#321 - Living With Anxiety
*As someone who deals with quite severe anxiety, I just want you guys to know that I’m writing this based off of a lot of what I deal with. I hope you guys feel like you can connect with this piece and if any of you need advice, please never hesitate to ask. My inbox is always open and I love you guys. This doesn’t have to be it for you guys. Anxiety does not mean life is over. You guys are stronger than you think xx*
Harry: Standing at the bus stop, you toyed with your phone in your hand. As the time crept closer to the time the bus was supposed to arrive, your heart began to race a little more. What if there was nowhere to sit? What if the bus driver started driving again before you sat down or got settled and you tripped? People would judge you, and that wouldn’t be good. Not at all. Maybe you could walk? No, work was too far away for this time. Taking a deep breath when you saw the bus come around the corner, you got your pass ready and just focused on getting on. Nothing bad had ever happened before, it was going to be okay. What if it wasn’t okay? No, it’s okay. Needless to say, you were quite relieved to see that the very front seat was open, and it calmed your nerves a little bit. ‘Did you get on the bus okay?’ you read when your phone buzzed. Honestly, that calmed your nerves quite a bit more, just seeing his contact and words. ‘Yeah, I’m good :)’ you replied and smiled to yourself. ‘I’ll be there to pick you up after yeah?’ he responded a couple seconds later and you bit your lip, sending off one more reply before putting your headphones in. Everything was okay.
Liam: Your phone was your go to when you were by yourself in public. So when Liam just had to slip off for a couple minutes to use the washroom, you had it out as you leaned against the wall. It was a distraction that might come off as rude, but the people who you were close to never once said anything. Especially Liam. He understood, and it was nothing out of the ordinary for him. You continued playing around with one of the games until Liam came back out. Every time someone walked by, you would glance up though. You didn’t want anyone catching you off guard or coming too close to you. As much as you were distracted by your phone, you were quite aware of things that were going on around you, making sure you weren’t in a situation that could trigger something. As soon as you saw him, you grabbed your bag and stood up, handing him his jacket. “Thanks love,” he smiled softly and reattached his hand to yours, intertwining your fingers together like they had been before. You sought comfort in him quite a bit as well, especially when you were out in public. “You doing okay?” he asked softly as you two headed back down the mall. Nodding your head, you looked up at him and pressed your lips to his cheek. “All good love. Thank you.”
Niall: Your eyes looked over the menu of the café, even though you had already made a decision. You just didn’t want to go up by yourself. “Are you in line?” person after person asked and you kept shaking your head, standing back and letting them go ahead of you. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” Niall’s voice redirected your gaze over to him as he came through the door. Smiling and relaxing a little bit, you shook your head and waved it off. “No worries. I haven’t been here long,” you chuckled and gave him a soft peck as you two got in line. “You haven’t ordered yet?” he asked, looking over at you and you shook your head again. “I was waiting for you…” you drifted off gesturing to the cashier with your eyes, some nervousness starting to spread through you. “Oh! Yes, yes,” he chuckled and pressed his lips to your forehead. “You know what you want?” “Yeah, just a vanilla mocha please?” you smiled softly and hugged his arm against you. “Sounds yummy. I might try that this time,” he smiled over at you and pulled out his wallet. “I have money babe,” you murmured, pulling your purse in front of you. “You paid last time, I got this one,” he chuckled and you sighed out with a grin, nodding your head. “Thanks love… for everything.”
Louis: You felt a twisting in your stomach when you got the text. ‘I need to talk to you about something..’ Your mind automatically started going into overdrive, thinking if there was something you did wrong. When you couldn’t think of anything, you took a shaky breath and rubbed your face, feeling your palms started to sweat. Standing up from the couch, you texted him saying you would be right over. The whole drive, you couldn’t think of anything else but what he could possibly want to talk to you about. Was it good or bad? Was he going to break up with you? Was he going to tell you it wasn’t working out anymore? The moisture seemed to disappear in your mouth and gather on your palms when you finally got to his house. Knocking on the door, you were trying to hold back tears, but you just felt so anxious and panicky. It was nothing you could help. Louis opened the door and greeted you with a smile, taking your hand and bringing you in. “It just couldn’t wait,” he said softly, shutting the door and facing you. “What couldn’t wait..?” you murmured, preparing yourself for the worst. “I booked the tickets, we’re going to the Caribbean!” he said excitedly and your eyes widened. Nothing to be afraid of.
Zayn: “No, no (Y/N), draw the rose petals like this,” he instructed, taking the pencil from you and showing you the technique. “Sorry…” you said softly, taking the utensil back and trying again. He chuckled softly and watched you. “That’s better.” “But not good right?” you sighed and set the pencil down, leaning back into the kitchen chair. “No, babe it’s really good,” he spoke softly and looked over at you. “No, it’s not…” you sighed, the self-doubt hitting a lot harder than you wanted it to. “Babe, don’t say that…” Zayn frowned softly. “Sorry…” you sighed and sat up, taking a breath and grabbing the pencil again. The sharp tip snapped almost as soon as you put it against the paper. “I’m sorry!” you gasped slightly and looked over at him with pursed lips. “I’m sorry Zayn, I didn’t mean to break it…” Zayn smiled softly and took it from you, just grabbing the sharpener. “Love, it’s okay, no harm done.” “Sorry…” you murmured out, playing with your fingers under the table. “There’s nothing to be sorry for love. Here, you want to try it again?” he encouraged, holding the writing tool out for you once more and you hesitantly took it from him. “Just a little more practice love. You got this.”