“Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
“You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
“What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
“I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
“If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
“What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
“I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
“I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
“You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
“I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
“What is this, a concert for ants???”
“I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
“It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
“When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
“The wolves eat tonight.”
“Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
"When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
“Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
“Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
“How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
“I think I misplaced my right hand”
“I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
“Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
“Have your eyes always been that colour?”
“I’m going to fight the sun!”
“You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
“I’m not into that kinda thing.”
“Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
“I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
“Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
“Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
“What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
“What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
“Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
“Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
“This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
“Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
“ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
“Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
“Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
“Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
“Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
“Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
“Wait. You’re aroused?”
“Why would that surprise you?”
“It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
“okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
“I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
“I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
"Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
“how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
“…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
“For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
“Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
“Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
“_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
“What the heck happened while I was at the store?
"What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
“Despreate times call for cows.”
“Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
“You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
“Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
“Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
“Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
“I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
“I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
“I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
“Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
“So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
“dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
“Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
“What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
“WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
“PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
“PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
“What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
“Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
“You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
“Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
“Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
“So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
“Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
“Tell me why, exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
“Look, I’m not a liar, alright? And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me. So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now. And maybe a million dollars.”
“Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
“Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
“Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
“Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
“Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
“This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
“So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
“I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
“Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
“Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
“I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
“Every time you speak I literally die a little”
“One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”
“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)
have u ever liked someone so much that ur heart feels fizzy and ur stomach hurts and u just want to give them flowers and kiss their freckles and wrists and fill their emptiness with light and love? have u ever found the entire universe in just one person? have u ever looked at someone’s eyes and seen the moon? the sun? have u realized that love has filled ur life with light and kept u safe even when the world is cruel and tired and unpredictable? have u ever realized that love is enough to heal any wound? have u ever realized..that love is enough?
Moaui//Hooked Wayfinder Coffee Shop Modern AU — “Black coffee, two sugars for Curly-,” The redhead cut herself off swiftly and turned her sharp gaze onto the man behind the till, hissing venomously under her breath, “Maui, I am NOT reading this out, you creep,”
Whilst on a much-needed break from her bad day at work, Moana seeks out some much-needed caffeine. However, she might’ve found more than she first set out to in the confident, flirtatious barista…
Chapter 1: Are You A Piece Of Art?
Moana Waialiki was not having a good day. Her boss was being even more of a dick than normal, her customers were exceptionally meaner today, and a throbbing pain had started to form between her eyebrows. Currently, she was attempting to explain the 40-day, no-stain return policy to a very loud, very angry woman who claimed that she had NEVER EVEN WORN THE GODDAMN SHIRT. The ‘goddamn shirt’ in question had (what she sincerely hoped was) a huge coffee stain down the front, spanning from the collar to just below the bust, and had very obviously been worn more than once.
“I’m sorry, m’am, there’s not really much I can do about-,”
“I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”
“Of course,” Moana sighed half-heartedly as her boss fluttered around the customer delicately, leading her off to the side and away from the scene she had created, but not before shooting Moana a sharp glare. Who knew working in retail would be so hard? Moana groaned, her head falling gracelessly into her arms on the counter in front of her. A hand touched her shoulder carefully, and she looked up to meet a tan brunette with kind green eyes.
“You look like you need an early lunch break, Mo,” Fi smiled down at her gently. Moana opened her mouth to protest, but the tall woman beat her to it, “Go,” she laughed, “I’ll cover you. You could do with some caffeine,” Moana smiled gratefully as she stood, significantly smaller than the willowy woman by at least a foot, “Thanks, Fi. You’re the best,”
She slipped out of the store quickly, grabbing her bag and coat before walking out onto the busy high street in front of her.
How Moana found herself in the cafe on the corner was beyond her. She supposed Fi’s remark on caffeine had unknowingly drawn her to the small coffee shop. Well, small was sort of an understatement. Lalotai was one of those buildings that looked small on the outside, but opened up into a much larger room. The lights were low, casting a slight shadow over the room and illuminating the deep purple walls ominously. There was music playing; she could pick out the undertones of a glam rock-y bass line, but the crowd was too loud for her to tell what it actually was. Speaking of Lalotai’s customers, every table in the joint was taken and the line stretching from the till to the doors was longer than she had expected for an independent business. Moana busied herself with her phone as she waited.
The mass was almost suffocating, if not slightly rowdy, but she quickly lost herself in the world of the internet. So lost that she barely even noticed when she got to the front of the line.
“What can I getcha, kid?” a smooth voice brought her back to the land of the living.
Moana let out a slightly aggressive “Excuse me?!” (She was just short, okay?!), but the words died slightly in the back of her throat as she snapped her eyes away from her phone. Stood, looking slightly out of place but completely at ease, behind the counter was a tall, chiselled God of a man. He had sun kissed skin and dark eyes, one thick eyebrow raised in obvious amusement. A smirk spread across his face slowly, and no, she was not intimidated. His huge hands rested on the counter separating them, black mandatory shirt sleeves rolled up to expose a sea of tattoos scaling his bare arms.
“What can I get you, you know, to drink? That is what you came here for, right?” He chuckled, and she felt heat rise to her face as her scowl deepened.
“I didn’t- that’s not what I- why would I-,” Moana cut herself off and ground out a, “Black coffee, two sugars,”
“You got it, kiddo- can I get your name?” The barista winked, smirk growing in size. She spluttered slightly, halfway through sliding her money onto the counter, mouth hanging open ready to protest- “Calm it, Curly, it’s for the cup,” He laughed again, and Moana blinked, fully aware that her face probably resembled that of a tomato. She subconsciously pushed her hair out of her face.
“Oh, uh, Moana,”
“Moa- for gods- forget it,” The man scribbled something onto the side of her cup and passed it to the tall woman behind him, who got to work making her drink. She huffed indignantly and stepped to the side so that he could serve the next in line, painfully conscious to his eyes trained on her as she stood fidgeting.
It felt like an eternity had passed of awkward standing around before the tall woman finally turned around, with Moana’s drink in tow. Moana was slightly taken aback; despite her short red pixie cut, pasty skin (a sharp contrast to the dark, shadowy light) and fiery amber eyes, she bore a strong resemblance to Fi. She shook off the thought, however, when Fi’s doppelganger’s permanent scowl grew as she rolled her yellow eyes and dryly called out,
“Black coffee, two sugars for Curly-,” The redhead cut herself off swiftly and turned her sharp gaze onto the man behind the till, hissing venomously under her breath, “Maui, I am NOT reading this out, you creep,”
The barista- Maui (and he thought SHE had a weird name)- smirked, replying without looking up from the register “I’m not creepy, Kate, I’m suave,”
Kate practically growled in response, pushing the cup onto the counter. Moana snatched it up quickly, her eyes growing wide and her cheeks glowing red as she read the message he had scrawled onto her cup;
Curly – Are you a piece of art because I’d like to nail you up against a wall
Moana stood completely still for a whole of five seconds before whirling round, hitting herself in the face with her hair and storming through the crowd as fast as she possibly could, all the while feeling Maui’s burning gaze scorching a hole into the back of her head.
He watched her with a grin as she slammed the door and practically ran down the high street. Kate shot him a pointed look as they swapped positions, her at the register and him working the machines, and he let out a loud laugh.
“One day, you’re gonna get yourself fired,” She shook her head at him. How was he supposed to help himself, though? The girl was stunning, all big brown eyes and thick black lashes, with full lips that made him want to pull her over the counter and kiss her senseless, not to mention that she was a little spitfire with the voice of a freaking goddess- he couldn’t just let this complete stranger walk away and forget him!
“She’ll be back,” Maui hummed under his breath. Kate rolled her eyes again in reply.
So this silly little fic is the product of the writer’s block I’ve been having on my bigger Moana fic which I hope to be posting soon. I’d like to continue this fic if I get enough positive reactions and reviews, though, since it was fun to write and so far I haven’t come across any Modern Moaui fics!! Leave a like if you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!!