one d preference

Frat Boy Pt. 9

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6,  part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8

IT’S BEEN TOO LONG FRATTY FRIENDS! Literally - Six. Months. Or longer. Here’s the RECAP if you need to catch up on your infuriating frat boy shenanigans in a fun and easy fashion! It’s been a while, and we’re learning about Harry now… be fragile with him. As always, please tell me your thoughts after reading! It takes a moment but when I feel people are involved in this project it motivates me to continue with it. Anyways, I’ve already kept you waiting long enough…Thank you for sticking with us. ENJOY! xx

18 Morning View Drive

Coast Hills, CA

Then, exactly an hour and thirty minutes later:

7 pm.

Those were the only things Harry had texted you. Just the address.

“I don’t even know if I want to go anymore,” you whined, looking at your phone once more before tossing it on the bed. “He clearly hates me and doesn’t want me to go.”

“I thought you told me he said you could though!”

“Only because it sounded like he had to! His sister was practically forcing the words out of him.”

Renny cringed. “Sister…Yeah I’m sorry, I’m still not over it.” You groaned at the reminder and she sighed in response. “Okay listen, just be yourself! Try not to hate him.” You felt your eyebrows rise higher than hairline.

“And this is coming from a girl who loathes him more than her entire being?”

She rolled her eyes. “I just think he’s an entitled asshole, but you clearly don’t otherwise you wouldn’t be going to the dinner. Now, nude pump or suede bootie?” She held up the two shoes she was gracious enough to let you borrow and you bit the inside of your cheek. You did think he was an entitled asshole, but… you were curious. So undeniably curious and how many girls could say they went over to a family dinner at the Styles’ house? Not that that was your primary reason for going but…

“Uh, Y/N?” she prompted.

“Bootie,” you said quickly, snapping yourself out of further self-analysis.  You weren’t sure if you liked the boy, but you were definitely… interested. Renny went to the closet and came back with two dresses.

You shook your head.

“What do you mean?”

“They’re a little…fancy.” You bit your tongue, not allowing ridiculous to form. You shook your head.

“Yeah it’s a family dinner. Jeans will be fine,” you reasoned. You plucked your favorite denim from the drawers and Renny gasped as if you’d smacked her across the face. “And a t-shirt,” you added with a smirk. She gasped louder and clutched her chest.

“No no no no no. No!” She raised her finger to you, stalking to the closet again, the cocktail dresses abandoned to the floor. “If you’re wearing these booties you’re at least wearing a blouse. God, who are you?” She plucked a peachy top and a blazer from the inside of the closet, but you snatched the blazer from her hands and put it back on the hanger, opting for the cream sweater instead.

“I want to be comfortable, not looking like I’m going to a business meeting ya dingas.” She snorted at the term and you pulled her in for a hug, clinging to her for a moment. She always seemed so soft and you weren’t sure if it was the Victoria’s Secret body lotion she used or if she was just blessed with naturally smooth skin.

“Renny?” you mumbled against her chest, arms still securely wrapped around her.


Your mind raced with hundreds of questions. What were you doing? Was this absolutely stupid? How do you know if you like someone?

“Your boobs are comfy,” you finally sighed. You knew she couldn’t possibly give you explanations for any single one of those things. She wasn’t exactly a love guru, but she was entirely the best at texting and the art of flirting.

“Thanks. Niall thinks so too.” You squeezed her tighter before it registered what she’d said. “Gross,” you mumbled, letting go with a laugh.  You only let her put the bare minimum makeup on you and she was just finishing up with a coat of mascara when there was a knock on the door. She stopped.

“I thought you said he wasn’t going to pick you up.”

You shook your head. “He isn’t. I’m driving.” Renny paused, listening, as if she’d be able to hear what was going on just beyond the door. The mascara wand was set on the bathroom countertop and she crept to the door. You weren’t under any illusions that he would swing by your place beforehand so you weren’t going to bother wasting precious energy on “what-if”s, though your heart still picked up its pace in expectation. The door creaked open at the last swish of the mascara wand.


Expectations you didn’t want in the first place fell when you heard her voice raise in pitch. Of course it wasn’t Harry.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Thought I’d stop by.” His satisfaction at having surprising her was evident in his smug tone and you tip-toed out, not having had a proper one-on-one with Niall since the night of the party.

“You alone?” he whispered to her.

You saw Renny shake her head before you took a step out. A bit of guilt hit you thinking about the spontaneous kiss, but it was so long ago. I mean, you were going to Harry’s house tonight and Niall just came for some one-on-one time with Renny. At this point the kiss just seemed…a bit irrelevant. Renny faced you as if to gesture “see! Not alone” and his blue eyes focused on you as if nothing had changed. But then they did.

“Oh, hey Y/N, what’re you doing here?” he shrugged and shifted his weight. Renny was oblivious to the awkward shift.

“Um, I live here?” you crossed your arms, brows furrowing a bit.

He thought it over but for a second before he shook his head, lips quirking up in their innocent schoolboyish charm. “Right. Must be tired or somethin’.”

“Or somethin’” Renny teased. Niall poked her sides and she twisted out of reach, only leaning back again to smack him playfully across the chest.

“Alright love birds, I’m headed out. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye then,” Niall said, arm already sneaking around Renny’s waist. She mouthed an “OMG” to you at his display of affection while you tried not to vom. But when the door closed shut you couldn’t help but think about how natural it seemed for his arm to wrap around her waist.


“OH GEE, THANKS for putting on your BLINKER - not. ASSHOLE!” you shouted, almost wishing your window was down and that the pompous senior citizen wearing ray bans at night could hear you. Since you were a decent and intelligent human being you put on your blinker and switched lanes, trying to follow Siri. Grandpa was driving a Porsche and he cut you off only to go 5 miles per hour. Your 1990 Chevy Cavaleir was driving faster than that and he thinks he can cut you off just because he has a better- you exhaled hard through your nostrils.  No. He wasn’t worth it.  You’d left in plenty of time, 30 minutes early actually, even though it’d only take about 20 to get there.

The only problem was your phone was verifiably ancient and your navigation was the slowest thing known to man. Once you’d gotten off the freeway, you’d made three wrong turns because your navigation was being ditzy and not telling you how close 600 feet was. And now the entitled drivers of Coast Hills decided you’d be okay with them cutting! you! off! Your hands squeezed the steering wheel a little too tight.

The ocean hugged your side on the highway for another five minutes, but each glimpse you tried to steal to it was futile. It was dark, an expansive pitch-black body stretching as far as your eyes- well, couldn’t see. It left you with a chilling feeling as you turned up the winding hills to the mansions waiting at the top. They were nestled all along the drive up, though hidden by hedges and various gates, and at the very tops all you could see were their lights already glistening, making the hills twinkle with light. Perhaps tonight they could see the water better from their perch above, but a part of you doubted it. No matter which way you tried to look at it, darkness somehow refused to be penetrated.

But you bet it looked gorgeous when the sun came up.

In 200 feet, make a right on Coast Hills Drive.

“Shit,” you cursed, quickly getting in the right lane and ignoring the honk of a horn. You didn’t have time to put on your blinker and as soon as you slammed on the accelerator to turn, you were slamming on the brakes. The iron gates were intimidatingly high and the guard that hopped out of his security room didn’t look amused. A mounted sign read “Coast Homes” behind a trickling waterfall that fell against a stone wall and massive palm trees stood beside it. And then there was you.

A knock on your window practically had you jumping out of your skin.

“Are you lost?” the guard asked. It looked as if his mouth was already open to give you directions, hands raising to point you someplace else, but you shook your head.

“No, not lost.” And his mouth closed at your words, hands quickly dropping to his sides and confirming your suspicions.

“Are you here to see someone then?” he prompted.

“Harry. Uh, Harry Styles.” A slight buzz ran through you saying those words. You were here to see him. You were actually invited to the Harry’s house. Oh god, what if you saw his bedroom?

His eyes narrowed a bit at the name.

“I mean, I’m here to see his family?” you suddenly clarified. As if it were necessary. As if he wouldn’t believe that you were here to see him alone. It didn’t make it much more believable though.

“What’s your name?”


He looked to the back of your car to check the license plate and you felt a twinge of annoyance. “Pull up then.” He used two fingers to beckon you forward before quickly jogging to the security room. You stopped closer to the gate and he scrolled through the computer with a furrowed brow, clucking when he found your name. “You’re here.” But it sounded like “wish you weren’t.” The heavy mechanics of the printer and a dull screech sounded as something printed, and he plucked a sheet of paper from the machine, holding it out to you.

“This is your pass. It’ll last until tomorrow in case you spend the night so don’t worry about tickets or anything like that as long as this is properly displayed on your dash.” He tapped your windshield as if you weren’t aware where your dash was located and you smiled.

“Thank you, it’ll only be for a few hours- tops.”

He nodded and then, as if you were old friends and he was admitting you into a secret club of his, said quietly, “Their visitors don’t usually last too long.” He straightened up instantly, his moment of gossiping weakness vanished with his once-again professional posture. He gave you a nod. “Have a good night!” The gate opened and you called out a quick thank you before entering the most brilliant display of wealth you’d ever seen.

Lawns were perfectly manicured as you passed, some opting for Mediterranean fashions and others expansive Spanish villas with imported tropical plants. Most cars you assumed were inside of the mansions in their garages, but the ones that weren’t inside weren’t any less impressive. “Ferrari, Porsche, oh! Tesla,” you muttered. It was like all the fancy cars you’d ever seen in passing on the highway had the same destination. Here. You stopped counting how many you saw on your hand when you got to 14. And the houses… they were the largest you’d ever seen. They were more like hotels than mere houses.

You’d seen glimpses from below, and recalled the many times you’d stare up at them dreamily on late night cruises to get back home from work, the lights beautifully transforming the hilltops and making you feel like it was an early Christmas. From below you seemed to forget how massive they would be in person.  How they hinted at lives being lived just out of reach. Staring at them up close now, you somehow felt they were even more so.

Make a right on Morning View Drive, then, in 500 feet, your destination is on your right.

You swallowed hard despite yourself as you turned right, suddenly thinking that Renny’s idea of a dress wasn’t that ridiculous of an outfit. But it was too late now, especially when you drove down a street just as manicured as the rest, but somehow seemed wider. The streets alone…They were about twice- no, three times the size of your own in width. And the houses were separated far from each other, far enough that one property easily took up the space of four large houses. You tried to zero in on the numbers along the houses – only to realize they were hidden. By gates. More gates? What were they hiding in there, the Crown jewels?

Your destination is on your right.

Your body jolted forward as your twitchy legs hit the brakes too hard and your car started drifting forward again as your foot relaxed.

Another jolt to stop before you ran into the mailbox.

You couldn’t see a number, but you didn’t think you had too. Forget the other houses - this was the largest home you’d ever seen, fitting for how well known the Styles family was. It was a Spanish Mediterranean style mansion with golden lanterns adorning windows and balconies…and this was just what you could see from what was rising above the iron gate surrounding the property. It sat prominently in the middle of the street, both intimidating and more striking than any of its neighbors, and the largest too – your gaze ran all the way down the gate; it took up the rest of the street until the end of the hill where it’d drop off into a deep valley and eventually run straight into the ocean. You’d seen that view from the highway a thousand times, but it was different to be on the other side of it now. You knew the Styles were rich, but you didn’t think they owned an entire coastal hilltop.  

You awkwardly repositioned the car and drove up to the callbox, but paused, looking to your purse hesitantly. Should you just call Harry on his cell? You rolled your eyes and leant out to press the little call button and the buzz that instantly droned in the air made your hand recoil in a snap and left your mouth suddenly very dry. This was real. This was happening.


You swallowed hard, trying to convince yourself you shouldn’t peel out of his driveway and drive straight back home to Renny and your ducky pajama shorts.

The droning stopped, and a long high-pitched beeeeeep sounded, which triggered the gates. There was muffling on the other end of the line as the iron gates started peeling back, and you could’ve sworn you heard a voice say, “Is that her?” Your hands were mildly shaking as they reached to put the car back in drive, from fear? Excitement? Admittedly, a bit of both.

You drove up the cobblestone drive through a yard lush with tropical plants that had to have been imported, but your gaze was quickly stolen by the resort-like property you’d be entering at any moment. Columns stood tall and the encased chandelier emitted a warm glow where the intricate glass doorway stood. The click of your booties walking along the cobblestone seemed loud as you walked to the front and tentatively raised a hand to the door. You knocked softly for fear the intricate glass would break, though it did seem expensive and thick enough…

You looked back to the only car in the driveway – yours. Their cars were probably hidden and well-kept from the elements in one of the three garages you’d parked in front of. The dent you’d received from last year’s fender-bender was still obvious even in this dim lighting. The crickets seemed peaceful tonight.


You turned sharply at the high-pitched voice to see Gemma. She held a full champagne flute in her hand, and leant a bit on the dark wood rim of the door, looking every bit as beautiful as you’d remembered – more so, now that you saw the cocktail dress she was wearing.

“Hi!” you mirrored her enthusiasm.  She ushered you in, not noticing it was a mere mask for how totally unprepared you felt. “Was I, uh, was this like a formal occasion?” you whispered, eyes darting down the long hall. The blank stare she gave you made your anxiety about being the most awkward human bean rise to new levels.

“What, formal?” Gemma looked baffled for a moment. “Oh! No, not at all. All my other clothes are dirty and I’ve been refusing for Sven or Eli to do them.” She took in your lost eyes. “The house maids- or, housemen? Not sure which,” she clarified. Her eyes quickly darted over your cardigan and jeans. “You look wonderful by the way. Dinner’s only just begun, I promise.” You smiled warmly at her, suddenly becoming aware of the chatter and silverware scraping the plates. A grand piano sat in the entrance, and there was a surprising amount of marble for the Spanish exterior of the house. Chandeliers lined the tall ceilings all the way down and some orchestra music you weren’t sophisticated enough to name filled the air.

She started walking down the hall, and you trailed behind her, your heart rate accelerating from the anticipation of seeing Harry in his home. It sounds weird, but you’d never been able to picture him at a proper house, with a family, with a childhood really… just the fraternity.

“Y/N is here!” She called out just as she turned the corner. Seven pairs of eyes locked on you and you instantly tugged on your sleeves. Especially when you only recognized two. Harry sat beside the head of the table, his eyes locked on the plate of food, and a surprise. Sorority Viv was beside him. You wanted to scowl, but you tugged the sleeves of your sweater down instead.

“Hi,” you put up a hand and braced a smile.

“Well we didn’t think you were coming,” a woman said. Her blonde bob looked strangely familiar and Harry’s eyes snapped to her when she spoke. Even from here you saw them harden.

“Oh..uh,” you looked down at your watch. 6:55. “I’m sorry, I thought dinner started at 7.”

“You’re fine dear,” the man at the head of the table assured. Mr. Styles you assumed. He had kind features and softened wrinkles by his eyes when he smiled like now. He was like a George Clooney and, even though he had gray hair, he was tan and somehow it was fashionable. But something was off.

“It was meant to be 6,” she noted, and her pearl necklace jostled as she leant over and placed her empty glass of champagne on the table and beckoned you to the seat in front of Harry. “Well come in! Please,” her voice sounded sincere but the thin smile radiated about as much warmth as a frozen potato. Gemma squeezed your shoulder as she passed and sat at the next empty one a few chairs down. You pulled yours out next to a fair-skinned boy with light dull brown hair and he offered his hand. It was like porcelain, so it was a little unnerving when you grasped it and found he was actually warm.   

“Charlie,” he said, and you realized he was the boy you saw kissing Gemma.

“Y/N,” you smiled. You looked across to Viv and did the same, and she returned it, if a little unwilling. She looked to Harry again, who’d busied himself more with food.

“Hey,” you said, but it was into the void, his eyes elsewhere probably looking at the thousand dollars worth of décor – your embarrassment was swallowing you up until Viv nudged him. He looked up, eyes distant, and they locked on your own for only a second.


It was mortifying.

“So-” Charlie cleared his throat- “You guys are mates then I reckon?”

“We’re not sure what they are,” Gemma piped in.

“What do you mean?” Viv asked, looking to Harry.

“Yes, what do you mean?” Mrs. Styles suddenly halted the conversation at the other head of the table with the couple beside her. Harry’s face morphed into a scowl.                               

“Gemma,” he warned.

“Mary, please,” Mr. Styles sighed.

“Harry,” Gemma and Mary spoke at the same time.

“So!” Charlie let out a nervous laugh. “The chicken’s really good isn’t it?” He forked another bite into his mouth and you were envious you couldn’t do the same. Just like that, a gloved hand reached down and gingerly set down a china plate with the juiciest piece of chicken and capers you think you’d ever get the privilege of eating.

“Thank you,” you looked back to the kitchen help before he could disappear, black and white uniform and all. “You have a lovely home Mr. Styles. And Mrs. Styles.”

“Oh honey my mother-in-law is Mrs. Styles. I’m Mary, and he is Lionel.” Her voice was bubbly like the champagne she twirled around, but so was her friendly tone – full of air.

“Oh, okay.” You busied yourself with picking up the silverware before stealing a glance to Harry. His demeanor was different than usual, eyes glued to his food, cheek sucked in as he lightly gnawed on it. He was still, but .. sad? No.


“Did practice tire you out?”

His eyelashes fluttered at the sound of your voice and he looked up, lips pursing just the slightest. It was a miracle he hadn’t ignored you.

“No…”- a brief lift of his shoulders, a shake of the head, then- “No,” he repeated, forking a piece of chicken into his mouth.

“Yeah, you have been awfully quiet-OW,” Charlie began coughing and Gemma threw him a glare.

“Harry’s never quiet.”

“And how would you know that?” Harry suddenly snapped to life and the room dropped by ten degrees. She raised the napkin neatly to her mouth before slowly tucking it below her.

She took a deep composed breath.

“Oh please Harry,” her oddly placed laugh made you tug your sweater tighter to your body. “I’ve lived with you long enough don’t you think?”

“Long enough? Yeah I completely agree.” A sarcastic half grin spread across his face and something tugged within you that made you want to kiss it away. You heard yourself thinking and it made you sick. Kiss? KISS??!

You stuffed another bite in your mouth.

“So Y/N what’s the story here?”

You look up, cheeks full. Mr. Styles – Lionel, laughed a bit at the sight and his laugh didn’t make you want to cringe into your sweater like his wife’s. “Sorry darling, I’ll let you finish.”

You swallowed a little too fast.

“What are you studying here? How do you know Harry?”

“I’m majoring in Biology, but we’re in English class together.”

“Biology! I’ll drink to that,” Lionel lit up and raised his flute.

“Lionel’s the best doctor in Southern California.” Mary crossed her heart, and Lionel shook his head lightly.

“She exaggerates.” Her eyes narrowed slightly at his comment, but he continued, “If you ever need an internship or if you want to come visit one day…feel free.” He slipped a hand into his pocket and pulled out an extremely thick, extremely white business card as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “So… just class?” He gestured between you and Harry once more.

“Well, he’s also quite a good soccer player so I’m pretty sure the whole school knows him.”

“I wouldn’t say the whole school,” Harry started, but his eyes were fixed on Lionel and the way he broke into an easy smile.

“So we’ve heard. We’ve seen him play once or twice, haven’t we?” He looked to Mary who nodded. She soundlessly raised the napkin to her mouth again but she didn’t speak. “Yeah, he’s quite good.”

“Really good,” Viv crooned.

“Could you pass the water please?” Gemma asked.

“What?” Mary arched a thin brow.

“The water,” Gemma repeated.

“Water,” Lioinel mimicked the accent and broke into a smile. “You can’t ever leave Gemma, it’s decided. I’d miss your voice too much.”

Something snapped in you. He lifted the heavy vase of water effortlessly and passed it on to her, oblivious of the gears turning in your head. The accent.

Mr. Styles didn’t have one.

And neither did Mary?

“You don’t have accents?” It was out before you could stop it and the table fell silent. It was one of those awful moments when everyone’s brows were squished and slow side glances were given. And a nauseating feeling spread through you when you realized you might have said a very wrong thing. Viv nervously looked to Harry.

“What do you mean?” Mary asked.

Harry cleared his throat. “I mean, technically we all have accents.”

“He’s right,” Gemma said, pointing her fork.

“But you’re…are you British?”

“I am!” Charlie said.

“Yes you idiot,” Gemma nudged him, and Lionel laughed a bit before shaking his head.

“No darling, we’re from here. Born and bred beach bums.” He threw up the shaka sign in true dad-fashion but Mary tipped her champagne flute back.

Harry snorted.

“Never say that again.”

“Why am I embarrassing you?”

Harry didn’t bat an eye.

“Oh come on…Charlie smiled.” Lionel innocently looked over for support, but Charlie’s gaze was locked deep on his chicken by then.  

“You’re lying,” Harry shrugged. “You never go to the beach. Can’t be a host that lies to its guest can we?” Harry turned to you and you froze. “You don’t like liars do you? Cause I don’t.”

“What has gotten into you?” Lionel’s voice was breathless, incredulous.

The table fell silent and the two looked at each other from opposite ends of the table. Lionel set his glass down and a tint of disbelief reflected in his eyes.

“I’ve never seen you there it’s just funny to hear you say it,” Harry continued calmly.

“What’re you talking about I took you sailing all the time.”

“I’ve seen pictures!” Viv said, “Oh you were so cute in your little outfits, don’t you remember?” But her voice sounded overenthusiastic, keen to change the subject.

“Sure and how old was I again Vivvy?”

His retort was instant, the question harmless enough, but it was the way he said it that made Viv’s face instantly fall. For a moment, you even felt bad for her she seemed so genuinely hurt. Mary rubbed her mouth with the napkin so hard you weren’t sure if the red on her lips was blood or makeup. Do you speak? Make a mad dash for the door? Sorry, I didn’t sign up to be on an episode of the Housewives - gotta blast! Then you could throw the thumbs up sign to Harry on your way.

No. You couldn’t. You didn’t even dare to breathe right now.

Gemma watched wordlessly, just as much at a loss as you. More so, it seemed, for her mouth open and closed multiple times, but each time it was a hopeless attempt. Lionel rose his brows, took a deep breath, and leaned back. He looked tired.

Harry’s eyes had barely flitted over to yours before retreating again and in that brief moment you looked at him, it’s as if he realized what he’d said. His cheeks flushed, but his jaw was locked.

Okayy, someone woke up on the wrong side of his small fraternity bed this morning. But you’re welcome to come back and live with us. Have your nice king sized bed again…” It sounded like a nice offer but if you listened hard enough you could’ve sworn you detected something sharp.

“Oh funny joke Lionel,” Mary laughed humorlessly, slowly turning to you. “Harry’s always been independent.”

I wanted Gemma to reach out, to whisper a concerned Harry as a warning, because right now his eyes were dark, brewing a storm of blood rain from invisible scars he’d cut open himself. How deep did they run?

“Yes, funny, funny, that’s what we are,” Lionel said, but there was no smile on his face, he was rubbing the corners of his mouth with the napkin and setting it down on his clean plate. “Sorry about this.”

As if Harry wasn’t in the room. As if you didn’t feel as though you were in the most awkward position you could’ve been placed in, plopped in the middle of a tug of war you didn’t really remember signing up for. Were you supposed to be on a side?  

“Dinners aren’t usually like this, I don’t know why he’s-”

“I don’t know why we’re having this dinner. Are you done?” Harry asked Viv. Her plate was still full of vegetables and at least half the chicken.


“Great! Are you done?” He turned to you in all his over-animation, and in his dark green eyes you felt a sudden sympathy. It wasn’t right what he was doing, but he could only be acting out for a reason. Or multiple.

Or perhaps he was a just a selfish petulant boy.

Whatever the reason there was a wild plead in his gaze and you didn’t want to disappoint.

But you were also very much aware of Lionel waiting for your answer.

“If everyone’s done, then I’m done too.” And in fact, your appetite had disappeared.

Gemma seemed close to tears, but she blinked them away and tossed her napkin. “Yes, I’m actually quite tired.”

Charlie halted his fork mid bite and with one look from Gemma he reluctantly put it down.

“Stuffed full actually,” he mumbled.

“Great, well, I’ll grab dessert.”

Mary rose with her napkin but the scrape of Harry’s chair against the wood floors made her do a sharp turn.

“Where are you going?”

He didn’t answer as he headed to the marble staircase, footsteps loud as he jogged up them.

“Let him go,” Lionel sighed, and with it, he shrunk smaller in his chair.

“Harry!” she screeched. But he didn’t answer and with a turn at the top of the stairwell he was gone.

Everyone dispersed after that. Lionel received a conveniently-timed phone call to which he had to dismiss himself into one of the many rooms. Mary headed immediately into the kitchen but she never came back -

And then there were four.

“I’m-” Gemma bit her cheek, folded her hands. “Nevermind.”

“I think I should get back.”

Gemma looked at you understandingly, a sad sort of reluctant smile gracing her face. “Perhaps that’d be best. It was really nice meeting you though, and as much as Harry doesn’t seem to get on with loads of people, he mentioned you multiple times. I thought-” Her eyes got misty again and they glazed over the multiple paintings hanging over the dining table. “Nevermind what I thought,” she looked down to her feet but for a moment before that, her warm eyes had smiled at yours. You didn’t know her, not at all, yet somehow you could tell the warmth behind them was genuine. And you liked her instantly.

“Alright, I’ll just – I’ll head out then. Thank you so much for the dinner, it really was delicious.”

“Thanks for coming,” Charlie offered, swinging his arm around Gemma.

“Guess I’ll see you at school.” Viv appeared beside them and the unexpected head of jealousy showed its face again. Well, not its whole face. Just the tip of its nose as it peered behind the pillars of your heart, because would you really want to spend more time in there?

You were shocked when that tiny part of you said yes.

You were only halfway to your car when you heard Viv shout out.

“Wait!” You obeyed, feet halting as her fast jogging in heels made record time. She let out a breath. “Back there, what you said about the accents, it’s not like it’s a big secret, but um.” Her eyebrows slightly knitted together. “I’m not sure why I’m telling you this, I guess just so you don’t make it a big deal.”

“Yeah. Wait- why, did I make it a big deal? I really didn’t mean to.”

She shook her head, then stopped. Her head leaned slightly to the side and her eyes pinched as she pondered your questioned. “Maybe a little.”

She put her arm around you and steered you to your car.

“Harry’s adopted, it’s not bad that I’m telling you this because they don’t try and keep it hidden or anything it’s just – they don’t advertise it. And most people don’t ask. They just assume long-term boarding school or something. They don’t look into it.”

“Oh. Right.”

Adopted. Of freaking course.

“It was when he was young, seven or something. Uh-” She stopped, perhaps she’d said a bit too much. “But anyway it’s not that big of a deal.” But it sounded like she was trying to convince herself. She looked to you.

“Yeah,” you agreed, “Totally fine. I mean I’m sure his other friends know anyways.”

She smiled then, and stuck you at arms length. “See you later.”

After revving the engine, and drawing up to the gate, you sat there for what must have been a solid twenty seconds, throwing the engine in reverse and then approaching it again. It didn’t move. Shouldn’t this thing be automatic from the inside? You threw it in park and trudged to the front door again, but no one was moving inside the house. You tried knocking. Everyone was gone. Fantastic.

A miracle, one of the garage doors started to open and you walked closer.

“Oh good, I was about to be stuck!” you called out as the doors clicked back, expecting Gemma to return your smile from the other side. But it was dark and no one was there. You did see the shadow of three other cars though. Three very nice racecar material cars.

“Hello?” You called out. You swallowed harshly when you saw two brown booties.

“What’s going on?”

You felt like you should be the one asking him that, but you just shrugged your shoulders. “The gate won’t open.”

Harry stood expressionless before retreating to the back of the garage.

“Wait- where are you-”

The sound of the gate opening shut you up. “Oh, thanks,” you mumbled. You didn’t really know what else to say, and Harry wasn’t exactly making conversation, so you were silent as the clank of your door closed you in again. Back to reality. This night had been a disaster.

The spluttering of your engine lasted longer than usual and you stilled.

Come on grandpa!!!!

You twisted the key again but it was refusing to give you the satisfying thrum when it finally gave. You were so close!! It couldn’t give out now!!!! It could literally break down, say, in a total hypothetical situation that did NOT happen, when I’m trying to avoid human contact after being pantsed in front of hottie toddie physics professor but it CAN’T give out now.

You tried again but it failed.

And you tried again.

And again.

And again.

Harry’s figure approached the car window with a beer in hand and he took a deep swig of it before knocking on the window. You barely heard it above the spluttering but you gave grandpa a moment of silence.

You rested your head on the steering wheel before bouncing up again and rolling down the window.

“What Harry,” you sighed.  

“She’s dead.”

“I know.”

You got out and waited, crossing your arms while Harry ran into the garage to check if he had any jumper cables or whatever else he’d need to fix this. At least it wasn’t smoking.

“We don’t have any.” He sauntered over, scratching the back of his neck and looking at the car. “Can stay here if you want.”

“I can call an Uber.” You hit your phone’s lock switch but it was a black screen. DAMN you Renny for hogging the charger before you’d left. DAMN YOU. “Can’t. Can’t call an Uber. Could you call one for me?”

“Are you trying to use me for my money?”

“I- no.” Your mouth parted but it closed again. Was he for real? Was he….kidding? “I can pay you back you know.”

“Lionel won’t hear of it. He doesn’t trust Uber.”

“Doesn’t trust Uber. What is he? A binge-watcher of late night crime shows?”

“No.” An almost smile shone through and you crossed your arms.

“Well I can’t just block the gate.”

“No one’s going anywhere for tonight.” He headed for the garage again. “Come on,” he called back.

“Renny will be worried about me!”

“You can call from our landline.”

People still had those?

“Sh they can hear you these walls aren’t 12 inches thick!!” you whisper-yelled into the receiver. You gave Harry an awkward smile and twirled the cord around the vintage phone. “Mary picked it up at a Parisian market or something. It’s mainly for decoration but they got it hooked up just in case,” he’d said, only walking to the end of the hall to give you some “privacy.”

It was literally from the 1920s. You felt like a vaudevillian actress about to break into song about how she wants to live a normal life but mommy and daddy keep her locked in a tower.


“Renny- ! Oh my- ! Could you just- could you just LISTEN?”

“Let me call you an Uber.”

“Lionel already knows and they’re-” you looked over at Harry who seemed to be distracted by a painting he’s probably seen a thousand times before and you lowered your voice- “Apparently one of the maids is already making my bed.”

“ARE YOU ROYALTY NOW?! Are they going to give you complimentary chocolates in the morning?! Are you going to be giving him complimentary HEAD-?!!!”


Harry’s head whipped towards yours, but his lips were still set in his pout. You grimaced, putting your back to him and facing the end of the hallway.

“Now you have me thinking about the wizard’s wand. I literally hate you,” you grumbled.

“You know I’m joking. Well, half-joking. You can stay there if you want it’s just-” she sighed- “What is this, are you guys like dating now? Because the last I heard you were literally running away from him and wanting to punch his face in.”

“He does give off that effect. And no! We’re not-” your voice lowered more- “We’re not dating. My car’s just broken down.

“You keep lying to yourself.”

“I’m not lying to anybody.”

“Keep telling yourself that kid. Because the last time I was with you was when you were literally RUNNING away from him. But you’re going to spend the night at his house. Voluntarily. I mean geeze you’re giving the poor guy a headache you can at least suck his dick.”

She’d hung up before the words even processed.


“This is the living wing, I dunno why they call it that it just makes it sounds depressing.”

“What do they mean by living?” you asked. Each word sounded heavy on your tongue, each sentence carefully constructed. It was weird to be talking with him when he clearly wasn’t in the best frame of mind. When you didn’t know if he’d snap and turn sour all of a sudden.

Though you didn’t think that’d happen. He seemed more sullen to you now more than anything, apologetic maybe, if a word like that could describe him. Think: a toddler after being scolded for something he’s done wrong. Eh? That image seemed to work.

“It’s where my dad keeps his…creatures. Birds, fish, I don’t know I never fucking go in. It’s also where their bedrooms are.” He poked his head around the hallway before muttering, “I guess.”  

“Oh okay.”

Your feet stopped following him when you met a tall window. Their backyard was….spectacular. It was dark and the twinkle lights only exposed so much, but there was a very nice long pool, tile patio with sunbathing chairs, and more green beyond it. The all black on the horizon you assumed to be the ocean.

You didn’t realize Harry was behind you until he muttered, “What’re you thinking about?”

“You know I could ask you the same question. Like at least half the time I’m around you.”

His brows squeezed together a bit but a bit of a smirk was starting to form. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“Oh you do. You definitely do,” you started to laugh and back into the window to scrutinize him from afar. Because right now he had a very odd look in his eye. “You’re quiet most of the time,” you said softer. After dinner, you weren’t quite sure what was going on in Harry’s family life. But the longer the adopted word kept being tossed around in your brain and analyzed every which way, you wondered how many different dynamics existed that added or subtracted to their relationship. Take Gemma. How did she fit in? She had the accent too.

So, if you could make him smile by backing up and eyeing him like he was some sort of specimen than so be it. As much as you would’ve killed to see him unhappy a couple days ago, you’d realized you’d been a bit rash to run into conclusions. And yes, you had managed to make yourself look like an utter mentally unstable ass and a half. So you could cut him some slack. The night hadn’t been a nightmare for just one of you.

“Stop it,” he warned. But you started to circle him and you squinted one eye, putting two hands up to frame Harry’s face and the window with the warmly-lit grounds like a director choosing the shot. “Okay seriously. Stop.”

“Nope,” you popped the p, “It’s funny. I couldn’t picture you in a place like this before, but now I can.” You slowly put your hands down and you thought you heard him mumble weird.

“Oi. Did you just call me weird?” your mouth opened in playful surprise. His nose scrunched up at your over exaggerations. He was confused, you could tell. And he was probably being just as cautious as you were, you realized. You didn’t blame him. But he was so close to smiling. Soooo clooosseee-

“S’just weird,” he settled with. And his would-be smile dropped. A little bit of guilt struck you.

“What is?” you began slowly.

“It’s weird that you’re here.” He shrugged. “I don’t know.”



“Because I can’t picture you here.”

His voice seemed shy. He nodded towards the other end of the hall. “Come on, I’ll show you where you’re sleeping.” And he didn’t give you much time to catch up, nor time to feel offended, as his long legs were once again a disadvantage to you.

You weren’t sure how many bedrooms you’d been passing, and to be completely honest, Harry’s explanations of what each room was went a bit beyond you.

“Theatre’s to your right, sun room’s to the left. That’s the library over in there, elevator’s around the bend. Annnnd… here it is.”

He forgot to mention the multiple living rooms you’d been passing which had killer ocean views, or the full-on mini bars. Yes. Bars. As in numerous. You didn’t see much alcohol in them though and you wondered if it had anything to do with Harry.

“I’ll be at the other end then.”

“Of the house?”

“The hall, just there.” He pointed, and looked back at you with a funny look about him. “No sneaking into my bedroom.”

You coughed. “I’m sorry, was that a joke? A poor one but…Are you making jokes now?”

His smile faltered, but it was finally there. No matter how small or pained it looked. His eyes looked to his boots for a second before settling on your elbow, then your shoulder. Then your chin. Or was it-

“Right. Well. I’ll give you something to wear, just- stay there. Or don’t. I don’t care.” Harry turned quickly and disappeared into the last room at the hall. Your eyes grazed the hallway walls. He may not look necessarily enthused that you were there, but in this whole situation you’d felt like an outsider. And you suspected that was exactly what he needed.

Not that you held any pretenses to know what that confusing boy needed.

Not at all.

Or rather, none at all.

None were there to gather dust, to give you a glimpse into what he looked like as a toddler through to the awkward teen years. No family portraits hung. Each wall’s empty space was filled with a landscape painting of the sea, or the cliffs facing the water. Except for the power portrait of the Styles in the center of the home that looked out over their grounds - it was stark of any traces of family existence. The messy bits anyway. And instantly you compared it to your old stained carpets and walls with so many nails in it if you removed all the pictures and unscrewed the nails, you’d be left with hardly a house at all. This felt like someone had come in, staged it for a potential buyer, and that was it. Like if you opened the dresser’s drawer you wouldn’t find anything in it except for another nail or the assembly instruction manual.

You hummed to yourself, peering into your bedroom. A nice queen-sized bed and bamboo flooring. White canopy drapes covering what you assumed to be a window.  The only thing that seemed off was the ceiling. It had stars painted on it. You walked to the center of the room and looked up- there was a name there, inscribed in the center of the biggest star. You sat on the edge of the bed, twiddling your thumbs before wandering over to the ensuite bathroom. It was no less impressive.

A big part of you was wishing to be with Renny right now. Gosh you would’ve paid anything to see her face if she could only see the outside of this house. You never fared well when there was quiet, a lot of it anyway. And in a house this big, it was quiet. A little too quiet. And cold. Was the AC set to 50 or something?

Warm water ran down your face and you briskly turned the faucet off. At least Renny would be able to say “I told you so” tomorrow. Well, not about the blowjob thing. You opened the medicine cabinet to find some toothpaste, or face soap. The last thing you needed was another zit to pop through.

But there wasn’t anything of the sort. No no no.

Pills filled the cabinets. Some with labels, some without. You closed the cabinet. Definitely not toothpaste. Definitely not your business. But who were they-

“Oh my gosh!” your heart flew to your chest.

Mary was sitting on the edge of your bed, silent, hands folded in her lap. Had she seen you? The sudden adrenaline found an escape in an awkward laugh. “You scared me.”

“Oh I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to do that.” She tucked a strand behind her ear and it wasn’t until your hip hit the door frame on the way out of the bathroom that you realized she hadn’t been looking at you this entire time. She would’ve judged you for that blunder. No, her eyes were fixed on the walls, then the ceiling.

Did she need help with something? Were you in the wrong room?

“Is this my room?”

“It’s my youngest’s room.” She looked up again, and her left hand seemed to be a little shaky as she soothed already straight hair behind her ear. You watched her closer and saw her body sway a bit to steady herself when her head lowered. You instinctually looked to the door, to an exit. Harry should be down there. Nerves suddenly held your body like they always do in a situation that’s unfamiliar, in the face of unpredictability.

“She liked astronomy!” She said suddenly, as if she’d just had an epiphany. She walked over to the canopy drapes and peered between them, revealing a balcony as she looked out. “I thought she’d like it. She likes the stars.”

“I bet they’re, uh-” your eyes shot out again- “Beautiful from here.”

She was quiet and she slowly turned to you, pointing to the ceiling. “There. Did you- didyouseeit? There.” She stumbled closer, still in heels, and you crossed your arms tightly, nodding even though you had no idea. You followed her hand briefly. It was the scribble on the wall.

“I picked it,” she said, finger sliding to fall at her heart. “I picked it.”  

“Jesus! Mary.” Harry stormed in, a horrified look on his face as he clutched clothes in his hands. They fell to the floor.

“And Joseph,” you muttered.

Harry’s eyes held no humor in them in the brief moment he glanced to you. It was hardly enough time to properly glare. But glare he did. And there was enough fiery gusto in them to realize that now was not the time.

“Jane,” she corrected. “Jane.”

Harry was struck still, and you watched as his eyes frantically observed. But when she was about to sit down again he spoke,

“What’re you doing in here? Y/N is going to try and sleep.”

Mary looked at him, her drunken emotional journey to the past turning sour. Her lips pressed in a hard line and she stood up, swaying a bit when she did so, but the level of composure she emanated was impressive.  She went over to him, passing you silently, and for an irrational second you thought she was going to jump you. Instead, she grabbed Harry’s arm when she was almost out the door. “There were two rooms Harry.” She tried to whisper it, but the alcohol had warped her perception and you heard everything.

She let her hand fall and Harry’s fist clenched as it did.

You were struck dumb, again. This wasn’t your domain, you weren’t close enough to comfort him if that was what he needed and you weren’t brave enough to interject if he needed a good slap in the face. You barely knew him. And the realization of that sunk deeper than you’d ever realized. You can get frustrated because of him, infuriated at him even, but you couldn’t be one to judge. Not when he seemed more miserable here than anywhere else.

“Stay here,” he finally said. And then he was gone, leaving you with a pile of clothes that couldn’t explain the half of it.

You stripped quietly once the door was closed, pulling the oversized plaid button up down that fell to completely cover your hands. It still left you cold, barely covering your bum, but your heart warmed a little at how he didn’t just give you a black t-shirt. You almost stepped over the sweatpants that were there before greedily snatching them up with a smile In your fanciful mind you imagined he knew you’d be cold in here.

Harry never came back. You couldn’t text Renny, or anyone, and you couldn’t be bothered with figuring out how to turn on the tv or to find a channel. So you lay there, looking at the ceiling. You didn’t belong in this room. Mary, even if she hadn’t necessarily said get out, still verifiably creeped you out enough so that you didn’t want to be in this room. You never knew Harry had another sibling. Not that you’d even known about Gemma until yesterday. How many other people knew him, truly? Why were you here now? What would you do if you opened your eyes and Mary was just sitting at the end of your bed again - watching you sleep?  It made your head dizzy and you closed your eyes. If she was there at least you wouldn’t be able to see her. But the scribble in the sky was still burned in your mind’s eye and it had your imagination roaring. You rolled over on your side, pulling up the thin sheet to cover your ear. The wind smacked a palm tree leaf against the balcony window and you jolted in place. You felt haunted, and it wasn’t like the sheet would protect you from anything except for soothing the little toddler in you who still believed that good always won, evil always lost.

This was an expensive home.

With probably more security than the local bank.

You were safe.

But you didn’t feel secure.

Your anxious thoughts continued like pins pricking your stomach until fatigue made it stop. You didn’t know the time when you fell asleep.

And you didn’t know the time when you awoke. The smacking of the palm trees was as bad as ever , and your nightmare had been worse tonight. The same sick one. A house in the countryside, peeling wallpaper that threatened to wrap itself over your hands if you leant against it a little too long, trapping you there when you needed to run from faceless creatures.

You were being watched.

You jolted-to in a cold sweat.

Was it 2 am? 3? You hoped it was closer to 6, to the sunrise. These days you cherished the times when you’d wake up at 4. You tried closing your eyes again, but the sweat soon chilled you enough to where the sheet wasn’t enough. You silently stood, walking over to the cabinets on the far side of the wall. The painted shutter doors squeaked when you opened them. It must’ve not been opened for a while because the paint caused the two doors to stick together and it only gave on the third tug.

What you saw stilled your heart. Because you didn’t find linens or a big fluffy blanket, and if you’d discovered this just a few hours later in the morning you’d probably glance right over it, perhaps it would’ve sparked a moment of confusion maybe. But now, in a big strange house in the middle of the night you surely felt a chill. And then you were booking it out to the hall.

His door was there. Just like any other door. But you paced around it a few times. He was probably sleeping. Should you just go to the downstairs? Just…I don’t know… grab a glass of water? Try putting on the tv? Like a normal person would? You raised your hand, but it fell just as fast. Gosh who were you?!

You couldn’t yell at Harry for being bipolar when you were basically the perfect spokesmodel. You knew why you were standing outside his door. You knew who’d make you feel secure. This was embarrassing.

But the door opened before you had to knock.

“You can come in,” he murmured.

“Oh,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. “Oh you don’t have to-”

But when he opened the door wider you didn’t waste a second in entering.  


Visit Wales: Filmed on location at Llyn Llydaw, a natural lake in Snowdonia National Park and starring Welsh actor Luke Evans our new advert evokes the spirit of the past intertwoven with the imagination of the future.

[English] - [Welsh]

The next song was a nice change of pace. When it started upbeat, I couldn’t help but exhale. Feeling a little better now that the slower songs had finished for the time being.

The first lyric didn’t pertain to me, I didn’t have family in Carolina. My emotions were at war, on one hand I was happy to have a break but on the other I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.

I had no right to be jealous.

Maybe this was the start to the closure I needed, maybe he had moved on after all. Maybe those songs were him getting it out of his system and now the rest of the album would be him moving on. Him being happy without me. I knew he would be.

“Moved all the way because her grandma told her ‘Towns, better swim before you drown’.” now I knew this wasn’t about me. My name wasn’t Towns and I didn’t have a grandma.

Towns. Towns.. why was that name so familiar? Why did I know that name. Apart from it being a location.

“We wanted to be the ones who told you.”

Lily and Miles stood before me. They had been standing awkwardly in my room at Lily’s house for a minute now.

Just staring at me.

“Okay..” I hesitated, closing my book and placing it on my bed. My full attention on them both.

“What we’re about to tell you, might hurt.” Miles started, moving to sit next to me on the mattress. “Okay..” I stated again.

“It’s about Harry.” Lily said and automatically I felt my body tense at his name. Lily knew that was a forbidden word, so this must have been something big. My full attention was on her as she moved to sit with Miles.

Miles put a hand on my shoulder. Him, Lily, and I had become closer after the break-up. I met him at the coffee shop I worked at, from the second I started training him I knew we’d become fast friends. Harry was always hesitant towards him when we first met.

Miles was the touchy-feely type, always giving hugs or reassurance through touches. Harry hated it, he was convinced he liked me but I knew that wasn’t the case. Miles and I were best friends, almost as close as Lily and I.

The three of us were inseparable, especially after Harry and I had split.

I knew Harry didn’t like that. In fact, he had blocked me minutes after I had posted a picture of Miles and I on my Twitter.

But he helped me out, he helped me a lot through all of this and I knew he was prepared to pick me up along with Lily after they had told me what they came into to tell me.

“What about him?” I stated indifferently. Lily and Miles looked to one another, “He’s seeing someone.” Lily finally spoke, her shoulders tightening.

I could barely register the words she had said to me, my eyes blinking slowly as my mouth hung open. I knew this was going to happen. I wanted it to happen. That’s why I left, so that he could be with someone better. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.

“Good, I’m happy he’s moving on.” I said, but even I didn’t believe the words that were coming from my mouth. Which meant that they didn’t either.

They looked to one another before staring back at me in shock, “B, we cleared our days so that we could be here if you need us.” Miles said, his tone gentle. As if he thought his tone would break me. As if I was going to shatter any second now.

I felt as if I was going to break, but I did this to myself.

“It’s fine, really.” I reassured, but my voice broke. My throat betraying me as it cracked when I needed to sound strong.

The look they gave me is what hurt me, the look I hated. The one I got from everyone once I told them that Harry and I weren’t together anymore. The one of pity mixed with worry.

My hands covered my face as I openly sobbed, both of them wrapping their arms around me automatically. “We’re here.” Lily said, her tone sounding as broken as I felt. “We’ve got you.” Miles added, his hand rubbing my back.

“If it makes you feel better.. she’s got a strange name.” Miles added, his face smushed against my shoulder.

I sniffed, removing my hands from my heating face. “What is it?” I asked.


I felt worse than I did that day. I didn’t hear much about her after that, I had convinced myself that it wasn’t anything serious, but hearing this. Knowing that he cared enough to write a song about her, was the worst feeling.

And knowing how similar we seemed.

“She’s got a book for every situation.” I was probably feeding into my own ego. Trying to ease the pain of him writing about someone else, but that line summed me up.

Everyone knew I loved to read. Everyone knew how I’d rather get lost in fiction than live in reality. I always carried a book with me, and it usually was a different one everyday.

Harry always said he loved that about me, how I’d get consumed in the pages of a book. How I’d almost always buy a book and finish it that day.

“It’s just not something you see now a days.” he said, looking down to me. I had my head resting on his lap, my legs stretched along the couch as he sat watching TV. “People do it all the time, Harry.” I fought.

“People don’t read nearly as much as they use to.” he retorted, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “'As much as they use to’, okay grandpa.”

He shot me a look, “I love when you call me cute pet names.” he joked, softly nudging my head off of his lap. I sat up straight, “I just think it’s cute.” he added, moving to the kitchen. He looked back at me from the doorway, his fingers clicking the coffee maker on. “You’re cute.” I sneered.

“That was.. unusual.” he laughed, his back pressing against the counter. He placed his hands on either side of him and lifted himself up to sit on it. “What was?” I asked, turning to face him completely. My legs crossed on the couch with my arms over the back of it.

“You complimented me, but in a tone that sounded like an insult.” he explained, his fingers intertwining in the pocket of his sweatshirt. The same one he had stolen back from me after the first night we moved in.

I shrugged, “So what are you reading today?” he asked, not moving from his position on the counter but reaching back to the cabinet behind him to get two mugs. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” I replied, leaning back to pick the book back up.

“Don’t you get tired of reading that?” he asked, shaking his head with a smile. “It’s my favorite.” I replied, to which he nodded. “I know, I was just messing with ya.” he said, his voice sounding similar to an old man.

“You’re one of the most intriguing people I’ve ever met.” he spoke up, filling both mugs with coffee, not meeting my eyes after his comment. My face twisted, feeling content and confused at his words. “Why do you say that?” I asked, taking my mug from him as he moved back to the couch. My body contorting as I followed his movements.

He shrugged, “You’re this little bookworm, who’d rather spend days in doing nothing than go out. Which I love, but when you do go out, it’s like all eyes are on you. You could go to anyone’s house and they’d welcome you to their parties without even knowing you.”

I didn’t understand what he was saying, I always felt awkward at parties. I only spoke when spoken to and half the time I barely wanted to be at them, but I would never ruin the night by actually acting that way.

If anything, he was describing himself. Everyone always wanted to be around him. “I think you have us confused.” I remarked, blowing into my coffee.

“It amazes me how you don’t see yourself like I see you.” he laughed, “You think you’re such a good girl.”

As the song went on, the worse I felt. Certain lines stuck with me, shooting me like an arrow to my chest. I knew once I heard how he always thinks of her that he had moved on.

He had found someone that inspires him positively. Inspires him enough that he wrote a beautiful and upbeat song about it. I guess him and Towns were more serious than I thought.

“I met her once and wrote a song about her. I wanna’ scream, yeah, I wanna’ about it out and I hope she hears me now.”

He moved on.

He became intrigued by someone new. Someone who seemed twenty times better than I ever was. Hell, just hearing the way he summed her up made me want to be her. That was the type of girl Harry needed to be with.

Someone like him.

I should’ve realized it the second we met, I should’ve known that he never would’ve been truly happy with me. Maybe then I would’ve saved us both the heartbreak and time we spent with one another. Time he could’ve used to find his perfect match.

“I wouldn’t have brought you here if I knew it was where you worked.” Harry attempted to apologize as we sat in the coffee shop. “It’s really okay, I don’t mind.” I laughed, pulling my cup to my lips. I didn’t even wait for my coffee to cool completely, I needed to quench my dry throat if we were going to continue having a conversation.

Despite what I originally though, Harry texted me the very next day after we had met at the club the night prior. He kept his promise and asked to take me on a proper date.

“I just figured, I like the coffee here and I wanted to go somewhere we could actually talk.” he explained further, his fingers twisting together in the center of the table. His eyes never meeting mine.

He looked incredible. I wasn’t sure if he had dressed in an attempt to impress me or if this was how he typically dressed, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him.

His black shirt was rolled to his elbows and button only half way up his chest, his tattoos on full display. I would’ve started to drool if I didn’t stay conscious of my actions. His hair was styled so that his bangs were pushed from his face, showing off his incredible bone structure.

I could feel everyone staring at him, he seemed to just have that kind of effect on people. I’m sure I wasn’t the only person in here swooning over him.

His lip was caught between his teeth, his fingers now spinning the rings adorning on them. “Harry.” I said, my tone amused, his face lifted to finally meet mine. “It’s really okay.” I reached my hand to touch over his on the table, his face flushing as he nodded.

I removed my hands from his, the burning sensation I felt from touching him was becoming too much. His eyes fell down to his fingers, rubbing over where my hands had been.

“I’m surprised you actually got in contact with me.” I tried to hide my surprise as humor but I don’t know how convincing it actually was. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you, actually.” he whispered, and his face quickly changed to panicked. As if he hadn’t meant to say those words out loud.

“I mean, not in a creepy way.” he rushed, his voice on edge as he looked at me with wide eyes. His hand held up in defense.

He was so cute.

“I think I know what you mean.” I tried to help, but it didn’t seem to work. His face fell to the table as he sighed, “I’m usually very good at this.” he said, and he looked as if he had realized he put his foot in his mouth again. “Not like I do this all the time. I haven’t even gone on a date in almost a year.” he tried again, his fingers pushing into his eyes. His shoulders seems as if they clenched anymore they’d be at his ears.

I couldn’t help but laugh, I had tried to keep it in but it was no use. He was just too damn cute.

“What? What is it?” he panicked, his eyes wildly searching mine.

I couldn’t stop laughing if I wanted too, I was trying to get the words out but they kept getting masked by giggles. “You’re so precious.” I finally got out.

“It’s just, you make me nervous.” he sighed, his fingers returning to twirl at his rings. My hand found his once more, the heat returning but I welcomed it with open arms. His words calmed me, I had been a nervous wreck but I didn’t want him to know that.

“You’re the type of girl people write songs about.” he said, his hand moving slowly to wrap in mine. He moved slowly, as if he moved any faster I would’ve disappeared.

I was taken back by his words, it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. “I bet you tell all your girls that.” I joked, to which he locked eyes with me for the first real time since we had sat down. “I’ve never told anyone that.” he said, a smirk sliding across his face.

Now it was my turn to blush, “So have you written a song about me?” I charmed, trying my best to calm myself. His smirk did things to me. Things that were not appropriate. Things that made me want to jump over this table right here and now.

He continued to grin, shrugging, “I could write a whole album on you.”

“We’ve spent a total of thirty minutes together today.” I laughed, my eyes glued on his lips.

“I wanted to write an album after spending five minutes with you in that storage closet.” he continued, moving one of his hands to sip at his coffee.

I looked at our locked fingers, feeling my throat grow dry once more. I felt as if I was frozen, I couldn’t move my other hand to grab my drink because I was afraid if I moved at all he’d let go.

“I can’t imagine what an album about almost fucking would sound like.” I joked as best as I could with my throats feeling raw.

He removed his hand from his coffee to run his fingers through his hair, “I did leave a little early to write something, but it’s not finished.” he laughed.

“Can I hear it?” I asked, finally building enough courage to reach for my drink. Our hands still molded together. He shook his head.

“Not at all.” he smirked to me once more.

“What’s it about?” I pushed, wanting to know more about how I had inspired him. “I can’t imagine that it’s family friendly.” I replied to which he laughed.

“Actually the opposite.” he said, his eyes seeming as if they were glued to mine. I raised my eyebrows as he continued, “It’s about how you’re an angel.”

He had lied to me, he had told me he had never told another girl that he wanted to write about her. Yet here I was, listening to an entire song about a girl that wasn’t me.

Is this really what I wanted? To have him go on with his life and leave me behind? It’s best for him but was it healthy for me? Was it healthy that I was even listening to this in the first place?

No. No, it was not.

I should stop listening. I should do what Lily said and just lie and say I heard it all.

I shouldn’t be putting myself through this, it felt as if I was purposely trying to make myself upset by doing so.

Maybe I was. Maybe I needed to have my own pity party. Maybe I needed to push myself past my limits so that I could finally move on from him. Maybe I was insane.

I don’t know.

All I do know is that the third song had come to an end and I couldn’t stop myself from letting the next one start.


At the furniture store today–

SALES PERSON:  So what are you looking for?
ME:  I’m interested in a sectional sofa with a chaise.
SP:  With a recliner or no–
ME:  No recliner.  It’ll be too bulky and I have a small space.
ME:  Also– I have a cat and I have this fear that he’d hide within the hardware and I won’t realize it until it’s too late by the time I recline.
SP:  Ok.  What material are you looking into?
ME:  No fabrics.
ME:  My cat sheds a lot, so fabric is a no-no.
SP:  Ok.
ME:  Leather’s ok but with a faux one, it’s cheaper and it won’t hurt the wallet too much if my cat destroys it.
SP:  Ok.  So we have this white one–
ME:  I’d prefer something not white, ideally.  The dirt will show more.  
ME:  Plus, if my cat scratches it, it’ll be too obvious.

My cat dictates my purchases.

i-rant-for-pleasure  asked:

Do you mind if I ask what's this anime you're talking about? Because so far from you you've blogged about I'm digging the lack of fanservice and moe face!

Hmm…. it depends on what you perceive as “the moe face” because that term is so nebulous and up to personal interpretation, unfortunately. I tend to define it as “characters looking much younger than their actual age, with typical anime style of drawing” not characters that are just as young as they’re drawn thus the designs are simply “cute” not “moe”. :v

In this case, I’m pretty sure you could enjoy:


It’s a very lighthearted show about a school for witches, that’s sure to give u a Harry Potter childhood nostalgia ;D. It actually feels exactly like a cross between this and Ghibli movies = cute, super cool action and absolutely no fanservice. Also female protagonists because that’s …. an all-girls school. The animation is so beautiful u want to eat it and the show is very funny but can be pretty emotional at times as well!

Addition: If you love Mabel Pines - you’ll love Akko - the main character, as well!! 


There’s also Mob Psycho 100 which… hmm I personally wouldn’t say qualifies as “cute” at all, unless some specific scene calls for it (mostly as a joke lmao). 

Extremely good animation - seconded! It’s not only insanely fluid but also uses SUCH UNIQUE TECHNIQUES, Yes you’re gonna see full sequences made via paint on glass or charcoal, pencil etc. This is… kinda an action show but it’s ABOUT action, it’s central theme is kindness. However unlike in other shows with the same theme it doesn’t feel forced. It’s so natural and all characters are so real and you’ll end up loving them all! This show’s not only super hilarious but it brought me to tears more than once… I’ve never seen anything so accurately showcasing character’s emotions through just the visuals.

So yea it basically has it all: almost no romance, amazing plot, animation and characters, humor!

Additional bonus if you’re a Gravity Falls fan: it has a conman character with a hidden heart of gold that actually cares about the main character that’s a middle school kid = so if u love Stan, you will love him! :D


Well, I’ve already talked about why this show is great [HERE]!


Then there’s a show that’s pretty heavy and entirely psychological, meant for the mature audience. - and yes there’s no fanservice here either. If u dig diving into twisted mysteries that make you question what’s real and what’s a figment of the character’s tortured psyche’s - Paranoia Agent is the show for you.

^^^ extremely creepy in context/paired up with the soundtrack = the intro is characters laughing in dangerous/deadly situations… the song is sickeningly joyous… you see nuclear bomb exploding, flood, war… and they laugh

It deals with so many kinds of mental illness or very serious horrible situations life puts us in, that make us feel trapped, absolutely lost. It can get VERY visually abstract and this gets more prominent as the show goes on so I won’t post any screencaps of this to not to spoil too much. 

The best thing is that despite dealing with very dark matters… the show does allow the viewer to draw some positive lessons from it. So you won’t just feel crushed after all that heavy stuff going on, more like… enlightened, emotional and utterly fascinated. I think it’s most helpful for someone with suicidal thoughts.

I’m yet to see enough anime to make a comprehensive list of those “safe to watch”. I realize there are way more out there but I’ve decided to only talk about those I’ve seen personally. 

But in general other movies made by Satoshi Kon (who made Paranoia Agent) are just like that show so go watch them too! Just as all of the Studio Ghibli movies are very fun, beautifully made, devoid of “moe face” and esp fanservice since this company is kinda like the Japanese Disney = keeps stuff kid friendly (but still some of the movies really do deal with heavy real-life matters like war or destruction of the environment! so it still stays very intellectually satisfying). 

Other shows to consider

Terror in Resonance: The designs are one foot in the moe and one in a more grounded style so it’s for you to decide if this sits right with you. There’s not really any fanservice except one scene where a female characters simply takes a bath, it’s not sexualized… but u can see the boobs so… yeaa be vary of that. But overall it’s a fast-paced mystery-driven show about serious matters such as terrorism, childhood trauma, how WWII affected the Japanese society and so on… Plus it has really really unique and great soundtrack! It ranges from fast-paced jazz to stuff resembling Sigur Ros… (and I love this character on the right so much > . <)


This is, a very chill show about a group of friends hanging out and solving small mysteries in their school and outside of it. The mysteries aren’t that important but still they got this kind-of Sherlockian vibe? (later on those books are referenced just as Christie’s). The mysteries are fun but most of all it’s about watching these high schoolers grow as people. I mean that’s not the most ambitious premise but trust me, this is incredibly pleasant to watch, it always made me feel so relaxed, at ease. It’d say it’s quite beautiful! And yeah the design is meant to be cute and typical “anime style” but, uh, characters look their age (I suppose) so in my opinion that’s not moe.

One could argue they got just one “fanservice episode” but I personally disagree - I mean if just simply showing characters going to a swimming pool and one wearing bikini… and the guy who has a crush on her getting subtly flustered at her getting close is fanservice??? then probably all of the healthy romance is. Idk to me it wasn’t over the top but very natual and tasteful. Plus this show isn’t romance focused - rather is centred strongly around friendship and opening to others.

Madoka Magica??? 

I’ve started this show recently, I’m 6 episodes in and so far there’s been no fanservice and I wouldn’t say the style is the typical “moe”(… but it kinda is… it’s complicated: character design is moe but how they are handled isn’t), esp if u take a look at how original the environment where the battles take place looks! 

Beware though - it can get pretty bloody and the show spirals into darkness further and further as it proceeds… straying continuously from the usual cutesy “magical girl anime” tone (=it’s not afraid to brutally kill off its characters)

If I had thought that I would come out of listening to this album unscathed, it was quickly shut down with the first song.

Any childlike naivety I had thinking that this wouldn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would, that I was just being dramatic, was silenced with the very first lyric of the very first song.

“Meet me in the hallway.”

I shook my head, tears brimming my eyes already. Memories flooding my mind. If hearing his voice wasn’t enough of a knife to my heart, the lyrics that he sung were.

I shut my eyes, taking a shaky breath as I brought the wine to my lips. My thoughts running rapidly through times with him as I continued to take heavy gulps from the bottle.

With every blink, I saw him. I saw us. I saw our memories. They were getting harder to fight, harder to push away and internalize. So I let them win.

“Meet me in the hallway.” even with as hot as I was, his voice sent chills down my spine. His hand leaving my back as quickly as he touched it.

I turned around, barely catching a glimpse of his face, but I already knew that I would do anything that he told me without hesitation. That voice was hypnotizing, and his looks were equally entrancing.

I had spotted his mess of curls as soon as my friends and I had walked into the club, as if my eyes were magnetized towards his.

We had been playing a dangerous game all night, full of teasing glances and battling for dominance since the second we knew of each other’s presences.

I had been standing at the bar, knowing damn well he had watched me walk up to it alone. It had been the only time I had been alone all night, and I knew he would take this moment to strike. And I welcomed it with open arms.

He made his way towards the hallway that led to the bathrooms and I didn’t even have time to process what I was doing before my legs instinctively followed. Seeming as if they had a mind of their own.

I wasn’t entirely drunk, but something about him made me feel as if I was. My head fuzzy and my stomach in excited knots with every step I took. It wasn’t until I was standing in the dimly lit hallway alone that I had realized what I was doing.

“I saw him walk in here.” I thought, my eyes scanning the space between the bathrooms and the dance floor but seeing no one. “He did say to meet here.. didn’t he?” I questioned, my head switching from one end of the hallway to the next.

Maybe I had imagined the whole thing. Maybe I was drunk. It could have just been wishful thinking that he would approach me, I did have an overactive imagination.

If I hadn’t felt slender fingers wrapped around my wrist I would’ve just stormed back to my friends, but instead I found myself being pulled back towards an open door behind me. Light barely visible in it as the man I had been flirting with across the club quickly shut the door behind him.

“You.” he started, a smirk played on his lips as he pointed a finger teasingly at my face. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you,” he continued, his feet stepping closer to my body that had pressed itself against the wall adjacent to the door. “teasing isn’t nice?” he finished with his hands pressed on the wall by the sides of my head.

Even with my heels on, he towered nearly a foot over me. His body formed around mine like he was a predator stalking prey. His eyes were dark and full of lust, and I assumed mine looked about the same. My smile tore at my features as I kept my hazel eyes glued to his green ones.

“You have no room to talk.” I charmed, my finger dragging down the center of his torso. He let out a low growl, his eyes fluttering shut as my finger stopped just above his waist.

I retracted my hand as his eyes shot open, glancing down at me with a look I could only describe as mischievous. His grin widening as he moved to bring his face closer to my ear, a small laugh blowing soft air into it as I quivered. “We have just enough room in here for other activities though.” he whispered, and this time my eyes closed, taking in the scent of his cologne mixed with the alcohol from his breath.

“Do you always sweep women away into storage closets of busy nightclubs?” I joked, trying to steady my breathing. My head telling me I shouldn’t have sex with a stranger in a nightclub, as much as my heart wanted to jump on him right then and there.

He chuckled, his hand moving from the wall to rub at the back of his neck, “First time, actually, too eager to wait to get you all to myself.” he said as his body moved to press against mine. His hips pushed against me, pinning me to the wall.

“So, who do I have the pleasure of sharing this closet with?” I asked, continuing to distract myself from my impulsive thoughts.

There was something different about him, I could feel it. I didn’t want to mess this up by having a quickie in the closet and possibly never seeing those green eyes again. I didn’t want him to know me as the girl he banged in a closet.

Fuck, he was so attractive and I’m the type of person who still uses the word “bang” to mean sex.

His tongue dragged across his lips painfully slow before he teeth glimmered in a smile, “My name’s Harry.” he brought a strand of my hair to wrap around his finger. “What’s your name?”


“Such a beautiful name for such a devilish girl.” he joked, removing his hand from my hair. I scoffed, “‘Delivish?’” I mocked, my hand clutching my chest, “I’m an angel.”

He laughed, shaking his head as he leaned fully onto his hand that was left on the wall. “Yeah, you’re an angel.” he said sarcastically, his eyebrows raising.

Both of our tones were light and playful, and I couldn’t remove the smile from my face if I had tried. We stood in comfortable silence, just taking in each other’s features. Laughing every now and then at each other.

I could imagine how the situation seemed hilarious, how he had whisked me off to a closet with the intent of sex that I knew we both wanted. Yet here I was, calling myself an angel, like I was innocent in the whole predicament.

“I don’t usually do this. Ever.” he remarked, a slight blush rising to his cheeks as he brought his eyes to the floor. I nodded, doing the same, “Yeah, me either. I’m not entirely sure what to do here.”

I knew what I had wanted to do, but it didn’t feel right. Not now.

“How about you give me your number, and we’ll try this again properly some other time.” he suggested, his eyes finding mine once again as his hand fell to his back pocket.

“I don’t know, I mean, I just met you.” I joked, exhaling deeply as he shook his head with a chuckle.

“You were ready to fuck me a second ago, but you don’t know if you’ll give me your number?” he asked, equally as playful as before. I took a mock sharp inhale, “Harry, such profound language.” he mumbled a ‘shut up’ between laughter before passing me his phone.

I typed my number in with a grin, handing it back to him before he stepped aside for me to pass him. When I grabbed hold of the door handle I swung my head back to glance up at him, “And don’t act like you weren’t ready to fuck me in this closet.” I spoke before opening the door and making my way back to my friends.

We had kept a close eye on one another for the rest of the night, and I had tried to find him before I had made it back home but my search was unsuccessful.

I wasn’t sure if he had even been serious about meeting again until I had received a text from an unknown number at the end of the night.

“Goodnight angel. x H” was all it said, and I had gone to sleep with a smile on my face.

That wasn’t the last time that those words had left his lips. It had become a regular phrase during our relationship. Whether it was intentional or not.

More memories flooded my mind as the song continued. I didn’t realize that he was conscious of him saying those words constantly throughout us being together, but hearing this song, I knew he was well aware of it.

“Meet me in the hallway. x H”

I shook my head with a laugh, Harry and I were crashing at Lily’s house for a few days while I waited for my things to be moved into Harry’s new house he was building. We had only been together for a month or two, but we were constantly at each other’s houses anyway, so it just felt right to do.

Lily couldn’t help throw a party in my honor, even if it was just for me moving. Honestly, I think she just wanted any reason to throw a party.

I had managed to slide out of the living room without being noticed, immediately seeing my tall boyfriend with his phone wrapped in his fingers and a smile plastered on his face.

“You know, your number is saved in my phone. You don’t always have to sign off on your texts.” I joked, moving to stand in front of him and wrapping my hands around his waist. His laughter puffed air onto the top of my head as he wrapped his arms around the back of my shoulders. “Habit.” he mumbled into my hair as his lips kissed at it.

“So, what’s so important that you had to pull me away from this fun party?” I sighed, nuzzling my nose into his broad chest before resting my face against it.

“Missed ya, is all.” he grinned, his hands rubbing at my sides.

“We’ve been with each other all night.” I laughed, glancing up to look at his face.

A smirk playing across it as his dimple popped in his cheeks. “Not what I meant.” his hands slide down towards my ass, as I yelped. “Always such a perv!” I tried my best to keep my surprised high pitched voice quiet.

He let out a low laugh, blinking slowly before looking back into my eyes “Only for you.” he cheeked, moving to nip at my neck.

“YOU TWO BETTER NOT BE FUCKING.” I heard Lily scream from the living room, she must have noticed our disappearance. “WELL NOW WE’RE NOT!” Harry screamed back before I slap him on his chest.

“Let’s go back in there.” I suggested, taking his hand in mine before beginning to walk away. He brought my hand to his mouth, kissing it lightly before following behind me.

“You’re like a drug.” he whispered, catching me off guard as I turned back to him.

“I’m addicted to you.”

Nearly a quarter of the wine bottle was in my stomach within two minutes into the first song, I was trying to be strong but I didn’t know if I could be. This was torture. Remembering everything.

Remembering what I left behind.

“Babe, can you meet me in the hallway?” I heard Harry scream, I placed my book onto the mattress, shaking my head with a laugh. “Why?” I yelled in response, hearing silence in return.

“Goddammit.” I sighed, rolling off the bed with a loud thud. I dragged my feet to the door, opening it with a groan. He knew I hated moving when I didn’t have to.

“This better be a damn good reason for you to..” I started before my breath caught in my throat at the sight before me.

Christmas lights had been strung up against the walls of our hallway, and attached on them were printed out pictures of the two of us.

I could feel my entire body flush, looking back and memories we shared throughout the couple months we had been together.

He always took pictures of me: when we were eating, when we were out walking around aimlessly, before events. He always had his phone or camera out to snap photos of me when I wasn’t expecting it.

I looked at each one, gripping some softly in my fingertips as I recalled when they were taken.

There was one of us in particular that caught my eye.

It was when the weather had began to change, rain was pouring outside, and it was our very first night in his new house together.

I was wearing one of his sweatshirts, it hung down to my knees and I was wearing a pair of ridiculous Halloween themed knee socks. His arms were around my thighs and my legs were around his waist.

We both looks drained because we were, we had been living out of boxes while waiting to move and nearly getting take-out every night. This was the first night it had set in that we were living together.

I remember him setting up his camera, rushing me into frame before the timer had gone off. At the very last second he flung me up into his arms and the picture captured our genuine smiles to one another.

It was my favorite picture we had ever taken.

At the bottom, I noticed Harry’s writing;

“This was the moment I knew, meet me in the living room. x H”

I couldn’t help the eye roll that came after seeing his signature but I was too happy to comment on it. I let the picture fall from my fingers as it slapped against the wall, making my way down to the stairs that led to our living room.

My eyes immediately filled with tears as I turned the corner of the hallway, I could see the living room from the balcony just before the steps. He had strung more Christmas lights around, candles were lit around the area and he stood in the center of the room with his camera brought up to his face.

I heard it click before he looked at me from over it with a smile, “What is this?” I asked, barely able to find my own voice. “Come down here and I’ll tell you.” he smirked, placing his camera on the table beside him.

I immediately ran down the stairs and into his arms, my legs finding their home wrapped around his waist. “This is so beautiful, thank you.” I sobbed into his shoulder as I felt him laugh.

“Not as beautiful as you.” he charmed, pulling me back to rub his thumb against my cheek to wipe at my tears. “What is this for?”

He sighed, moving to place me on the couch behind him, kneeing down between my legs. He looked visibly nervous, his hands shaking as he took mine.

“I’ve been going over all the ways I could do this, and none of them felt like what you deserved. There’s been so many times that I have almost blurted this out but I wanted the first time to be as perfect as I think you are.” he spoke, his eyes looking towards the material of the couch beneath me.

His green eyes looked up to me, “Brooklyn, I love you.” he spoke and I couldn’t help but gasp. I had known I loved him a week into us being together, and I knew he cared for me but this all felt too good to be true.

He loved me. He actually loved me.

“Harry..” I began but he cut me off, his tone quick and desperate. “You don’t have to say it back now, I just really wanted to let you know and I wanted it to be a moment you remembered.” he explained before I grabbed his face in my fingers, crashing my lips onto his.

“Harry, I love you too.” I whispered when I pulled back, my forehead pressed softly against his. He let out a breath I’m not even sure he knew he was holding. His shoulders unclenching as a smile spread across his features. “You love me?” he whispered back, looking at me, to which I nodded. “I really do.”

“It was for the best.” I slurred, looking at the splatter of wine that had dripped onto my bed sheet. The same sheets that he and I had bought together after he deemed my One Direction ones I had been gifted “inappropriate”.

The same ones that I had taken from our closet in our house the night I left. The same ones I had put on Lily’s guest room mattress after having nowhere else to go when I had walked out. The same ones I had been laying on when he had texted and called me multiple times after coming home that night and realizing I was gone.

“Where are you?”

“Why won’t you answer my calls?”

“Kitten, you’re scaring me.”

“I just left our bedroom, your stuff is gone.”

“Please answer me.”

“Brooklyn, I love you so much. Where are you?”

“What did I do?”

“Meet me in the hallway.”

Tears fell as I had my phone in my hands, reading back the messages I could never bring myself to delete.


New Updates!

Now that I will be having more free time over the next few days and next week, I will be posting more frequently!! So be on the look out! :)

Originally posted by stylesinthewild

This was not what I was expecting. After three songs I wasn’t expecting a genre change. It was a nice change of pace but it was not what I was expecting.

The guitar echoed through my room, this was not something I would typically listen to but I still couldn’t shut it off. A voice inside of me told me to keep listening.

That voice inside of me was trying to kill me. This was another song that wasn’t about me. My eyes were not blue. Harry’s eyes were not blue. Which means, he was writing about someone that was not me. He was writing about someone with blue eyes.

Maybe it was the same person, I’m really hoping it was. I was hoping that he hadn’t told two other girls that they were the type of girls people wrote songs about. It hurt enough to know he told one.

“It’s not you and it’s not me.” sarcastic laughter fell from my lips.

Damn right.

I don’t know about him, but I was not the same girl that he had dated months ago.

“Are you sure about this..” the hair dresser asked cautiously, I nodded. I was damn sure about this.

Harry and I had been separated for a month, and I was losing my mind. Every single thing I saw reminded me of him. If a person spoke a certain way or wore something I think he would, I would have to fight back tears.

Everywhere I went, I saw him. I saw us. The grocery store. The mall. Hell, even in my own best friend’s house. I was reminded of us. Little memories of how we would use to be were everywhere. It was torture.

Even when I looked in the mirror.

I would catch a glimpse of myself and see his hands on me. How his fingers would twirl in my long hair or pull it back in his fists. I couldn’t stand it. So I decided if I was going to start moving on, I needed to change.

First, I stopped going anywhere we had spent time together. Bars. Restaurants. Clothing stores. Everywhere. If we had stepped foot in it together, I no longer knew that place existed. Even if it cost me more money to travel to places that weren’t within a five mile radius of where I lived, it was better for me mentally.

Second, I started apartment hunting. I loved Lily with my entire heart and would love to be her roommate forever, but I knew that she wouldn’t uproot with me. I wanted to stay in New York but I couldn’t stay with her. We had lived with her for a month, the guest room was filled with him. Even if he wasn’t there, I could smell his cologne. I could feel his arms wrap around me when I slept in bed alone. I couldn’t be there much longer.

And now, came my appearance which I was currently working on. I had been walking to my new grocery store, which was an extra six blocks from my old one. I wasn’t familiar with the neighborhood yet, but I caught my reflection in a passing store window. I saw myself, my hair down around my shoulders. Harry loved my hair. He loved that it was long, he loved how my dark locks made the green in my eyes pop.

I knew he wasn’t there, but I could feel him. I could hear his voice whispering to me, telling me I looked beautiful. It felt so real, it sent a shiver down my spine. My eyes involuntarily closing.

I couldn’t continue living like this, I wanted to forget. I immediately whipped out my phone, googling the nearest salon in walking distance. I made it there within minutes, demanding a stylist the second I walked in the door.

“This is a big change, have you thought it through?” she asked, her finger pulling my hair to my back. “Not at all.” I answered honestly. She sighed, “Must’ve been bad.” she said, nodding with her eyes locked to mine in the mirror. I knew was she was talking about, my face gave it all away. She knew exactly why I was doing this.

“It was.” I sighed, my eyes dropping as her hands found my shoulders. “How long has it been?” she questioned, wrapping a cape around my front. “About a month.”

“So it’s still fresh.” she said mainly to herself, she moved so that her face was resting beside mine. I looked back to the mirror, her eyes glued to me. “Don’t worry, when I’m done with you you’ll be ready to get back out there and forget all about him.”

I mustered up the best smile I could and prayed she’d be right.

My fingers pinched at my hair. It was slightly grown out since then, it reaching a little past my shoulders. It had taken six hours to get it to the blonde we agreed on, but it was worth it. I left feeling like a new woman.

I barely recognized myself when I woke up the next morning. People I knew were pleasantly surprised, saying I looked so much different. That’s what I had wanted. I wanted to remove every part of him from me.

I wanted a new me.

I thought this would help, but after a week I had just felt disappointed. I still saw him in me. I still saw him in everything. We were different but still the same. As much as I had wanted us to be completely different people. We were still the same, just not together like we use to be.

“We’re not who we use to be.” I mumbled, my mouth crammed to the brim with food. Harry turned to me, his eyebrows caught together with a look that insisted I go on.

“It’s a Friday night, and we’re sitting on the kitchen floor eating cold mashed potatoes.” I tried to laugh but I feared something would spill from my lips. He nodded, “I’m fine with this.”

“If you would’ve told me months ago that this is how we would spend our weekends together, I would’ve laughed in your face.” I added, my head shaking. He lifted his spoon to his lips, his eyes scanning the kitchen.

“I don’t see anything wrong with this.” he said before stuffing his face with a shrug.

I took in our situation, both of us facing one another, sitting cross legged on the kitchen floor. A bowl of potatoes separating us. I was wearing one of his shirts, on accident, I thought it was mine but the length of it told me it wasn’t. He didn’t mind, he loved seeing me in his clothes.

His hair was down, his bangs falling onto his forehead as opposed to how they were always styled up. I loved when he looked like this, when he looked effortlessly handsome. His graphic tee hanging low on his collarbones as his sweatpants clung to his legs in all the right places.

“Months ago we would be in some secluded place of a busy bar, doing things God would not approve of.” he chuckled at his own words. “We were such sinners back then.” I agreed, smiling over to him before scooping up more potatoes.

The fridge had been open, in case we needed to grab more food. The light of it paling the room, the two of us sitting in front of it.

“You look absolutely beautiful.” he whispered, to which I laughed.

“Thanks.” I said, my mouth full.

“I mean it. Everyday when I wake up and see you, I can’t help but think of how truly blessed I am. You’re so beautiful every second of every day.” he gushed, his hand reaching between us to wrap around the side of my neck. “I love you so much, Brooklyn.”

I swallowed, my hand moving to ghost his. “You’ve gotten so sappy in these past months.” I joked to which he playfully shoved me. “Get fucked, I was being cute and you ruined it.” he laughed, his spoon filling with more potatoes.

I shifted around to lay into his side, “I know, babe. I was kidding. I love you too.” My head rested in the crook of his neck, his face slightly turning to place his lips on my forehead.

My hands came up to his chest, his breathing was normal, but his heart was racing. “You nervous?” I joked, and he laughed while shaking his head. “You’re the only girl who can get my heartbeat racing just by touching me. It’s like I don’t have one until you’re near.” I swooned, clutching to him harder. He always knew what to say.

“If you’re really craving the old days, I can put on some real pants and we can go out for a few hours.” he suggested, distracting me a little from his kind words, tilting his head down to look at me.

I shook my head, taking in his appearance. I moved to see his face, his eyes hypnotizing me as I thought about how much I really loved everything about him. How little moments like this were the things I really appreciated.

“This is all I really need.”

The wine washed away the memory of that night, replacing the taste of potatoes with the sting of the alcohol.

I needed him. I needed him like I needed him that night. I didn’t care if this song was about me or not, I needed Harry.

“Stop laughing this is serious business.” he said, his voice stern as he looked to my grinning face. I cleared my throat, nodding as my face fell straight.

It had been exactly two months since Harry and I have been dating, so we decided to indulge in alcohol. Which led us to a closed park at nearly three in the morning, where we stood by the swings. One of his arms wrapped around the back of my waist as his other clutched my hand at our sides.

My tipsy brain consumed me, laughs falling from my mouth before I had a chance to sustain them. He scoffed down at me, “We’ll never be prepared for the talent show.” he groaned, his body falling limp.

We decided to walk home, both of us nowhere near sober so we knew driving back wasn’t an option. Our arms were stuck to each other’s bodies, using one another as crutches to drunkenly stumble home. Which led us to the park.

It was a park we had always gone by, never paying much attention to it. However, on this night, it was all I could focus on as we passed. Noticing how the pond next to it looked somewhat like the location in Dirty Dancing where Patrick Swayze was trying to teach Baby how to do the big lift.

I mistakenly mentioned this to Harry, mainly as a passing comment, but as soon as his eyes locked with the pond, his face lit up. “I know how to do the lift.” he beamed, his eyebrows wiggling as he looked down at me. I shook my head, already knowing what he was suggesting. “No.” I put my foot down, knowing this would not end well.

And yet, here I was, standing across from him in said park, practicing the dance from Dirty Dancing that Harry knew by memory for some reason.

I decided it was best not to question it.

“C'mon, we can do this.” he cheered, moving back from where we were standing to position himself a few feet away from me. “We really can’t.” I laughed, my smile feeling as if it was carved into my face at this point.

“Don’t talk like that! Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” he yelled, the determination on his face only making me laugh harder. “Harry, we’re on a hard surface. I may be drunk, but I can still feel if my bones break.” I fought, only seeing this end badly.

He sighed, looking off to the side of where we were standing. His sadness visible even in the moonlight. He continued to look off, his slump shoulders straightening as his head snapped back to me. He began to inch closer, walking as if he was on ice.

“Then maybe..” he started, taking another step. “We should..” he continued, his body halfway to where I stood. I was suspicious, he was too calm. “Take this elsewhere.” he finished, to which my eyes widened.

I looked over to where he was staring, the pond. “No! No! No! No!” I screamed, automatically fleeing from where he was and off towards the street. “Oh no you don’t!” he yelled, his speed doubling.

His legs were far longer than mine so it didn’t take him long to wrapped his arms around my waist. I kicked my legs, “Harry, no!” I protested as he spun me around, having no difficulty throwing me over his shoulder as I struggled against him. “Harry, yes.” he stated smugly as he carried me towards the water.

“You’re drunk! You’re not thinking this through!” I tried to reason, but it was no use. Once he had his mind set on something, he would go through with it. “Probably not, but here we go.” he said before flinging me into the pond.

I rushed to reach back to the surface, my entire body freezing. When I finally caught my breath I saw him on dry land, laughing. His arms wrapped around his stomach as he cackled. “HAROLD!” I screeched, my wet hair stuck to the front of my face.

Within seconds he was in the water beside me, after he had cannon balled into the pond. He sprung back to his feet, his hair flat and pushed away from his face as a smile danced on his lips.

He moved over to wrap his arms around me, I was struggling to keep afloat while he could practically stand on the bottom of the pond floor. He lifted me, moving my legs to wrap around his waist.

I couldn’t be mad at him, not when he looked like this. His eyes were focused on my lips as he pushed back my hair, revealing my face to him. “Even like this, you’re breathtaking.” he whispered, his hand lingering at the side of my head.

The moonlight reflected off of the water, his face illuminated only by the night sky. He looked incredible. A smile tugged at both of our lips as he moved one hand to the small of my back, pulling me into him. Our lips crashing against each other’s. Both of our breaths catching as our mouths moved together.

When we pulled back he continued to stare at my lips, a smile tugging on both of our features. “You look so beautiful. You put the moon to shame.” he gushed, and my happiness radiated off of me. He was my everything.

“Now.” he said, his eyes locking with mine. “Let’s get this lift down.”

I grabbed my phone, my fingers sloppily unlocking it as I realized that this was the alcohol’s doing. I couldn’t talk to him, he moved on.

No, I was not doing this. I was not calling Harry. It would only end poorly on my behalf, but I still couldn’t help myself from searching his number in my contacts.

I had blocked it a month or two back, I couldn’t stand ignoring him. I had never wanted to ignore him, but it was for the best. It was for him. He needed to move on, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist him for long.

I loved him.

His picture was the same one that would pop up on my screen for months. His head was squished between his hands, his smile so wide that it consumed half of his face. He was sitting across from me in a restaurant, one where we sat outside where the sunset behind him slightly backlit his figure. It was my favorite photo of him.

His name was still “H” in my phone, and I could never change it from that. We had been so close, such a constant in each other’s lives that I could never put him formally in my phone. It didn’t feel right. I couldn’t do that to him.

I laughed despite myself, more so at myself. After all the things I had put him through, changing his name in my phone was the one thing I COULDN’T do to him. I was so pathetic.

Tears filled my eyes, the song nearing its end as I went to the bottom of his contact. My finger tapping against the words “unblock”. I won’t let myself call him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have it so he could call me if he really wanted to.

I knew he wouldn’t, he moved on. Didn’t stop me from thinking it though.

A vibration in my hand alarmed me, my heart stopping as I saw his name flash across my screen. This was not happening.

My heart felt as if it was going to escape through my mouth, my breath hitching as my phone vibrated again. His name flashing once more. I pulled down my notifications screen, seeing his name with the number two next to it.

With hesitant fingers, I clicked on it. Tears streaming as I saw his words.

The message was from two months ago, it had to be a day or two after I had blocked him. The time stamp read three in the morning, knowing he was probably having a rough night seeing how he usually only stayed up later if he was drinking or upset. His words sloppy, so I assumed he was drunk when he sent them.

His texts haunted me as the song finished, my mind not being able to believe what I was reading.

“Not a dayy goes by where I don’t mmiss you, kitten”

“I know youre probbably sick of mee, but im just trying to remmember how it feels to have a heartbeat”



Instagram AU: Clony on Vacation ft Hannah and Jeff.

I just wanted to remind everyone that I am taking requests for these- my brains only so creative ;) -so feel free to leave any that you might have in my ask box- as many as you want!! I don’t mind doing either a multitude of posts like for this one, or just the singular posts- just let me know which one you’d prefer in your request :) 

lnhanime  asked:

Hello!! I have two things I've wanted lately: First, a riren/ereri fic featuring barista!Levi, or a fic that has a lot of interaction with other characters (obviously a harder one to find; but I just LOVE it when they can incorporate their friends). These don't have to be in the same fic, and if you were only going to suggest fics for one, I'd prefer the barista AU. Anyways, sorry for the long request!! And don't worry about the criteria too much; I promise it's more flexible than it sounds 😉

I looked and found these for Barista!Levi:

A Little More Than Coffee by xxDeja_Uchihaxx

Levi is beyond broke. He’s working two jobs just to make ends meet. He works at Erwin’s coffee shop during the day, and Hanji’s failing strip club at night. Things suddenly take a turn for the worse and he’s left questioning his decisions. Will a silent, Bright Eyed boy be able to help him along his journey? [Ereri]

Heart Without A Beat by aestheticizaya

Eren Yeager is a miserable college student who loves taking aesthetic photos and watching soccer.

Levi Ackerman is a very gay, short tempered barista who is hung up on a certain 19 year old who comes into his Caffè every day. [Riren]

Wings That Bind by Christian_Rose_99384

“Levi…” Eren whispered as he looked at the large tattered angel wings tattooed onto my back.

“What? Do you not like them? I can’t really help them, they are what they are.” I say as he looks at my back with a worried expression, making me turn around.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, looking at him with a concerned approach.

“Levi…My mark matches…We’re soulmates,” [Ereri/Riren]

Stood Up by princu

Eren had a date.
To say that he was excited was a giant understatement. He hadn’t had a date since high school and, if he remembered correctly, it didn’t go so well. Well, at least that’s what Armin told him when he was utterly confused as to why his date wasn’t calling him back. He and Mikasa both had thought that a date to a haunted house would be perfect for Halloween. Why else would she had asked him for that exact date? 

The Reasons We Should [Not] Be Together by pseudonymical

Levi knew he was madly in love with Eren Jaeger since the second he stepped into the cafe Levi worked at. As the weeks passed, however, it became apparent that his feelings were best kept a secret, especially since the list of reasons why they shouldn’t be together only grew with each and every visit from the brunet. [Ereri/Riren]

Satan Doesn’t Make Coffee by Corporal_Levi_cleans_my_house

In which Levi works at a café and Eren is adamant that the surly, at times downright terrifying little man is actually Satan incarnate because how else could he send so many people running? And of course Levi is a complete shit about it.
Based off of this prompt.

(Some are riren since you asked for riren/ereri so I assumed you didn’t mind! I apologize if you do!)

Preference links!

if you like follow my twitter @xmissmex

  1. You get scared
  2. First day of school for your kid
  3. He buys you a puppy for your birthday
  4. He takes you to his favourite bands concert
  5. You look after him while he is sick
  6. You are stressed and he helps you out
  7. You have a nightmare and he comforts you
  8. What he does when you can’t sleep
  9. How you two meet
  10. He is protective of your kids
  11. You’re sick and he looks after you
  12. You get paranoid
  13. You have a disagreement
  14. What you do when he has time off
  15. He annoys you
  16. You get drunk
  17. Your child gives him the silent treatement
  18. He gets jealous
  19. You get into a small arguement
  20. You have an argument and your child walks in
  21. He is protective of his little girl
  22. Your child hurts themselves
  23. Your child misses him
  24. You meet his child from a previous relationship
  25. You meet his child from a previous relationship, part 2
  26. The movie you both watch together
  27. Your song
  28. The photo you both love 
  29. The Onesie you put on your child
  30. he thinks you’re pregnant when you’re not
  31. little things he does in the morning
  32. Your childs first words
  33. Your child asks how you meet
  34. Insecurities 
  35. Cold Nights
  36. Before bed
  37. You’re over worked
  38. He is on vocal rest
  39. Miss read sonogram
  40. He is so protective he thinks you’re losing weight the wrong way, making yourself sick 2/5
  41. It’s snowing
  42. Picture pref - teacher
  43. Picture pref -Niall takes you to a game
  44. Your parents argue
  45. You introduce him to your large family
  46. You get home sick
  47. Picture preference -They are in jail
  48. Security hassle you
  49. seeing at the airport after 6 months
  50. you want a pet
  51. When you’re scared
  52. I love when you kiss me
  53. First public appearance 
  54. You’re sick
  55. you’re a disney princess -Harry
  56. You kick him out of the bed

Latest Blurbs/ Prompts

anonymous asked:

I don't want a Han Solo movie. I want a movie about the Naboo Royal Handmaidens secretly subverting the Empire, all while impeccably dressed. What happened to the brave women who served Padme Amidala?

10/10 would watch that one! (Though I’m gonna be honest–I’m still going to watch the Han Solo movie even if there are a ton of other ones I’d prefer–the only anthology film that’s been whispered at that I would not watch would be Boba Fett. I just don’t care about villains.)

There was no way I could do this, I was only a song in and I didn’t want to be myself. I didn’t want to remember everything we had, everything I left. I couldn’t help the guilt that hung heavy on my shoulders. That clung to my bones and haunted my mind.

The wine was easing the sting but it was still prominent. I could feel everything again as if it had just happened. As if I had just left.

Piano chords started slow into the next song, thankfully the title wasn’t something that had sentimental value to me like the previous one had. That didn’t mean, however, that hearing his voice hurt any less.

“Just stop your crying, it’s a sign of the times.” stung, since I had been crying. It’s like he knew that if I ever were to hear this, I would be a mess after the first song. That I’d be in tears and that he’d have to consult me like he always had.

I always admired how calm and collected Harry seemed compared to me.

There had been so many times he had seen me broken before him, see me a sobbing disaster over the littlest things.

“Baby, it’ll be alright.” Harry cooed, his fingers stroking my hair as I cried into his chest.

I could hear the hint of his smile in his words, and when I looked up to him, it confirmed how hilarious he found the whole situation.

“It will not be ‘alright’, Harold.” I hissed, my eyebrows furrowed as my vision blurred with more tears. “I think my ass is broken.” I said, as a consistent pain radiated through my body.

“Your ass is not broken.” he said, his laughter threatening to spill with each word he spoke. “It’s not funny!” I yelled, attempting to use his shoulder to stand, my legs still wobbling. “See, I can’t even stand normal. My ass is broken. I’ll never be the same as I was.” I said, more tears falling down my face.

“Brooklyn, I swear, I’m trying to keep a straight face. Stop saying your ass is broken.” he spoke through gritted teeth, his eyes light. “You just fell down the stairs.”

“I SLID DOWN THE ENTIRE STAIRCASE, HAROLD. THATS LIKE THIRTY STEPS OF ASS POUNDING.” I screamed and his demeanor fell. Clutching his stomach, he let out loud and hearty laughs.

“It’s not funny!” I whined, finally feeling the strength return to my legs. I removed my hand from his shoulder to cross my arms over my chest. “You just yelled the words 'ass pounding’ in a sentence. The situation is a little funny.” he said between gasps.

My tears began to dry as I held back my own laughter, “My ass is broken, Harold.” I sneered, to which he stood up straight. Coughing slightly as his face went straight, his eyebrows knitted as he tried his best to seem endearing. But soon after air puffed from his lips as his face tore into a laugh, his dimples poking at his cheeks.

“You’re a pain.” I sighed, my lips turning upwards at his reaction.

He looked up at me through his eyelashes, his smile changing devilishly. “Am I…” he started, moving slightly backwards from where I was standing. His body pivoting in the opposite direction from me, as I stared to him confused. “a pain in your ass?” he said before darting away.

“I SWEAR TO GOD, HAROLD!” I screeched before finding my balance and ran after him.

“Just stop your crying, baby it’ll be alright.” it took all I had not to slam the wine bottle against the wall. To not have a full blown mental breakdown.

He always knew what to say or do. Even now, when I’m not with him, he’s saying the right thing. Even with him being wherever he is, he was soothing me.

I slammed back onto my mattress, my hands finding their way to rake my face and up into my hair. Knotting my hands into my blonde locks as I held back the urge to scream.

“It’s for the best.” I slurred, my mind jumbling as it got harder to believe the words I was saying.

What if it wasn’t for the best? What if I had fucked up one of the best things that happened to me? I already knew I had but I figured it was better for him this way. What if it wasn’t? I didn’t know how to feel.

My heart screamed at me, told me that I was an idiot for ever trusting my brain.

“Baby, stop crying.” he said, his large hand engulfing my knee as he squeezed it lightly. My hands were pulled towards my face, covering my mouth as slow tears fell from my eyes.

His mouth didn’t match his eyes. Where his lips were turned upwards, his eyes were filled with worry.

I tried to stop crying, but I couldn’t. I really wanted to, and I felt embarrassed that I couldn’t. “Your face.” I stuttered, my voice caught in my throat. “Baby, it’s fine!” he assured, his hand leaving my leg to pull my body into his.

“You just looked so distressed.” my words came out mumbled as I cried into his chest.

“I’m not actually dead, I’m right here.” he said, his fingers dragging from my shoulder and down my back. “You just looked so helpless.” I said, sniffling as I looked up to him from where I laid on his torso. “You were drowning!”

“I knew I should’ve warned you.” he sighed, his smile returning. “Or at least blocked the words 'Dunkirk’ on your twitter.” he joked.

Someone has just sent me the first cut of the Dunkirk trailer, and in the two seconds of seeing Harry underneath water my eyes had flooded. “Not funny.” I groaned, bringing my hand to swipe at my cheeks.

“You have to promise me you’ll never go to war.” I said sternly, my eyebrows lowered as I glared at him.

“Don’t really think that’s something you need to worry about.” he joked, his hands brushing through my hair.

“Promise me, Harold.” I warned, I knew the situation would never arise but I just needed some reassurance that he would never get stuck under a boat. I don’t know why, but I knew it would make me feel better.

“I promise.” he said. He brought his hand to the front of my face, his pinky jutting towards me. I let out a soft laugh, moving to bring my finger to twist around his.

He took a hold of it with his other hand, wrapping his fingers around it and bringing it to his lips. “And you have to promise to never go swimming again.” I added, semi-joking. He stopped his gentle assault on my hand to look at me. “Ever again. No more water for you.”

“I swear I’m a good swimmer.” he said, his lips ghosting against the back of my hand. I shook my head.

“What if I need to shower? Does that count as being in water?” he questioned, his tone suggesting that I was being ridiculous.

“From now on I will wash you with the hose outside.” I said, trying my best to keep my composure. He dropped my hand, eyes rolling as my smile broke on my face. Letting out a chuckle as he joined.

“You’re insane.” he said, his thumb moving to trace down my jawline. I raised my eyebrows, “Must be why I’m dating you.” I stated nonchalantly as I moved to stand from the couch.

It took him a second to realize what I had said before he let out a “hey!” and moved to grab my waist. He pulled me back down on the couch, shifting so that he was hovering over me. His fingers finding my sides as he tickled me.

“TAKE IT BACK!” he yelled as I fidgeted beneath him, air not fully getting to my lungs as I let out loud laughs. “NEVER!” I protested, kicking my legs to try to slide myself down the couch. It would’ve worked if he hadn’t noticed.

He smiled from ear to ear, gripping my waist once more and pulling me back to the top of the couch. His legs straddling either side of my body so that I couldn’t move. “Now tell me all the reasons you love me and I’ll stop.” he demanded, his fingers still brushing on my skin.

“NEVER!” I screamed through giggles, as he continued even harder. My air intake was getting low as tears came to my eyes again. I didn’t know how much longer I could handle this. “OKAY! I’ll tell you my top five.” I gave up, to which he nodded. His fingers slowing as he sat up, his eyebrows twitching up, silently telling me to begin.

“You’re kind to every single person you meet.You put your heart into everything you do. You do nice things without me having to ask. You always think about how I feel in situations rather than assuming I’m being irrational. And you love me good.” I counted on my fingers, mocking a southern accent as I finished my list.

He moved his head down to kiss my lips, “That’s so sweet of you to say.” he joked, his hand touching his chest. “Your turn.” I pushed, arms crossing over my chest as I tried to steady my breathing.

“You’re alright.” he shrugged, moving his legs to walk towards the kitchen. I laughed, picking up a pillow and chucking it to his back, screaming out a “hey!”.

“That’s not very nice, you donut!” I added before turning my attention back to my laptop that was placed on the table in front of me.

“Don’t make me play the trailer again.” he yelled, peaking out from the kitchen doorway. I swung my arm back to give him the finger as he laughed.

“We don’t talk enough, we should open up before it’s all too much.” he belted and I felt those words hit my heart. It felt as if everything he had written was specifically to me and I hated it. I hated knowing he felt this way. Maybe I should’ve continued to be blissfully unaware.

I couldn’t find the strength to finish the song. My fingers slamming to pause Spotify as I screamed.

I brought my pillow to my face, clutching it tightly in my fingers as I screamed again. My frustrations and feelings pouring out all at once.

Tears dampened my pillow as I pulled it from my face, afraid I would suffocate myself.

I grabbed my phone, unlocking it without looking before slamming in Lily’s number. It didn’t even ring twice before she had picked up. “What song are you on?” she asked, not bothering to say 'hello’.

“Sign of the Times.” I coughed, I could never talk when I cried. My throat would close and it was hard for me to articulate. I needed to speak in short sentences.

She sighed, “I’m surprised. I was waiting to get a phone call after the first song. Or none at all. I didn’t actually think you’d listen to me.” I turned on my side, my legs curling into my chest. “It’s so hard.” I sobbed.

“I know, but you need to do this. I know you. I know it would kill you not to listen to it. It may seem rough now but you have to get through it.” she soothed, her tone soft. I knew out of all people, Lily hated seeing, or in this case hearing, me cry.

“I can’t.” I said, my head shaking even though I knew she couldn’t see it. “It’s the least you can do for him.” she snapped, her voice on edge.

Lily never fully understood why I did what I had done. She even tried to talk me out of it originally when I had came to her house that night. She loved us together. She always told me how perfect we were for each other, but even when she said it, I couldn’t believe it.

But she was my best friend, so when I had put my foot down she had supported me. She helped me find a new place and helped keep my mind off of him.

I knew she was doing this for me, that even if it hurt, it would be better if I knew. If I knew how he felt and what I had put him through. I just needed someone to be stern with me right now, someone to tell me that I needed to stop being a baby and deal with this.

“I’m here if you need me, you know that. Even if I’m not there, you can call me again if it gets too much and I’ll slap some sense into you.” she joked, to which I couldn’t help the laugh that fell from my lips. “Hell, I’ll even come to your house and slap you if need be.” she continued, I sniffled, “I know.”

“I honestly thought you’d pretend to listen to it..” she said, mainly to herself. “I love you, call me if you need me.” and with that she hung up.

I need to push through this, I needed to get it over with. I picked up the wine, it’s contents close to being half empty.

I hit play and took a drink simultaneously, Harry’s voice radiated back through my room as he sang the new few lines powerfully.

“We’ve got to get away.” he whispered into my ear, making me jump. I looked back to him, his eyes were focused forward. “Don’t look at me, it’ll be suspicious.” he continued, talking from one side of his mouth. I laughed, looking back to where I originally was. “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want to be here anymore.” he said, sounding similar to a child. “This is your party..” I stated, taking in all of our friends.

Once again, Lily was given another reason to throw a party. Although the Dunkirk trailer had originally made me cry, Lily found it appropriate to celebrate it’s coming out. She somehow found out Harry’s friends from New York’s numbers, I assumed with the help of Niall, and invited them to her house.

“That’s why we have to be sneaky. We can’t let them know we’re leaving.” he said, his eyes darting back and forth, scanning the crowd.

“We can just say we’re leaving.” I suggested, turning to look at him fully. He put his hands on my shoulders, turning me back around with wild eyes. “Are you insane?” he asked to which I laughed. “According to you, yes.”

He nodded, “True, but not the point. You need to help me. I need someone to boost me out the window.”

“Absolutely not.” I laughed, walking off to find Lily. “Where are you going?!” he panicked as I continued to walk off.

I found her with Niall, his arm wrapped firmly around her shoulders as they laughed to one another. Drinks spilled from their hands moving back and forth as he rocked them both. “I think we’re gonna head out.” I said, catching her off guard. “Alright, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” she said, looking over my shoulder. “What’s Harry doing?” she asked and I couldn’t even take a guess on what he was probably doing.

“I don’t know, I’ll see you later. Bye Niall!” I said walking off to the door, grabbing Harry’s wrist from the wall he was propped against and pulling him outside.

“I don’t think they saw me, I was incognito.” he beamed, proud of himself. “A six foot tall, broad ass man trying to blend into the wall with his arms stretched out isn’t exactly incognito.” I joked, handing him his car keys from my purse. “It worked didn’t it?” he said, nodding down to me with an amused expression.

“Oh yeah, you got us out of there.”

Small memories like that one were the ones that hurt the most. The ones that held more significance in my heart than anything else. It was the little things that truly haunted me.

He always loved that I remembered small things. Tiny moments that would slip his mind would be my favorite. The way he would goof around, the insignificant conversations we had, the quick jokes he’d make, the way he would look during small situations always stuck with me more than anything.

He would love to ask me about random things I remembered, like that night at the party. How small the encounter was but how I remembered every detail.

At night we would lay in bed together and he’d wrap me in his arms and ask me about what we did that day. Ask me what stood out to me. He was the only one who had cared about that. Who payed attention to me in ways no other man had before. That’s what made me fall for him so quickly.

He was so different than anyone I had met before.

The night before I left was one I could recall every second of, because I knew what was going to happen. He had no idea, so I spent the whole day memorizing everything. Every little detail because I knew it would be the last time I’d have him to myself.

“Do you ever think about how this will play out?” I asked, my nails picking at the skin of my lips. I knew he was leaving in a few hours to go write, I knew that when he left I was going to grab my things and leave before he got back.

I spent days trying to rationalize it, figure out if it was the best thing for us. That morning I had made the decision that it was. He looked at my from over his laptop, his face twisting at my words. “What do you mean?”

“Us. Did you think this would last as long as it had?” I asked, not able to meet his gaze. “Brooklyn, you’re scaring me. Are you okay?” he said, shifting his laptop to the table between us and moving from his couch to sit by me. “Did you?” I reiterate.

He sighs, bringing his hand to rake at the back of his neck, “I hoped we would. I wanted to be with you the second I saw you.” he explained, he didn’t realize how much his words had effected me. I was trying to keep my composure.

“What if it hadn’t? What if that night we never spoke? Would you have been okay with that?” I continued, he didn’t know I was testing him. Testing to see if he would be okay after I left. I needed to know before I did it.

He looked at me, his hand moving to my back, “What’s wrong? Talk to me.” he soothed, I kept my eyes on the floor. “Just answer, please.”

“I couldn’t imagine what my life would be without you and I don’t want to. I don’t want to think about how it would be if we hadn’t talked because we did and we’re here. I think you were meant to be in my life. Whether it was that day or months from then. We would’ve crossed paths. I know we would have.” he explained and it took all of me not to start crying. I nodded, not wanting to dwell on this anymore.

I wanted to cherish every moment of today. I wanted to look back and remember every little thing or smile he gave me not me sulking and ruining our last day together. “Okay.” I said, moving in to curl into his side.

He kissed my head, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. “I really love you, Harry.” I breathed, pushing back my tears. “I know you do, baby.” he said, his fingers catching my chin as he pressed his lips against mine.

“Believe me, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” he laughed, kissing me once more as I smiled. “We would’ve met again somewhere. Somewhere far away from that club.”


“Yeah, yeah, Ace whatever.”


Recently I’m so trash about this pairing that I drew so many pictures of these two together… haven’t published it in tumblr yet, but my twitter is full of them okay. /cries

Oh and I think that @lollesblog want a picture of them together with smug Sabo… so here it is! x3 *yes I read your tags* muahahahaha

Random Statistics!

Because what’s the point of creating a spreadsheet if I can’t use it to generate statistics?

With 6 hours left for folks to submit prompts, I’ve gotten 39 so far. 

The vast majority are for Supernatural (82%) but I also got three for Yuri on Ice, one for MCU (ONLY ONE? @cyborgtopus you’re lying down on the job hun!), and three three for other fandoms (the Belgariad, White Collar, and one for my OCs Gregory and Yermolai). 

Of the Supernatural prompts, 7 are for DCJ, 23 are for Destiel (though depending on response from a prompter one of those might end up Sabriel instead…) and two are for other ships (Dean/Cas/Jimmy/Emmanuel, and one that’ll either be Wincestiel or Wincest…again, waiting to hear back from the person who requested it.)

When they were coming in yesterday and I was reading them it felt like I was getting soooo many requests for continuations but it turns out that was just a perception error - 26 of the 39 are brand new prompts, 10 are continuations (2 requests for Set Upon, and then a smattering of others), and three requests were for timestamps (for All for One, Project Kraken, and SextersAnon…)

One prompt, from @amberpeace for a Yuri on Ice story, will almost certainly end up too long, and so I’m probably going to hold off on it, and dammit, I’m all excited about it but I don’t have time now. That’s the only part of writing the prompts that’s tough, when one REALLY catches my fancy, ya know?

Dammit why’d I give people such a large window of time to reply I wanna randomize them and start now… :P


You’re best friends and he kisses you
Your first date
How you meet
Waking Up // blurb 
Running Late/ Stay

You’re best friends and he kisses you
Running Late // Blurb
How you meet
Your first date

You’re best friends and he kisses you
How you meet

You’re best friends and he kisses you
His birthday present to you
How you meet

You’re best friends and he kisses you
How you meet
Running late
Stay (Change Your Ticket)

1D lockscreens
Movie you watch together based on your zodiac sign
The first song you dance to at your wedding
Texts when he’s away
His Nickname for You