one day i will be a wizard

so i had this chemistry teacher in high school who is one of my favorite people ever. allow me to enlighten you

he likely got this idea from the internet, but the first day in class he dresses up as a wizard and does magic tricks, explaining how they work.

he’s punk rock AF!! had super long hair in high school to piss people off (now he’s bald but he jokingly claims it’s because he’s “evolutionarily advanced”). the only band he can really play is hank green bc a lot of punk is not exactly classroom material, but he’s played a few against me! songs, and played the aquabats! during finals week when i gave him charge!!

besides punk music, he actively fights against the school and administrators being shitty to teachers and students, openly accepting and advocating for queer students, and always available to talk to.

but my favorite story… once he was doing a lab in front of the class about metals reacting in water. he had a beaker with water and a chunk of sodium or potassium. it was fizzling lightly and he was explaining what was happening when suddenly it just EXPLODED

water got everywhere, and splatters from the metal got residue on the ceiling that’s still there today. he looked at his soaked desk in awe, asked everyone if we were okay, and then shouted “THAT WAS FREAKING AWESOME, THIS IS WHY I LOVE SCIENCE”. didn’t even care his papers were ruined. he proceeded to call the biology teacher in during the middle of her class to show her what happened, and she’s freaking out about how unsafe it was and he just goes “well that wasn’t SUPPOSED to happen, everyone’s okay, look how awesome this is!!”

my ideal life? say I live in a remote castle with a very attractive & talented wizard. the methods by which I came to live in this time-worn fortress of solitude are dubious at best. but the wizard is hot. he’s very hot. and he gave me my own, luxurious room to cry in when i feel forlorn and/or melodramatic. it’s unclear where the wizard & i stand w/ each other. do we hate each other? are we in love? ambivalent? tough 2 untangle these emotions. but.. slowly…….. he comes to realize… he DOES love me…. i’ve always been in love with him. we spend approx. 100 years together, since he taught me to be a wizard at some point and, as we all know, wizards have enhanced lifespans. one day, tragically, he dies. i am the lone wizard in the tower. i am very attractive because of my abilities. i spend decades carrying on his studies. but i miss the company of people. perhaps i bring someone to live w/ me from the surrounding village. now i am the sexy wizard

anonymous asked:

How do you feel about reading bad books for mockery purposes, in the same way that people watch bad movies to make fun of them with friends? I had the idle thought the other day "I'd love to see Doc tear into Ready Player One, or Modelland with a fury", but also that might not be a good/fun use of your time.

Oh god, I read Ready Player One, anon, and my soul physically left my body, that book is sad gamer boy made fucking flesh my god. It’s not even clever, and the concept is so good that it’s a fucking tragedy. 

I don’t generally INTENTIONALLY hate read, but I rarely rarely abandon a book once I’m in (Wizard and Glass, or I call it: Roland Has a Lot of Man Feelings and also Why The Fuck is Someone Named Susan Fucking Delgado In A Land Clearly Meant to Stand For the American West Not Hispanic–The Novel, really tested this) so I end up hate reading a lot of shit. 

I WILL hate read if it has stylistic or cultural merit–I think Ulysses is garbage but I also think it’s important and interesting. For example. Lots of stuff I’ve read for those reasons, but “I hate this shit” is different from “this shit is objectively bad” to me. 

So I used to work at universal at the wizarding world shops and sometimes celebrities come to visit and hang out backstage to have some privacy. Well one day I was working at the shop in Hogwarts and Kylie Jenner and Tyga were in my break room just chilling. Eventually Tyga goes into the shop to buy a girls Gryffindor hoodie and asks my coworker “Yo what’s a Gryffindor?” And I still think about that sometimes.

Modern Day Hogwarts!AU

Originally posted by rose-wexsley

  • Oh my GOD being a Witch/Wizard in the 2010-2017 era would be so much fucking fun I swear I’ve never wanted to be a modern witch more than I do now
  •  Imagine every Friday night to celebrate the weekend, whatever year you’re in has a battle of the bands tradition, where everyone gathers in the Hufflepuff common room to rock tf out.
  • Pureblood student’s learning muggle music and instruments and LOVING it.
  • Every person in the year having mad hangovers the next day, and being dragged to the Quidditch pitch. All of the older students who attended the battle the previous night would all be dying, some of them even conjuring their own potions in an attempt to stop their hangovers.
  • FUCKING FIRST/SECOND YEARS DABBING 
  • “10 points to Ravenclaw” *AGGRESSIVELY DABS* 
  • If you weren’t in Hufflepuff yourself, the Hufflepuffs would be so fucking annoying. In EVERY SINGLE HOUSE EVENT they would all be chanting this song. (Even better if there was a Hufflepuff vs Slytherin Quidditch match and all the fucking Hufflepuff’s start shrieking the snake part)
  • I’m convinced there would be a Wizarding equivalent to social media apps like vine, instagram etc. Imagine the fucking vines that would be made through the school year im dyigreqdasiuf
  • Some Ravenclaw students using the room of requirement as a gym, because they know not only the importance of a healthy mind, but a healthy body too. Some Gryffindor students tagging along too when they notice what they’re up to, interested in muggle ‘leg day’, as they call it.
  • Piercing’s getting banned but most students being like lol fuck ya, wearing nose rings, septums etc all the time without fail.
  • Skater kids would enchant their skateboards to be able to hover, riding them in the corridor to their classes. Some teachers like Professor Longbottom would let it slide, others such as Filch wouldn’t be as forgiving.
  • Voldemort would become a meme.
  • He would definitely be a meme oh my god I am CONVINCED of this
  • In the History of Magic studies, the selected teacher would be expressing how dangerous and fearful the Dark Lord had once looked, one of the Slytherin students yelling out, ‘He doesn’t even have a bloody nose?! Dark Lord my arse.”
  • Muggle born students would take their pureblood friends to Muggle music festivals like Glastonbury and Reading Leeds, and they would go OFF. 
  • Wizards/Witches enchanting their camping tents so it’s like a small cabin, so it wasn’t uncomfortable to sleep in after a long day of seeing all the bands.
  • Kids who stay over the Christmas holidays would so stay up and play beer pong for New Years- all the Ravenclaws using advanced magic to cheat.
  • In Charms class, the students in their last year would do the mannequin challenge, making objects levitate while someone records it all.
  • Gryffindor students being annoying little fucks and trying to see how many teachers they could get to dab over the year. This turns into an annual house event for students, Slytherin always winning.
  • For Halloween all the older students enchanting their image to look like professors, which may become problematic through the day.
  • Hufflepuffs coming to class stoned, but never get told off for it. Sure, the odd point or two will be taken away if it’s that obvious, but those little shits always get away with it. Bonus points because their common room is so close to the kitchen.
  • If you haven’t heard this song before, I believe the Gryffindor would change the lyrics to “Gryffindor sound, we aint fucken around, fuck our classes man so we keep it underground, cause potions each day got me feeling like shit but it’s all worth while when the weekend hits.”
  • Slytherin students playing odds on, getting their Gryffindor mates to jump into the black lake to see the giant squid. 
  • Muggle borns taking their pureblood friends to rugby/hockey/soccer games, and them not having a fucking clue what’s going on.
  • KIDS IN THE CHOIR USING THEIR FUCKING FROG’S TO DO DUBSTEP AND TRAP BEATS FUCK 
  • Students using Snapchat to record small snippets of Mandrakes screaming then slow it down- Professor Longbottom finds this hillarious.

    FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THIS LET ME SEE WHAT YA’LL GOT

Darkness Manipulation, Tactical Analysis, and one hella smooth voice.

Better late than never! Introducing Jumin, the team’s financial support and dark magic guy. His powers come from that little purple cloak (or so he claims, but he probably just wears it to look cool)! He can manipulate shadows easily, making him a formidable enemy at night, and has extensive knowledge over all sorts of malicious and deadly spells. He also has a cat, because no proper wizard is ever without one, right?

Also, bread shoes is an inside joke between me and @omelette-douche-fromage. I grew so frustrated drawing his loafers that I screamed “i hate bread shoes” right at her face hahah rip me. She laughed so hard I think she almost died. 

>random guy in shit tier iron armor shows up one day saying a dragon is burning down a city.
>don’t know why the guards let him in.
>figure I can throw another body at my court wizard so I shuffle him over.
>Comes back with arrows sticking out of his body and holding the tablet out for my court wizard like its nothing.
>Hear reports someone killed literally every bandit, rat, wolf, and rabbit between here and the spot he was sent.
>I now need to get this pain immune lunatic murderer out of my city.
>Dragon shows up.
>Ohthankthegods.
>Send the guy out on a suicide mission to kill a dragon.
>End of my worries.
>He comes back, apparently having killed the dragon and eaten its soul.
>According to reports just stood there and let the dragon burn him while chugging addictive and dangerous health potions he made himself.
>Now standing in front of me eating an entire bushel of apples, two loaves of bread, and an entire side of beef while everyone looks on in horror and disgust.
>Need to get him away from my children as fast as possible.
>Tell him he needs to climb the tallest mountain in Skyrim and stay with the Graybeards.
>He leaves without a word.
>Hopefully thats the last I’ll see of him…

Hogwarts School Uniform

The other day I read a series of posts on the Hogwarts uniform and how book!uniform differs from movie!uniform, which is more canonical and whether there’s been/there should be some retconning to unify the books, films and illustrations from different sources. Since wizarding fashion is one of my favourite subjects (particularly since the word “corsets” was mentioned in HBP), I thought I had to write a post about it. So here it goes.

On tradition and unmuggleness

As much as I like the movie uniforms, the way I see it, they’re irreconcilable with those described in the books, which, both because they’re from the book and because that’s how I see them in my head, I consider canonical. Most people point out as proof of this that in a couple of occasions we are told more or less directly that the basic (I’ll talk more about this later) uniform does not bear any house indicator (see the Penelope Clearwater and Crabbe-and-Goyle’d Ron-and-Harry Cases, both in CoS). This is true. However, what I see as a bigger issue is the fact that the movie!uniform is basically a muggle school uniform with robes instead of a blazer, which, considering how often we see wizards struggling with muggle clothing, doesn’t really add up. And given that school uniforms tend to be on the conservative side of fashion, it would make much more sense to have the Hogwarts uniform resemble traditional wizarding attire.

On openings and trouserslessness

The movie robes are completely open at the front save for one (PoA-onwards) or two (PS-CoS) little clasps, which would take next to no time to do up and undo, so the movie robes would be put on and off like a bathrobe or a coat. However, most (if not all) of the times we see Harry changing into his school robes he’s described as pulling them over his head. To me that implies that the front is not open all the way down, that maybe there’s just a small opening with a few buttons, like a polo shirt. Either that or the robes are open all the way down but fastening and unfastening them is so tedious that students simply never do them up or undo them all the way. In a pre-zipper world, a front opening like that would most probably mean a metric tonne of little buttons, at least (look up some old-timey portraits, particularly of women’s fashion. They took their buttons seriously). No one has time to fiddle with that many buttons, so it would be easier to undo a few of the top ones and pull the robes over your head.

Personally, I think the left-hand version fits the description of “plain black work robes” better. And yes, there’s no indication anywhere in the books that the sleeves are flared or gathered at the top, but they look more wizardy this way, so. 

For an even more undeniable piece of evidence that supports the idea of having a closed front, look no further than Snape’s worst memory in OotP. When he gets levicorpused by James, we see his underwear. He’s not wearing trousers. Wh. Why is he not wearing trousers??? Because there’s no risk of accidental exposure of one’s undergarments when there isn’t a massive opening on the front of one’s robes, that’s why. Also, if for some sinister reason he had not been wearing trousers under open-fronted robes, everybody would’ve been able to see his pants already and it wouldn’t have been “funny” when James revealed them.

Moreover, it seems that trousers, even though they are worn in the wizarding world, are neither required nor part of traditional wizarding attire. See the old man at the Quidditch World Cup. Trousers have been adopted to some extent, but they are not considered wizarding clothing per se, but rather a garment borrowed from muggles. So if we go back to the idea that uniforms tend to be conservative, the Hogwarts uniform would have probably been designed to be worn with no clothes underneath other than underwear.

On hats gone with the wind and cloaks

Hats. “One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear.” Day wear. In the films (PS, basically), hats seem to only be worn on special occasions. And I can understand that; On set they’re probably a huge inconvenience as they like to fall off and have to be touched up constantly and may cover something/someone important. Still, canonically, a pointed black hat for day wear is part of the Hogwarts uniform.

Now, do not quote me on this, but I am positive that in one of the books there is a description of a windy day where students grab the brims of their hats so that they don’t get blown off. That’s the one and only time in the whole series (that I can remember) where the uniform hats are said to be brimmed. It makes sense, though, as traditional witch hats do have a brim. Modest brims seem adequate for uniforms. (I do think it is strange to make students wear hats indoors, but oh well.)

(Edit:  ‘ “Maybe I’ll skive off Divination,” he said glumly as they stood again in the courtyard after lunch, the wind whipping at the hems of robes and brims of hats.’ - OotP, chapter 17)

Then there’s the winter cloaks. Again, plain and black, this time with silver clasps. No crest, no house colours. And there’s also the protective dragonskin gloves, which seem to be used both as protective gloves for Potions/Care of Magical Creatures/Herbology and as regular winter gloves.

On house pride (or the lack thereof)

So far we have established that the uniform consists basically of plain black garments: a set of black robes (closed front), a black cloak, a black hat. Hence, by default, there is no way to tell what house a student belongs to just by their attire. Or is there? Here’s where the “basic uniform” I mentioned  before comes into play.

It is true that the robes, hats and cloaks are plain black when bought. And yet, there are many points in the story when Harry seems to simply know what house some students belong to, even when he clearly doesn’t know them. We get constant references to “a gorup of first year Ravenclaws” or “a Hufflepuff girl”, and since the story is told from Harry’s point of view rather than an omniscient narrator’s, there must be a way for Harry to tell apart people from different houses without knowing them personally. So how can we reconcile the ideas that some people’s house is recognisable at first sight while other people’s isn’t? It’s quite simple: CUSTOMISATION.

Bagdes, scarves, appliques, ribbons, hat ornaments, buttons, socks, belts, and a long etc, to show your house pride. Just as we can get jumpers and hoodies and caps and whatnot with the name and colours of our uni or specific college, kids in the wizarding world are probably able to buy (and make) house merchandise. These items would be available at Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade, and parents would send them to their children once they’ve been sorted or the kids themselves would be able to get them via owl order.

Some students may only wear a small badge on their chest. Others a scarf+turtleneck undershirt+bandana+animal-shaped hat bauble combo. I love to imagine some kids wearing ridiculously tacky things, like red-and-gold neck ruffles or bee-striped boots. And those kids who are not as inclined to show off their house? They can just wear their basic black uniform.  

More bookstore antics, this time while I was working in the Children’s Department.

Since the children’s area was a bit closed off from the rest of the store, parents had the tendency to drop their kids off and go shopping elsewhere in the store (or, occasionally, out of it). On this day, a group of children of varying ages had been left in my department and, instead of reading, had busied themselves with a very loud game of knights, dragons, etc.

After about half an hour of my reminding them to use inside voices and walking feet and being ignored while I was trying to shelve books, I got fed up with it and pointed a pencil at them.

“The powerful wizard has put a spell on the kingdom! No one is able to run or speak above a whisper!”

The kids all stopped and stared at me for a moment before one started with “Hey, you can’t-” but was promptly interrupted by the rest of them telling him in hushed voices that they had to whisper now.

The department was blessedly quiet after that.

"But my Plot isn’t UNIQUE or BIG enough!”

One thing that I worry about is that my plot isn’t good enough. I know lots of other writers who have had this issue in the past as well, and it’s all about having confidence in yourself and your ability to tell a tale. 

The plot doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, just think of how many people get fed up of Shyamalan twist-endings. They’re clever sometimes, yes, but they’re also not what everyone ever is looking for, and when they are forced into a piece of work it is painfully obvious to anyone who really values what you’ve written. 

What matters is the telling of the story. Your plot can be exceptionally simple, and you might write one of the most compelling books of our era. 

I found one thing that helped was to look at other works, and try and break them down into their very, very simplistic terms - the bare bones, the things the author would have decided up front perhaps. The things that… if told without the wonder of the story, might have been boring. 

Like A Song of Ice and Fire, for example, which tells the stories of Political struggle against a backdrop of Ice creatures who can raise the dead and force them to attack you. It’s basically a Socio-Political zombie apocalypse, with dragons. That could have gone either way; as it was, it went amazingly. Because Martin is a master of making every character a person, and building such a rich, colourful world that we believe it. 

So, what I’ve done is looked at a very popular work that spans multiple books. Harry Potter is widely known, so this should be useful to as many people as possible. It is also praised as one of the most in depth and atmospheric works for children, young people, adults, or just about anyone, having been translated, adapted and studied over and over. 


                           HARRY POTTER BREAKDOWN

Bread and Butter

So, when I asked Google what the heck the plot of Harry Potter was, I got this;

This is what I’m going to call the BREAD AND BUTTER of the story. It’s what happens in the day-to-day of the story. It’s perhaps the introduction J. K. would have given when first sending in her manuscript. It’s also a hugely unoriginal idea. 

The concept of a young Witch or Wizard attending a magical school where they can learn their abilities has been done before, a lot. It is basically the prmise of books like EarthSea and the Worst Witch. 

So next time you think your premise is overdone or uninspired, remember that it doesn’t matter. It’s not the premise that counts, it’s what you do with it. What Rowling did with it was create an in-depth world, full of structures and rules, populated by characters we all loved, hated, felt sorry for or routed for. She also made sure to include a way for us to learn more about the world, so she made her protagonist just as unaware of the wonder and horror as all of us. 

Tea

In this case, tea is gonna’ be the conflict of the story. The main arc. Because going to a Wizard School is freaking awesome and everything, but this story needs risk. Our characters need to be in danger, and they need something to overcome. Often writers get stuck here. They have a wonderful setting and they really want to write about their character doing this or that, but what’s the main goal? What is there to overcome? 

Very simply, Rowling’s villain is a man who wishes to purify the progression of magic by weeding out those who’s blood he see’s as tainted. He is a Hitler-figure, who himself should be ‘tainted’ in his own view. That’s the villain’s GOAL. It’s clear, and simple. 

If you think your villains goal is too simple, just look at Voldemort’s goal. What makes it more complex are the many twists and turns he and Harry both have to adapt too. His many failures, as well. 

Voldemort fits into many tropes, including the bad guy ‘selling his soul’ to achieve a vain goal, the bad guy murdering the heroes’ parents, the ‘more like you than you think’ trope, where a Villain and a hero are quite similar. I especailly like that last one, because J. K. played with it. Yes, she included it, and yes she gave a magical reason as to why. 

That just shows that unique elements can be added on to overdone ideas, to make them wonderful. 

Jam and Cream

This is where Rowling turns her simple ideas into something beautiful. Whether an idea is original or not, it will not matter if the depth is not there. Jam and Cream stands for all the little things

The fact one of the most hated antagonists was only a prime player in one book but left such an impression, the fact Hermione was disliked by the main characters at first, the fact Neville was the cowardly laughing stock of the group for years. Let’s see… The fact Sybil was right about almost all of her predictions and no one believed her, thus linking her with the Mythological figure Cassandra. 

The use of diversion and tension in The Prisoner of Azkaban, the fact that Harry’s own father was rather arrogant and mean at times, yet still a good person. The moral ambiguity of characters like Dumbledore or Snape. 

And…

That isn’t even naming the things the books got wrong. Because every author makes mistakes. Yes! You’re allowed too! J. K. has Dumbledore play the ‘I’m going to withhold information from you for the sake of the plot,’ card. We are also supposed to believe Harry forgave everything Snape ever did and named his son after him because he rather fancied his mother. Many issues are left unaddressed, such as the disinterest/damn right rudeness towards Hagrid in the final years, or the silly quest over the fake Sword. 

But in the end, if the story is told masterfully, no one is going to care. 

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, if you plot is overdone, don’t worry about it. If your world feels familiar, do more to make it your own. If your villain feels like a trope, give them more twists and turns, and maybe a reason for the trope that fits your world alone. If your characters feel stale, give them more scenes that address their personality. 

You’re doing fine, and your manuscript is totally fine. If you believe in it, there’s gonna’ be at least a hundred more people who would too. 

Quick Background: I’m a dwarf wizard who relies on his sack of 40 or so throwing hatchets more than his magic. My friend is the DM. We often lose count of how many hatchets I go through in one fight.

DM: Ok, so you hit twice…missed once…uh…

Me: I had like 32 when I started. Probably closer to 36.

DM: Shit, uh, ok…ah, fuck it. I hereby grant you a sack of infinite throwing hatchets. 

And that day, I had the most fun I’d ever had.  The only drawback was I had to give up Magic Missile for it…

ok but can you imagine seamus ’ dad (dads a muggle, mums a witch) reacting to baby seamus’ magic?!? like one day he’s just taking care of seamus and all of a sudden a fUCKING VASE BLOWS UP AND HES LIKE “HOOOOLYYY SHITT” and it would just be at the worst times like they would be potty training seamus and all of a sudden the toilet blows up!! lol Seamus’ dad would probably be on edge 25/8 while his mum would be soooo proud like “our wittle seamus is a wizard! can you believe it?!”

and when seamus was accepted into hogwarts he hadn’t blown up something in years only to come back with both his eyebrows burnt off.

i bet sometimes his dad would joke like “one day son, you’re gonna blow up the whole bloody school”

and then imagine his reaction when he finds out that after the war seamus actually DID blow up the school (but in a good way lol) because mcgonagall told him to make everything go ‘boom’

his dad would be so relieved and proud like “that’s my boy!! that’s my son!! he blew up baldy and his friends. the whole lot of em!!”

idk why i think of these things

The foxes as a list of shit i pulled in high school

Dan Wilds: Told someone to get their fucking act together back stage when my mic was on and it rang out over a sea of toddlers who were just there to see the wizard of oz (sorry guys)

Andrew Minyard: had an illegal copy made of the keys to the drama room and used them to break in whenever i felt like for all of senior year

Matt Boyd: used said keys to break in the night before the last day of school and filled the drama room with over 700 balloons (all blown up by 3 people and w/o pumps we’re pretty sure we passed out from lack of oxygen at some point)

Kevin Day: one time my friend brought vodka in a water bottle and you better believe i did shots and then went to history class

Neil Josten: Fell off the set of the musical i was in, badly sprained my ankle, told everyone i was fine and went on to finish the show in high heels (i was, in fact, not fine)

Nicky Hemmick: Went to the first GSA meeting of the year, told everyone i was gay and did not return for any subsequent meetings

Aaron Minyard: once kicked someone in the shins because they wouldn’t stop making fun of me for being short (they went on for like an hour in my defence)

Renee Walker: Someone told me i was intimidating and i said “good” and then “but why i’m literally the nicest person ever”

Allison Reynolds: someone bet me i wouldn’t tell my theatre teacher to shut the fuck up and guess who was $20 richer? that’s right i was

Seth Gordon: my friend convinced one of my classes that i was dead when i was out for three weeks after an appendectomy and when i came back a girl screamed

Wymack: once drove my car to school, turned into the parking lot, drove around the outside of the parking lot and went home because i was not fucking feeling it

Do I seriously have to defend this fucker? Yeah, I do. Shit. (Lady's Thoughts)

Don’t read if you get easily offended, butthurt, or unable to comprehend another human being’s opinions.

Apparently, nobody is allowed to make offensive jokes because it’s “normalizing” and “just as bad” as actually doing the offensive thing!

Okay then. Let’s play this game.

No more murder jokes.
No more suicide jokes.
No more man jokes.
No more Trump jokes.
No more patriarchy jokes.
No more conservative jokes.
No more Christian jokes.
No more jokes that reference your mental illnesses.
No more Republican jokes.
No more penis jokes.
No more any offensive jokes–ever.

Why? Because it might hurt someone’s feelings and it will normalize hatred against white men or people who’s family has been murdered.

Only puns and good old fashioned humour, like Leave It to Beaver.

Oh, and while we’re at it:
No more plane jokes.
No more sex jokes.
No more America jokes.
No more jokes with coarse language, like shit, tits, cock, cunt, cum, fuck, etc.
No more jokes that could offend anyone at any given time ever.

That means no more jokes about any tragedy or bad things. Even if those things are personal, because it could trigger son or make them feel bad.

How about no humour at all? Even chickens crossing roads could offend someone whose pet chicken died when it got loose onto the highway.

Tumblr wouldn’t last a week.

Now, do I dislike certain jokes? Do I think some are garbage and tasteless? Of course I do. I hated that “All Jews must die” joke. But did you know what I did? I rolled my eyes and moved right along. That’s what adults do. They go on about their lives when they see something or hear something that they do not like. A joke won’t kill a Jewish person. A bullet does. And guess what? All of this attention on Felix for a bad joke is turning your backs on REAL crimes against Jews RIGHT. NOW. I bet your ass right now some little Jewish girl just got shot in the fucking face over Bast knows where while y'all are harping on ONE ignorant fuckface for making a 4chan joke. (Let’s also not forget that the man is known for making offensive jokes.)

Do you have any idea how many fat jokes I hear? How many gay jokes and witch jokes? Do you see me shitting myself and saying that their preferred brand of humour is encouraging witch hunts? Fuck. No.

It’s like saying South Park or Family Guy promotes domestic violence because of their abuse jokes.

This is a Swedish dumbass who’s job is to sit his ass in front of a telly all day, not fucking Hitler or a Grand Wizard of the goddamn KKK.

Should he be condemned? Yes. To this extent? Take your meds if you think so.

Bad humour and bad things will always exist, and no matter how much you want those things to disappear, they won’t. It has been proven to us time and time again that the more that you suppress an ideology and try to censor it, the worse it becomes. Look at how Trump got to office. (Also, because of all of this hubbub, a shit storm of actual antisemites have come out of the woodwork. If you would have left him alone, this shit wouldn’t have happened. Woopsies, right? Fuck you.)

No wonder people hate fucking liberals. Bunch of whiny ass pussies that need to have their coffee taken away from them and actually show them what REAL antisemitism is. They’d think that Pewds is the funniest bastard in the world after they’re done witnessing the horror of what other countries think of Jews and what they do to them.

I’m taking a shower. Fuck this. If you disagree with me, I’m not sorry. If you feel the need to unfollow me, then you aren’t a very strong person. At all.

so i let my friend Alyssa roll a d100 for the age of my new d&d wizard and here she is!!! her name is Mildred and she’s 94 years old and i love her. 

Fun facts about Mildred:

  • She is a few levels higher than the rest of the party, but sometimes has to roll to see if she remembers how to cast a spell, or why she walked into a room. Might spend her turn recounting the time she fought a battle similar to this one in the summer of ‘45
  • She was essentially a free love hippie back in the day and has done SO MUCH Old Toby
  • Never married, but she has a lot of love to give and explored that love with just about every species in her heyday
  • She tends toward chaotic good but has been known to play tricks on youths she finds too haughty
  • Calls everyone “dearie”

you know how it’s always like “I was just a normal high school kid until one day *FANTASTIC/CRAZY/AWFUL/MAGICAL* thing happened to me!

what if they just had like five entire episodes of vanilla slice of life shit before the director yells SWERVE and throws the “you’re a wizard, harry” moment into the mix or decides the apocalypse starts NOW

so that you’re just as shocked as the main character