on this 20 day thing

I have a VERY large exam this week–6 hours. And it will be rather hard on a vast amount of material. 

Will I pass? Probably. Will I do well? I hope so. 

My challenge to myself is still to find some time to meditate every day. I have been doing 35 minutes a day but because this week is pressured, I may just do 10-20 minutes a day. 

The important thing is daily practice. If you have to scale it back to accommodate temporary challenges in your schedule, then so be it. After the exam, I will go back to longer sittings. 

The curious observation is that I don’t feel stressed or anxious. I just feel more intensified. 

If my activity on here is less than usual this week, this is why. 

Namaste friends!

There’s Nothing Wrong With You

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was “There’s nothing wrong with you”. 

It was a Monday morning and I was relaxing with friends in a hotel pool after playing Lollapalooza. A lady bobbed opposite me sipping a ginormous glass of rose, and we started chatting. She was a stylist and told me that, when her clients tried outfits on and looked at themselves in the mirror, she would tell them “There’s nothing wrong with you”. I asked her why and she said, “because we all think there’s something wrong with us ”. It was such an odd, simple notion, but I felt like a little flower had opened up inside of me. It hadn’t occurred to me that it could be a universal feeling. There was always something so wrong with ME, I hadn’t considered that other people might feel the same. The comment stuck with me like glue for the next year. 

Illustration by Lan Truong

 I lived most of my life feeling like there was something deeply wrong with me. Everything I did was somehow geared towards fixing the parts of myself I thought were bad or ‘broken’. There was also an odd safety in being broken. I could quietly blame it for anything that went wrong in my life: “It’s not my fault: I’m f**ed up and I am very sorry!”. For a while, I had counselling, and though it was extremely helpful, I started to feel uneasy at the idea of chatting about my problems, potentially for years, if I chose to. Like, really… When would I be fixed?

For me, life =  Experiences + reactions to those experiences. The only power I have is choosing how I react to them. So, though I might have uncomfortable emotional reactions, I can choose to a) accept these emotions, instead of resisting them, and b) not interpret my thoughts as the Solid Gold Truth. Whatever your problems may be, (diagnosed or not), they don’t equate to you being broken. In my own life, it’s been unhelpful to think of mental health problems in this way, particularly when you’re struggling. You are who you are at this moment in time, and you’re doing your best. Brains are plastic. People can, and do, change.

Illustration by Lolrel

  If you follow my music, it probably won’t come as a big surprise to know that I’ve dealt with mental health issues for a long time. There have been 3 things that have helped me decrease periods of depression though. For anyone in the same position, I hope this helps.

1. Meditation

This changed my mind + my life. I started doing meditation in 2013 after Electra Heart had ended. I was burnt out and desperate for change. I took no classes, read no books - just looked at a 5 minute explanation on the internet. I didn’t even do it every day. Just 20 minutes in the morning or evening. In the beginning, I felt a little dubious about the idea of “wasting 20 whole minutes” on meditation each day. But here’s the thing: Meditation is like a vacuum for your mind. It sucks up all the dust and rubbish thoughts. I can easily waste 20 minutes looking at something on the internet that I’ll never think about again, so I can invest 20 minutes in something that changes the quality of my life. This blog described Meditation as “one of the best responses to modern information overload”. I truly believe it can be an antidote to our digital lives.

Illustration by Lolrel 

2. Exercise

I know, I know. When you’re depressed, the last thing you want to do is go outside INTO THE REAL WORLD! But if you’re bottom-of-the-barrel depressed, you have nothing to lose. For years I loved to declare that I “didn’t have a body that could run”  (in order to escape ever having to actually run). But when I start meditation, the negative thoughts about myself decreased and I started to want good things for myself. The motive of exercising was not to lose weight, so it had a different energy to it.

3. Identifying With Thoughts

The reality is, I still deal with depression, but my reaction to it is different. I am more aware of its mechanisms so I don’t take my thoughts as seriously. I try not to identify with a thought and interpret it as truth just because it came into my mind. Why? Because the way I think and respond to events is largely based on my past experiences, so how can I know that my thoughts are my own and not coloured by my past? This is why I don’t always trust my thoughts, particularly when they are of the negative variety. A book I hugely recommend on this is called “Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. 

I’ve wanted to write this post for a long time for people who struggle with similar issues. Our culture has taught us to see happiness as some kind of end goal, but for me, the best thing about it is that it doesn’t stick around forever. Human beings need to experience some level of suffering in order to evolve emotionally and consciously. And though depression often feels like you’re stuck, or stagnating, it can also be a healthy way of your mind telling you that something isn’t quite right, and that it’s in the process of changing. We tend to view sadness as something unnatural, or negative, but perhaps viewing it as a necessary process might help us accept the low periods, and move through them more easily.

Before writing my last album, I honestly thought that I had just been born unhappy and that depression was a permanent part of me. I don’t believe that anymore. When I was writing ‘FROOT’ I felt like I was kissing goodbye to a big chapter of my life. That portion of my youth was heart-splitting and lonely at times, but it was also dazzling and beautiful. And that’s how life is for a lot of us. If only I’d known all those years that it was just part of being human.

Ask a question or share a thought here.  

Love, Marina

20 Things in 20 Years

1. Academics aren’t the most important thing. Yes, learning and school are important, but don’t let them become more important than your health, your family, or your friends.

2. Take less photos and experience more. If your focus is behind the camera lens you miss what is actually going on around you.

3. Your parents are almost always right– save yourself the argument.

4. Make a point to catch some sunrises, sunsets, and starry skies. Nature is amazing; get outside as much as you can.

5. You’ll be amazed at what you can get accomplished and how great you will feel about yourself if you wake up early, but also don’t be ashamed of sleeping in.

6. Stop waiting. Stop waiting for the weekend, for summer, to turn a certain age. Do what you can now.

7. Bad day? Animals understand. Music is your release. Laughter really is the best medicine.

8. Wherever you are be all there.

9. Stop saying maybe when you want to say no. If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to, don’t be afraid to say no.

10. Never underestimate the power of a kind and gentle spirit. Don’t let the world change you, don’t let people shame you for who you are, but also don’t be so “kind” that you let people walk over you.

11. If your beliefs are never challenged your faith will never grow. Spiritual low points and doubts can be the start of growth, depth, and renewal. 

12. Don’t be ashamed of where you’re from.

13. Grandparents are your lifeline. Love and cherish them.

14. Prayer is important. So is verse memorization. 

15. Being picky is okay.

16. Do not rely on others for happiness or to “complete” you. You have to be whole on your own. Also, learn to differentiate between liking the attention someone gives you and actually liking them.

17. Know who your real friends are. They’re the ones you can go to any time for anything. The ones who you can go without seeing for weeks or months and still pick up where you left off. The ones you feel you can be yourself around. These will be very few. And if you end up becoming friends with your roommate, you’re very lucky. (Treasure good roommates, really though.)

18. Know your limits but push them.

19. Write. Everything. Your feelings, your thoughts, events… your class notes and due dates ;).

20. Don’t be so caught up in yourself that you forget others are struggling too. Small acts of kindness are wonderful. Always check on your friends and family.

—  me 

*finishes a 60 episode american cartoon series*
Man, that was really good! I wanna get that on DVD so I can watch it over and over!
Amazon: That’ll be $25 + free shipping!

*finishes a 12 episode anime*
Man, that was really good! I wanna get that on DVD so I ca–
CDJapan: That’ll be $782.67 + $95 shipping and it won’t arrive for 3 months and in 12 separate boxes

Purple daisies
I buy for me,
And walk around the hills with little shops on them.
It’s sunny but also drizzling,
A weird but beautiful combination,
Just like my existence.
I buy cute little goodies,
And eat heartily,
I skip around the hills like I am in love.
And guess what?
I am.
I am in love with me.

i have this hc where tweek would be an Extreme Germophobe after he finds out how much dirt and germs are everywhere he would wash his hands like 100 times a day and avoid contact with most things,, hed always ask people to open doors for him and stuff bc he doesnt want to get his hands on things so many people have touched

at some point he learns in school that kissing also transmits a lot of germs and he stops kissing craig out of fear and craigs like yahoo answers my bf doesnt love me anymore ???????????

The 20% That Make Your Day

You have heard it a million times: 

80 - 20 - The famous Pareto Principle. 

In short: 

“20% of work will generate 80% of results. The other 20% will take 80% of the time.”

This rule is said to apply to many areas in life and economy - for example: 

Chances are great that only 20% of your products generate 80% of your overall revenue. And that not more than 20% of your customers are responsible for around 80% of your sales… (If you don’t know, feel free to double check)

This rule is among the most well known ones in the world of business. 

Honestly, I am not so sure about it being universally true, but for the most part… 

Here is my approach to this: 

Over the years I have noticed the following…

a) we are all extremely busy - having a tremendous amount of tasks and to dos day in and day out.

b) if you complete the most important 2 to 3 things every day, you are making significant progress towards your goal.

So - every morning one of the first things I do (before getting dressed) is to scroll through my to do list (I mostly organize it via an amazing app on my phone) and ask myself: 

“What are today’s 20%?”
“What are the 2 - 3 things I HAVE TO get done today (more than anything else?)”

This helps me…

  • fighting the feeling of being swamped.
  • focussing on what really matters most.
  • figuring out how I can create the most impact with my work. …and impact equals significance.
  • making sure to do the right things.
  • understand my work by reflecting about the relevance of tasks and projects.

So I enter the shower knowing what are main objectives today - may it be that call I need to do, that mail I need to send, that decision I need to make… 

My personal version of the Pareto Principle: 

Know your 20% - and your day will be 80% better!

Your m

Demon Notes: Eligos

Rank: Duke
Color: Green
Incense: Sandalwood
Metal: Copper
Planet: Venus
Element: Water
Enn: Jedan on ca Eligos inan
Date: August 12-22 (day) 20-30 degrees Leo
Tarot: Seven of Wands
Original purpose: Discovers hidden things, knows things to come, and knows about war and how soldiers will come to meet.

Daemonolatry Goetia (S Connolly)
This Daemon is another good one to consult when seeking advice during a feud.  He also gives good counsel on when to use magick and can tell you if someone is causing you harm via magick.

Crowley’s Goetia

The Fifteenth Spirit in Order is Eligos, a Great Duke, and appears in the form of a handsome Knight, carrying a lance, an ensign, and a serpent. He discovers hidden things, and knows things to come; and of wars, and how the soldiers will or shall meet. He causes the love of Lords and great persons. He governs 60 Legions of Spirits

Luciferian Goetia (Michael Ford)
Eligos is a Duke who appears as a Knight, whom carries a lance and a serpent. Eligos may reveal hidden secrets i.e. within the self, outer as well. Eligos is also a divinatory spirit as well, who may reveal the coming of wars, unrest and battles. It is suggested the Eligos also causes Love of people as well. He governs 60 Legions of Spirits

As Always