beautiful in comic books?

We reached the point in the show and in media, when you can’t come and tell me that Oliver and Felicity aren’t one of the most influential and popular hero couples in history, just because their story havent originated in comic books. This love story captured every step in one’s hero journey and what does it mean to accept the duality of your own personality; what does it mean to be a hero, saving the world but still managing to be normal human being. It also shows how important it is to have people in your life. Regardless of what you do or who you are, you need people and family in your life. Whether you are a CEO or masked vigillante fighting criminals at night, you need that one person who will immensely believe in you and your crusade; someone who will love you uncoditionally. This is what Felicity does for Oliver. This is what hero love story should be about. What Felicity means to Oliver and how she inspires him to be the best of himself, is something I haven’t seen in a long, long time.

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anonymous asked:

Hi! I'm sorry if you've already answered this or if I'm missing something, but what are your thoughts re: Fitz in the last episode? I wasn't particularly happy with it, because I got the impression that his plotline is "I've fallen for my best friend but I won't tell her" and I find it rather cliché and overused - but that's just my impression. Do you think that's an oversimplification? Thanks, sorry if I'm bothering you, have a lovely day! :)

I do actually think that’s slightly an oversimplification! And definitely not bothering me since I totally wanna talk about this all the time, haha.

So I’m gonna take this ask an excuse to talk about the episode as a whole, because there was a very prevalent theme that greatly applies to the Fitz/Fitzsimmons storyline.

The major theme from this episode was the idea that having “The Only Light in the Darkness” is not a good thing - obsessive love, codependent love, and love hidden in manipulation are not healthy. And in all of these situations, the solution was to let go. (Unless you physically can’t.)

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