once insecure

Hannibal Lecter and food insecurity

Have you noticed that NBC’s Hannibal Lecter cooks everything in huge excess? Like, he’s literally hosting just Will and Alana for dinner, and he rolls out an entire roast pig with all the trimmings? Or it’s just him and Jack, but there’s like 10,000 calories in pricey perishables on the table?

Clearly, someone overshopped.

I don’t know if this is an intended character trait or a stylistic choice, but it hits on something that almost every emigrant to the West from USSR (and I’m sure tons of other countries around the world) can readily relate to: bone-deep food insecurity. Hannibal Lecter, who presumably made it out of USSR sometime in the late 70s-early 80s, seems to have never got over his original shock of facing a sudden over-abundance and variety of food in the West.

It sometimes takes emigrants years to un-learn instinctive food hoarding, and not everyone manages. This goes double for orphans, who tend to suffer from this compulsion even within Russia after they ‘graduate’ from the system and are able to plan their meals themselves. This behavior is especially noticeable with respect to meat, which was not sold very often in Soviet stores, and the cuts that were available were often, to put it mildly, substandard. (One popular joke went that Soviet pig farms probably slaughter their pigs with explosives, because the only things that made it to the stores were hooves.)

And let’s not forget fresh fruit. First of all, fruit was seasonal. You bought fruit in late summer and early fall, preserved it, and ate it through the winter. (In the spring everyone, especially kids, suffered from vitamin deficiencies, and this was a fact of life one just accepted.) But let’s take more exotic fruit - for instance, bananas. If bananas appeared in a Soviet grocery store, which would happen once or twice every spring in a few grocery stores of Moscow and Leningrad, each customer was limited to one or two kilos. You would literally stand in line for 3 or 4 or 5 hours to get five or ten rock-hard green bananas. And you would be over the moon with joy.

And so it’s very easy for me to imagine Lecter, even with all the privations of life in a state-run Soviet institution (a double-whammy of poor nutrition) decades behind him, *still* instinctively over-shopping for things that he never got to so much as sniff as a child: meat, fresh fruit, seafood, caviar - all the stuff he heaps on the table in such huge quantities for his friends.

Lecter might wear bespoke suits and drive a Bentley that costs more than most houses, but deep down in his bones, he’s still in 'food crisis’ mode, terrified that all these pomegranates, caviar, and steak are only in the store through some kind of unexpected laxness or largesse on behalf of the ruling Party, and if he doesn’t buy as much as he can today, they’ll be gone from the store tomorrow, and he’ll be left with nothing.

I’ve been thinking about you so much even my anxiety is tired of it. Either you’re going to break me or I’m going to break myself. Someone told me once that my insecurities would be my downfall. They didn’t know about you.


I repeated my mother’s last words as she’d walked out this same door so many years ago. I said them as angrily as I could manage, and I threw the door open. My cruel words did their job Charlie stayed frozen on the doorstep, stunned, while I ran into the night.


Am I too late to join the #BlackoutDay Festivities? 🤔
Nonetheless, I’ve been on an ultralight beam this year and I love this feeling. I’ve come to the realization that what was once my hugest insecurity is now my biggest physical asset, my skin. It still shocks me every now and then how I went from getting called blackie, burnt, charcoal, midnight, etc to getting complimented & asked to do shoots simply because of my skin. But it wasn’t the compliments that made me decide to embrace my skin, that actually came second. Once I stopped giving a fuck about society’s standard of beauty and realized that I was handcrafted by a perfect Creator who made me in their image, I began to see my own beauty. It’s my soul that radiates through this rich, ebony skin that I am so very proud of. I was broken, but instead of staying in that broken state I let my light shine through the cracks. Don’t be a victim to this world. Shine your light on it.


There’s a lot of things I need to see more of but this is important to me and is rarely talked about;

  • curly haired characters
  • curly hair positivity
  • natural curly black hair
  • curly poc hair
  • FRIZZY curly hair
  • girls not being told that the need to straighten their hair to look beautiful
  • girls being told that their curly hair is beautiful as is
  • girls not having to damage their hair to make it stick straight
  • not being told it looks like a “”rats nest”” if you don’t
  • seeing people with natural curls that are not the “before” of a makeover

So, can we just talk about that gif for a moment? I’m not really good with metas, but I’m going to try my best.

What I find interesting about that shot is how Killian, the Charmings, Henry, Belle & Rumple and Elsa are positioned. We have Belle, Rumple and Elsa in the back, because they are not as ‘close’ to Emma as the others (obviously) - but Elsa is still positioned in front of Rumple, because she’s grown to be a friend of Emma’s. Then we have the Charmings, then Henry and finally Killian in the front. I think that the way they’re positioned in that shot reflects how 'close’ they are to Emma, relationship-wise, in their current situation. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying her relationship with Killian is more important or stronger than her relationship with her son and her parents, BUT I do think that Killian is the only one who’ll be able to help her, because he can relate to her and understand her. There are a lot of parallels between 4x04, when Killian lost his control and thought his hand was cursed and Emma in 4x07 and that can’t be a coincidence.

Of course Elsa is the one who understands her best (in her situation), but Elsa and Emma haven’t known each other that long and Elsa has already enough problems on her own plate.

David and Snow have been more concerned with little Neal lately and are still really insecure about their job as parents, so it’s hard for them to find a way to get to Emma and to understand her completely. Snow has literally “failed” in that scene (and the scene before with the baby), because she hasn’t been sensitive or understanding at all. She’s been more concerned about David and Neal than Emma and that’s why she’s positioned in the middle. David is with her, because he always is and because I think even though he’s trying, he also has a hard time to understand Emma. They love her, but they can’t help being a bit afraid of and irritated by her powers.

Then there’s Henry. He seems a bit closer than the Charmings, because he still believes in her and he loves her, but he’s just too young and too unexpierenced to be really able to help her here. It’d be too much for him to handle and I think we’ll see that in the next episode.

Now let me get back to Killian. I think it’s even more obvious now why he’s positioned in the front here. He loves Emma unconditionally and he’s not scared of her whatsoever, because he’s (basically) the same. He knows what it’s like to feel like a monster, to feel unloved and like an outcast. He knows what it’s like to lose control. More than that, he’s truly concerned about her and only her. There’s no one else for him. And he would never, ever give up on her - he doesn’t even care if she hurts him, for god’s sake! That’s why I think he will be the key to everything in that story arc. He’s a threat to the Snow Queen, because he would never give up on Emma and he’s the most important person to Emma, because he’s the only one who can help her. We all know by now that Emma let her walls down for him, she let him in and she loves him back, even though she might not have realized it yet (or maybe she has; judging by the way she looked after their date; but she’s certainly not ready to admit it). Right now, he’s the closest person to Emma, physically as well as emotionally. 

something i thought about last night

there’s kind of another layer to davekat in that if dave has been alone on a meteor with a lot less stress for three years, would that mean there was some development of him coming to terms with liking guys?

Dave’s character was all about hiding things behind a chill façade. there’s no doubt more insecurities at work than just “his bro died” and the “i’m not a hero” complex. what if one of those insecurities was growing up unsure of his sexual orientation? those barely come up as character points in homestuck as-is (despite mountains of fan discussion). But could that have been a thing that he’d been kind of holding back revealing because he needed a way for it to happen naturally?

also think how perfect a foil that would be for him and karkat

karkat is also a character introduced with some heavy insecurities that he hides by being the exact opposite of chill about everything.

them being in a relationship would also represent them being comfortable with those things they were once insecure about, because they are representations of what the other tried to hide.

Karkat is male. Dave is red.

It would be so easy for the next Star Wars movie to make Matt the Radar Technician canon, though. Just put in a throwaway line with Hux or someone else complaining about how Kylo is so unstable and insecure he once “put on a disguise to figure out what the Stormtroopers thought of  him.”

Literally, the line would take about 7 or 8 seconds and have no real impact on the plot or film in general. 

And it fits in perfectly with Ren’s paranoid character. 

Dear Mikayuu shippers

Please vote so we can shut the mouths of the people who are asking Anime Trending to remove the ship from the poll.

Even if it doesn’t become canon in the end, we will have the pleasure of making them the couple of the season.

getting over my insecurities, one day at a time

(the first time in my whole life that I’ve ever smiled with my teeth in a picture)