It’s different, and Louis knows that, because Harry’s got so much riding on this - a career and a future and his whole life. There’s talk of him going first overall in the draft, of entering the NFL after only two years in college, of going to New York or Seattle or Green Bay, and Louis wants to be there for him, wants to support him and help him make decisions, but he also kind of wants to pin him to the bed and cry and scream, What about me what about me what about me?
(au. Harry’s the star quarterback and Louis is about to graduate. It’s a heartbreak waiting to happen.)
He’s had the ring for months now. It’s actually unbelievable that he hasn’t asked Louis yet, because the question pops into his head at least three times a day. Just last night, he’d arrived home to a sleepy Louis in bed, who’d mumbled, “fuck you you fucking wanker” after he’d made too much noise in the bathroom, and Harry’s first thought had been, Marry me.
(Or, the one where Harry’s going to propose to Louis. He really is.)
Ode To Sleep - sitting in the backseat of a car silently while your friends are laughing and talking in the front. The road lights flash into the car, and faint music is coming from the radio. You begin to wonder if anyone has really helped you in your life, or if it was all your strength. Holding Onto You - Sitting on the roof of your car at night, wishing there was someone lying next to you to point out the stars. You begin to realize how small you really are.
Migraine - At the water park with your friends, but not being able to get into it because something is off in your brain. You just can’t seem to have fun.
House Of Gold - sitting in the corner at a family reunion, knowing you love everyone around you, but feeling lost in all the bustle.
Car Radio - sitting cross-legged on your bed, staring at your phone and waiting for someone to text you so you don’t appear annoying to them. Wishing someone would invite you out.
Semi-Automatic - laying under the covers, tears streaming down your face because you just got in a huge fight with your family. It’s a nice day outside, and you want to be anywhere but this house.
Screen - being in a room full of people you desperately want to fit in with, but knowing they all see right past you.
The Run and Go - sitting in the bathroom with your back against the wall, tears streaming down your face, desperately hoping no one knocks on the door.
Fake You Out - sitting with your head in your hands in the bathroom at your friend’s skating birthday party. Obnoxious party music is playing outside, but sounds muffled through the walls.
Guns For Hands - watching the sun rising through the window, and feeling like you can’t face the day ahead. Wishing someone would ask you if you’re alright.
Trees - a moment of panic when you realize you think so differently from everyone else. wishing someone could understand.
Truce - the words of someone finally reaching out. A moment of not being alone.
The shows are red. The shows are the color of headlights through the rain, the rims of your eyes after you cry, the feeling a shout gives you. They are crimson and bright, bleeding into the heart and souls of those who can witness it.
The people are magenta and yellow, green and brown. Josh’s voice is pink-red filtered with yellow. He is summer. Tyler’s mind is green, to remind us of the trees he once screamed to. His heart is brown, for brown is made up of all the colors. And while others may call it an ugly color, I know it is a burden of an overflowing mind.
The memories are blue. Moonlight filtering through ocean waves. It is the light in the drowning, in the swimming. Memories are what remain of old shows, old speeches, old tweets, old faces. The memories are so, so blue.
And then there is the music. It filters in where the other colors cannot reach, and therefore binds them all together. It is a pallet of broken hearts and teary eyes. A painting composed of final triumphs, and written words. It its visible when nothing else seems to be.
1. Because they are the center of each other’s universe. Everything Akaashi does, he does for Bokuto. If there’s a person Bokuto always seeks, that person is Akaashi. Let’s just face that if Akaashi really was the manipulative and condescending setter he’s often accused to be, Bokuto would avoid him like the plague. If Bokuto was just a dumb ball of muscles, Akaashi would never invest literally all his energies on him. Instead, they both pour an incredible amount of love and devotion on the other, they make each other feel better… HONESTLY, if this is not love…
2. Because they balance and support each other. At first glance, they do are a strange couple, but I think they work perfectly together. Akaashi grounds Bokuto and Bokuto inspires Akaashi in every way possible in return. They also rely on each other, mutually. Bokuto needs Akaashi’s emotional and moral support, he needs his strength and reassurance, but this doesn’t mean Akaashi is there to spoon-feed him. On the contrary, he’s always the first to call out his extraness and his tantrums. At the same time, Akaashi is devoted to Bokuto’s constant improvement and never ever ever said a bad thing about him behind his back, he was always there with that smug smile talking about how great he is, and is ready to fight whoever dares to say the opposite. No one is as proud of Bokuto as Akaashi is, and they are each other’s biggest fan.
3. Because they have amazing chemistry. They have the definition of polar opposite personalities, maybe that’s why they fit so well. They are amazing partners on court and are that kind of couple that never argues. Despite everything, they barely even banter and never, ever, an insult left their mouth. Of course, they get frustrated with the other sometimes, but that’s only natural if you mix Bokuto’s teasing personality with the perfectionist that is Akaashi Keiji. Overall, I think that if there’s a thing that they never fail to bring in each other’s life, that thing is pure excitement. Not to mention that they are also competitive AS HELL. You’ll see…
4. Because they deeply care and understand each other. Bokuto is not an easy partner, at all. He’s loud, demanding and unstable but Akaashi is the only person able to always manage him so well, no matter the situation. He knows, understands, and can handle him in a way no one else does. Akaashi cares about his ace, A LOT, and even if Bokuto doesn’t show the same amount of concern towards Akaashi, this doesn’t mean he cares less about him. I just think that Bokuto (who’s not dumb for the love of god), knows Akaashi so much to understand that he just doesn’t need or want all that attention. He knows Akaashi is there for him whenever he needs him, and the same thing goes the other way around.
5. Because they naturally gravitate towards the other. The setter/ace relationship is very strong on its own but, let’s face it, these two boys are literally glued together. They attract each other so much it’s almost impossible to find them alone, they even hang out together in school despite being from two different years. Take the summer training camp as another example. If you see Bokuto in a scene, chances are that Akaashi is right next to him or looking at him from afar (with the softest smile on his face. We see you -Kashi, we see you). Not to mention that canonically Akaashi fell asleep on the ground next to Bokuto, rather than leaving him alone during the captain’s card games night. I MEAN.
BIGBANG HAJIMARI NO SAYONARA SPECIAL EVENT - MEMBER’S MESSAGES FOR T.O.P
TOP: My dream-like 10 years has passed, and today is the final day. I am so surprised how fast time flies. The words, this is the END, makes me very sad. Now, I wanna concentrate on telling my feeling to VIP. At first, to all members of BIGBANG, Jiyong, Yongbae, Daesung and Seungri, thanks for always supporting me. I will never forget our memories. And, to all VIP Japan, thank you for meeting me. I was very happy until now. “We never meet without a parting,” but this parting means we will meet again, and that will makes our bonds deeper. We can definitely meet again. By then, please be looking forward to the day. I love you. Thank you. VIP: (Applaud) Seungri: This is our last fanmeeting. Let’s give message to TOPsan. ToDae: hahaha! Really? Youngbae: but if we do that, TOP will cry, definitely. Seungri: we cant do it on live, let’s do it BB: Okay Daesung: in Korean? Can he understand in Japanese? Seungri:
Of course, he can! He can understand all Japanese conversion if it is related to him! VIP: (Laughing)
Daesung: I didnt prepare, so I will speak in earnest. I think his mental aspect is the weekest in our group, and I believe he is our mental leader. I learned many things from him, and I really respect him as the one of the same team members. This is not the end, we are one, im living in TOPsan’s heart. So please come back safely. Thank you so much.
Youngbae: Everyday, he is saying “Im happy, Im happy,” but I AM more happier than you because of you. He is older than us, but he makes our atmosphere better. TOP, you don’t need to worry, we always will be next to you so that you won’t get lonely. I cant express my feeling, but I am so appreciate you. I love you, Topsan, more than anyone else.
Jiyong: We were junior school students when we met. I was very happy to meeting you. It’s not our last, so let’s just stay 5members forever, be friends, do it. I love you.
Seungri: When i met Topsan for the first time, I thought he is living in different worlds, and I felt sort of I cant along well with him. But, we lived together, and i was scold by him a lot, then now I really like him. He always makes me strong. If I hadn’t met you, I wouldnt be who i am now. When we did fanmeeting in Japan, Topsan was not able to come(he always had other schedule, filming), and we talked that if Top san was here, we could spend time more happily. This time, our last fanmeeting, all of us finally gathered, so I think this is a very good thing! I am sure that we will miss you, but as one Korean male who were born in Korea, you have a responsibility. Please take care of yourself, and I will support you. Lastly, thank you very much for loving me the way I am, an immature maknae. Topsan, I love you.
I hate that at this very moment, someone is having the worst time of their life.
I hate that as I write this down, someone has lost the love of their best friend.
I can be the happiest I’ve ever been, and someone out there will still be suicidal.
I can be just finding myself, and at the same moment someone has lost all hope.
But what bothers me most is when I can look back and know that sometime while I was alive, someone I’ve grown to love had hated themselves.
So I keep asking myself: where was I when Tyler shouted “hello” to the trees around him? Was I asleep when he was at his darkest point? Which nights were the ones when Josh couldn’t sleep because of worry, while I was lost in dreams? The lyrics for Save were written before I ever knew about this band, and yet at some point Tyler was writing them while I was alive.
I hate that time is parallel. But it helps a little bit, knowing that as I laid awake and unsure in my bed, someone else was doing the same. When I felt as if I had lost all my purpose, Tyler was just finding his.