once insecure

Hannibal Lecter and food insecurity

Have you noticed that NBC’s Hannibal Lecter cooks everything in huge excess? Like, he’s literally hosting just Will and Alana for dinner, and he rolls out an entire roast pig with all the trimmings? Or it’s just him and Jack, but there’s like 10,000 calories in pricey perishables on the table?

Clearly, someone overshopped.

I don’t know if this is an intended character trait or a stylistic choice, but it hits on something that almost every emigrant to the West from USSR (and I’m sure tons of other countries around the world) can readily relate to: bone-deep food insecurity. Hannibal Lecter, who presumably made it out of USSR sometime in the late 70s-early 80s, seems to have never got over his original shock of facing a sudden over-abundance and variety of food in the West.

It sometimes takes emigrants years to un-learn instinctive food hoarding, and not everyone manages. This goes double for orphans, who tend to suffer from this compulsion even within Russia after they ‘graduate’ from the system and are able to plan their meals themselves. This behavior is especially noticeable with respect to meat, which was not sold very often in Soviet stores, and the cuts that were available were often, to put it mildly, substandard. (One popular joke went that Soviet pig farms probably slaughter their pigs with explosives, because the only things that made it to the stores were hooves.)

And let’s not forget fresh fruit. First of all, fruit was seasonal. You bought fruit in late summer and early fall, preserved it, and ate it through the winter. (In the spring everyone, especially kids, suffered from vitamin deficiencies, and this was a fact of life one just accepted.) But let’s take more exotic fruit - for instance, bananas. If bananas appeared in a Soviet grocery store, which would happen once or twice every spring in a few grocery stores of Moscow and Leningrad, each customer was limited to one or two kilos. You would literally stand in line for 3 or 4 or 5 hours to get five or ten rock-hard green bananas. And you would be over the moon with joy.

And so it’s very easy for me to imagine Lecter, even with all the privations of life in a state-run Soviet institution (a double-whammy of poor nutrition) decades behind him, *still* instinctively over-shopping for things that he never got to so much as sniff as a child: meat, fresh fruit, seafood, caviar - all the stuff he heaps on the table in such huge quantities for his friends.

Lecter might wear bespoke suits and drive a Bentley that costs more than most houses, but deep down in his bones, he’s still in 'food crisis’ mode, terrified that all these pomegranates, caviar, and steak are only in the store through some kind of unexpected laxness or largesse on behalf of the ruling Party, and if he doesn’t buy as much as he can today, they’ll be gone from the store tomorrow, and he’ll be left with nothing.


Am I too late to join the #BlackoutDay Festivities? 🤔
Nonetheless, I’ve been on an ultralight beam this year and I love this feeling. I’ve come to the realization that what was once my hugest insecurity is now my biggest physical asset, my skin. It still shocks me every now and then how I went from getting called blackie, burnt, charcoal, midnight, etc to getting complimented & asked to do shoots simply because of my skin. But it wasn’t the compliments that made me decide to embrace my skin, that actually came second. Once I stopped giving a fuck about society’s standard of beauty and realized that I was handcrafted by a perfect Creator who made me in their image, I began to see my own beauty. It’s my soul that radiates through this rich, ebony skin that I am so very proud of. I was broken, but instead of staying in that broken state I let my light shine through the cracks. Don’t be a victim to this world. Shine your light on it.



I repeated my mother’s last words as she’d walked out this same door so many years ago. I said them as angrily as I could manage, and I threw the door open. My cruel words did their job Charlie stayed frozen on the doorstep, stunned, while I ran into the night.

There’s a lot of things I need to see more of but this is important to me and is rarely talked about;

  • curly haired characters
  • curly hair positivity
  • natural curly black hair
  • curly poc hair
  • FRIZZY curly hair
  • girls not being told that the need to straighten their hair to look beautiful
  • girls being told that their curly hair is beautiful as is
  • girls not having to damage their hair to make it stick straight
  • not being told it looks like a “”rats nest”” if you don’t
  • seeing people with natural curls that are not the “before” of a makeover

So, can we just talk about that gif for a moment? I’m not really good with metas, but I’m going to try my best.

What I find interesting about that shot is how Killian, the Charmings, Henry, Belle & Rumple and Elsa are positioned. We have Belle, Rumple and Elsa in the back, because they are not as ‘close’ to Emma as the others (obviously) - but Elsa is still positioned in front of Rumple, because she’s grown to be a friend of Emma’s. Then we have the Charmings, then Henry and finally Killian in the front. I think that the way they’re positioned in that shot reflects how 'close’ they are to Emma, relationship-wise, in their current situation. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying her relationship with Killian is more important or stronger than her relationship with her son and her parents, BUT I do think that Killian is the only one who’ll be able to help her, because he can relate to her and understand her. There are a lot of parallels between 4x04, when Killian lost his control and thought his hand was cursed and Emma in 4x07 and that can’t be a coincidence.

Of course Elsa is the one who understands her best (in her situation), but Elsa and Emma haven’t known each other that long and Elsa has already enough problems on her own plate.

David and Snow have been more concerned with little Neal lately and are still really insecure about their job as parents, so it’s hard for them to find a way to get to Emma and to understand her completely. Snow has literally “failed” in that scene (and the scene before with the baby), because she hasn’t been sensitive or understanding at all. She’s been more concerned about David and Neal than Emma and that’s why she’s positioned in the middle. David is with her, because he always is and because I think even though he’s trying, he also has a hard time to understand Emma. They love her, but they can’t help being a bit afraid of and irritated by her powers.

Then there’s Henry. He seems a bit closer than the Charmings, because he still believes in her and he loves her, but he’s just too young and too unexpierenced to be really able to help her here. It’d be too much for him to handle and I think we’ll see that in the next episode.

Now let me get back to Killian. I think it’s even more obvious now why he’s positioned in the front here. He loves Emma unconditionally and he’s not scared of her whatsoever, because he’s (basically) the same. He knows what it’s like to feel like a monster, to feel unloved and like an outcast. He knows what it’s like to lose control. More than that, he’s truly concerned about her and only her. There’s no one else for him. And he would never, ever give up on her - he doesn’t even care if she hurts him, for god’s sake! That’s why I think he will be the key to everything in that story arc. He’s a threat to the Snow Queen, because he would never give up on Emma and he’s the most important person to Emma, because he’s the only one who can help her. We all know by now that Emma let her walls down for him, she let him in and she loves him back, even though she might not have realized it yet (or maybe she has; judging by the way she looked after their date; but she’s certainly not ready to admit it). Right now, he’s the closest person to Emma, physically as well as emotionally. 

It would be so easy for the next Star Wars movie to make Matt the Radar Technician canon, though. Just put in a throwaway line with Hux or someone else complaining about how Kylo is so unstable and insecure he once “put on a disguise to figure out what the Stormtroopers thought of  him.”

Literally, the line would take about 7 or 8 seconds and have no real impact on the plot or film in general. 

And it fits in perfectly with Ren’s paranoid character. 

Dear Mikayuu shippers

Please vote so we can shut the mouths of the people who are asking Anime Trending to remove the ship from the poll.

Even if it doesn’t become canon in the end, we will have the pleasure of making them the couple of the season.

Imagine: Peter can’t stop flirting with you, in front of Hook.

Warning: extreme leaves of sass

“You’re cute.”

“Well, thank you?”

“Can I keep you?

“N-no!”  You had only been on Neverland for five minutes and Peter has already managed to make you feel small and strange.  Not that it took much, it was easy for others to make you feel insecure and when you did you became defensive and sassy.  Most girls would think it was a cute attempt at flirting but you knew better.  You knew no one would ever think that you were attractive.  Although you looked confident your Captain could see your change in mood and stepped in.

“Pan, my crew and I are done here we just need permission off the island.”  You smile glad that Hook diverted Peter’s attention away from you.

“Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?”

   “Cute, but no.” you couldn’t help the words that flowed from your mouth.  For a second you were afraid Peter would get mad at you.  Or at least until you saw him smile.

   “Fuck me if I’m wrong, but do you want to kiss me?”  You could hear Killian beside you groan, probably feeling extremely awkward and just wanting to leave.  For a second you panicked you couldn’t say yes or no.  But what else was there to say, unless.

   “Maybe, I always keep my options open.”  

“There is definitely something wrong with my bed.”  You look between Peter and Killian trying to understand what is even going on.  Peter is smirking waiting for a response, and Hook is rubbing his eyes with his hand clearly annoyed.

“Are you seriously just going to stand there until I ask what it is?”  He continued staring at you.

“Just get it over with, I want to get out of here,” Killian has lost his patients with Peter and hopefully not you.

“Fine, what is wrong with your bed?”

“You’re not in it.”

“You are impossible Peter.”

“Did you buy your pants on sale because at my house they would be 100% off.”  Okay now he has gone beyond making you uncomfortable.  You were getting mad.

“Screw you, Peter.”

“That is a terrible idea, let’s do it.”  All of your brilliant comebacks flew out the window.


“Why?  I am sure I could make you very happy.”  That stupid smug smirk.  It’s infuriating.

“How, are you leaving?”  There was that comeback.  Where the heck did it go a second ago.

“You won’t get rid of me that easy.”

“You must be the Pied Piper then.”

“Why is that, love?”

“Because you are a massive douchebag and I want to punch you in the face.”  Not as clever as you could have been but still it got your point across.

“What is it like to be the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“What is it like being the biggest liar in the world?”  He could at least try to be believable.

“Stop being shy go on and ask me out.  You know you want to.”

“Okay.  Go out.”

“Ouch that hurts.

“I hope it hurt as much as when you crawled out of hell, bloody demon.”  He paused and simply looked at your face.  You would think he was thinking of a comeback except he seemed to be studying you.  When he looked back into your eyes you were certain he had you memorized.

“You are perfect.  Where have you been all my life?”

“Hiding from you.”  you smirk hoping you won this stupid little argument.  But Peter continues to act as cocky as ever.

“What are you doing this Friday night?”  You pause taken aback by the fact that he is actually asking you out.  For a split second you almost consider his offer before you come up with a brilliant comeback.

“Not you.”  Simple sweet and ego destroying.
“Are you two done?  I honestly want to go home now, so can we just leave?”  Hook tapped his foot in annoyance.

anonymous asked:

Think about that time after they started dating (and Tony being touch starved as well) - he would be so self-concious and scared to inniciate any touch with Rhodey, he would be preping himself for taking Rhodey's hand for couple of minutes while they are on their first date - he would be scared to do it, because what if..? Same goes for showing any affection while the team is around. He doesn't want to make Rhodey uncomfortable, but he really REALLY wants to be close to him.

They’ve probably reached a point in their friendship where Tony’s finally comfortable with reaching out towards Rhodey for comfort or affection (which he does all the time) when Rhodey asks him out on a date. And it’s Rhodey who asks because sure, Tony’s thought about it before (it’s hard not to do, when you spend your Friday night cuddled up on the couch together, bodies entangled so that it’s impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins, when Tony can’t remember the last time he looked at someone that wasn’t Rhodey, always Rhodey), but he’d never dared to hint at something more. Not when it might cost him the friendship of the kindest, sweetest, safest person Tony’s ever known. And besides Tony’s happy with what they have right now, happy that Rhodey’s his to hug and tease and laugh with. That’s more than he’d ever expected to have, it’s more than enough.

Except of course that Tony’s always been a greedy person, always takes and takes and takes what’s being offered and when Rhodey asks (stressing the ‘romantic date’ part three times because he obviously knows Tony far too well), Tony knows, knows he should say ‘No’, that it would be the right thing to do, that it’ll hurt so much more later on, and he’s powerless to whisper anything other than “Yes!”. Rhodey smiles, beautiful, brilliant, alight, squeezes Tony’s hand reassuringly and Tony almost believes that maybe it’ll be alright.

It’s not alright.

It’s not alright because two days later, they’re on a date. A real, romantic date. They eat dinner at Tony’s favourite Diner and watch a movie he’s been talking about for weeks. It’s what they’ve done a thousand times before and if Tony closes his eyes and pretends not to know that Rhodey’s dressed in the tight-fitted shirt he always wears on first dates because he knows he looks great in it and that’s just not fair, damn it, it’s almost like all the other times they’ve done this. Only not.

It’s a date and Tony is all too aware of the fact that he sucks at this whole dating thing. He always says the wrong thing, comes across as too brash or too awkward and he’s spaced out for the second time now and Rhodey’s starting to look worried- And he’s already messed this up, hasn’t he?

The evening goes on like this, stilted and uncomfortable, and Tony is getting quieter by the minute, doesn’t even talk thorough the movie like he usually would. All he really wants to do is reach out and take Rhodey’s hand but it’s different now, isn’t it? It’d mean something and Tony isn’t sure what he wants to convey and what if Rhodey takes it the wrong way? Tony doesn’t want to come across as clingy or needy or weird. So he tries, he really tries to behave but the frown lines on Rhodey’s forehead just keep getting deeper, make Tony want to reach out and smooth them over, except what if he isn’t allowed-

And suddenly the movie’s over and they’re standing in front of Tony’s dorm and Rhodey takes a gentle hold of Tony’s hands and asks simply, seriously, “What’s wrong, Tones?”

Tony doesn’t remember what he says in response exactly, all he knows is what comes out is a mess of words, too fast and meshed together to be the calm ‘Nothing’ it was supposed to be. His hands feel cold and clammy and it’s gross, he really should let go now but his body apparently hasn’t gotten the memo, clings to Rhodey instead because that’s what Tony does- used to do before everything changed and-

“Tony,” Rhodey says in that way that makes sure he listens but also lets Tony know that he’s not in too much trouble, “You didn’t mess up, Tony. I had a lovely time-”

And that, that’s a lie, Tony knows it is, he knows-

Rhodey reaches out and cups the side of Tony’s face, thumb gently stroking across his cheek and that’s- Tony can’t be expected to think like this.

“Tony,” and there’s the exasperation Tony’s been expecting but there’s so much fondness too and it sort of steals Tony’s breath, the way Rhodey smiles at him, slow and sincere, “You won’t mess up either.”

And Tony shakes his head because he can’t, Rhodey can’t know that, but he doesn’t deny it because it’s Rhodey and if there’s anyone Tony believes in it’s him.

“Because making a relationship requires two people and so does destroying one. And, Tony,” Rhodey leans in just that slightest bit closer, eyes dark and so, so warm, “I don’t wanna lose you. So I’ll do my damnest to make this work and so will you, cause that’s the person you are. And that’s gonna be enough.”

Tony isn’t stupid, of course he knows it’s not gonna be that easy, people, and he in particular, always mess up eventually but when Rhodey looks at him like that, the picture of conviction, Tony can’t do anything but believe him. “You sure?” he asks anyways and Rhodey huffs a little laugh.

“More than enough,” he says and places a light kiss on Tony’s forehead. “Now will you let go of my hands so that I can unlock the door?”