on love & fear

I usually avoid fandom drama but I have to say that I feel like fans who describe Troy Otto as just a racist are missing a vital plot point – Troy is actually a psychopath. He has no conscience and is incapable of feeling love, hate, remorse, guilt or prejudices as you or I can. Psychopaths learn to take cues from people around them, mimic the behavior and attitudes of those people in an attempt to appear “normal”. In Troy’s case, he was surrounded by violent racists so that is the behavior and language he imitates. He can feel attached to a person or place, like Nick or the ranch, but he’s not actually capable of registering love (or hate) as an emotion. When he said he felt fear the episode before, that is probably the first thing he’s “felt” in many, many years. You could tell by his own reaction to having felt something that it was foreign to him.

Psychopaths look to those around them not just to take cues on how they should act but also to set the “rules” of life. In Troy’s case, his father taught him violence, encouraged it, created an “Us vs. Them” world for Troy so that is how he approaches everything now. Unlike Jake, Troy has no empathy and is incapable of “putting himself in someone else’s shoes”. He doesn’t have the ability to confront the moral questions of life or challenge learned behavior. If he’d been raised by someone who taught that racism was wrong, violence was bad, be kind to others, help little old ladies across the street, etc. then that is the behavior he would have adopted. Not all psychopaths are given to violent tendencies so with a different upbringing, Troy could have lived a “normal” life by society’s standards.  

I tend to think that Troy was not born a psychopath but was made one through childhood abuse and trauma (see: Dexter Morgan). Like most psychopaths, he can be very charming at times and appear to even care for other people. It’s why I found him interesting as a character. I loved the idea of exploring if a monster could be unmade. Was he malleable enough to learn new behavior? Troy was not a good guy, was never going to be one, but I think the show blew it by not exploring the character more. Not as a “hero” but as a fucked up person who is now in the perfect setting for him to thrive – the end of the world.

We are all good beings. Some of us are just in pain and have allowed fear to take over.
—  don’t let fear win // @abillionlittlethoughts
Justice and vengeance are not the same thing. And vengeance is not the answer. But stories of injustice must be told. So I hope the truth burns. I hope it sears into us. For a twisted version of the truth only dilutes the lessons we must remember. It weakens our humanity, our love, our core beings. So speak the truth. Scream the truth. And only the truth.
—  Even if your voice shakes // Hina ( @abillionlittlethoughts )

Don’t let a person’s title or status colour your judgment. The Harvey Weinstein scandal (like many examples in history) proves that a person’s title has no bearing of their moral character!

#HarveyWeinstein

I miss you

I miss the sound of your laugh—carefree and light,
Like a favorite song I hadn’t heard in awhile.

I miss your smile, beaming brighter than a thousand suns…
Lighting up the darkest of places,
Infectious in its intensity

I miss the feel of your lips on mine
Perfect and full

I miss it
The way the moment I ventured to kiss you
A match lit in a methane filled room
The intensity with which you’d grab me

Hungry
As if you’d been craving me
All this time that we were apart…

I miss dancing with you
Alone together in a crowded room
The music mesmerizing
Our bodies moving in perfect synchronization
Swaying to the beat
Every nerve ending ablaze
Electricity crackling between us

I miss the way you looked at me that night
Your eyes never leaving mine
Two lost souls seeking the North Star
Existing in an eclipse
And discovering, for the first time,
The moon again.

I miss the way we made everything feel like an adventure
I miss the way we made everything brand new

I miss the peace you brought me
Like a warm fire on a cold day
Like coming home…

Your existence a ray of hope
That I might not be alone in this world.

Soothing my fears
Of a future unknown
Of a future alone.

—  Alex Wilde