once i stop laughing

okay, listen, so i’m still thinking about my last text post right, and hear me out. can you imagine the foxhole court where everything is exactly the same except the “edgar allan ravens” are called the “edgar allan geese”

Also I just need you to know that I got pulled over at MIDNIGHT last night because I was speeding (on a one lane highway in the middle of nowhere with no one around because I wanted to go HOME) and despite going 15 over the speed limit I didn’t get a ticket. So hopefully you guys have as much luck as I did last night!

I’m laying here and I can’t stop fucki laughing bc I remembered that once during a breakup the boy looked me in the eye and with a straight fucking face said “it’s best that you know now that I’m evil” and totally meant it and it wasn’t until that moment that I realized I was dating a vampire from a YA novel

kouginoweek​ day 1: moments

“There’s no betrayal in friendship.”

anonymous asked:

might be a bit strange but when you swallow cum what's it feel like? did you ever have doubts about swallowing it for the first time? doesn't it feel weird?

It doesn’t really feel like anything necessarily, just liquid that is maybe the slightest bit thick but not that much. As I said before it’s kind of a bitter taste so you don’t really wanna taste it too long. As for the first time I ever tried it I honestly was a bit apprehensive about it bc I had no idea what it was gonna taste like and… ahhhh this is so embarrassing lol but I gagged so bad on his dick bc it shot at the back of my throat and I was in the worst coughing fit of my life lmao. He felt awful but then we were both laughing about it once I stopped coughing bc it was so ridiculous lol. So in the end my first time swallowing was not ideal but luckily I learned after that :“)

typenullandvoid "Its Glitter vodka and it tastes amazing- grab a few glasses… once you stop bouncing off the walls I mean.“ He was laughing softly- it was pretty cute.

                                  Soft, tiny, squeaky wheezes were made as they tried to find their chill. Of course, there is no chill to be had, they’re Apath and they’ve just been introduced to glittery vodka. Instead, the Successor throws their arms around him, peppering his entire face in a multitude of kisses before scampering off to grab some glasses for the both of them.

          Their entire life has just been made, Gladion, you did good.

I always wonder if you remember that night - the one where we were lying on our backs underneath the sky. The stars were spread out above us and we started counting them, just to see if we could. After a while we stopped, dizzy with numbers and our eyes almost literally star-crossed.
“This is how much I love you,” you said, once we stopped laughing and caught our breath. Your hand found mine in the dark and I entwined my fingers with yours, desperate to hold on to you and that moment. I was grasping at those three words. You didn’t know it then, but it was the first time anyone has ever said they loved me. 
“My love for you cannot be counted or measured,” you started explaining, misreading my silence. As if I needed an explanation. “I want you to know that I’ll always love you. I want it there for the whole world to see, and the leave them speechless with the mere thought of fathoming the extent of it.”
—  L.W. - excerpts from a book i’ll never write #50
Dare Or Dare

Prompt: “my friends dared me to buy 20 condoms but i didn’t realize that the cute cashier would be working tonight so i avoided eye contact as i piled them onto the counter and please stop laughing so hard, oh my god it’s for a dare okay i’ve never had sex in my life and once you stopped laughing, i swear i fell in love with that sparkle in your eye as you grinned wildly at me and asked me out for a drink au” ( @nonsensicaljay ) ( @alltheprompts )


“Come on Caroline, you have to” Katherine said, flipping her curls over one shoulder, a devious smirk on her lips.

Caroline shot her friend a glare as she huffed. It’s all Katherine’s fault if you ask her. Her and her stupid dares. It was Friday night and they all found themselves - her, Katherine, Bonnie, Matt, Enzo, and Stefan - sitting in the Fells’ mausoleum talking about the hell that is high school until Katherine suggested they play dare or dare. Basically you can’t go home before you make fun of yourself at least once.

Katherine had started - since it was her idea after all - daring Bonnie to drink half the bottle of Vodka in one go and Bonnie did, giving Katherine the middle finger as a ‘bring it on’. And the dares rolled on and on.

She seemed to be on the safe side for the night since all she got was a dare from Matt to try to lick her elbow - a total fail by the way - and one from Enzo daring her to call sluty Sally and impersonate Sally’s mother while she yelled at her that she found a positive pregnancy test - yeah you might have sensed that she wasn’t exactly excited about the girl’s existence; understatement - and all went well until her bitch of a best friend got her turn to dare her.

Katherine’s dare: go buy 20 condoms from the local store.

Her translation of the dare: Total and utter humiliation.

But according to the rules that they all put, you either take the dare or you don’t but in case you didn’t, everyone will get a go at giving you a dare of their own. And with one look at her friends she knew what they probably will cook for her in their evil little minds is way worse that Katherine’s dare. So she said fine. Through gritted teeth. Imagining fifty ways she could kill her best friend.

And here they all are, standing outside the store as Caroline tried to find loopholes around the dare but unfortunately found none.

“Fine I’m going” Caroline grumbled, already searching through her mind for a dare to give to Katherine when it’s her turn.

“Hey Blondie make sure you get the one with the strawberry flavor, I didn’t get the time to buy some yesterday” Enzo called after her and she rolled her eyes as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked toward the door of the store.

“Quit it Enzo” She heard Bonnie say before she entered the store, the cold air of the air conditioner hit her.

She quickly looked toward the cashier, praying it’s some dude she don’t know and will never see again but who she saw made her eyes almost bulge out of their suckets. She looked quickly back toward the door and saw Katherine giving her an innocent smile, motioning for her to go in.

She will not rest until she makes sure Katherine gets what she deserves.

She breathed heavily in as she started walking through the aisles to where she knew the condoms are.

Klaus Mikaelson - aka the new student from London - was sitting with his phone in his hand, his feet up on the counter, and an Ice Tea can next to him. What is it with British people and tea?

So a quick summary of why she wanna kill Katherine; she might be having a little crush on him - okay maybe not a little crush but that’s beside the point - and she isn’t exactly excited about him seeing her buy 20 condoms.

She met him first day of school due to her being the welcoming committee and she won’t lie and say that she didn’t stare at him for at least thirty seconds before she got back to her senses, because she did, but  it isn’t exactly her fault since no one gave her a warning that she’d be meeting the Zac Efron of her own high school miserable. Ignoring the smirk he had on his - very tempting very kissable - lips, she extended her hand, introduced herself, and showed him around the school.

She still remembers the tingles that went through her when he took her hand in his.

It was a complete surprise to her - a totally pleasant one -  to find him in all her classes - she mentally gave him extra point for taking all the hard subjects - and they sorta struck a weird friendship. At least he did because her heart started cheering ‘TEAM KLAUS’ the moment she met him.

So all in all, she’s more than sure Katherine knew he’s going to be here and now she might die of embarrassment. She really needs to kill Katherine if she comes out of this alive.

Hurriedly she picked up twenty condoms without even looking at what they are - it’s really no time for her curiosity to shine given that she never bought one - and walked toward where Klaus was sitting, dropping them off at the register as she made sure her hair concealed her face.

“Good evening” She heard him say as he dropped his legs down. She merely noded and probably made her biggest mistake when she unconsciously looked up because she found him looking at her with narrowed eyes and a smirk playing on his lips. “I knew it was you”

“Hi” She said, a blush already forming on her cheeks.

“So all of these” He said and his voice wavered a bit as he looked down, processing what ‘all of these’ are.

“Yeah” she said and she’s sure her face turned crimson red by now. She kept her eyes down, watching as he ticked each one before placing it in a bag.

“Sweetheart, most of these are expired” He said and he was mostly done with half of them, picking up one to show her the date.

She scrunched up her nose, more blush forming on her cheeks. “It’s okay, just put it in the bag”

He gave her a weird look but did as she said, throwing it in the bag to continue working.

“They’re not mine” Caroline blurted feeling suffocated if she didn’t say that, and he looked up at her is lips pressed to conceal a smile, “I mean yeah I’m buying them which makes them mine, but they’re not for me. I mean I won’t be the one using them - it’s just some stupid dare that I have to buy them - I never even used one, hell I never had sex in my life and it’s so weird to be the one to buy them especially since they’re not mine- I should really stop talking by now”

He was full on laughing, his eyes shut as he swallowed back his laughter. It was really embarrassing, standing in front of the register while the cashier laughed at you as you tell him your life story concerning condoms.

“I’m sorry, I just- I’m sorry.” He said, inhaling deeply as he resumed ticking by the condoms. “I’m not judging either”

“Well thanks” she said, her tone coming out sarcastically and he smiled.

He was on the last one when his hands paused and he looked up, his eyes shining in a completely new way, “You’re a virgin?”

Her eyes widened comically and she almost asked him how he knew until she remembered her rambling seconds ago- she always said the wrong things when she was on her rambling binge.

“Yeah…” She dropped her head to the side, the blushing making its way up her cheeks again.

Well isn’t this great, he must really think something of her, her probably being the only senior on her way to college with her virtue still intact. God, she knew this wasn’t going to end well. And to top that she already knew that she has no shot with him he had to find out about that little detail.

“You know that’s nothing to be ashamed of” He said and she raised her head up, a bit taken back with what he said.

“Huh?” she asked because excuse her but she already knows how boys’ minds work out.

“Honestly, I find it quite attractive” He said, his eyes turning from the light shade of blue to a darker one.

She shook her head not trusting her voice as she narrowed her eyes at him. He kept staring, practically eating her up with his eyes and she stared back, not wanting to look nervous. He then smiled, all mirth, and ticked the last condom so he could put it in the plastic bag, “tell you what, you could take all this on the house if you go out with me”

Forget about all the butterflies, Caroline felt the whole jungle live in her stomach. Wasn’t she just reminding herself that they don’t even have a shot? And look at how the events turned out.

She bit her lip, her smile widening as she saw how his eyes followed the motion. “You know, if I’m a virgin that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna let you take advantage of me”

He dimpled her, his face moving closer to her until mere inches separated them, “You don’t strike me as the kinda girl who’d let someone take advantage of her”

She could almost smell his perfume from how close he is to her and she’s convinced she could stay like that for a few more hours and wouldn’t mind.

“Fine, give me the receipt” She said, watching as he frowned, not understanding why she wants it but gave it to her anyway.

She quickly opened her purse and took out a pen, scribing her number quickly on the back of the paper before giving it to him. He looked down at it in confusion and she just couldn’t stop herself from tipping her head closer until she planted a kiss on his cheek - and yup he did inhale harshly - before saying, “pick me tomorrow at six”

Smirking at his dumbfounded face, she picked up the plastic bag and started walking outside the store. So maybe after all she won’t be so harsh with her next dare to Katherine.

10

@cinensis and you thought you were free of this sin JA!

Cin actually had this stream some time ago where we [thechat] were mostly sinning(?) and creating AU like crazy (there was this heart breaking Titanic one, also a musical) and we accidently started a Shrek Au!! for the moment I’m not 100% sure who is who but I did doodles of the ones that were tossed around (And I remember) + mine
You don’t know how HARD it was to finish the singing Metal knight, I had to stop every once in a while to laugh my ass off!

hope you guys like it! ;) can’t wait for the next stream Cin!