More I learn..the more I lose

Today I realized that the more I am learning the more I am losing. We had our first heme/onc test today and I passed (which is above a 70%) but I didn’t do as good as I wanted to do.

Yes I could’ve studied more…but I feel like that is everyday life of a medical school student. I give up my sanity for a few more hours of studying…or I just take a mental break and don’t study. The hard thing with being where I am now…I always want to do better and am disappointed in myself when I don’t perform to where I know I should. Our class is full of very competitive individuals and passing is not average. Average for our class is usually in the high B and I don’t think I am there. Me being below average means that I am more in danger of not passing my COMLEX 1. 

To top it all off…we had our SIM high stakes today. Our SIM is a fully animated robot that burps, pees, poops, and makes all kinds of sounds. I was the leader of my team and could feel the pressure. Before our encounter…I began to feel nauseous, I felt like every treatment for all of the conditions I have learned left my brain (cardiac, pulmonary and renal) and became so frustrated with myself. I have never been so nervous and just wanted to prove that I could handle the role of “leader”. I got in there and began assessing, things weren’t going how I wanted them and people were doubling up on duties, then once labs were ordered and tests were done I knew the pt was over loaded with fluid….but I didn’t know if I should be conservative with my diuretic treatment because he was hypokalemia and hyponatremic. So I started on the low end and then brought it back up. I got the pts EKG and could tell something was wrong, but couldn’t name it. I felt so stupid sitting there with our Clinical Skills head professor standing beside me and I just blanked. We got through the encounter and I feel my team did well and M helped me remember to order a BNP that I forgot. But during the debrief I find that I should’ve given the pt Nitroglycerin. That occurred to me but I thought it wouldn’t be as helpful in the situation of acute decompensated CHF. But apparently I need to review. 

I just feel really disappointed in myself. I feel like I learn the material, but for some reason it just all goes out the window when it is important. I don’t want people to know how much I study, because I feel like it never shows on my test. So I just down play how hard I work so that when I get below average then it doesn’t look as bad.

I know med school is suppose to be hard and I am thankful to have the opportunity to be here. I just hope that I can show that I am good enough and do well on COMLEX so I can be competitive….

The only thing that is keeping me sane and from going over the edge is Bootcamp. Kelly returned tonight after a political mess and I couldn’t be happier to have her there. I am so happy that I can go and get a good workout in to destress. I feel like working out is a way for me to build create new friendships, strengthen ones I already have, and have mental clarity. I love Kelly and am so thankful I have gotten to know her better!

Quad day

4 seemed to be the theme today…Not only did I have 4 hours of CIL and 4 hours of clinical skills lab. Today’s bootcamp was focusing on our quads.

Warm up:

Do 5 min of a warm up

Workout - 30 AMRAP

5/5 KB lunges

5 Thrusters

10 plate sit ups (25 lbs)

15/15 TRX side plank hip raise 

* After each round add 5 reps (round 2 - 10/10 lunges)

Cool down:

25 TRX atomic PU

30 sec wall sit

50 KB swings (20 kg)

plank 1 min

5 stairs

My quads and traps are so sore! Phew!!!! Time to study for my OPP exam (osteopathic principles) 

Giving bad news is never easy

Real or not….I have to give bad news this afternoon and this case hits close to home. Even though this is a simulate patient and part of my curriculum of learning but I don’t know if I have the strength to get through this case that is what my grandfather went through. Thank goodness this is the only thing I have to do today..

Literally been one of the worst past couple of days. Broke down crying last night after teaching my breaking point of people pawning work off on me, witness a heinous act of one of my classmates at site selection, and then learning my most favorite boot camp instructor got her class taken away for stupid politics crapola. I want a redo!!!! Highlights and silver lining: I have an amazing friend to help me get through all this drama, I have an amazing apartment, an amazing mom, and I get to go to Portland for site selection. Even though this isn’t a test week…it feels 10x more stressful!!! Come on thanksgiving…get here sooner!! Bonus….Halloween is almost upon us and my favorite costume will soon come to light!

I just want to say…thank u S!!! Ur the most amazing friend!!

Portland…after a hard and emotional afternoon, I am going to be home next year for rotations! I am so thankful that I will be surrounded by amazing people and Mr. H being one of them…and his amazing Lady Love!!

Good workout

Loving being sore from a good workout! Was able to talk Han into coming tonight and man was it a hard class!!

Boot camp

Warm up: 2 rounds
10 toes to bar
10 side shuffles
10 mountain climbers
10 slam balls

4 min rounds

Round 1
10 pistols
10 squat jumps
10 TRX chest press

Round 2
10 wall walk ups
10 step ups with weighted ball

Round three
10 35lbs bus driver
10 burpees jump over stick

Round 4
Row till partner finished lunging down and back
Lunge down and back with kettle bells in front rack

Round 5
10 pull ups
10 BW squat
10 hand release push ups

Finish with
100 passing weighted ball sit up with partner

5 minutes cycling with partner
Push plates (hands in plates), pulls plates (feet in plate)
Wall squats
Plank hold
-person doing plates pull and push sets pace/timing when to switch

Result: I have an increase energy to finish the renal self studies for today and I’m so incredibly sore!!!! Yes, it’s a good night!!!


When your coach says let’s start with 4 exercises…I’m thinking oh goodie…then the ball drops…let’s do 50 reps and then count backwards by 10. There’s the catch! After doing 150 atomic push-ups, butterfly sit ups, overhead weighted lunges, and high pulls…my body is exhausted. At least now my body is matching my mind!

This first week of Renal system is kicking my bootie! I feel like I have been super cranky all day and my usual thought is am I hungry…but that isn’t the case. I think I am just super overwhelmed. When I start feeling frustrated I then see a first year in the hall who is freaking out about their first histology exam. All I can think of is…“ha ha suckaz”. So thankful I am a second year and don’t have to repeat the INCREDIBLY difficult curriculum of 1st year!!!!!

Time to inhale some eggs and red potatoes. I think I deserve some carbs after the crazy work out!! Happiness in my belly!

Sucker punch

What do u do after u get sucker punched in the gut….get up, dust yourself off and prepare for the next exam. I’m so blessed to have supportive friends to encourage me and help me get through the roller coaster called med school!!


I have no idea what I did before entering DO school!!! Miss Sally worked on me today and helped relieve my pain after I injured myself working out! Thank God for friends!!

Weight lifted...weights thrown around

Today I took my very last second year medical school systems exam. I cannot believe how fast time has gone by. I was stressing the Behavioral health system because I didn’t get the greatest of scores on my first exam. I knew how many points I needed this exam…and I got it! Job done…weight lifted off of my shoulder. What next? Mega code exam tomorrow (some ACLS style) and my OPP final on Wednesday to round everything out. So what do you do when you finish your systems??? Go to the gym!

Crossfit time with Gina….seriously love her so much! I really really love the reformation gym and wish I had started working out there earlier! :( Today was hella weight day:

Prep Work

3 Rounds
3 snatch grip deadlifts
3 high pulls
3 muscle snatch
3 full snatches

Every two minutes, for 24 minutes (12 sets):
Snatch x 2 reps
*Set 1 – 50% - 35#
*Set 2 – 60% - 55#
*Set 3 – 65% - 65#
*Set 4 – 70% - 70#
*Set 5 – 75% - 75#
*Set 6 – 80% - 80#
*Set 7 – 85% - 85#
*Set 8 – 90% - 95#
*Sets 9-12 – 90% or more - 95# (first day ever doing snatches and thought my max was 105#)
Every two minutes, for 16 minutes (8 sets):
Clean & Jerk x 3 reps
*Set 1 – 50% - 65#
*Set 2 – 55% - 75#
*Set 3 – 60% - 80#
*Set 4 – 65% - 85#
*Set 5 – 70% - 90#
*Set 6 – 75% - 95#
*Set 7 – 80% - 100#
*Set 8 – 85% - 105#
Back Squat
*Set 1 – 4 reps @ 80% - 170
*Set 2 – 3 reps @ 85% - 180
*Set 3 – 2 reps @ 90% - 190
*Set 4 – 1 rep @ 95% - 200
*Set 5 – Max Reps @ 85% - 15 x 180 (apparently I have a new max back squat)
Rest as needed between sets.

Seriously so much fun. You get a rush pushing your body and gritting through the pain. If you aren’t going to failure you aren’t pushing yourself. You need to know how to bail and yes throwing weight around is a good thing within reason! Such a fun day!! :) Happy Monday

Kelly stepped it up

After a fun GI bleed SIM pt it’s off to bootcamp.

Kelly stepped it up today!

Warm up:
5 stairs
10 push ups
20 lat lunges
20 lunges
20 squats

4 man makers
4 windmill push-ups
6 overhead lunges
10 jump squats

1-whenever u cannot complete a rep high pull kettle bell row on the min (1minute=1 high pull, 2 min = 2 high pulls etc). I stopped at 17 b/c of being so tired after yesterday’s workout!

When done do second part:
5 stairs
50 v-ups
100 Russian twists with kettle bell

2 min plank hold
2 min side plank (2 min each side)
* if you come down have to do 20 burpees

I haven’t sweat like that in a while. Headed to S’s house to review OPP cases tomorrow for our practical and she had made pizza….seriously so blessed to have friends like her!!!

Owned by GI...Oh the life

So after our first test in GI I can definitely say “HOLY MALARIA”. I didn’t think Malaria would be that big of a portion on our test…but 10 questions later I had to re-evaluate my thinking. Thankfully I passed the exam and I count my blessings. Unfortunately some of my friends and classmates didn’t fare as well, but I know they will do okay in the course. After feeling jumbled I looked forward to order some Christmas presents (last touches for Jess and Row’s presents). Then off to Gina…time to throw some weight around!

Warm Up:

PVC pass throughs

PVC stretch

5 pulse squats

5 pulse lunge


Power Cleans: 5 (bar)-5 (95 lbs)-3 (105 lbs)-3 (125 lbs)-3 (135 lbs)

Incline Press: 5-5-5-5-5 85 lbs

5 rounds:

5 sumo high pulls (65 lbs)

5 single arm kettle bell swings (35 lbs)

5 box jumps

5 chest pass (14 lbs ball)


Power cleans (65 lbs)

Box Jumps

TRX mountain climbers (each leg)

I am so tired at the end, but I really need to start working on throwing around more weight!!!


Flag football game is coming up and J and I are getting so into strategizing!!! It is a game of two girl teams…first years against that second years. Bottom line….SECOND YEARS HAVE TO WIN…END OF STORY!!!

It’s amazing how frustrated I can get when I perform HVLA on a muscular man and I don’t get a pop…The thrust needed more force that I just couldn’t do…since when am I too weak???? How do I cope…..BODYPUMP WITH GUSSIE!!!! So wonderful to be surrounded by amazing people: Mrs. S, her hubby, Rye, Trish, Chan, Trac and our fearless leader Gussie! I absolutely adore that girl…no one besides Kelly can get me to work as hard as I do when she is teaching.

AFter a nice hot shower…all I wanted to do was put on fluffy socks, my favorite BAZINGA shirt..channeling my inner Sheldon and poured a nice glass of Merlot….This is heaven!! Watching some Castle while trying to study!