on repeat for a week now

Last night and again this morning, it was as if Ray had reverted to his newborn self. Awake half the night, drinking no more than 3 ounces at a time so he’s constantly hungry… I found us in an almost constant rhythm of diaper (with temp check), feed, sleep, repeat - with each cycle lasting 60-90 minutes.

I’m exhausted.

Thankfully, Ray has been sleeping now for about 90 minutes and I’m hoping he wakes up feeling like a new kid. He hasn’t run a fever since 6:30 this morning, so fingers crossed this was a 24-hour thing and it’s leaving his system…

I wonder if Ray’s reversion to a newborn-like state was the universe’s way of telling me I was freakin’ nuts to consider that 1-week-old placement, even if I only considered it for a fleeting moment!

Well. Dang.

They repeated the EKG today. Five times. It indicated that I may have already had some issues. I’m going to the cardiologist next week. Better to find out now I guess.

Today is quite a great day

This morning I started my new job, and, for the first time, I teached to a big class all by myself. Until now I always tutored single students or small groups, so it’s quite a level up. I was a bit nervous and keeping them quiet was not easy, but I think I did good, I’m happy about my experience, and I can’t wait to repeat it tomorrow. Indeed, I’m a bit sad this will last only two weeks, but, hey, better than nothing! It’s a great and exciting experience for me and I can put it in my CV, together with all the tutoring years I did.

And now I’m going to the Depeche Mode concert in Milan. Like. I can’t believe it. I haven’t realised it yet, IN FACT I’M LATE LOL. Just saying, I can’t wait to have fun and exploit this experience to fight my anxiety yet another time!

I’ll answer all your nice asks tomorrow because, as I said, I’m late X’D I might post a photo of the concert tonight <3 if not, see you tomorrow!

p.s. Some of you asked so just know I teach Math, Physics, Techical Drawing and Financial Math to high school and university students °W°. On request I also teach other subjects, like English, Latin, or whatever a high school student might need. Now I’m teaching Math to a high school class (it’s their fourth year, they have one to go and then they can start university). 

Something horrible is happening on youtube

I’m going to preface this post with a content warning. This post is about child abuse. The video I’m going to link includes actually video footage of child abuse. It is one of the most upsetting videos I have ever watched. My post includes in depth descriptions of child abuse. 

This morning I watched a Youtube video discussing and highlighting what is happening on another Youtube channel. If you have the stomach for it, I’d suggest watching the video because Phillip DeFranco does a much better job of summarizing the situation than I can. 

For those of you who can’t watch, I’ll give you a very brief rundown. 

The Youtube channel DaddyOfFive is a combination family vlog and prank channel. In a recent video, the parents pull a prank where they pour invisible ink on one of the kid’s floors and then make him think that they believe he poured ink all over the floor. They scream and swear at this little boy, shouting things like “What the fuck did you do?” while the boy cries and cowers, looking genuinely terrified. Even the best child actors could not pull off looking as genuinely devastated as this child does. 

As DeFranco highlights in his video, although all the children are pranked, it seems that this one child (Cody) takes the brunt of the cruelty. In many videos he is seen being hit, kicked, pushed, and pinned down by his older siblings. In one video his father pushes him face first into a book case. In one video Cody begs his family to stop, saying that he’s tired of this. In another video his parents scream at him and tell him he’s the only one in the family who can’t “take a joke”. 

In response to some of the flak they have been getting, the parents uploaded a video about “Blocking All The Haters”. They goad the children into saying on camera that they aren’t being abused. Now keep in mind, the kids have been told that all the “Cool stuff” they have been getting is because of the Youtube channel. They know that if the pranks stop, the cool stuff goes away. Most of the children chime in that they are not being abused. Cody hardly says anything. The oldest boy says, “At least you aren’t beating us”. 

What is happening to Cody is child abuse. It is emotional, psychological and physical abuse. It is torture. And the worst part of it all is that it is monetized. The parents are being paid by advertisers to abuse this child under the guise of “It’s just a prank, bro”. 

So what can we do?

First of all, we can report the videos on DaddyOfFive’s channel for containing depictions of child abuse. If you decide to help by doing this, please be sure to flag the specific instances of abuse such as Cody being pushed or the parents screaming vulgarities at the children. 

Second of all, we can let the companies advertising on this channel know that we won’t be buying anything from a company that sponsors videos of child abuse. 

Finally, if anyone knows this family in person, they can make a report to CPS. Now the family is claiming that they’ve already been investigated and “cleared” by CPS, but that’s not how this works. Repeated reports mean repeated investigations. You do not give up and look the other way when a child is being abused just because CPS failed to act the first time. When my neighbors were abusing their children, I had to call CPS every week for over a month before something was done. Don’t give up.

cocked & loaded [dwayne johnson/vin diesel]

okay, so if i were to write the academy award-winning and world peace-establishing screenplay where Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel slowly fall in love, this is what it would look like:

  • vin and dwayne would be bitter Rival Agents for an intelligence agency. both would be up for a Big Promotion.  they would both be working together (but against each other) on something something black market mafia.  the mafia would be involved.  they would be VERY CLOSE to cracking this case.  
  • whoever cracks the case gets the promotion! because things like this are always very clear-cut in movies.  and whoever gets the promotion is the Better Agent, and it’s settled forever.
  • what they don’t expect is when they finally go in to make the Big Bust on The Family is that the Big Players will still be at large–and there will be a BABY.  
  • the baby will fall into agency custody, and will require surveillance in a remote safehouse.
  • “i need YOU TWO to pretend and be this baby’s GAY DADS to protect the baby and keep The Family off our tail while we close in on them,” says Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o.  
  • dwayne and vin and baby are begrudgingly moved to a suburb of provincetown, massachusetts. cut to shot of a FOR SALE sign being pulled down, a ford fusion hybrid pulling up behind a moving van.  dwayne and vin step out.  they are both wearing muscle shirts and mirror-lensed aviators.  dwayne grabs a baby bag, throws it over his shoulder.  vin grabs the car seat out of the back, and both of them walk-slow motion up the side walk to their new 800k beach house.  
  • here’s what they expect: passive aggressive co-existence for a couple of weeks, where they try to be the Better Dad in a bid for the promotion they both want.  dwayne will go jogging with the baby every morning!! vin will wear her in a sling when he goes to the farmer’s market and smiles at the vendors while feeling up avocados and selecting fresh caught filets of fish!! 
  • here’s what they don’t expect: their next door neighbors are going to be Channing Tatum and Idris Elba and their five beautiful, interracial babies.  they are the perfect Gay Family, but “also,” dwayne says, pushing vin inside from where he’s been grilling steaks and drinking MILLER out of a CAN in broad daylight for the Real Gay Family to see and call over from their patio!!! “these guys are the REAL DEAL.  they’re gonna know something’s up!  i know we’ve had our beef, but we gotta step our game up and work together if we’re gonna make this operation work.”  
  • “you’re right,” vin says.  he’s nodding, looking at a ground, but then up and meeting dwayne’s gaze. “you’re RIGHT.” they’re gonna make this partnership work!!! they are going to be the BEST GAY DADS.
    • CUT TO: vin and dwayne staring at the king sized mattress in the master bedroom.  “i can just–” vin says, but dwayne grabs him by the shoulder and shakes it playfully.  “no man,” he says. “it’s all in or nothing.” 
    • CUT TO: them jogging together with baby playfully squealing from her stroller early in the morning.  
    • CUT TO: vin playfully feeding dwayne grapes at the farmer’s market.  “it’s all or nothing,” he repeats, raising his eyebrows (???? eyebrow folds? idk man). dwayne rolls his eyes and TAKES THE BITE.  
  • CUT TO: channing tatum in monogrammed shorts and pink polo and boat shoes on their front door step with one of his many perfect, precious toddlers on his shoulders, asking them to dinner.  “uh yeah,” dwayne says, cool as a cucumber. he’s not freaking out (he’s totally freaking out!!).  “we’ll bring the wine.”
  • “we’ll bring the wine?” vin repeats, in a hushed voice so the neighbors and baby don’t hear them fighting. “do you know anything about wine? they probably have a second house in france!  i haven’t had anything that didn’t come from a box since–since ever! what were you thinking?” “i panicked!  it seemed like the right thing to say!” 
    • TIRES SCREECH as the ford focus hybrid drifts into the whole foods parking lot.  
  • they show up out of breath, foreheads glistening, with baby in her favorite babybjorn, feet kicking from the day’s excitement of wine shopping.  vin, wheezing, passes a bottle of red and a bottle of white.
    • “oh, a chateau coutet barsac,” idris says with a chuckle, showing the label to channing. “remember that time–?” and oh my GOD, they have inside jokes!! 
    • (”we don’t have any inside jokes!!” dwayne whispers when they immediately excuse themselves halfway through a tour of the house. “that’s because you are the least funny person i know!” vin replies. “god, i hate you!!!” they both probably hiss at each other.)
  • the worst and best part of the night is when they’re serving the roast veg salad, and channing says with the best intentions, “so, how did you two meet?”
    • “uh,” vin says.
    • “the gym,” dwayne says. which, actually turns out to be true.  they look at each other, smile soft and genuine for once at each other, REMEMBERING. before they were BITTER RIVALS, they met at the academy gym and were GYM BUDDIES.  they used to have FUN trying to beat each other’s PR on the treadmill, they used to LOVE shit talking each other when they spotted each other bench pressing, they used to snap towels at each other’s asses in the locker room and totally not check each other out or anything!!! and then they were both accepted to the same position at work and they stopped being friendly for whatever reason.  they stop smiling, they look away from each other.  “anyway.”
    • “we met building houses for habitat for humanity,” idris offers, because of COURSE THEY DID.
  • the second worst part of the night is when channing mentions during the dessert course that two weeks from now is the annual May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, and maybe dwayne and vin would like to host to get to know everyone else in the neighborhood! 
  • vin has had like, three more glasses of wine than everyone else, and with aid of liquid confidence, shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair and says, “yeah, man, we’d love to.”
    • “’yeah, man, we’d love to?’” dwayne repeats when they’re walking home, baby asleep in her bjorn. 
    • “sorry, did you want me to give ourselves away? what happened to being the best? we’re trying to be believable!” 
    • “yeah,” dwayne says, watching vin strip off his shirt and pants and toss them over his shoulder into their spare hamper before crawling into their bed.  it’s routine.  they both have their sides of the bed.  “believable.”
    • the bedroom is quiet as they face away from each other at the edges of the mattress.  eventually dwayne asks, “do you remember why we stopped being friends?”
    • for a second he thinks maybe vin’s gone to sleep.  but he turns over.  “no,” he says.  “or yeah, maybe. as soon as i realized we would both be seeing action, it became too much of a risk.  friendship.  it was easier to lose you as a friend on my terms than lose you as a friend because you got your dumbass killed.”
    • they decide to be friends again.  you know, for the baby.  for work. whatever.  
  • they get so caught up in planning the May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, making inside jokes and ignoring the increasing casual physical intimacy between them that they don’t realize they are BEING WATCHED.
  • the mafia is HERE and they want their BABY and they want dwayne and vin DEAD.  
  • the M.D.H.N.B.P.C.C happens and everything is going according to plan, and they are about to have dwayne judge the bisque portion of the competition, but no one has seen dwayne anywhere!!!!
  • are there warehouses in provincetown??? is there a bad part of provincetown??? anyways, that’s probably where the mafia took dwayne.  vin is FREAKING OUT, how does he save dwayne??? how does he protect the baby, who they are using dwayne as ransom for??? who will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookoff???
  • idris puts a hand on his shoulder.  he’s been watching the entire time.  “i’ll take the baby into our panic room–” OF COURSE THEY HAVE A PANIC ROOM, “and channing will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookofff.  you go save your man.”
  • CUT TO: vin getting geared up to go out and kick some mafia ass, entering their walk-in closet and grabbing GUNS and a BULLET PROOF VEST and lacing up his L.L BEAN MEN’S GORETEX LEATHER BOOTS.  
  • vin takes out the entire warehouse-or-whatever of mafia lackeys and comes across dwayne tied up and blindfolded.
  • “who’s there!” dwayne demands, like he’s ready to fight despite himself.  vin takes three strong steps forward and grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him in for a kiss.  “guess who,” he replies.  dwayne smiles.
  • just then the Final Boss shows up as dwayne is being untied and like, something dramatic happens or whatever, but it’s okay.  they die or go to jail or something, it doesn’t really matter, because dwayne and vin are in LOVE and they’re gonna adopt the hell out of that baby.
  • CUT TO: a month later.  Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o is disappointed when vin won’t accept his promotion.  
  • “i would,” he says, heavily decorated for saving dwayne in the field and taking down the mafia family.  “but the code of conduct says that it would be a conflict of interest if i was my husband’s supervisor.” BAM! THE END.  THEY’RE MARRIED.  WORLD PEACE UNLOCKED.   DONALD TRUMP IMPEACHED.  EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
when your friend/loved one is dissociating

how to tell if they are dissociating

- non-focused, “zoned out”
- doesnt reply to comments, or replies very half-heartedly
- eyes arent focused
- doesnt seem to notice anything going on around them
- repeats doing or saying the same things over and over
- forgets what they said or did, whether in the last few minutes or the last few days

things you can do to help

- get them to a quiet, calm place
- ask them very basic questions: “are you okay?” “how are you feeling?” “is there anything you need from me right now?”
- help them recount the events theyve forgotten, whether in the last few minutes or last few weeks
- walk them through what is going on, tell them, if you can, that you think that theyre dissociating
- if you can, keep an eye on them and look out for things they might miss, ie: crossing the street, accidentally bumping into something, receiving important information
- sometimes showing them funny stuff or having them read an article or something after doing the previous steps helps

keep in mind that i am not a doctor or professionally qualified to help with mental illness. i just wrote down a list of what i like to have people do when i dissociate. hope this helps someone!

what she says: i’m fine

what she means: 

SHE PLAYED THE FIDDLE IN AN IRISH BAND BUT SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH AN ENGLISH MAN KISSED HER ON THE NECK AND THEN I TOOK HER BY THE HAND AND SAID BABY I JUST WANNA DANCE I MET HER ON GRAFTON STREET RIGHT OUTSIDE OF THE BAR SHE SHARED A CIGARETTE WITH ME WHILE HER BROTHER PLAYED THE GUITAR SHE ASKED ME WHAT DOES IT MEAN THE GAELIC INK ON YOUR ARM? I TOLD SAID IT WAS ONE OF MY FRIEND’S SONGS DO YOU WANNA DRINK ON? SHE TOOK JAMIE AS A CHASER JACK FOR THE FUN SHE GOT ARTHUR ON THE TABLE WITH JOHNNY RIDING AS SHOT GUN CHATTED SOME MORE ONE MORE DRINK AT THE BAR THEN PUT VAN ON THE JUKEBOX, GOT UP TO DANCE YOU KNOW SHE PLAYED THE FIDDLE IN AN IRISH BAND BUT SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH AN ENGLISH MAN KISSED HER ON THE NECK AND THEN I TOOK HER BY THE HAND AND SAID BABY I JUST WANNA DANCE WITH MY PRETTY LITTLE GALWAY GIRL YOU’RE MY PRETTY LITTLE GALWAY GIRL YOU KNOW SHE BEAT ME AT DARTS AND THEN SHE BEAT ME AT POOL AND THEN SHE KISSED ME LIKE THERE WAS NOBODY ELSE IN THE ROOM AS LAST ORDERS WERE CALLED WAS WHEN SHE STOOD ON THE STOOL AFTER DANCING TO KALEIGH SINGING TO TRAD TUNES I NEVER HEAR CARRICKFERGUS EVER SUNG SO SWEET ACAPELLA IN THE BAR USING HER FEET FOR A BEAT OH I COULD HAVE THAT VOICE PLAYING ON REPEAT FOR A WEEK AND IN THIS PACKED OUT ROOM SWEAR SHE WAS SINGING TO ME SHE PLAYED THE FIDDLE IN AN IRISH BAND BUT SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH AN ENGLISH MAN KISSED HER ON THE NECK AND THEN I TOOK HER BY THE HAND SAID BABY I JUST WANNA DANCE MY PRETTY LITTLE GALWAY GIRL MY MY MY MY MY MY MY GALWAY GIRL MY MY MY MY MY MY MY GALWAY GIRL MY MY MY MY MY MY MY GALWAY GIRL NOW WE’VE OUTSTAYED OUR WELCOME AND IT’S CLOSING TIME I WAS HOLDING HER HAND HER HAND WAS HOLDING MINE OUR COATS BOTH SMELL OF SMOKE, WHISKY, AND WINE AS WE FILL UP OUR LUNGS WITH THE COLD AIR OF THE NIGHT I WALKED HER HOME THEN SHE TOOK ME INSIDE FINISH SOME DORITOS AND ANOTHER BOTTLE OF WINE I SWEAR I’M GOING TO PUT YOU IN A SONG THAT I WRITE ABOUT A GALWAY GIRL AND A PERFECT NIGHT SHE PLAYED THE FIDDLE IN AN IRISH BAND BUT SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH AN ENGLISH MAN KISSED HER ON THE NECK AND THEN I TOOK HER BY THE HAND SAID BABY I JUST WANT TO DANCE Y PRETTY LITTLE GALWAY GIRL MY MY MY MY MY MY MY GALWAY GIRL MY MY MY MY MY MY MY GALWAY GIRL MY MY MY MY MY MY MY GALWAY GIRL

ml fandom gothic
  • you look through the ladrien tag for new content, you see marichat. you look through the alyanette tag, you see marichat. you look at a different fandom’s post, you see marichat. you look in the mirror, you see marichat.
  • you see news about the show from zag. you see thomas refute the news. you wonder if we will ever know the truth
  • it is 2017, season 2 is not out. it is 2018, season 2 is not out. you are 72 enjoying yourself on the porch of your beachside front bought with the savings of your late rich husband, season 2 is not out
  • you tell yourself the fandom does not love adrien more than marinette but you cannot tell a lie. you tell yourself the fandom is open to ships outside the lovesquare; you still cannot tell a lie
  • what’s today’s date, someone asks you. day 4 of chlonath week in julerose june, you reply. you can only tell the date by theme months and weeks now
  • there is no war in ba sing se there is no drama in the ml fandom” you repeat to yourself. you like a discourse post. there is no drama in the ml fandom. you reblog a discourse post. there is no drama in the ml fandom. you make a discourse post. there is no drama in the ml fandom.
  • “marinette is half chinese” you whisper like a prayer. maybe if you say it enough times people will remember
2

Blue and green colors for this week for a much needed relaxing/peaceful looking spread. Slowly learning the importance of the stop, deep breath, accept, and repeat. 

Now Playing:

I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance- Black Kids

Let The Rain- Sara Bareilles

ed sheeran’s divide | sentence meme.

eraser.

  • ❛ i was born into a small town. i lost that state of mind. ❜
  • ❛ so blame it on the pain that blessed me with the life. ❜
  • ❛ friends and family filled with envy when they should be filled with pride. ❜
  • ❛ when the world’s against me is when i really come alive. ❜
  • ❛ you know that i’ve got whisky with white lies and smoke in my lungs. ❜
  • ❛ i need to get in the right mind and clear myself up. ❜
  • ❛ i look in the mirror, questioning what i’ve become. ❜
  • ❛ i’m well aware of certain things that can destroy a person like me. ❜
  • ❛ i am happy on my own so here i’ll stay. ❜
  • ❛ save your loving arms for a rainy day. ❜
  • ❛ i’ll find comfort in my pain eraser. ❜
  • ❛ i chased the picture perfect life. i think they painted it wrong. ❜
  • ❛ i beg you, don’t be disappointed with the person i’ve become. ❜
  • ❛ the world may be filled with hate, but keep erasing it now, somehow. ❜

castle on the hill.

  • ❛ i was younger then. ❜
  • ❛ i found my heart and broke it here. ❜
  • ❛ i know i’ve grown. i can’t wait to go home. ❜
  • ❛ i miss the way you make me feel. ❜
  • ❛ we watched the sun set over the castle on the hill. ❜
  • ❛ had my first kiss on a friday day. i don’t reckon i did it right. ❜

dive.

  • ❛ maybe i came on too strong. maybe i waited too long. ❜
  • ❛ maybe i played my cards wrong. oh, just a little bit wrong. ❜
  • ❛ i could live, i could die, hanging on the words you say. ❜
  • ❛ i’ve been known to give my all. ❜
  • ❛ so don’t call me, baby, unless you mean it. ❜
  • ❛ don’t tell me you need me if you don’t believe it. ❜
  • ❛ so let me know the truth before i dive right into you. ❜
  • ❛ do you have a tendency to lead some people on? ‘cuz i heard you do. ❜

shape of you. 

  • ❛ the club isn’t the best place to find a lover, so the bar is where i go. ❜
  • ❛ your love was handmade for somebody like me. ❜
  • ❛ i’m in love with the shape of you. we push and pull like a magnet do. ❜
  • ❛ although my heart is falling too, i’m in love with your body. ❜
  • ❛ last night you were in my room, and now my bed sheets smell like you. ❜
  • ❛ we talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour. ❜

Keep reading

Malec fans, SOS!

Malec’s number is dropping in the E! polls you guys. I know everyone’s tired. I know we’re pissed at the treatment Malec got in episode 7. But that’s the thing, the treatment is on the showrunners and the director and not on Malec the couple. Harry and Matt work hard to present this healthy representation of an LGBT+ couple and this is one of the ways we can show them that their work matters and that we appreciate them, especially if this leads to them getting interviewed on E as TV’s number 1 top couple. To have an INTERRACIAL, HEALTHY couple like Malec nab that number one spot is a big fuck you to producers and showrunners who think that interracial LGBT+ representation should be pushed as an aside instead of being the main representation. And yet, we’re this close to losing to Ian and Mickey whose relationship does NOT scream healthy. 

This is the chance for everyone who talks about wanting representation, wanting healthy representation, needing representation that does not FETISHIZE mlm relationships, to put their money where their mouths are, knuckle down for the next couple of weeks, keep voting, every single moment of every single day to get Malec to that number one spot. An hour ago, we were at 58.7% and Ian and Mickey were at 41.3%. Now we’ve dropped to 56.5% and that has just been in the past HOUR. The poll ends tomorrow you guys and if we’re dropping 2.2% by an hour, Shameless will have kicked us out before the end of the day. I repeat, now’s the time to knuckle down, just for the next couple of weeks to get Malec that much deserved vote. 

Vote throughout today (and tomorrow) please! We will also be doing an hour of Power voting to get the Malec numbers up today. Time is from 4-5PM EST. So if you’re in the UK, that will be 9PM your time. If you’re in France, that will be 10PM. Israel and Cairo will be 11PM. It will be 1PM in Vancouver and 6AM (on Sunday) in Seoul. 

Please reblog so Malec fans can see this, and remember, vote throughout today, and prepare for an hour of intense voting this evening/night/morning (whichever your timezones). 

Vote here. I know the Captcha sucks but it’s to prevent rigging, so we just have to accept it, and be patient and keep the votes pouring in.Thank you. 

How did I lose the weight?

I really hate to be redundant, because I’m sure you’ve been told this plenty of times already, (and so have I), but it is the actual answer: eat healthier foods and smaller portions, and exercise HARD at least 3-4 times a week. 

I think it is especially important to add heavy lifting training into your fitness regime because it will shape your body better than an all cardio schedule. Also, muscle burns more calories even while resting so the more muscle you have, the faster you will see change! I heavy lift at least 3 times a week now, and that jump started my weight loss. Cardio is still done, but I do less endurance cardio (just running for a long time at a normal pace), and more high intensity cardio. For example, I will do short sprints at my fastest pace for 1/8 of a mile, then walk the rest of the lap. Then I will repeat this until I’ve finished one mile, usually. It is healthier for your heart to learn how to beat faster and then cool down faster, too. This will actually reduce your resting BPM, which is very healthy for your heart! 

I also take pro-biotics daily now, and it has helped my stomach immensely and therefore helped my metabolism. That coupled with a daily multi-vitamin and LOTS of water has helped my body and mind feel better in general. I drink a lot of coffee, too, so I have to remember to drink DOUBLE the water for each coffee. So many bathroom breaks. So worth it. 

I started using the app/website MyFitnessPal to track my intake and my output! I have a 67 day streak going on right now for logging my meals and my exercise. I find that app extremely helpful because it is encouraging and it tells you if you are eating enough/too little, not just if you are eating too much. It really is a good app for your health, and I think it has a good social community too that keeps me motivated! Before using MFP, I never thought too much about what I was putting into my body and my workouts were not as regimented. This made it harder for me to lose weight in a pleasing pattern. Now the scale goes down about 1 pound each week. That is a super healthy pattern of weight loss because it is not too fast. 

However, I do not want to just lose weight! When I reach my desired weight, a healthy BMI, I wish to gain a little back in muscle. More muscle = MORE FOOD. And I sure do love food. 

I hope this helps! Any other questions more specifically aimed at my diet and exercise, please feel free to ask me! 

Dirty Dancing

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Hoseok (J-Hope)

Rating: NC-17

Word Count: 5,242

Summary:  It’s the summer and all you want to be doing is hanging out with your friends. Your parents have other ideas and when you end up at a resort in the middle of the mountains, the only bright thing in sight is the dance instructor, Hoseok. If only said dance instructor didn’t seem to completely hate you.

Originally posted by jimins-bunss

Keep reading

What I Read This Week

(22/4/17)

I probably the best reading week I’ve ever had, thanks to my incredibly wonderful friends who wrote fics for me for my birthday (they made a collection which you can find here! I am so, so thankful for them all 💙) as well as some other great updates!

Easy Now with My Heart by braveten, Teen, 12k (WIP)
“Fast, Yuuri. Pow pow.”
“Pow pow?”
He giggles—Victor Nikiforov, figure skating champion, Olympic athlete, Yuuri’s idol, who is currently sick and delusional, giggles—and puts his hand on Yuuri’s chest, pillowing his head there, too. “Pow pow,” he repeats as he feels his heartbeat. “Pow pow, pow pow. Fast, see?”
Oh. I LOVE THIS SO SO MUCH <3

Batter Up! by Shadow_sensei, Teen, 2.9k
Victor and Yuuri are celebrating their birthdays together and decide to bake their own cakes, competing against each other to see which of their cakes will be the one to win over the party. Neither have baked a cake in years. SO cute!

Look How We’ve Grown by maydei, Teen, 7k
Victor’s been alive for thirty years, but every day with Yuuri brings new surprises. Life. Love. Fun. Family. Yuuri’s presence in his life has brought them all, and Victor wouldn’t trade it for the world. LOVE!

they say its your birthday by ebenroot, Teen, 3.6k
“Clowns are creepy. We’re not having a clown, Victor.”
“What if I dressed up as a clown?”
Yuuri is pensive for a moment, then he pushes his glasses further up his nose in a disapproving manner. “Then I’m afraid I won’t be able to have sex with you until that mental image of you in clown makeup is purged from my mind,” Yuuri says with a shrug. BABIES AND CAKE OMG 

Duckling by missmichellebelle, Teen, 3.6k
The ballet classes are, inevitably, Victor’s idea. THE MOMS IN THIS OMG I love the end, so adorable!

The Best Kind of Present by Reiya, Teen, 2.4k
Yuuri is having a crisis over what to get Viktor for his birthday. Thankfully, Viktor already has a pretty good idea of what he wants… This is SOO AMAZING!!!

(Only By You) My Heart Always Moves by lily_winterwood, Teen, 6k
This is their first birthday together, and he’s already screwing it up by not having a present for Yuuri. Yuuri, who had fought tooth and nail for them, who had traversed the seven seas to return to him, who had taken the words they had shared in the early months of their intimacy and turned them into something beautiful, something perfect. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

To Loving Tension by whalefairyfandom12, Mature, 
“Hey, Yuuri?” / “Yes?” / “Did you know people write fanfiction about us?”
Yuuri froze, any traces of sleepiness vanishing with his previous tranquility. / “What?” / “Mm. Phichit sent me a link. It’s tagged with endurance, hair pulling, blowjobs, possessive behavior, and they are in love.,” Viktor mused. “It sounds realistic so far.” OMFG… just… you have to read this omg!

A Hitman’s Guide to Emergency Gift-Giving by exile_wrath, Not Rated, 1.9k
1) In case of emergencies and not know what to give your husband for his birthday in twenty-four hours, the decapitated head of one of his lifelong enemies always works. REALLY awesome one-shot!!

let me be your lover by Tianetti, Teen, 2.7k
A terrible case of the sniffles. I LOVE SICKFICS SO MUCH HECK

Laundry Day by cryingoverspilledvodka, lucycamui, Explicit, 7.3k
The Katsuki-Nikiforov household takes a morning off to do laundry. Living together, it’s not just the bed that needs breaking in. THIS IS SO 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You by flowercrownyuri (elevensong), Teen, 2.5k
When Yakov gets bronchitis and can’t go with Yuri to Skate America, Victor fills in as a last minute backup coach. The problem? Skate America falls right before Yuuri’s birthday, and Victor won’t make it back in time to celebrate. Yuuri knows this, accepts it even, but he should know that nothing stands between Victor and what he wants. This is SO CUTE OMFG and Victor is so extra I love him <3

The Greatest Birthday of All by paxton1976, Mature, 3.2k
When Yuuri and Viktor decide to have a belated birthday celebration, their gifts change their future for the better. I LOVE this fic, thank you Pax!!

Frozenheart & Hiddenfire by Thehobbem, Not Rated, 9.7k
Being the youngest child in a family means you get to leave home and find Riches and Adventures your older siblings could only dream of - but Yuuri Katsuki wants nothing more than stay home and hide from Destiny. Which will be much harder to do once a certain ice wizard comes into town. SO good I love Victor in this!!

Perfect Collision, We Call it Art by LittleLostStar, Gen, 884 words
Here’s the thing about Yuuri Katsuki: everyone underestimates him.
It’s not really their fault, and in his healthier moments he’s able to acknowledge that it isn’t his fault either; it’s just how anxiety warps the world around him, like a miniature black hole or the world’s shittiest invisibility cloak. It coats him in a shimmering mirage of shyness and insecurity, and more often than not it’s basically impossible to remove. It’s hard to shine your brightest when you’re dragging all of that around. So the masquerade is kind of a no-brainer. I can’t wait for more!

Accidental Crush by Ashida, Mature, 4k (WIP)
A university AU in which Yuuri’s phone is plagued with spam text messages and the one time he decides to text back results in the best thing ever. Omgomgomg 

dear true love by cityboys, Teen, 63k (WIP)
Victor is a writer pretending to be on a break; Yuuri is a pianist pretending to not be on a break.They meet, somehow, in the backwaters of Saga Prefecture, Japan. That update… my heart! </3

Butt Stuff by Plumpie, Explicit, 13k (WIP)
AU in which top Japanese male figure skater Katsuki Yuuri is recovering from an invasive (and frankly, quite embarrassing) surgical procedure, and his visitation nurse turns out to be terribly, terribly attractive. If only they had met under less humiliating circumstances.

our doubts are traitors by astoryaboutwar, Explicit, 20k (WIP)
the powered assassins AU in which betrayal comes first, forgiveness second, and love was always somewhere in the equation. WOW… that update!!

(˃̶͈̀_˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾( ノ_ಠ)₍₍ (̨̡ ‾᷄♡‾᷅ )̧̢ ₎₎

Here’s to another week of great fic reading! Be sure to give the authors some love!

anonymous asked:

Consider this: soulmate au where a person has their soulmate's thoughts about them scribbled over their skin and changing over time (bonus points if it's Pynch) (also you're a wonderful writer)

Consider this: my death (raking in the bonus points) (also thank you so much!)

  • Part of the reason ronan is so angry is because he constantly has the word asshole written down his arms while everyone else has cute things like beautiful and honest and kind
  • adam isn’t much better off with loser scrawled down each finger like a tattoo exclaiming to everyone exactly what he is
  • over time something starts to appear on ronan’s jaw, becoming more and more clear each morning when he looks in the mirror.
  • eventually he manages to make it out: thoughtful
  • adam is also having problems of his own, causing him to constantly ball his hands into fists or pull his sleeves down over them in embarrassment
  • people are always trying to look at his hands now seeing as across the side of his neck it reads beautiful hands
  • by this time ronan is getting jealous of adam’s soulmate… he enjoyed admiring adam’s hands and now he can’t because adam is hyper-aware of anyone’s eyes on them
  • adam agrees that ronan is both thoughtful and an asshole and constantly watches people watching ronan, hoping to catch them out
  • one morning ronan wakes up feeling very insecure… beautiful mind just doesn’t feel right etched across his chest
  • a week later adam’s hands shake and tears blur his vision as he stares at the word independent repeated all the way down his left thigh
  • when they finally discover each other’s feelings… things get a whole lot more embarrassing.
  • ronan now has great in bed imprinted on the back of his neck like a brand of overexposure while adam has filthy mouth written over his collarbone (ronan like to kiss him here more than anywhere else)
8

naley appreciation week: day 2 ⇒ most emotional moment
Nathan, from the second I heard those words; “we found a body”, my heart sank. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. And now that I’ve managed to at least move, all I can think about is one moment you and I shared years ago, over and over that same insignificant moment repeats in my head. I-I can’t tell you why.. It was your birthday. Your first year playing for Maryland, Jamie must’ve been two. You said you didn’t wanna do anything, but I insisted on at least having your favorite ice cream, you remember this? When I brought back mint chocolate chip, and you asked why I thought that was your favorite, I was so confused. Anytime we had gotten ice cream together that’s what you always chose. But you told me rocky road was your favorite. And you looked at me, so tenderly, Nathan, and you said you always chose mint chocolate chip because you knew it was my favorite flavor. And that’s when I realized, for the first time, that you hadn’t been making any of your decisions for yourself. You were doing everything for me, all along, for your family. And it occurred to me that we still had so much to learn about each other. And since then, Nathan, I’ve learned about how wonderfully selfless, humble, strong man you are. Nathan, I can’t hear that you’ll never come home again. That I’ll never learn something new about you again. Never experience your selflessness, your love, your warm touch again. Nathan.. Please. Have we really had our last conversation? Our last kiss? I don’t know what I’d do.

Business and Pleasure - Part 15

Summary:  Bucky AU. After a major deal falls through, your father’s business almost falls apart. In a desperate attempt to save his livelihood, he seeks the help of his oldest friend, George Barnes, who happens to be the CEO of one of the most influential businesses in New York. He agrees, but on one condition. You have to marry his son.

Word Count: 1,833

Warnings: Swearing, angst


Originally posted by ohevansmycaptain


By the time you arrived back in New York, you were pretty sure that you had cried out all the tears your body could possibly produce. Your eyes were dry and bloodshot, and you couldn’t stop the constant shivering that had started sometime during the flight back. You spent the entirety of the flight trying not to cry. You hugged your knees to your chest as best as you could in the cramped plane and stared out the window. Thankfully, you had plenty of music on your phone, so you simply plugged in your headphones and tuned out the rest of the world.


Once you landed and collected your baggage, you realized just how late it was. The sun had set during the flight, and it was now well past midnight. You could have easily called a taxi, but you weren’t sure that you could handle being stuck in the back of a taxi for the ride back home. You didn’t want to have to make awkward small talk. All you wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep. 

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