one grenade at a time

the puppy bowl is the greatest invention of the 21st century. hair dryers included.

Or: Sam likes Max, Max likes Sam, and The Geek Needs to actually get work done, so they need to resolve something stat. 

AKA: The one with the date

I am woefully late in finishing up a long overdue prompt for @thewittyarsonist for Zootopia, which I am hard at work on! But then the opportunity struck for something to give in the meantime, and I had to take it! Based on this absolutely hysterical (and really awesome) piece of art! Check it out. I couldn’t stop laughing. And then one thing led to another and I slipped this 13 page monster out between study sessions. 

For those who don’t know Sam and Max, you probably should. And that’s not advice for story reading. That’s just life advice. Go watch it. Witty got me hooked. So now I’m gonna get you guys on it, too. It’s brilliant. So go watch. 

(The prompt was Frustrated. So Witty, you’re getting the same prompt for this, and then the other for Zootopia! You’re getting it all!) 

(side note, this was impossible to write because if you’ve ever watched the show you’d know that dialogue, among many other things, is fucking insane. But that was part of the fun.)

Sam says “glad to have you around” like it doesn’t mean anything. And maybe it doesn’t. He says everything like that. The weather’s good today. How about those Mets. Intergalactic cheese wranglers have stolen the world’s supply of gouda. Pass the milk.

So when he says “glad to have you around” while he slaps a hand against Max’s back, it hard not to feel…

What’s the word?

Max reaches through his limitless supply of Seussian diction and pulls out “frustrated”, which is as mundane as it gets. But there it is.


He’s frustrated.

“Whatever you say, Sam,” he chirps, loading the bazooka and flicking the switch in their car to open the sunroof. “Now, you gonna give me a lift, or am I gonna have to vault out’a this car by myself?”

Sam lets go of the wheel and laces his hands together, their car hurtling over the cliff side. Oh, the Geek was going to fucking kill them for this one, but they’d survived worse than a perilous plunge and an angry adolescent. “You sure you wanna go out like this so early? You haven’t even had your coffee!” Granted, their coffee was now somewhere down in the depths of a rock quarry after the third spin. But Sam always packed a french press under the passenger seat in case mid-hurtle cappuccinos were needed.


It’s stupid and it’s little and they’re flying through the air, spinning around in what is essentially a glorified Campbell’s soup can, but the mundanity of the small show of care leaves Max once more regarding the word frustration with a certain level of ire. And through the smoke and the gasoline he can just catch glimpses of that safe smile and eyes. God, his partner was practically built for trust. So he puts his left foot into Sam’s waiting palms. “Save me a cup.”

Sam nods and grins and shifts for better velocity. “What floor?”

Keep reading

inspired by this art by @chrischerry99​: Sisters Grimm AU, Puck Is A Girl And Puckabrina Is Sapphic

  • not much changes. puck’s gender is only important to puck and to us but we’ll ignore that. Name is still Puck. Gender neutral. Alias is still robin.
  • puck doesn’t get her own room. Granny just puts another bed (a bunk bed??? with a futon on the bottom? yeah) in Sabrina and Daphne’s room
    • whenever puck wants to annoy sabrina she ends up on Sabrina’s bed.
    • there are so many late night conversations like in book 5. every time sabrina is Going Through Something, puck talks her through it. they never speak of it in the morning
  • consider: instead of calling puck “fairy boy,” sabrina calls her “fairy princess”
  • when granny first announces that puck is moving in, daphne says “I always wanted a big sister!”
    • sabrina is Right. There
    • savage
  • all that nasty sexist stuff puck says (especially in books 1 and 8) is gone. i firmly believe puck only said that to scare the girls off bc if you don’t make friends you can’t lose them 

Originally posted by teenagebillionaire

  • mentions are made to sticks and detritus in puck’s hair. constantly. puck’s hair is just… a giant mat full of stuff. one time she pulls a glop grenade out of her hair
  • @puckabrinaluver suggested that sometimes sabrina and puck will just be sitting in their bedroom ignoring each other and daphne will come in, look at them, say, “I’ll let you two have some privacy,” and walk out
    • they’re not doing anything
    • ofc daphne still ships it are you kidding
  • granny buys puck nice dresses but she never wears them except for the party in book 5. the dress is flower patterned but puck drew teeth and fangs all over the flowers
  • when puck has to go to school in book 2 she just steals sabrina’s clothes bc she refuses to let granny wash her hoodie
  • book 4 plays out entirely different but im too lazy to figure out how go nuts kids
  • you don’t need the makeup
    • sabrina: ok but consider this: it’s fun
    • puck: i don’t believe you
    • sabrina: I SHOW YOU
    • sabrina: SO DO YOU
  • trashlord trickster queen is the best

There’s been some talk lately about Symmetra as a Dungeons and Dragons dungeon master and that has me thinking about Overwatch as just this giant tabletop game set up by this group of friends, with Symmetra as their long-suffering GM

Just, Satya who got roped into this whole thing and decided, well, if I’m going to do this I’m going to do it right.  The campaign is perfect.  She has this fantastic adventure set up, knows all the minutiae of the story, has this long string of clues and exploring required to lead you into the quest.  This is all supposed to take place in a futuristic world so she creates backstory, and different factions, and conflict – it’s amazing.  It should involve the characters reforming a fallen organization called Overwatch, and eventually lead to unraveling the mystery of some hidden “Eye” organization that’s pulling the threads from the background.

And so of course instead of doing this her friends immediately go and fuck right off.


Winston’s never played one of these games before so he’s struggling to figure out how he’s supposed to create a character.

Lena: Just do something unique and fun, luv.
Winston: Uh, uh, uh, okay.  Okay, uh, I’m… I’m a gorilla!”
Satya: A gorilla.
Winston: Yeah, but, uh, a talking one!  He’s, uh… a scientist that works for that organization thing.
Satya: Overwatch. And this is sci-fi, not… whatever involves talking monkeys.
Winston: He’s a gorilla.  And he’s a scientist gorilla who was, uh… made out of science.
Satya: …Care to elaborate?
Winston: Sure.  Uh, they made a whole bunch of sentient gorillas.  On the moon.  For science.  And my character was raised by one of the scientists and then when there was a civil uprising–”
Satya [with her face in her hands]: A civil gorilla uprising?
McCree: Sure, ain’t you never seen Planet of the Apes?
Winston: And then when there was a civil uprising, he got away and came down to Earth and joined that team.
Satya: Fine.

Keep reading

Throne of Glass Boy Band AU

•Rowan is the bad boy. Nobody questions that. All those years of ripping out hearts (both figuratively and literally) have given him the perfect attitude.

•Except Aedion. He spends weeks trying to contest that decision.

•He finally shuts up when Dorian says “Rowan acts like he wouldn’t care if we all died. You act like you’d be happy to kill us yourself. Rowan is a bad boy. You’re just insane.”

•He lets it go fairly easily after that.

•After all, he’s still the lead singer. And is he GOOD.

•Rowan plays the electric guitar.

•They have all learned a long time ago to never, ever, try to get him to sing. It’s not that he’s bad, they don’t know how well he sings, he just gives you a death glare if you ask.

•They figured it has something to do with that tattoo on his back. It’s in a language none of them recognize. Chaol thinks it’s a name.

•Speaking of Chaol

•He’s the eye of the storm. Whatever shit is going on, he could always rein in the rest of the group. He’s the parental favorite.

•For a while he was known as “the mom of the band”

•Then one night at an afterparty some idiots tried to pull some something and attacked the party with smoke grenades.

•No one really knows what they intended because by the time the second smoke grenade had gone off he had beaten them all into the floor.

•From then on he was known as “the one you don’t fuck with”

•They all find that hilarious because if only they knew what these boys were capable of.

•He’s the drummer. He doesn’t play in that style where it looks like the drummer is having a seizure. Every move is controlled.

•A secret only the rest of the band know: he wears earplugs. They don’t cancel the noise, just muffle it. He hates the loudness of it. He gets really erratic and jittery if he doesn’t have his earplugs in.

•Dorian is the fan favorite. Mostly because he treats his fans like puppies he just adopted.

•Speaking of, he has three dogs at home, and his face is on 26,000 shelters across the world.

•He’s on the bass. Usually backs up Aedion with singing.

•He doesn’t smash his guitar or anything like that, but he still makes his parts entertaining.

•He writes most of the songs for the band.

•Not including shoes, Aedion rarely starts a gig with more than two articles of clothing and almost never ends one with more than one. Way he sees it, he’s gonna be naked and in someone else’s bed afterwards anyway, so what does he care?

•A lot of speculation about Rowan. Their agent has tried to convince him to get into relationships with some celeb or another for the sake of publicity, but Rowan ignores him.

•Dorian has admitted he’s in a relationship, but refuses to elaborate more than that. He goes to great lengths to keep his love life a secret.

•Chaol the classic drummer when it comes to dating. Sometimes he has a girl, sometimes not. Never anyone with an IMDB page. There was this whole thing with a guy for a while? No ones sure who that was. There was a scandal with his dad a few years ago, ending when they both disowned each other. His dad is the Chancellor of Anielle, so it was pretty huge.

•But the thing is, if you asked, most people would tell you the band has 5 members.

•And that’s because of one reason: Aelin fucking Galathynius.

•Nobody knows who she is, she just shows up. There are some rumors she’s related to Aedion? He worships the ground she walks on, which brings up a whole new pantheon of questions.

•Nobody knows what’s up with her and Rowan. They curse each other so much??? Some rookie paparazzo managed to record them talking in private, but so much of it was vulgar it rendered the whole tape unusable. He did manage to learn that she’s the only one who can read his tattoos, and that she has her own in the same language.

•She’s dating Chaol? Dorian? No one is sure. She’s an enigma.

•You do not fuck with her. Ever. A few years before some idiot reporter made a grab at her dress and she had him on the floor within seconds. Chaol had to talk her out of breaking his skull with her heel.

•When asked for a comment on the near-homicide, Dorian said “The thing about Aelin is that you could have her tied up, aimed at by thirty snipers, have everyone she holds dear at knifepoint, have her suspended over a vat of acid by a fraying rope, and she will still be the most dangerous person in the room.”

•Long story short she is the bane of every reporter covering the band.

•And boy is she fucking proud of it.

Stay Calm

A/N: This is part 4 of the series. Angst. Deals. It’s going down this chapter. I regret nothing. Gimme feedback please.

I Can’t Keep Calm Masterlist

Dean x Sister!Reader   Sam x Sister!Reader  

It’s been three weeks since your conversation with Sam. After he left you didn’t spend much time in the motel, there was no point. Your brothers weren’t going to come for you and Cas wasn’t going to choose you over your brothers, so you hot wired a car left. You drove around aimlessly for about a week before deciding it was time to get yourself together and start working on getting Adam out of the cage.

In the past you had talked to Rowena, Crowley, and even prayed to Lucifer himself about getting Adam out of the cage but they all looked at you as if you were nothing more then the Winchester’s incapable little sister. You decided it was time to prove them wrong. In all the time you’ve spent with your brothers you had picked up a few tricks; they rarely took you on hunts but that didn’t mean they never trained you. Dean taught you how to shoot anything, including the grenade launcher one time, but you weren’t supposed to tell Sam about that. Both of them had trained you to fight hand to hand and Sam showed you how to hack into everything. Your brothers gave you many skills; that combined with the wealth of information you had learned from your time in the bunker, made you dangerous.

Everyone underestimated you, something that you decided to use to your advantage.

Keep reading

@waterparksk tagged me to do that thing where u shuffle ur music and list the first ten that play so ima do it

1. Bulls in the bronx - pierce the veil
2. When the day met the night - panic! At the disco
3. Fake you out - twenty one pilots
4. bruises and bite marks - good with grenades
5. Take cover - all time low
6. Flesh - Simon Curtis
7. They all float- waterparks
8. Brazil - Declan McKenna
9. Postcards and Polaroids - sleeping with sirens
10. Palm trees - SWMRS

Tagging @imatesttubebaby u better do this Mille or I will throw a bike at u


I have been playing these games since 2012 and yet I have somehow failed to actually examine the blueprints of the portal gun until now.

And I thought the turrets were ridiculous.

  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>Peggy, on a night out with the howling commandos:</b> ...and then there was this one time Steve jumped on a grenade...<p/><b>Bucky:</b> What?<p/><b>Steve, nervously sweating and shoving breadsticks behind his shield:</b> I'm sorry but I have to go immediately.<p/><b>Bucky, throwing breadsticks after him:</b> You dumb little shit!<p/></p><p/></p>
Proper military protocols...
  • Tucker: Hey, you dropped a grenade.
  • Church: That's not one of mine. Caboose, pick that up.
  • Caboose: I'm not allowed to carry grenades, remember? Because of that one exploding time? Which was no one's fault.
  • Church: Well, I didn't drop it! Tucker, count yours.
  • Tucker: I have a readout on my helmet, dummy, I don't need to count.
  • Church: Oh, right. Well, it has to be somebody's.
  • Tucker: ...somebody threw a grenade at us, didn't they?
  • Church: Yeah, we probably should've figured that out sooner.

a rhys/jack playlist b/c what better things do i have to do 

> [LISTEN] • 18 tracks total 

> The Palisades • Childish Gambino || Dangerous • Big Data || Sway • Dean Martin || HANDSOME FRIGGIN JACK • handsomeAI || Excuse Me Lemaitre || Bittersweet P!ATD || Killer Dev || Who Said Anything The Hoosiers || I Love You • Woodkid || You and Me Flume || One Time Marian Hill || Bruises & Bitemarks Good With Grenades || Something • JMSN || Fucking Boyfriend • Bird and The Bee || Bad Day • Darwin Deez || The Hills • The Weeknd || Text Me in The Morning • Neon Trees ||

Headcanon - Bidders vs The Tampons

Anonymous said: KBTBB Headcanon where the MC urgently asks the bidder to buy her tampons

“And what….exactly would you like me to do with that?” he questioned looking at the tampon box that was now sitting on the corner of his desk. “I’m out and you have….” you stopped and looked at your watch, “30 minutes before I need a new one.”

The tables were turned….he didn’t like this. Normally HE was the one setting the timeline for YOU, but now he was being stared down by an empty box of tampons and a teary eyed fiance. He slowly closed his laptop. “You could have a-,”

“No!” you said, waving your arms frantically, “I don’t want to ask anyone else here at the hotel to get them for me…it’s embarassing.” He sighed as he stood up and grabbed the box. “Don’t say I never show that I love you…”

He’s been stabbed, he’s been shot, he’s had grenades thrown at him…but one thing he was never prepared…for that time of month. The dreaded week of the month where you were absolutely miserable and mood swings didn’t make anything better.

Soryu wasn’t one of those men who kept track on the calendar when his girlfriend was getting ready to start her period. You would unknowingly begin to pull chocolates out of your stashes in your room and tuck them in your pockets of your maid’s uniform, you would start wearing baggier clothes, and you barely wanted any sort of intimacy. And for the most part, unless you were on the job, you became a complete hermit.


You: Sor?

Soryu: Yes?

You: I need you…

This was strange; all morning you where practically avoiding him and now you were…needing him?

You: Sor…I really, really need you.

He stared at his phone for a minute, this unlike-you-during-your-period text could only mean one thing…

“Inui, you need to go to the store!” he yelled.

“When I handed you this box this morning, it meant go get me some, not paint it!” you snapped. Earlier that day you had asked Ota to go to the store to get you some tampons, and so he knew which ones to get, you gave him the box. But instead of doing what you asked, he painted on the boxes an you were about 30 mins away from needing a new tampon.

“Silly Koro, you can walk yourself there, you don’t need master to walk you there,” he said, trying to play dumb, “*mumbles* Especially not for this reason.”

“No, Ota…Koro doesn’t need someone to walk her there, cause she asked YOU too, now go get me what I asked for before I bleed on the carpet and Eisuke takes it out of your hide!”

“There is a spare bath-,” he started, only to get cut off. “Ota, I swear to god if you ever want to have sex again you will go get those tampon for me NOW!”

“Roger, that!” he said, leaving the room quickly.

Baba had everything set up for your week in. Movies, chocolates, ibuprofen, heating pad…the works. Everything to make his special lady comfortable while she was miserable on her period.

“Baba, thank you so much…” you said as he pulled the blankets up over you. “Of course, pretty lady…anything for you,” he said before kissing your forehead. As he went to leave you called out to him. “Baba, there’s one more favor I would like to ask of you…”

He froze, this couldn’t be good. He had remember everything that he normally does when she sets everything up for you…so this could only mean one thing…

“Could you go to the store and pick me up some tampons?” you asked.

“……………………..sure, why not.”

“You’re always calling me a kid, so why don’t you act like an adult and go to the store for me instead of sitting on your ass all day!” You yelled, throwing your empty tampon box at him. You hadn’t meant any of what you said, you were on your period, and poor Mamoru was sadly in the line of fire as of the moment.

“Why do I have to go?” he asked, looking down at the box. “Maybe because I don’t want to move less then ten feet from the toilet cause I’m on my last tampon and my vagina has only been throwing up for the last week…so excuse me if I would like to stay here while YOU go to the store NOW,” you snapped.

He held up his hands in defeat. “Fine, I’ll go and get myself some smokes too…I’m going to need them.”

‘I’m screwed,’ he thought, crossing off the last day of sanity in in day book. It was that time of month for you and his schedule for the week was clear. How did this happen? Fate was a cruel mistress and she just happened to team up with mother nature this week for the handicap match of doom.

“Shuichi…” you called from somewhere in the back part of the house. He stayed silent, hoping  you would think that he went out. “Shuichi, I know you’re home! I need your help!” You called out. Hearing the pain in your voice he slowly made his way to the bedroom, and finding the bathroom door cracked opened he stopped outside. “Yes, _____?”

“I have a really…tiny….kinda huge favor to ask of you….” you said. Even though you couldn’t see him, he stood there shaking his head, knowing full well what was coming. “No, no way no how…in any case…I have a meeting,” he lied.

“No you don’t…I saw your day planner, you have the day off…now go to the store, AND GET ME SOME TAMPONS BEFORE I BLEED TO DEATH!”

“I think I can fit that into my scehdule…excuse me,” he said, before making his way out the door.

XXMore Headcanons HereXX

**Preference/Headcanon requets OPEN!!

give me skye and jemma being drawn closer together by the whole situation that they’re in right now

i’m not even saying this in a romantic skimmons way i swear to god

give me skye and jemma finding the support they need in each other after everything that happened to them

give me jemma trying to convince skye that she’s not stupid or naive for believing in people just because what happened with ward and that this is actually such an amazing aspect of skye’s personality and it would be terrible for her to lose it and jemma wants so bad to protect it

give me skye realizing that jemma is blaming herself for what happened to fitz and being so damn determined to force jemma to believe that no it’s not her fault it was fitz’s choice and she couldn’t have stopped him, hell she fucking dragged him all the way up to the surface and saved him as much as he saved her.

but also give me skye sorta freaking out when in the middle of a light conversation she remembers how jemma just fucking threw herself in front of a grenade that one time and also threw herself out of their goddamn plane that other time and jemma acts like it was no big deal “well i’m still alive aren’t i” and skye is like “for gods sakes jemma i swear you need to control that captain america inside you”

and in moments like that where they laugh and are temporarily able to forget about all the shit that happened and is still happening they’re thankful for the little family they’ve found in the team