on the biblical adaptation

You know what my favorite bit of irony involving any Biblical adaptation is? The casting/writing of Moses and Aaron in The Prince of Egypt

(bear in mind, I love that movie to the point where it’s my favorite Bible adaptation, but this bit of trivia makes me giggle every time)

So, in the original story of Exodus, Moses complains that he’s not good at the whole “public speaking” thing when God tells him to go verbally knock some sense into the Pharoah. As such, God appoints Aaron, Moses’ older brother, to do all the talking for him and be his “prophet”.

Obviously, a lot of adaptations decided “Nah, Moses isn’t as cool if he’s gotta have someone else talk for him” and just have Moses give all the badass speeches himself. But then Prince of Egypt goes one step further and also casts Jeff Goldblum and his unique speech pattern as Aaron.

Maybe I’m just a jerk, but that’s kinda funny to me.

Proof that SPN writers actually use 'Winchester Logic'© when writing

I’m still not over how the supernatural creators rewrote Earth’s scientific canon evolution to de-age Castiel.

In Season 7 Castiel tells us he remembers ‘many things’. He remembers how one of his siblings (I’m not going to refer to them as brothers as he did because the angels are gender-neutral beings in the SPN 'verse) told him not to 'step on that fish’ because the angels had 'big plans for that fish’ when young Castiel watches a fish crawling from black, thick liquid onto the earth. Ignoring how scientifically inaccurate the entire flashback was (yes, the nerd in me died a little) we can still conclude that said 'fish’ was the first of his kind to walk on earth.

The scientific part (1):

I’ll admit, I had to do a little research since I’m only knowledgeable about the creatures that came in the mesozoic era (when earth was about 65-70 mio. years old) and a bit of the late paleozoic era before that. I was a dinosaur nerd, don’t judge me. Anyway, so I did my research and the fish Castiel was talking about was probably a Tiktaalik , an early ancestor of what we nowadays call amphibians. Depending on the source this fish first appeared about 380 million years ago and 'died out’ 10-20 million years later, about 370-360 million years ago. Let that sink in.

Judging by from what perspective Castiel told us about that event we can guess that he was still relatively young and inexperienced. He doesn’t seem the type to want to harm any creature, so by telling bee-loving Castiel not to step on that fish his sibling more likely told him to watch out and not accidentally step on it.

Still, this version of Castiel would be terrifically old. If we go by 'older than the earth’ that would make him at least 4.5 billion years old. No human, no matter how talented can really write a character that old.

(Fun fact: Upon being accused of being 'scrawny’ and therfore unimpressive by Samuel Campbell he sasses back that his true form is 'approximately the size of your Chrysler Building’. That would be 319m/1047 feet. And there are at least four angels taller than him, probably many more. What is fascinating about this is the 'multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent’ part. They never ventured any closer there because again: pretty much impossible to do or explain. Comparing him to the Chrysler Building is far easier, just like transferring his age into a much shorter timeframe to make him younger and less experienced.)

So they tried to adapt Castiel into the biblical timeline to make him a writeable character.

The religious part (1):

If we go by biblical standards and Castiel was present during Earth’s creation that would still make him several thousand years old (most likely around six or seven, as those are the most common numbers). During one of Castiel’s conversations with Uriel we learn that both he and Uriel were minors by angelic definition when Lucifer rebelled and fell. Depending on when Lucifer’s fall actually was - the safest thing to go by is Adam and Eve, which was shortly before Lucifer’s final fall from grace in the complicated SPN-’Lilith-Eve-otherEve-Godvs.Satan/Cainvs.Abel-'verse - that could be anywhere between 2000 and 6000 years (once again, by biblical standards).

The scientific part (2):

Lucifer’s fall still came shortly after the whole Adam and Eve shebang. This is easier to place than the 'fish’ thing before. Because by scientific standards there actually is a mother of all too. She is called the Mitochondrial Eve and most anthropologists’ theories date her back to 100000 - 200000 years ago. If Lucifer rebelled and fell then, that would make Castiel a bit older than 100000 - 200000 years.

The religious part (2):

Castiel has been stationed on Earth for at least 2000 years, according to his own 'anecdotes’ which is still a long, long time (and it makes no sense that he should be so naive about humans if he’s been around them for at least 2000 years). In another conversation with Uriel he mentions that Castiel has served in Heaven’s army for at least six or seven centuries.

This interpretation of Castiel’s life matches perfectly with the biblical creation of earth, just as the scientific one would have matched with our knowledge of evolution. But in the SPN 'verse they had to shake things up a bit because we can’t have him be that old (I’m babbling, sorry).

My point:

So, to conclude: All in all Castiel is old. Somewhere between 4.5 billion years and 6 thousand, but he is very old. Of course I understand that writing a 4.5 billion old wavelength of celestial intent is hard. I’d go for a 2-6 thousand year old Chrysler Building-tall angel too if I were a SPN writer. Just… it seems really funny to me.
Let’s rewrite human history and ignore evolution and science to adjust our angel’s age instead of simply making the angel younger.' …That is grade A Winchester logic: [S10 spoiler] 'I just hoped that super vague and cryptic note I left would fix everything, ya know?’ [S10 spoiler over (and out)]

But, as I just 'proved’, they did rewrite canon scientific history to accommodate Castiel and Lucifer. They would have gotten too old with the way science works, so they shortened the 'prologue’ a bit.

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