This is a Jamilton one-shot I wrote based on the lil jamilton hints I’ve gathered from Caw’s rebel au comics. I am, by no means, saying this is what happened or anything like that. I just went along with the flow and tried to connect some dots together and had a blast while at it. We don’t know a lot about Jeffs (thus I gave him this bg) or his relationship with Hams, which made me inspired enough to write this. That’s all!
Caw, I hope you like this. I’m so embarrassed right now omg.
Thomas had never truly been in love. Sure, he tricked some people into thinking that he did, but that was only to fill the giant hole inside his heart for a while.
Other people took advantage of him as well, and the Virginian would just let them. He would fuck them, whisper a couple of lies as he faked love til they’d get tired, which was always not soon enough, and then they were on their way out of his life, hopefully forever.
He stopped believing in love the day he found Martha cheating. She was the love of his life, or at least that’s what he thought. Of course, she said it was a misunderstanding, that the sex didn’t mean anything. Plain words with no meaning behind them. Thomas figured something out after that: you either hurt them or they hurt you.
His life motto was to avoid pain, and so he did…or something similar at least. He avoided love, and love returned the favor, it avoided him.
Now Thomas felt fear, even though he was having an existencial, and quite delightful, chat with the guy he had been fooling around with for the last four months, fear always seemed to get the best parts of him and fuck him over. But this fear was even bigger than other times, and that was because in that moment he realized that he was starting to feel something.
Something awful. Something that made him smile like a goddamn fool. A ‘something’ that should probably go away before he ended up losing his fucking mind.
The guy though, he was definetely his type. Smart, fearless, and as hot as a human being could possibly be. He had a cute nose, and a nice ass. Lots of piercings and tattoos in both Latin and Spanish. He was also extremely short, and Thomas would fuck around with him over that fact just to see his mad expression, which was adorable.
They met for the first time in a bar, late at night. Thomas was out by himself yet again, not exactly looking for a quick fuck, just for something that’d make him go numb for some hours. The usual.
He was in the middle of drinking his fourth tequila shot on that night when their eyes met.
The stranger had a choker around his neck and an eyeliner so on point that Thomas admired it for a few seconds before focusing on the rest of his body…and damn, he wouldn’t mind getting a piece of that. Not at all.
It looked like the feeling was mutual, as the shorter man bit his lip, looking at the Virginian as if he wanted to devour him. And their eyes flirted for a couple of minutes before the guy left his group and sat next to him. Thomas gave him a quick glance before he felt a hand on his bicep.
“You the guy that sells reefer?”
Thomas almost bursted out laughing. Of course the hottest guy in the bar was interested in him for the mere fact that he sold weed. He wanted to talk dirty to him, to make this guy want him just a little bit, but fuck, he was a professional. So, as a professional, he stared at him and gave him a cocky smile. “…Depends.”
The guy rolled his eyes in what it seemed like annoyance. “Everyone knows you sell weed. Drop the act. Cost?”
“Don’t think you can afford it, darlin’.”
Their conversation stopped as silence drowned what was left of it. The Virginian thought about going back to his drink but the shorter man was just so fine, he just couldn’t look away.
“Oh,” Thomas felt the grip on his bicep tighten up as hot lips reached his ear. “…I wasn’t talking about money. You think that I don’t know that you’ve been staring at me all night?…That I don’t know you wanna fuck me? I’m not stupid.”
As his own eyes dilated, he reached out to touch the man’s waist, somehow breaking the distance between them. “…Oh, baby.”
He heard a soft laugh. The man won, but is not like Thomas lost anyway. “So…in the bathroom or-”
Thomas stopped him right away. “Not here. My place.”
The stranger raised an eyebrow. “…Fancy. That’s fine by me. But…just so you know-”
His chest was caressed. Thomas gave a surprised look and was met with dark eyes, filled with lust that could burn down the entire place. “…I’m not gonna go easy on you.”
He licked his lips and sighed. Body heated with anticipation. “I don’t expect you to.”
Thomas was a goner right then, just as much as he was right now.
They fucked that night. Both of them couldn’t hold back any longer by the time they were outside Thomas’ porch, so they ended up doing it against the nearest wall of the entrance corridor. Fast and hot, just how he liked it.
“How do I call ya, darlin’?” He breathed almost desperately, but he kept touching the stranger’s body as if it were a drug he was getting addicted to.
The man pressed his index finger against Thomas lips, making him meet his needy gaze. “Alex. Or anything you want, I don’t give a shit…just fuck me.”
Since that night, Alex (short for Alexander, as he mentioned later that night) had been spending every friday at Thomas’. They wouldn’t just have sex; actually, they argued quite a lot and the Virginian always found it thrilling. To have someone this hot match his wits, someone who dared to talk back but at the same time, someone whom he could chat with about anything…Thomas had to admit, but it took one night for him to start yearning. He was a goddamn fool for doing so, but at the same time it was harmless.
But he was beginning to be obvious about it, so much that his friend, James, would sometimes notice an echo of his unrequited feelings. The damn bastard.
(“Anyway, you look pretty concerned lately?” His friend mentioned one time at the library, right after rolling his eyes because of one of Thomas’ stupid antics.
The Virginian gave a fake smile right then. His usual act. “Pfft. Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Stop that sweet talk, Thomas. I’ve known you for long enough…something is bothering you.”
As those words fell out of Jemmy’s mouth, he frowned. Not because his friend could read him so well but for one simple reason: he didn’t know what was bothering him exactly, or he’d rather pretend as if he didn’t know.
He sighed, quite aware of how miserable he looked at the time. “…Life, I guess. Same old bullshit.“ )
It wasn’t far away from the truth, life was a giant pain in the ass, especially for a rebel like himself. But these useless feelings…he had to get rid of them before he’d sink even deeper. ‘Cause…fuck, with Alexander…he knew he would go deeper, til it’d break him, leaving nothing but dust of what once was fire made out of lust and longing.
”…Are you spacing out again?“
That raspy voice snapped him back to reality. He stared at his surroundings, there was a lit up hand-rolled cigarette held between his middle and index finger. His hand was shaking but it stopped once it was stroked by a much smaller, and pale, hand. “Don’t tell me you were tripping? With tabacco? You’ve got to be kidding, Thomas.”
Alexander was giving him a cocky grin, removing the cigarette from his fingers, pressing it against his own lips, inhaling and letting the smoke out with a flirty smile. Fuck, I’m in love.
“I wasn’t tripping. Fuck you, Alexander.”
He saw the small man raise an eyebrow from the corner of his eye, “…Touchy.”
Thomas was just thinking too much, as he would usually do. About how to get rid of the things he was feeling for Alexander, these things that were starting to become toxic, these things that were eating him alive, day by day.
How stupid was he, that he ended up falling in love with a guy who’d probably leave him for dead once he’d find a better dealer he could fuck around with?
And what the fuck made Alexander so special?
He bit his lip as he tried to internalize his anger. He felt a hand resting on his own. Warm, so very warm.
“I want to stay here for the night, is that cool?”
Thomas touched the shaved side of his head as he analized the situation for a few seconds, pressing his fingers against it as his mind went into a rapid but deep thought. “…It’s whatever.”
“I already texted my roommate…it’s-”, Alexander paused which made Thomas stare at him with an almost bland look. The shorter man looked troubled out of the blue, and it somehow pained him to see him like this. “…It’s all cool.”
He knew there was something going on between Alexander and that freckled guy he had only seen a couple of times. He knew they weren’t in a relationship, but there was something…something that may or may not piss him off at times.
“…Is your boytoy mad at you or something?” He asked and rolled his eyes, staring somewhere else. He didn’t have the balls to look at Alex at that moment.
He saw it coming, that awkward silence. He didn’t know it would last that long. Alexander broke it with an exasperated grunt. “I told you, he’s not my boytoy. I’m not interested in him.”
“Hah, yeah. Okay. Is it really that easy to believe yourself, even when you keep bullshitting your way out of trouble just like that?”
Alexander stood up, stepping on the cigarette butt in the process. He looked angry, but he also had a hurt expression across his face. “What the fuck is your problem, Jefferson?! You have no idea what my relationship with John is, okay?! You don’t get a say on this!”
Chills went down his spine. He remained silent as he tried to find something to say. “…I know. I’m nobody. I don’t even know why you keep coming back when I’m such a piece of shit.”
“…Thomas, I didn’t say-”
He cut him off quickly, standing up as quietly as possible. “-And you’re right. I have no idea about your other relationships or…pretty much anything else related to you besides what we have, which is mediocre. So why don’t you just…leave?”
Another pause, filled up with so much anxiety and fear, and everything between made him freeze over the mention of those words, coming out from his own mouth. It was an act of self-sabotage at best, if he was going to get his heart broken, he wanted to be the reason why this time.
There was a knot on his throat, one that he hadn’t felt in years. He felt like crying. He felt like throwing up. He felt like kissing him senseless and forget all the fucked up shit inside him.
Then he heard Alexander clearing his throat. He was a dead man, holy fuck.
After a few shaky breaths, Alex punched his chest. It didn’t hurt, because it wasn’t meant to hurt him. The short man would always hit him playfully and it would never hurt. It would make Thomas fall in love with him even deeper.
Hell, maybe it worked once again. That’s why, as they looked at each other, he had a fond expression all over his face, working as a contrast to Alex’s angry look.
“…Because I don’t want to leave, you fucking…stupid asshole. Now shut up and kiss me or, I swear to god, I’m going to shove my foot up your ass.”
Despite Alexander’s harsh words, Thomas smiled at him tenderly. “Is that what you wanted me to do all along?”
“Well…no shit. You haven’t kissed me once tonight.”
Alexander proceeded to put his hands on Thomas’ chest, looking at him with anticipation.
“Impatient now, are we?”
The caribbean rolled his eyes. “…Obviously.”
Thomas held him by the waist as he began to kiss him. It was soft and also pretty much the first time they ever took things this slow. But Thomas could do slow, and so much more just for him. They fell on the sofa as their mouths followed a perfect sync, reaching a deeper connection.
What he was feeling was scary, but felt wonderful. And, as Alexander breathed out his name in a desperate kiss, Thomas knew that how things were right now…as he dared to call it: “their everything”, it was enough.
It had to be.
Hope you liked that! Comments and such are much appreciated! *hides under a rock*
I commissioned a modern Tarzan and Jane from the incredibly talented @punziella and here’s the final result!! I couldn’t be happier with it, it’s absolutely perfect and I just love it so so much I can’t stop staring at it, thank you so much Pauline!!