The Signs As Weird Shit My Grandmother Has Done, Part 2
Has a collection of magnets the covers the whole fridge, including one that says "tits out 2016".
Refuses to eat cranberry sauce because she says it "still tastes like the can".
Somehow got the movie Coraline confused with the movie Shrek and bought my brother 3 Shrek DVDs, despite the fact that we don't have a DVD player and my brother asked her bring over the BOOK version of Coraline.
Refers to her sister as "that crazy woman Lanie".
Tried to set me up with my friend Nicholas when we were in third grade.
Calls my girlfriend "that little Emily girl", despite her name not being Emily. Her response to this is "she looks like an Emily."
Has a CD of early 2000s hits including "Bring Me To Life" "All Star" "Fergalicious" and "Get Low" that she plays in the car at top volume to embarrass my dad.
Stands firmly by her belief that the movie Grease is the greatest movie ever made and makes the whole family watch it on Thanksgiving.
Knows every employee in the Walgreens by her house personally. She brings them chili on holidays.
Once, when she was a teenager, threatened to set the movie theater on fire if one more person made her go see Gone With The Wind. She will not watch it, to this day. She's seen it 19 times, or so she says.
Asked my dad if she could take my brother, who was 8 or 9 at the time, to go see Mad Max.
Sets her GPS then refuses to follow the directions because she "knows a shortcut", even if she has no fucking clue where she's going.
Day 1 - Favourite Crew Member: Arnold Judas Rimmer BSC, SSC
“What am I supposed to say? ‘Fear not, I’m the bloke who used to clean the gunk out of the chicken soup machines! Actually, we know sod all about space travel - but if you’ve got a blocked nozzle, we’re your lads!’”
I am a cold love
I kiss the way you like it
but I never close my eyes
when you put your hands around my waist
I’ll tell you how much I need you
when you’re too tired to remember
how warm the words feel when they hit you
I’ll wrap my arms around you at night
but you’ll wake up alone in the morning
So you call me cold hearted
but I can’t wake up next to you
and memorize your smile
or the way your hand feels against my cheek when it’s only you, me, and the sunrise
You’re fleeting and you know it
Don’t fool yourself into believing we’re more than one snapshot in a set of millions
I’m always going to leave you in the morning
one day you’ll thank me for it
“I’m wondering why I shouldn’t just kill you.” There’s a pause. The tension had seemed to peak as soon as they had made eye contact. And yet it continued to rise.
Benny rebounds soon enough. A quick thinker, as was expected given his current line of business, “but baby - you’d be disappointing me. All the trouble you went through to arrange this shin-dig? Must be something more you’re after…?”
Was it another play? Another move to get him ahead? He couldn’t be sure. Regardless, the offer was intriguing enough to play along.
The plan isn’t ruined, per se, but he was rather counting on them to be slightly less suspicious. Grey Wardens are heroes of legend, and people routinely called heroes are supposed to be giving and trusting. This lot clearly isn’t. The elf - Dalish, if he’s seeing correctly - and Qunari are just short of openly disdainful, trading eyerolls when they think no one can see. At least, he clearly sees the elf roll her eyes; the Qunari is on the far side and perhaps more mannerly than Zevran gives him credit for.
Perhaps only the human is a Grey Warden then. He certainly seems eager to assist the woman Zevran’s hired. His information is scare and outdated; it’s entirely possible the others could be tagalongs. That would be more fitting. Champions sometimes amass a following, and outlaw heroes have their own appeal. And if the Grey Warden is this blindly trusting, well, he certainly needs them.
That rather complicates things for him though. The two suspicious ones are scanning the horizon, shoulders tight, clearly expecting something. The massive dog - and Zevran’s not sure if he’s a Grey Warden or not, this being Ferelden - is scenting the air. They’re not going to make it to the wagon.