one day i will get my hands on blu ray quality versions

How I’d Ruin It: MST3k

Inspired by @tyrantisterror‘s post on breaking the Batman universe, here’s an outline of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode that I (and probably no one else) would like to see.

Kinga’s version of the Forrester experiment differs in one major way from Clayton and Pearl: the primary goal isn’t to drive Jonah insane. She tells us her real plan in the first episode: revive Mystery Science Theater 3000 (which was an in-universe television show during the days of Deep 13) and eventually sell the rights to Disney for a billion dollars.

This episode would take place a few years into Jonah’s imprisonment on the Satellite of Love. With the help of his robot friends, his riffing is as sharp as ever, but the ratings (we’ll ignore the Netflix format) are in a tailspin. Everyone makes fun of entertainment these days; MST3k no longer stands out in the comedy landscape it created. So Kinga decides it’s time for a mid-season shocker: she’s going to show Jonah a movie certain to break him once and for all. Not an abomination like Manos: The Hands of Fate or Invasion of the Neptune Men – Joel and Mike endured them both and kept on trucking. No, she has a different approach in mind to make her father and grandmother proud. Her confidence in its success is such that she’s already set a trap to lure the next host: a Moon 13 internship. Unpaid, of course.

“I’m sure they’ll cause a flame war or twenty, but the fans always get over it.”

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