on my way to fit


We have to tell them on Monday. I like you too much to hide my sideways glances and ignore the way you like to touch your knees to mine under the table. There are still burn marks on my hands where your fingertips once kissed me, and I can’t see my heart or my brain or the inside of your mind but I have a feeling they’d be all red and swollen, too.

What do we tell them? How do we say what we feel for each other if all I know is I miss the way your arms fit perfectly around my waist? Where will this turn when all eyes are on us and I can’t hear you whispering to me above the noise?

Please help me.

I can’t always tell how you feel.

- Bumblebee

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.