One of the things I really love about the Director is that he’s an antagonist who’s main trait is devotion- in this case, his devotion to Allison, but we can tell from Church and Epsilon’s behavior that the capacity for devotion is an integral part of his character.
And that’s interesting because you’d normally see devotion portrayed as a positive trait- and in other characters, it is seen as one, including his neural clones. But his devotion is twisted by his grief until it becomes a negative trait, and becomes the source of not only the Freelancer plot but sets in motion events that lead to the entire series’ existence.
And in a way, the whole series plays around with devotion and the ways it can manifest as a negative trait. The Director’s devotion to Allison- or, really, the idea of Allison- is a twisted, grotesque thing that gets a lot of people hurt. North’s devotion to South is what ultimately starts driving the wedge between them because he’s so focused on that that he doesn’t pay attention to what she wants.
Then you’ve got Caboose, who is completely devoted to Church to the point that he almost parallels the Director in his many attempts to revive Church, because he needs him. Caboose’s devotion to Church is played as a joke and it’s funny, but it’s so similar to how the Director was with Allison that if you actually stop and think about it it becomes unsettling.
So it’s really interesting to me that the Director’s defining trait, the thing at the iron core of who he is, is something that would instinctively be considered a good thing by most people.
Say you’re sorry That face of an angel Comes out just when you need it to As I paced back and forth all this time Cause I honestly believed in you Holding on The days drag on Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known
The darkly tinted window hid the ghost of a smile that crossed his lips. His eyes were trained on the playful toddler that was racing around the blue elephant slide, squealing for another go. Hearty laughters erupted from the child’s gummy grin when his mother rushed to his side to aid his climb up the steps. The child resembled him in so many ways that his heart clenches and flood with warmth with every giggle and every smile. Kris loved him more than his next breath.
His boy. His flesh and blood.
Yet, looking at the bundle of untainted innocence now, a knot of dread tightened deep and heavy in his gut as Kris imagined the day his own son finds the truth about his father’s dark, clouded past.
I had so many dreams About you and me Happy endings Now I know
The scenario in Kris’s head was grim and the possibilities were much more so, but he knew that he will be apologizing - on his knees if needs be. As long as his little boy smiles with clear eyes filled with joy, Kris would do anything.
Regret isn’t an apt word to describe the wrenching emotion that settled deep as a bassline in every pulse of his heart. It isn’t just a simple feeling. It is a living being that haunts him day by day.
If only he could rewind time and clean his slate, Kris would tell himself to not falter to JinAh’s sweet words and obediently crawl into the trap that she disguised as a soft bed. He made a stupid mistake and put his marriage on the line. JinAh had threatened him, saying she would reveal all to you if he stopped seeing her and he didn’t have the courage to own up. He didn’t have the confidence to believe you would forgive him. So he made up lies to you - one after the other. Despite so, there were three words that were always true when he uttered them. Three words that made him try harder to keep you safe and away from pain. They are also the only words Kris ever needed to hear from you when he felt ever so lost in his deceits.
I love you.
But I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale, I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet, Lead her up the stairwell This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down, Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around
“Daddy!!!” The boy squealed at the top of his little lungs, racing on his short legs towards opened arms.
His smile faltered. His conscious failing to hold on the last remnant of happiness he had as the knife lodge deeper into his heart.
“Aiden!” Your clear voice rung out.
Your pink lips were pursed, trying hard but failing to repress a smile as you playfully stomped towards the tumbling toddler. The little boy cried out ecstatically as he ran from you, leaping into the open arms of your husband. He let out a joyful shriek as his daddy fell back onto the ground with a resounding thump.
Kris’s heart stopped completely. He could physically feel the cracks in his heart enlarging and hear it shatter into a million of pieces over the sound of the revving engine. His hands gripped harder on the steering wheel as he ripped his eyes from the closing window and drove away.
And there you are on your knees, Begging for forgiveness, begging for me Just like I always wanted but I’m so sorry
Ensconced in your own happiness, you weren’t aware of the revving engine that sped away, or of the heart that cracked into million of pieces knowing that it lost something that it once had.
Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well This is a big world, that was a small town There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
“You’re going to break daddy soon enough, baby.” You chastised, only your words were drowned out by the sound of uncontrollable laughter from the two men of your life. “And if you ever plan on playing football in the near future, you should look after your back, Luhan.” You told your husband.
They peered up at you as if you spoke in a foreign language, then sent each other a furtive look before Luhan grabbed onto your hand and pulled you down onto the grass. “Stop being such a killjoy!” He said, “Join us and stop pretending you don’t want in on this manly bonding time.”
Straightening your skirt, you meekly laid beside Luhan on the grass as Aiden settled quietly between you both. Unknowingly, you started smiling as the powdery white cloud floated past the expanse of blue in your vision. Everything was perfect and you couldn’t be any happier. Luhan glanced over to you and smiled, catching your attention.
“What?” You eyed him suspiciously, unable to hide your own grinning response.
He shrugged nonchalantly and fixed his gaze back onto the sky. “I love you, that’s all.”
Aiden’s head perked up suddenly. The little mischief rolled his eyes as if he had it all figured out. “Daddy always have to love Mommy. And you love Daddy too, don’t you, Mommy?”
“I love you more.” You pressed his little button nose and giggled when his face scrunched in disdain. “You love me as well, baby?” You asked the boy.
Luhan feigned a frown, pretending to sit up. “I’ll just go over that bench and sit by myself then since no-one seems to love me.”
Aiden quickly grabbed onto Luhan’s shirt to keep him on the ground and climbed on top, sprawling over his chest to immobilize him. “You have to stay here, Daddy.” He demanded. “Stay and I’ll tell you a secret.”
You watched as your little bundle of joy clambered over Luhan to whisper into his ear. Intrigued by what they had to share with each other, you tried to listen in but was swatted away with disapproving glares. Apparently, you’re not joining the inner circle of their ‘manly’ bonding and secrets-whispering.
They ended the exchange with a snicker and gave you a cheeky, knowing look before taking a leap at you. Luhan held your arms still above your head as Aiden sat on your legs and wiggled his little fingers over your stomach and waist. A torrent of giggles tore through your lungs as you fight for your next breath.
“You could have told me you love me the easy way, _____.” Luhan teased. “You left us no choice.”
The blurred wide grin floating upside down above your head was all you could clearly see from Luhan’s face as you thrashed about.
“Tell Daddy you love him, Mommy.” Aiden cheered, relentlessly tickling you with no mercy.
“I love you, I love you, I love you.” You squealed breathlessly, begging for the torture to stop.
Mercifully, Luhan called off the attack. When you was gasping for breath, he lowered his head and pressed his lips onto yours, his smile apparent on your skin.
“How long do you think we have to tickle him to keep him away from our bedroom tonight?” Luhan murmurred quietly.
“I don’t know.” You replied, grinning cheekily at your husband, “Let’s find out later.”
The dim nightlight projecting the shadows of stars and moon on the blue wallpaper with rockets prints brought a sudden squeeze to your chest. You leaned against the door frame and watched Luhan as he laid beside Aiden, reading a story from a book. The little man has thrown his arms and legs across the older one, holding him hostage with what little wakefulness he has left.
Four years ago, you lost your galaxy. It was too vast to keep as your own. But now, you had a precious little star and it’s yours to hold. Aiden was your reason to go on. Your light when the world fell dark. Your rock when the ground shakes. You live for him because he is your everything.
You still remember that fateful night learning of Nana’s loss. It was a difficult decision at such a bad time but you chose to leave. With shaky hands, you packed as much as you could carried and bid farewell to the apartment you and Kris shared. After spending a week away with no contact with anyone, you sent your condolences to Nana and Kris - but along with the divorce paper your lawyer finalized for him. There wasn’t a fight. You asked for nothing but all that belonged to you before your marriage and a quiet split. Two weeks later, it was official; you and Kris were no longer spouses. He changed ownership of the apartment to you and gave the entirety of the shared bank account plus more. You sold the apartment and used the money to buy another place more apt for a future-single mother.
After the 6-months hardship of taking care of the newborn baby Aiden, with family encouragement, you went into the job market and landed an office job as an assistant. That was where you met Luhan. He was friendly and kind despite your reluctance in getting to close to him. But slowly, without you realizing, he melted the frost that encased your heart. It was when your mother bought Aiden to the office that you realized you fell for him. You remember the smile on Luhan’s face as he picked up a laughing Aiden and the look he gave you. He didn’t judge and he didn’t pity you. The look he gave was respectful and caring and full of love, as if right then you and Aiden was his everything. Needless to say, thanks to Aiden’s clinginess to Luhan, you gave the man a chance.
He made one hell of an attempt with it too because he successfully put a ring on your finger.
Luhan gently lifted Aiden’s arms and legs off his body before climbing out of the boy’s little bed as quiet as a mouse. He even had the nerve to shush your giggle as he crept out of the room and closed the door.
“Why are you still up?” He asked quietly, pulling you down the hallway back to the bedroom, “I thought you went to bed.”
You shook your head. “I just finished the kiddies invitations for Aiden’s birthday. I piled it on the kitchen counter. Drop it off when you take him to nursery tomorrow, will you?”
“For a kiss, I might.” He added in sneakily.
You tip-toed and pecked at his cheek. “And can you also drop off the letter I left beside the invitation at the Postal Office before work?”
Luhan pouted. “That is going to cost more than a peck on the cheek.”
You laughed, hitting his arm as you both climbed into bed and curled up to each other. Senseless conversations and mindless kisses were all that you could remember before the sound of his heartbeat underneath your fingers lulled you to sleep.
The knife tore at the edge of the envelope. Each inch opened sped up the pulse in his veins. Kris put the knife down on the office desk, taking a fortifying breath as he sat back on the chair, slowly opening the white letter with his fingers.
It has been a long time since I have heard from you. I hope you are well and happy. I’m writing this right now to clear the air between us and start anew.
Please stop blaming yourself for what happened. I have moved on. I have forgiven you. There is no reason for anyone to suffer anymore. The past can’t be changed but there is a future. I don’t want the implication of what occurred between us to stand in Aiden’s future. My heart feels heavy keeping you and Aiden from each other.
There is only so much you could know about him from the pictures I send now and then but it would be wonderful if you could visit him some day. He is turning 3 soon. It would mean a lot to Aiden and I if you come to our little gathering for his birthday. After all you are his father. He would want you to be in his life even if we aren’t together.
Please consider my invitation and I hope to hear from you soon.
He folded the paper up and slipped it back into the envelope, placing it into a drawer along with the other previous letters from you. Pictures in the drawers peeked up at him; Aiden smiling in a elf costume holding your hand under a Christmas tree; Aiden looking determined as he blow at the single candle on his cake; Aiden as he sleep peacefully in his baby cot. Kris’s gaze lifted, going to the wall length shelf on the side of his office. The growing stacks of wrapped presents and holiday greeting cards brought tears to his eyes. How he wished he could hold you in his arms one last time; how he could replace it with the memory of your eyes looking straight at him so painfully it nearly sent a dagger through his heart. But that was all it could ever be - just wishful thinking. He couldn’t change the past. He could spend his whole life regretting his actions, and it wouldn’t change a single thing.
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to catch me now
Kris closed his eyes to stop the burn of the tears that were now spilling over. His thoughts echoed in his mind.
Aiden, I’ll be there. It would mean everything to see and hold you even just for a little while. If I can’t be your father, I’ll be your friend and protector.
Song: White Horse by Taylor Swift
[A/N:] Hey guys!! It’s finally here!! So sorry it took forever to finish but we always try to keep our promises!! Hope you enjoyed this long overdue piece! A big thanks to Anna, who wrote ~95% of this. I just added the ending and the song haha. Another big thanks to YOU guys who are still here after our long period of inactivity and to those who just followed! I know that everything was so hard when Kris left Exo and took a toll on most of us. But what’s amazing was that I learned that life moves on and sometimes change is good. I grew to be stronger, and I learned that my life doesn’t and shouldn’t revolve around an idol who doesn’t even know that I exist. Rather, I learned to just love him as a fan and nothing more. He’s doing great projects lately, too! :D I hope that this experience also taught you guys something valuable and that you are having an awesome summer!! ^___^
As always, feedback is always welcome (good and bad haha). But no hating please lol. ;D
I’m just so glad it is finally released haha. I remember writing the first story 2years ago and questioned if I should write angst pieces ever again. It still surprises me that LTWYL pt.1 had such a good response.
I’m really happy with how the sequel turned out and I hope you guys, as the readers, enjoy it.
You sighed as you wiped another tear of your cheek. You should have known that it was too good to be true, but you trusted him anyway.
“Y/N.” You heard Lydia sigh from next to you. You looked down at the tissue she was holding in her hand, you smiled a little as you accepted the tissue and wiped underneath your eyes, trying hard not to mess up the hard work she had put in you just an hour earlier. She ran a reassuring hand up and down your back, trying to calm you down.But as a new round of tears started to fall, she sighed loudly as she crouched down in front of you and grabbed your hands in hers as she looked you in the eye.
“Y/N, you’re a mess. And for what? One guy that didn’t show up. Listen, he is not worth those tears. Save them for another time sweetheart, you are beautiful, and strong and a badass girl who every guy should be proud to be with. But until that guy comes along, wipe those tears away, smile, and keep your head held high. You’re not a baby, you’re a strong, independent woman who needs to realize that she can take care of herself, just fine. And remember; Guys are like stars, there are millions of them, but only one can make your dreams come true, and that’s the star that falls for you. So smile! Let’s watch a movie, eat some popcorn and stay up all night. We’re better of without them anyway.” She says as she stands up and put her hand out for you to take. With a smile you grab her hand and pull yourself up from the bed and smile at her.
“We are pretty badass.” You laugh. ___________________________________________________
So I haven’t seen many imagines with the lovely girls of Teen Wolf around, so I descided to make one! I hope you like it!
Oh, and by the way? You’re beautiful, strong and one hell of an amazing person, everyone should be proud to be seen with you! Know why? Because you are beautiful, you’re unique and if anyone ever tells you differently, you have my permission (And Scott’s) to kick their sorry ass all the way to the freaking moon! And I love you.
Stay awesome, stay beautiful, stay true to who you are! xox