My entire life has been around the “all or nothing” type mindset. Either I’m completely blinded by my past trauma or I act like it didn’t happen and doesn’t affect me now. It also affects my work. If I’m late once and if I’m worried about my managers yelling at me, my first thought is to just quit my job so I don’t have to go through being yelled at (even if I’m not sure I will get in trouble). If I get into a minor disagreement with a friend, I try to avoid them at all costs because I don’t want to disagree with them again. Its all about protecting myself from future bad experiences that I’m not even sure will happen. Im a very unstable person due to my mental illness.
I found out the guy i gave a second chance to who was my first love and everything lied to me and I guess was playing me the whole time. It hurts cause I thought he had changed. I feel so stupid for bringing him into my home, giving him my body and telling him so much abt my feelings and life. How can I get over this betrayal a second time? Why would he intentionally hurt me again? I thought he loved me but I guess he never did & I feel like I’ll never be able to trust anyone again.