“I will give you a flower for every tear you’ve shed.” Loki whispered, eyes searching your face desperately.
You shut your eyes hard, turning your face from him. “After your death? Your second death?” You breathed out heavily, swallowing hard. “It would take a thousand gardens.”
Loki nodded, tears rolling freely down his cheeks, “I’m so sorry.” He whispered finally.
You heard movement and opened your eyes, looking back at him. Some part of you worried he was gone, that even though he managed to return from the dead again, that it was really just an illusion, a trick of your mind. Instead Loki knelt before you, looking up at you, desperate for any sign of warmth. “To have to lie to you, it killed me.”
“What would you know of dying?” You spat angrily, “save for faking it? I wanted to die each day to be with you, to know you weren’t alone in whatever place you went to, but I couldn’t do that, not for everyone around me, not for myself.”
Loki shook his head horrified, mouth dropping open.
“I was devastated when I lost you, I didn’t know how to continue, but I forced myself to, because that’s what we do, we fight. Then my happiness, oh how joyful, like all the heavens opened up and color filled the world again. Then you’re thrown into the prisons never to be seen again? But at least you were alive, anything was better than dead again.” You paused, the words had come tumbling out. “Then Thor, that oaf, promises the one thing you love above all else. Revenge, for an ill conceived suicide mission. And suicide it was, for you died again. Losing you once? That was hell, but to remember hope and joy just to lose it all again so quickly?” You fell silent, crossing your arms, unable to stop your tears.
Loki slowly stood, “I deserve your rage for the pain you’ve endured, but never think for a moment that I wished to hurt you.”
“Yes, well you did.”
Loki’s eyes flashed angrily, “and what of the hell I went through? Do you think that it was some vacation from the idiocy of Asgard’s ruling family? Do you think the mad Titan, who took me into his grip and flayed me raw did so just out of the kindness of his heart?” Loki laughed madly, a hollow barking sound. “You, my hope and light, the last traces of it drained from my being as I was moulded into a weapon and set on Midgard. My own brother couldn’t see the madness I had been warped into. Then once more on Asgard, my hopes returned that I might see you, look upon your face, perhaps hold you in my arms, and I was exiled to the dungeons for the rest of my cursedly long life. I was denied the right to see my own mother’s funeral, my imprisonment was too important. So yes, when the opportunity to avenge her death, to have a moment’s freedom from the hell of solitude Odin,” Loki spat the name angrily, “placed me, I jumped at it. Anything to be free from the torment of reliving the hell I endured. And yes, I died, I sacrificed my life to save Thor, because he promised me an eternity back in that cell if I lived, but I returned, by no small miracle and this was my first opportunity to tell you. So while I apologize for the pain you have endured, truly, I am sorry, but it has been through no choice of my own!” Loki roared the last bit, growing angrier and more desperate as he spoke.
You shrank back, face softening, a figurative knife stabbing through your heart with each word. “Loki…” You whispered sadly, slowly and hesitantly reaching out to him.
Loki hung his head weakly, tears rolling off his cheeks and falling to the floor.
You stepped forward, stroking his cheek, cupping it and angling his face up towards you. “My love, Loki, I am so sorry.” You murmured, trailing off.
Loki held your hand in place, eyes fluttering at the warm and familiar touch. “I am sorry too, my love.”
“It’s alright, I had not stopped to consider your side.”
“You matter more, I just…” he hesitated, green eyes finally opening to look at you, “I need you to understand. It has been hell, these last few years. You are my support, my rock, and to not have you by my side for so long, to be so alone.”
You pulled him forward, hugging him as tightly as you could before pulling back to kiss him. The kiss was wet, both your faces stained with tears, but Loki held you like a drowning man, kissing you desperately. The two of you finally pulled back, arms still wrapped around each other, not wanting to be any further apart than you had to be.
“I love you so much.” You whispered.
“I love you so much,” Loki repeated. “Each tear of yours is a knife in my heart.”
“Then let us replace each tear with a kiss, I have no want for a garden so long as I have you. I have no want for anything, just you, always you.”
Loki smiled, “you were wrong you know. More than anything, more than revenge, I love you.”