one hundred dollar

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

Being Tony Stark’s Daughter and Dating Peter Parker would include:

Author’s Note: I really love these headcannon lists so I decided to try them out, hope you enjoy <3

Warning(s): swearing and Deadpool tbh

Being Tony Stark’s Daughter and Dating Peter Parker would include:


•meeting him by chance at Starbucks.
-they’d call out ‘Stark’ to come pick up your drink and Peter would freak out.

•he’d try and talk to you about the ‘stark internship’ and you’d be like 'tf are you?’
-“Hi I’m P-Parker Pete, I mean Peter Parker”
-“okay do you want like an autograph or something???”

•he’d be like stumbling over his words and you’d think he was cute so you’d sign his arm with your number and he’d freak out.

•he wouldn’t know whether or not to call you or how to talk to you so he just wouldn’t.
-Ned yelling at him bc Peter is stupid.

•and you’d be upset that this Parker Pete dude didn’t call you back and Tony would try to cheer you up.

•you’d be a huge Spider-Man fan

•like high-key Spidey fan

•and for some reason Tony forgot to tell you that he knew Spiderman.

•so you’d flip shit when Tony would come into the compound with an unmasked Spiderman.
-“you?? Know?? SPIDEY?? And you??? Didn’t??? Tell me???”
-“(Y/N) please, I’m old and highly susceptible to heart attacks”

•then you’d flip shit on Peter for not calling you.
-“and you Parker Pete! You didn’t call me??”

•completely ignoring the fact that Peter is spiderman.

•dropping by during training sessions.

•distracting Peter.

•getting sent out bc you’re too distracting.

•convincing Tony to let you go public school so you can 'monitor’ Peter’s progress.

•Peter showing off your friendship to everyone.

•picking up Ned and Peter in one of Tony’s flashy cars just to prove Flash wrong.

•sticking up for Peter 99.9% of the time.

•Peter being grateful for having you as a friend.

friend :’)

•you end up crushing on Peter haaaard
-it being painfully obvious to everyone but Peter
-Ned teasing you for it until the end of time.

•he asks you out at one of Liz’s parties during 7 minutes of heaven.
-“so- *kiss*-I was thinking- *kiss*-maybe later we could- *kiss*
-“yes Peter I’ll go out with you”

•keeping it a secret from Tony bc he thinks dating will interfere with Peter being Spiderman.

•dating for like a year behind Tony’s back.

•the avengers finding out bc Wanda accidentally reads your thoughts one day :)
-“you made out with Peter?”
-“WHo toLd yOu ThAt?”

•overprotective mother!Steve Rogers.

•dates swinging above the New York skyline.

•cute nicknames




•Peter sneaking into your room when he gets hurt.

•making up crazy excuses when Tony almost barges into your room.
-“I’m too old for this”

•Tony inviting Peter to team dinners.
-holding hands under the table.
-blowing kisses when Tony isn’t looking.

•makeout sessions on the roofs of sky scrapers.

•attempting to do the Spider-Man kiss.
-“Peter I think we’re doing this wrong”
-“No I got this” *web snaps* “AHhH”

“Y/N NO”

•Ned being disturbed by your PDA.

•kisses by the lockers.

•flash flirting with you


•he’d like clench his jaw and glare and you’d find that really hot tbh.

•but then flash would say some dumb shit like “how’d penis Parker get a hot babe like you?”

•you almost breaking Flash’s arm

•Peter cheering you on.

Slapping Peter’s ass at school when no ones looking

•Peter blushing all the time bc it happens on a daily basis

•Getting angry at your dad when he takes away Peter’s suit.
-“Y/N talk to me”
-“Not until you give Peter back his suit”
-“he doesn’t deserve it”
-“he deserves everything in the world and so much more than you. He tried to help you, but you didn’t listen!”

•Tony being hurt bc you’ve never fought with him before.

•him wondering why you’re defending Peter.

•it finally clicking that you’re dating Peter.

•Tony being mad at you for keeping it a secret.

•Peter not wanting to come between you and your dad’s close relationship

•coming to Peter’s defence when Tony tries to 'kill’ him.
-“dad no! I love him”
-“you love me?”

-“ew this is so sweet I can feel the diabetes already”

•PDA around the avengers tower after that
-“The 'making out’ is disturbing me”

-“Same, Thor, same”

-“you’re really soft”
-*you booping peters nose* “yeah well you’re really cute”

•dad jokes.

-“Peter! Peter! What time did the man go to the dentist?!’’

-”(Y/N) go away"

-“Tooth hurt-y! get it?”

•study dates
-turning into makeout sessions
-resulting in you guys being supervised by vision

•you trying on the suit
-almost suffocating
-accidentally swinging out into the streets of New York
-you going to hospital
-lectures from Tony.

•getting the talk from Wade
-crying afterwards bc Wade is weird.
-Tony trying to kill Wade


•passing notes in class

•staring at each other in class

•detentions together
-resulting in you making out in the back.
-resulting in you guys getting kicked out of detention
-never getting detention from other teachers bc they are disturbed by teen romance

•girl talks with Michelle and Liz
-Ned and Peter trying to spy on you guys
-Ned and Peter treating it like a secret mission and having code names.
-“Nedstar 101, I have visual on the birds”
-“copy that Peterpiper”
-“you know we can see you guys right”
-“abort mission! abort mission! We’ve been compromised!”

•getting mad when Peter doesn’t ask you to homecoming.
-him being really confused bc he thought he didn’t have to ask since you guys were dating.

•Peter getting the silent treatment.
-“PlEASe talk to mEee”

•Asking Ned for help
-failing miserably and making you even more mad.

•going to Tony for help
-also failing miserably.
-“she’s your daughter??? How did this go so wrong???”
-“I don’t know!? I’m a failure!?”

•Peter sitting outside your bedroom door for like 2 hours.
-forgiving him when you come home to find him sleeping there.

•tickle fights
-Peter accidentally kicking you in the face.
-going to the hospital again.
-getting lectures from Tony and Steve.

•cooking with Aunt May

•May loves you

•girl talks with May
-Peter trying to spy on these.

•going to Thai restaurants with May and Peter
-sometimes Tony would come
-things would get weird
-Thai food puns

•May and Peter coming to spend family holidays with you and the avengers.
-Tony being weird with Aunt May

•forehead kisses

•Peter bringing you lunch bc you always forget to eat.

•Peter crying over the titanic
-“Pete are you crying?”
-“No this is liquid pride”

•Movie nights with the Avengers
-Tony and Peter crying and laughing over the same scenes
-you and the avengers being weirded out.

•Peter braiding your hair

•Playing with Peter’s hair
-it helps him fall asleep or calm down from stress.

•falling asleep on one another
-the avengers taking photos of you guys
-someone knocking something over effectively waking you up.
-proceed to you screaming at the avengers for like 5 minutes.

•naps together

•you being the big spoon
-Peter never admiting that to anyone.
-you telling everyone.

•late night calls
-effectively running up Tony’s phone bill.

•Tony showing off you and Peter’s relationship
-cos he’s a proud dad
-uncle!Tony loves his spiderling.

•You making Peter the happiest he’s ever been and vice Versa.

“I love you”
“Meh you’re alright Pete”

Blackjack (I)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jungkook

Rating: 18+ (explicit sex, mafia!AU)

Warning: handcuffs, breath play

Word Count: 7,579

Summary: After losing several times to a very expensive card table, you find yourself deep in debt to the notorious mafia group, Bangtan. Taehyung is kind enough to offer you a way out. If you can succeed in taking home any guy of his choosing, your debt will be wiped clear. Then he points at Jungkook.

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Can't afford the vet, can't afford the pet.

When we in the veterinary industry defiantly cry “If you can’t afford the vet then you can’t afford the pet,” please try to understand what we’re talking about.

We’re not talking about people that have a pet for years, fall on hard times and can’t find the $3000 it needs for surgery or intensive care. Life happens. Goodness knows most of us don’t have that kind of money lying around either.

We’re talking about people who spend $1000’s on a new puppy… But can’t afford vaccines, desexing or heartworm preventative.

We’re talking about people who ‘rescue’ an animal but fail to provide it with basic care.

Or 'rescues’ that aren’t treating the issues of animals they acquire, especially if they delay treatment to beg for donations online.

And the people that haven’t wanted to spend money on preventative care for their senior pet for the last three years because “she’s old and will die soon.”

Or the ones that spend hundreds of dollars on doggy fashion accessories but accuse you of price gouging on antibiotics.

Who can’t borrow $50 from all the people they know, but want a payment plan from you. And a discount because they 'rescued’ it as a puppy.

For whom $20 of take home pain relief is 'just too much’.

Who keep acquiring more and more animals with problems that need extensive treatment that they can’t pay for.

Look, we don’t want to see anything suffer and will help out when we can, and try to tailor things to your budget…

But if you can’t afford BASIC veterinary care, then you cannot afford the pet. Don’t get it.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Three

-At precisely eight o'clock, just as we were opening, a man darted into the store, decked out in board shorts, a worn graphic tee, and pristine latex gloves. After a few minutes walking the store, he brought forward an armful of household essentials and asked me to wait as he quickly picked up one last item from the front end. I looked on as he walked to the card wall, scooped an entire rack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards up in his arm, and purchased the twenty dollars of cleaning supplies and over one hundred dollars of trading cards with infallible glee.

-A woman purchased a large gift bag with an equally-large package of toilet paper. This is the type of ally I need in my life.

-A dog in a cart looked me dead in the eye and bared their teeth. This intimidation tactic would have struck terror into my very core, were it not for the pup’s ferocity being undermined by its fun-sized nature.

-A fact I have always presumed to be true has been proven as such today. No sight is more fear-inspiring than a ragtag team of twenty teenage jocks storming your storefront with neither care nor supervision.

-I heard a toddler shouting the French word, “Merde!” repeatedly as he was pushed through the store. His parents did not know, but I knew, and he knew that I knew, and I knew that he knew that I knew, and that was enough for him.

-A woman complained to me at great length about her disappointment in a local hotel’s policy. After she was pressed for more details by means of a polite and silent nod from me, she explained that she and her family had been having a picnic and photoshoot on their front lawn and were asked to leave once it was determined that they were not actually staying at the hotel. A pay-to-stay establishment not allowing free use of their premises made little sense to this woman, as this situation as a whole did to me.

the “dear evan hansen 10 things i hate about you au” that literally nobody asked for

I thought I was alone but @arimarris apparently loves this au as much as I do so here we go

v long sorry it’s under the cut

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Just so you know - saying “as long as it harms none” is merely a clause a lot of people throw into magick to clear their conscience. For example, if you do working for prosperity and find one-hundred dollars on the sidewalk the next day, someone else lost one-hundred dollars and they were harmed even if you added, “As long as it harms none”. So let’s drop that sanctimonious crap right now. We do a lot in our day to day lives that hurt other people even when it’s unintentional. That’s life and life isn’t fair.“ (pg. 5)
—  Curses, Hexes, and Crossing by S. Connolly (still one of my favorite quotes of all time)

Sharing a Bed

Summary: You go on a vacation to the beach with the team and you’re stuck having to share a bed with Bucky.

Warnings: smut, light fluff

A/N: Sorry I haven’t written in awhile. Lots of anxiety, school, depression, Smallville, panicking, and Oliver Queen (from Smallville) obsessing. Yeah…anyway, enjoy!

“I’m so excited to see the water.” Sam stood and stretched as the jet descended. “How about you, (Y/N)?”

“I’m just pumped to have a vacation.” You collected your things and scanned the other members who had joined you.

Natasha, Wanda, Sam, Clint, Steve, and Bucky. It’d be a hilarious, prank-filled week and you couldn’t wait. You’d been looking forward to having a break from the constant missions for months and you were desperate to relax. You’d made the four guys promise to keep their antics between themselves; if they ruined your relaxation, they were going to regret it.

The team knew you had a few things on your to-do list: tan, swim, shop, go to a club, and get laid. Nat and Wanda opted to accompany and help you with all five, especially the last one. It’s been months since you’ve had sex and you were dying for a one night stand. So were Wanda and Nat.

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princess [draco malfoy]

request: nonexistent! this was directly out of my mind (’:

word count: ~3700

a/n: good jesus christ this one took far too long to write. this is my first post of the blog, though, so color me excited for what’s to come! also i’m so tired. this has drained my energy for some reason. ugh. please do request though i have nothing to write and my ideas sort of go everywhere when i don’t have a solid idea in mind! thanks for reading! <3

summary: in which a sarcastic comment has draco calling you “princess”. he’s also kind of an ass. a very attractive, rude ass. (contains swearing ofc)

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1,900 Years Steve. Years.

@breyito not what you asked for so I’m keeping that prompt in my ask box for now, but this is pretty fluffy. 

Inspired slightly by @not-close-to-straight and her Long Distance series, (getting me back into Stuckony) Based on this prompt with Tony as Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Tony noticed the hot blonde, staring lovingly into the beefy brunette’s eyes the moment he walked in. It was cheesy as heck, but damn they were good eye candy. No one could blame him for looking, and listening in a little, he was hungry and his phone was dead it’s not like he had anything else to do.

“If I could reach up and give you a star for every time you made me smile there would be none left.” Hot Blonde said, Tony frowned.

“That is completely unrealistic.” He blurted, apparently just loud enough to be heard by the romantic couple.

“What?” Beefy brunette looks a little angry at him, but Tony is honestly too tired to care. He levels both of them with an unimpressed look.

“There are 100 billion stars in our galaxy alone, if you made him smile one hundred times every single minute it would take over 1,900 years for him to even take all the stars in our galaxy. Then there are the other 50 galaxies just in our local group, and then the nearly 200 billion in the known universe. It’s a completely erroneous statement.” Tony prattles off, doing the math in his head. The Blonde looks slightly hurt.

“That was kind of hot, I’m Bucky, but you can call me whatever you want to doll.” The brunette, Bucky holds out his hand to Tony.

“Your bad-at-math boyfriend is literally right there.” Tony points out, jerking his thumb towards the hot blonde. Bucky laughs.

“That’s Steve, he’ll probably think you’re hot too, once his pride recovers.” Bucky waves off his concern. Hot Blonde, Steve, shrugs agreeably.

“I’m Tony.”  Tony offers. A waitress appears at their table, dropping a huge burger in front of Bucky, Tony’s mouth waters. “I’ll give you one hundred dollars if you give me that burger right now.”

“Tempting.” Bucky teases, making eye contact as he takes a bite out of it. “Steve, I’ll give you- is that a salad? Never mind. Bucky, I will give you two hundred dollars if you give me the rest of that burger please. I’m starving.” Bucky takes another bite, chewing slowly.

“I appreciate the offer Doll.” He says, flashing a smile at Tony.

“Your boyfriend is mean.” Tony informs Steve. “Really mean.” Steve nods, taking a bite of his salad and holding his fork out to Tony. “You’re just cruel.”

“Aw, c’mon Doll, we don’t mean any harm.” Bucky pulls out the chair next to him. “I’ll give you a bite if you come sit with us.” He’s laying on the Brooklyn charm strong, and offering food, how could Tony possibly resist.

“Fine.” He drops into the seat, snatching the burger out of Bucky’s hands and taking the biggest bite he can manage.

“So, what do you do Tony?” Steve asks. Bucky looks a little shocked, sending Tony a can-you-believe-this-guy look.

“Well, Steve I think I’ve seen him on enough Magazine covers to know he’s a model.” Bucky teases. Tony snorts a laugh.

“I’m not surprised, pretty face like that.” Steve grins at him, and Tony tries to pretend he’s not blushing. “Should have known you’d be a model.” Bucky is trying to suppress his giggles and a waitress shows up at Tony’s table, he waves her over.

“Sorry, I moved. Thank you so much though. This looks delicious.” He beams at her, and she set’s down all three of the entrée’s he ordered in front of him. Bucky and Steve look shocked. “I haven’t eaten since, when was I kidnapped? Yesterday, yeah since yesterday morning.”

“What the hell Doll, I would have given you my whole burger immediately if you had told me that.” Bucky says, looking down at his half-eaten burger. Tony waves him off, humming around a mouthful of fries.

“I’m not a model by the way.” He informs Steve when he comes up for air. “I’m Tony Stark, owner of Stark Industries.” Steve’s eyes go wide.

“You saved my life.” He whispers. Tony looks up confused. “Your body armor did anyways.”

“Um, no problem dude. I try my best.” Tony shrugs, turning back to his burger.

“We’re keeping him.” Bucky whispers, loudly. Tony’s ears turn pink.

“I’m not a lost puppy.” He grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. “You can’t just keep me.”

“We’re totally keeping him.” Steve agrees, reaching over to ruffle Tony’s hair.

“Ugh, fine. Only because you’re both cute.”

skye07  asked:

Ohhh!!! you wrote the knitting Tony story!!!! I've been hunting that story for a long time!!! (was on a reading spree on your Tony tag, I'm having a swell of a time) So HOW ABOUT!! Someone finding or just ended up in Tony's stash room (it might be a floor if we are being honest, I would with his resources). I am salivating just imaginging the AMOUNT of yarn Tony must have collected, of all colours and types. Just, please. I would love you even more if you decide this prompt worthy~~

You mean that story I sent to bloody-bee-tea about Tony knitting? I’m surprised I haven’t written more Tony knitting, tbh. Hope you like it! Look out for under the cut!

This work can also be found on my Ao3 here.

Natasha had been investigating her new home when she stumbled into it. The room was gigantic, cube shelves covering the walls. Every single shelf had balls of yarn in it, starting with red in one corner and spreading in a circular rainbow of yarns, except for the few columns of shelves that were filled with needles, hooks, counters of some sort?

Natasha felt nervous for a reason she couldn’t explain. Perhaps because this room felt deeply personal? That the person who had set it up had taken time to organize it just right?

She stayed just long enough to tuck a gun under some soft yarn before she left. Each room needed at least one weapon hidden in it.

“Why would you ever need this in my stash?” Tony complained, shoving the gun into her hands. “You can use literally anything in there as a weapon. The straight needles can be used to stab people and the circular needles can be used as garrotes. My double-pointed needles can be used in close combat. And if your attacker is allergic to wool, he’s gonna be in for a bad time.”

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hideout-for-geeks  asked:

18, Reddie, Highschool AU?

I am so sorry for the delay! I now have a Beta! Credit to @amiiboob thank you so much love, even though you said you’d never done it before, you’re amazing and thank you! I hope it’s enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing it! Also I wrote them as being about 17 years old in this.)

It was Bill’s sixteenth birthday and all the losers were hanging out in Bill’s room, eating pizza and watching movies. They had just finished watching their third movie when Beverly leaned over and switched off the TV.

“Let’s play truth or dare!” She announced and everyone cheered, well everyone besides Eddie, who backed away towards the edge of the bed, “Nope, Kaspbrak, you’re playing, just like everyone else. Come sit in a circle.”

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okay listen. earlier today i was looking in my wallet for something and i instead found, hidden in a pocket i don’t use, a crisp 100 dollar bill that i estimate has been in there for at least two years. i have no memory of ever receiving a fresh hundo from anybody for any reason. i don’t know where this money came from but i figured, this is such good luck, this is divine, surely i must be meant to use this money for something specific. anyway just now i was looking at pictures of a certain movie star, as one do, and i ended up on, and i realized that Things Happen for a Reason, and that God Has A Plan For All Of Us

Special Instructions (2/?)

Summary: Drunk Emma really likes pizza. She also really happens to like the cute delivery guy who seems content to carry out all of her wishes via the “Special Instructions” box on the website. (AO3)
Rating: M (lots of unnecessary cursing, sexy times in later chapters)
Word Count: ~3300
Chapters: One

i’m shocked by the feedback on this ridiculous fic haha, thanks all. for the fans of hot mess emma, ch3 is the chapter for you lol

reader requested tags: @lenfaz @ilovemesomekillianjones  (and @stubble-sandwich because lbr you pretty much are the reason i didn’t abandon this idea when i was playing around a couple months ago)


Special instructions: would u buy us more beer? like a lot. i will pay u

“Oh my god, Ems, I think Robin and Regina are getting it on in your room.”

She jumped at the sound of Ruby’s voice yelling in her ear over the sound of the music, then let out a whiny groan.

“Gross, on my bed?” she asked, disgusted at the thought of having to wash her linens before sleeping in them. She was buzzed enough to enjoy the atmosphere but not enough to let her friends fuck in her apartment. “Ugh, let me go stop them before I have to light my mattress on fire.”

Her movements were stilted and she stumbled a little as she walked down her hall. Sure enough, her door was shut and a sock hung from the knob. Her fist banged on the wood.

“Don’t you guys fucking dare! Go to your own apartments for this shit or I’m never inviting you over again. This isn’t college,” she shouted. A muffled grunt that sounded sort of like an apology came from the other side and she figured she’d leave and at least give them a few minutes to collect themselves.

“Emma! Where’s the beer?”

The question came from her brother who was currently losing (horrendously) at beer pong to Elsa, who had surprising accuracy for someone who was drunker than most people in the room.

“Uh, we’re out. I was about to go walk to the convenience store around the corner to get some more.”

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captainjeclid  asked:

headcanon: after living together for a few months Lena picks up saying 'oh Rao' without realizing it and Kara thinks it's the cutest thing ever

Okay I had every intention of just responding to this but then I started typing and this happened!

They always say the more time that you spend around a person, the more likely you are to pick up some of their quirks. Lena thinks it’s a little stupid, to be honest, but then again she’s never really been around someone for very long.

Until Kara.

Lena feels like so many of the details of her life end that way.

‘Until Kara.’

She eats dinners alone.

Until Kara.

She has no one to spend the holidays with.

Until Kara.

She works entirely too late, and she even works from home on the weekends.

Until Kara.

So it really shouldn’t shock her when she starts picking up some of Kara’s habits.

She smiles more.

She has weird cravings for potstickers.

She hugs people now? Apparently?

Most of them happen so gradually that she doesn’t even notice, but occasionally she picks up one that throws everyone for a loop.

It’s game night, and they’re all gathered around the Monopoly board. Alex is winning out of sheer force of will, and in an odd turn of events Lena is dead last - one railroad and a hundred dollars to her name. It’s almost comical really, how horrible her luck is. She rolls doubles past go and collects her two hundred dollars, trying not to squeal as she picks up her chance card and earns another hundred. She rolls doubles again and lands on the edge of the Jail square, taking a deep breath as she rolls again.


“Oh Rao, I am not going to Jail again! I’ve been there practically half the game!”

She expects someone to make a crack about how she’s still losing, but when she looks up everyone is staring at her.

“What?” She asks self consciously. wiping at her lips to see if she’s still got smudged lipstick from her ‘popcorn making break’ with Kara.

“What did you just say?” Kara’s face is excited, the corners of her mouth darting up in a smile.

“Ummm.” Lena’s eyes dart around the room. “I’ve been in Jail for half the game?”

“Uhh unh, before that.” Kara is practically bouncing in her seat.

“I don’t want to go back?”

Kara shakes her head and breaks into a full on grin as her hands come up to clench in front of her face excitedly.

“You said 'Oh, Rao’, and it was the cutest thing ever!! I say that!! And now you say it!! And you didn’t even realize it!! Hashtag relationship goals!!”

“You two have officially reached the peak of rubbing off on each other, it’s sickening.” Alex groans

“Oh they’re 'rubbing off’ on each other all right.”

Everyone groans at Maggie’s joke and then Winn is picking up the dice for his turn. Lena doesn’t miss the way that Kara scoots a little bit closer though, or the way the smile doesn’t leave her face all night.

Maybe hanging around some one long enough to pick up their habits isn’t such a bad thing after all.

Life in a Libertarian Utopia

dispatcher: North Haverbrook Fire & Rescue, what’s your emergency?
citizen: My house is on fire! You’ve gotta help me, please.
dispatcher: That’s what we’re here for, ma'am. May I have your name and address?
citizen: Valerie Odgen, I live at 478 Brockaway Lane. Please, you have to send someone immediately.
dispatcher: Of course, Ms. Ogden. Now, our records aren’t showing an account associated with that name or address. Might it be under another name? Your husband or someone?
citizen: …Account?
dispatcher: Would you perhaps like to set up an account at this time?
citizen: What?
dispatcher: It’s just, there’s a fifteen percent surcharge for non-account holders.
citizen: Surch…what the fuck is wrong with you? Send. Firefighters.
dispatcher: There’s no need to be rude, ma'am.
citizen: My fucking kids are inside, you piece of shit!
dispatcher: Yes ma'am. How many engines would you estimate will be required?
citizen: How the fuck do I know? I’m not a goddamn fireman!
dispatcher: We’ll just say two to be on the safe side. That’ll be two thousand for the first engine, one for each additional, for a total of three thousand.
citizen: …Dollars?
dispatcher: We’re a business, ma'am, not a charity. I hope you aren’t one of those flakes who think the government should fund these kinds of services with taxes. It’s hardly fair to saddle all the people whose homes aren’t on fire with the burden of extinguishing of yours. I mean, what is this, the Soviet Union?
citizen: Whatever, just send them before my fucking house burns down.
dispatcher: Of course. It will be two-fifty per hour per engine once they arrive. Not counting the surcharge. Would you like them to take the fastest route?
citizen: Fastest…why wouldn’t I?
dispatcher: My computer is showing that the most expedient route will incur one hundred seventeen dollars in tolls. I can save you up to fifty-two dollars by sending them via a more economical route, but that will add approximately twenty-one minutes of travel time.
citizen: AAAAGGGHHH!!!
dispatcher: Now, now, ma'am, you can’t just expect the owners of those roads to let us use them for free.