Another bitter tear fell from my tired swollen eyes as I stared at the pitch black night outside my bedroom window.
There was a hollow feeling in my chest as I thought of her. She wasn’t gone. I wouldn’t, couldn’t, believe it.
The shirt she left was gripped tightly in my hands as my knuckles turned white. I needed her.
I was so angry with myself for letting her go, for letting her be taken away from me so easily.
A dry sob cracked from my scratchy throat as I laid there alone in the dark.
The stars lit up my room as I stared at the taunting moon.
I suddenly heard the familiar humming that always seemed to come when I was feeling the most lonely. “Zayn…” Haven’s voice whispered. I knew she wasn’t there, it was my mind playing tricks on me again.
"Leave me alone." I grumbled as I wiped my wet eyes.
Her voice chuckled in the darkness of the room. “You don’t want that, Zayn, we both know that.” I groaned and pressed on my temples.
"You aren’t really here." I sobbed softly as my stiff fingers curled around the warm blanket. There was a soft brush against my cheek. Oh how I wanted it to be real.
"I’m always here, Zayn." She replied coaxingly. I shivered and rolled onto my back.
I didn’t reply to the voice, instead I listened to the low humming from it.
"I miss you." I whispered after the silence came back.
"I’m never far away." She replied sweetly. I scoffed
"Come back to me." I was pleading with a voice my own sick mind produced. How pathetic.
I was lost. So very lost.
"You know I can’t do that." She stated sadly.
"Please…" I cried softly.
"Its not up to me." The voice sounded far away.
"Then stop." I said as frantic tears rolled down my cheeks. I pressed my fingers to my temples and sat up as I rubbed them.
There was low sigh from the voice and then it was gone.
Again, the hollow feeling was back. Even the Haven I thought up in my mind didn’t want to stay.
My hands latched onto the edge of the bed as tears poured from my tired eyes, though I didn’t blink, I didn’t make a sound.
I was a mess. No, more than a mess; I was a disaster. I couldn’t escape her. I couldn’t stop hearing her voice.
Slowly, my fingers released the edge of the bed and I laid back down, letting my head sink into the pillow. I wanted her back and it took me so long to realize that she was it. She was the one that I wanted. No other woman could compare to her and her enticing beauty. Her bright blue eyes, her soft angelic skin, the fan lines around her eyes when she laughed too hard.
It was so hard, so unbearably hard, to think about her, knowing that she was longer a door away. It wasn’t right. There was something wrong with it all. We both hurt each other, we both messed up, but that’s what we did. We would fight and then kiss and make up. So why was it so different? Why was it too much for her suddenly? We always fixed it, even faced with hardships that most people wouldn’t be able to go through.
I needed answers. No, I needed her.
I’d spend my whole life second guessing everything if it meant I could have her back.
She was the only thing I was ever sure of, and I just let her go so easily.
My eyes were glued to the ceiling as I remembered her. Everything about her was so beautiful delicate. Her soft body against mine, her smile that could melt my heart, her bright blue eyes that I could stare into for a life time. I missed it all so much.
I stood up from the bed, my legs trembling as if I hadn’t walked in months, and my bones were brittle.
There was a soft sigh from my bed and I tensed up. I almost never left my room because of the voice. Ever. I needed to hear it, even if it was just my sick imagination.
Sluggishly, I shuffled out of the room, walking into the pitch black hallway that stretched on like a dark tunnel. I walked down the familiar hall and paused in front of the room Haven had stayed in. There was a cold breeze coming from under the doorway, and I thought over how long it had been since I was in there.
It had been so long, I couldn’t even pinpoint a date.
Cautiously I twisted the door knob and pushed it open and let the cold from the room escape.
It was empty. It always was. But maybe that’s why I never went in there. It was simply a reminder that she was really gone.
Its not like I never tried, I really did. I tried to find out where she was. I contacted Marly, but she didn’t know. She only knew of the old address that Haven no longer lived at anymore, which was no help to me. Her mother had changed hospitals so there was no hope there either. I was without a single clue as to where she could be, which only made it hurt even more.
Slowly I crept into the cold room and looked around, letting my fingers brush across the blankets on the bed, taking in the familiar texture. We had laid there together not more than a couple of times, but it was enough to drench me into more unwelcome memories.
There were tears making a steady trickle down my cheeks and off my chin, falling along at my feet.
Gradually I walked out of the room, crumbling to my knees in the threshold. I had never been so torn up over a girl in my entire life and it was pathetic. I shouldn’t have been crying and mopping about, I should’ve been moving on and living my life. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I couldn’t hide from her. I couldn’t get away.
Tears pooled into my hands that covered my face. Everything was ruined because of me. I hurt her. But that never justified what she did either. We were both wrong, and maybe that was my problem. All along I only blamed Haven until she was no longer there for me to blame. It was always both of our faults, not just her’s.
I was stupid. Completely and utterly stupid. I hurt her all for my own selfish gain. I hated the thought of being wrong, and with that I ruined it.
Suddenly, I heard a soft sigh next to me. She was the reason I never left. Her damn voice followed me around, driving me to the point that I was literally going in insane.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just sit back and drive myself insane. Anger suddenly overcame me and I jolted up, grabbing the nearest thing to me and throwing it at the wall, letting it crash and fall to the ground. I screamed in frustration and pulled at my hair.
There were tears attacking my eyes viciously as I fumed. I was going to do it. Sooner or later, I was going to find her. I was going to get her back.
To be continued…
One More Chance (The sequel)