community 7x06: introduction to extraterrestrial relations
a thing i know in my heart to be true: jeff and annie definitely dressed up as mulder and scully as their first official couples’ costume on halloween, to really take advantage of their height difference and honor annie’s fbi internship. and jeff definitely threw some hissy fits over having to downgrade his hair to Fox Mulder Hair Levels.
did he wear a floppy wig? did annie try to re-shape his own beloved hair into an insulting imitation of mulder’s inferior mane? i don’t know, but i feel in my heart of hearts that community season 7 could have given us a THRILLING episode about it. in this hypothetical universe, i am the queen of community season 7.
this episode would also feature:
- jeff and annie getting in a fight in the middle of the halloween dance because jeff cannot shake the humiliation of being seen with mulder hair. halloween is supposed to be an excuse for him to show off his handsomeness even more than usual. he cannot quite reconcile himself to choosing fun over choosing an opportunity to look cool, even if he knows in his heart of hearts he would rather have fun with annie.
- “you seriously think it’s a handsomeness downgrade to dress up like david duchovny?” annie demands
- “you seriously think it isn’t?” jeff says, appalled
- “i don’t get why you’re being such a baby about this! we planned these costumes months ago! you were excited about it then!”
- “i can’t just be david duchovny for you, annie. i’ve been me for over forty years. i’m not going to pretend to be your dopey dream guy just because you want me to! i am what i am; what you see is what you get. and most women, by the way, would be thrilled to get this.”
- “how many years are you over forty, exactly? i’m just checking, because you may be in the running for WORLD’S OLDEST BABY.”
- “you’re really gonna throw that label at me? DONALD TRUMP IS THE PRESIDENT.”
- “well, at least he’s willing to go out in public with bad hair!”
- the crowd gasps in horror at this, the worst burn that has ever been inflicted upon a human being.
- annie goes on, “and david duchovny isn’t my dream guy! it’s–”
- “don’t say it,” jeff implores desperately. “annie, i beg of you, don’t say it. you know there’s no coming back from this–”
- “CHRIS PRATT!”
- jeff reels back like he’s been punched.
- “in guardians OR jurassic world!” annie digs the knife in.
- “i hope aliens abduct you,” jeff growls.
- “me too!” annie cries. “it’ll be a nice break from you!”
- and annie storms out of the cafeteria.
- “go winger! don’t let her chang you!” yells guess who.
- “mulder and scully are fighting,” the dean announces over the mic from where he’s dj-ing. “i repeat, MULDER AND SCULLY ARE FIGHTING.”
- “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” yells garrett
- (and it goes on)