omg i used to have these all the time as a kid

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)       Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee order

ii)      I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)     you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)     you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)      Flower shop AU

i)       You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m concerned as to why

ii)      I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)     (this is also a good way to incorporate flower meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)      Library AU

i)       You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down

ii)      I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)     The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)      Awful first time meeting

i)       I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

ii)      I thought you were my friend who’s just done something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)     You get the gist to this one

iv)     Oooh when you told me your name I thought you were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)      Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)       We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

ii)      “okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”

iii)     A personal favourite of mine – first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

iv)     We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear

v)      You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)     “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)      Friends to romance – pining and all that wonderful shit

i)       You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)      I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)     You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)     Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)      Friends with benefits oh wait I like you

7)      FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS

i)       It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)      My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)     There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)     I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)      Soulmate aus

i)       The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?

ii)      You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)     The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)     Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit

v)      Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)

9)      Alternate universes for real

i)       Mermaids

ii)      Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but what the fuck is happening

iii)     Hogwarts

iv)     We live in a world where the greek gods are real and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)      Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)     Literally any movie or book universe you like tbh just go for it

10)   Other aus that I like

i)       I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

ii)      We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

iii)     Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)     It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

v)      It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)     Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)   You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)     You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

x)      You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

xi)     I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)   I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever with a pairing for me to write :)

why my chem teacher is the most dad™ teacher and all-around coolest ever

- spent 5 minutes one day complaining about the transition effects and lame fonts on the old chem teacher’s lecture slides

- had us take a survey the first day of school in which he included a question about being stuck on a desert island with justin bieber

- while teaching us nomenclature conventions for alkanes, pointed at “pent-” and said “obviously you show know some of these already; if you’re a satanist you probably know what a pentagram is,” opened a discussion of temple of satan vs. satanic temple, and said he’d be interested in joining the satanic temple one day 

- a lecture slide on calorimetry included a picture of a bomb calorimeter, which he explained in depth, then held up a styrofoam cup and said “here’s a public school calorimeter”

- someone asked a question about when electronegativity becomes polar, so he pulled up a spectrum running from non-polar to ionic and said “it’s a spectrum. like gender. you know how some people think a person is a girl even if they say they’re a guy and vice versa? there are still non-polar bonds with high electronegativity and people think they should be polar but just because they have a certain electronegativity doesn’t mean they’re polar. pls be understanding of ur covalent kids.” 

- uses a yardstick instead of a pointer

- waves said yardstick around frequently, mostly for no reason. 

- once said (ironically) that he saw less and less bullying in classrooms now and that was a bit disappointing even though it was good. added that “if i had to suffer then you all do too” in a bitter tone of voice. when a english teacher walked in and asked him why he was waving the yardstick around he said it was because he was reminiscing on the bullying days.

- couple of us asked if we should get a new periodic table to take the test with since we’d written all over ours. he said no because if we’re smart enough to think ahead and cheat then we deserve the a.

- actually has a degree in philosophy. he’s so fucking nerdy

- he bikes to school everyday and then carries his bike up two flights of stairs to his classroom

- sometimes during tests he pulls a bagel and peanut butter out of his desk and eats them while watching us silently

- this one time we walked into class and he’d shaved off his half-beard into a mustache and when we asked why he said “i’m not a huge fan of it but my wife likes it so i do it for her” 

- used the trump supporter kid’s logic against him without explicitly expressing his political views so no one can actually get him fired

- complains to our class about how much he hates us

- explained catalytic converters to us once, then pointed at me with the yardstick and said “barrett you’re gonna love this because it involves carbon monoxide and like, suffocating yourself”

- i started crying once in class and he literally refused to give me the test because he didn’t think it would be fair to make me test while having an anxiety attack so he sent me into the lab and closed the classroom door and let me ugly cry. i kept begging him to let me take the test tho so he sighed and said “im ur dad right now not ur teacher please don’t take the test just light some incense and listen to some reggae or something and chill”

- i used pig’s blood in my chem internal assessment and when i asked him where i could store it overnight he shrugged and was like “i guess put it in the fridge in the teacher’s lounge and i’ll just tell people not to drink your blood”

- he knows our class so well it’s a little scary. predicts exactly what’s going to happen in certain circumstances with like 100% accuracy

- this one girl in my class didn’t finish her homework but we submit in through pictures on google classroom so she sent in a picture of her dog and he accepted it and gave it 10/10

important facts & quotes from hidden oracle reread #4 part one

i cited everything from the hardback edition bc im a nerd 

- page one apollo is already making pop culture references (1)

- meg is such a badass oh my g od (14)

- riodan does such a beautiful way of explaining things in this novels. awe-inspiring. mind blowing. example: “Her eyes glinted darkly like a crow’s. (I can make that comparison because I invented crows.)” (14-15) wow. beautiful. 

- so i understand this series is going to be about Apollo’s redemption and ~~~~finding himself~~~~ or w\e but JESUS PLEASE RICK you can’t just say “She [Meg] reminded me of the strays my sister was always adopting: dogs, panthers, homeless maidens, small dragons.” (15) WITHOUT PROVIDING SEVERAL BOOKS AS EXAMPLE FOR SAID SENTENCE all i want is a book focused on artemis and her army of small dragons and lesbians dear gods please 

- omfg can you just imagine sally having to go over to Percy’s room and having to tell him that the greek god of the sun apollo was there to see him omfg. imagine the salt. imagine both of them just groaning. imagine.

-”If I had still been an immortal, I might have flirted with her [Sally Jackson] myself.” (30-31) l o l Sally is a middle aged married woman seven months pregnant and still bringing in the gods you go girl im proud of you

- Sally Jackson is one of the best characters in the entire series. citation: every riodan book ever even the non-pjo it’s a fact 

- i 10000% support the idea that percy gave apollo the led zeppelin shirt as a sneaky joke he’s so smart i love him so much

- “Percy laced his fingers. They were long and nimble.”(35) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- He [Percy] would have made an excellent musician.” (35) f u ck 

- literally all percy wants is to “stay alive” long enough to go to college, meet his baby sister, and see his mom get her book published my heart is broken for this boy (35-36)

- the return of the seven layer dip fuck me up (40)

- jfc that poor Prius it’s been through so much (52-54)

- page 67 and Percy’s already made two comic book references he’s such a canon nerd 

- “Cops love me almost as much as teachers do.” god Percy Jackson what are you doing to me

- apollo tried to order a pizza to CHB and honestly same (73)

- g o d will solace jfc wow

- we’re to assume Will’s a skier (his Okemo Mountain jacket & skiers tan) (82) and now i have to write the inevitable fic that comes out of this fact

- Will’s mom was a alt.-country singer from Austin, Texas (83) which wow and honestly makes the fact will is a horrible singer 1000% better

- yellow daises grow year-round in the Apollo cabin, and it smells like fresh linens and dried sage. (83)

- kayla is aiming for the olympics and honestly im so proud already 

- fact: any and all solangelo interaction have me crying into my book 

- “Will put his hand on Nico’s shoulder, ‘Nico, we need to have another talk about your people skills.’” lol this implies that they’ve had this talk before and im dying to hear it

- the Hermes kids are big fans of Rocky Horror Picture Show (95) and now i have to write a seperate list of headcanons for this fact

- speaking of, Apollo used to cosplay as Rocky bc why not. (95-96)

- listen i know im solangelo trash BUT - “Will and Nico sat shoulder to shoulder, bantering good-naturedly. They were so cute together it made me feel desolate.” im destroyed (110)

- “but if I sit alone at my table, strange things happen.” “it’s a mood disorder” “i cant control it” stfu nico u nerd u just want to sit with your boyfriend im dead (110)

- Will nodded serenely. “It’s the strangest thing. Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.” death to goody-two-shoes will solace 2k17

- off topic but CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE CHIRON THO. like. this happens and will and nico are just standing there. in front of him. telling him they have to sit together OR NICO WILL JUST HAPPEN TO PUT CRACKS INTO HIS CAMP. just imagine. him staring at them. sighing. deciding not to fight this one. agreeing & watching them giggle away bc they’re so SNEAKY & now they can EAT TOGETHER WOW 

-   lol when Meg was going to town on the hot dogs and “Julia and Alice watched her with a mixture of fascination and horror.” (111)

- “Will and Nico exchanged a look that might have meant, here we go.” (112) okay im sorry im just sO GONE FOR LITTLE MOMENTS LIKE THIS I JUST WANT NICO TO BE HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS OKAY

- apollo refers to the seven as “the A-list” (112) same tho

- Jason, Piper, Coach Hedge, Mellie and baby Chuck are all in LA with Piper’s father like???? (113) THIS IS SOMETHING I NEED TO SEE? What’s the living arrangement? Is Jason living with Piper? OH GOD IS JASON LIVING WITH HEDGE AND MELLIE? DO THEY ALL LIVE IN SOME BIG PLACE PIPER’S DAD RENTED OUT???? do Piper and Jason babysit? do they have family dinners? how’s baby chuck doing??? how are they all adjusting to domestic life?? I NEED TO KNOW THIS IS ALL VERY IMPORTANT TO ME 

- lol nico’s just as pissed as eveRYONE IN THE FANDOM about Leo’s not-death and im living for it (113)

- also nico carries around Leo’s lil ‘IM ALIVE LOL’ letter\hologram\thing? like i get it was completely for the plot but?????? “i look at it whenever i want to get angry” (114) like ok nico u lil bean whatever u say u little emo shit

- apollo’s little ‘lol when u have a headache in olympus hephaestus just cracks open your skull and removes whatever brain god\dess u just birthed up lol it’s so much easier ugh’ (116) w h a t t h e f u c k 

- fact: harley is adorable no citation needed

- also you’re telling me chiron, basically as old as time itself tbh, doesn’t speak portuguese? k (120)

- “i am merely assessing how well paolo’s arms are functioning after surgery” (120) those are some big words william u nervous or something??

- “hmph” - nico di angelo, 2016 (120) 

- this isn’t really important but there’s a satyr named herbert and he’s my new favorite character sorry i dont make the rules (124)

- ok so there’s an unnamed random camper who mutters in Italian (127) and now i’ve got the BIGGEST headcanon that this random girl and Nico (omg maybe a few others????) meet a few times a month just to rant to each other in Italian so none of them get sloppy with the language and u g h im such a bitch for nico di angelo frienships

- “A boy in the crowd gasped, ‘she’s a communist!’” (127) i fucking hate this book omfg

i’ll do more later in order to mentally prepare myself for the dark prophecy but it’s 3 am and im tired  

FAIRY TAIL SPOILERS             (CH.532 AND 533)      *READ AT YOUR OWN RISK*

OMG SOME SPOILERS ARE OUT AND YOU ALL ARE GONNA LOVE THEM.I KNOW I DID.

THE MAGAZINE COVER:

-THESE KIDS ARE SO PRECIOUS AND BEAUTIFUL GOD BLESS

THE COLORED PAGES(SHIPPITY AS HECK):

*shipper heart explodes*

NOT TO FORGET THE NSFW-ISH ZERVIS:(KIDS CLOSE YOUR FRIKKIN EYES)

OTHER PAGES:

WHAT

THE 

FUCK

IS

HAPPENING????????????????????????????

OMG SO FRIKKIN HYPED .SO MANY SHIPS.

Some weird Zeref and Mavis action.

My smol child natsu is getting rekt #protectnatsu2k17

JELLAL.

THE NEXT CHAPTER:”OATH OF THE GATE”

(PS-DO YOU ALL THINK THAT ‘GATE’REFERS TO THE GATE TO THE CELESTIAL SPIRIT WORLD?IN WHICH CASE,SOME LUCY ACTION?HYPED AF)

Also translation of spoilers:

1st page:

  • Jellal:I’ll buy us some time.
  • Erza:Jellal…
  • At the guild-Natsu:STOP IT!

2nd page:

  • Mavis:Wait,there is a way to end the eternal path!(side note:why does eternal path remind of the reason behind fairy tail guild’s name?”an eternal journey”?)
  • Zeref:I have a way to end it as well.
  • Zeref:And that is with NEO ECLIPSE!!
  • Mavis:AHHHHHHH!

3rd page:

  • Zeref:This world will turn into emptiness.

4th page:

  • zeref:An unlimited amount of magic power.The power of the god that surpasses even time!!

5th page:

  • Zeref:Fare thy well…Natsu.

CREDITS FOR ALL THE SPOILERS:REDDIT

ALSO,GOD BLESS MASHIMA-SAN FOR ALL HIS HARD WORK,EFFORTS AND FAIRY TAIL#PROTECTMASHIMA2K17

EDIT: 533- ZEREF THE WHITE WIZARD

COVER:

Allow me to get dissolved in a gooey puddle of feels///

Sexting (Jimin smut)

Originally posted by minblush


Summary: On a lonely night, you decide to sign up for an anonymous sexting site. Of course you are matched with the notorious fuckboy you’re constantly trying to avoid. Park fucking Jimin.

Themes: Sexting, Fuckboy Jimin, College AU.

Pairing: You x Jimin

Word Count: 4k

This fic contains: Explicit and graphic depictions of smut, sex over the phone, swearing. 


ENTER USERNAME:

Cleopatra123

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Male/Female

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

I’d rather not say/enter here:

WHAT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?

Decent conversation/making friends/finding a language buddy/other

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR AGE PREFERANCE:

19-24

CLICK ‘CHAT’ TO BE MATCHED WITH A PARTNER!

YOU HAVE BEEN MATCHED WITH ‘THOR562’.

THOR562: 21 years old- Seoul, South Korea- also interested in ‘other’.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHAT?

Yes/No

YOU ARE NOW IN A CHAT WITH THOR562, ENJOY!


Keep reading

Sometime in the future...

…when Dex realizes he’s not poor anymore.

“can we get a headboard, too?”

Dex hated that voice. It was a voice he hadn’t heard come out of his mouth in a long time, since before him and Nursey got married, before they graduated, before he started seeing a therapist. It was a voice that said, ’a no would break me’ underneath the real words of his question.

It was how he used to ask for hugs, and how he asked, three months into their fuck-buddy relationship, for Nusey to please stay the night, just once, nobody ever stays.

Nursey gave him a long, appraising look, but Dex knew he wouldn’t ask why, all of a sudden, Dex sounded so unsure of himself. Just like Dex knew, eventually, he’d tell Nursey why something so silly as a headboard was so important to him.

He gave a small smile instead, kissed Dex’s cheek, and said, “That’s chill.”

They got out of their truck, a purchase that Nursey made without Dex because he knew his husband could never justify the price to himself, even though they could afford it a hundred times over. Between Dex’s NHL salary and Nursey and Lardo’s line of children’s books, there wasn’t really anything they couldn’t afford.

Which is why Dex hated how small and broken his voice sounded when he asked if they could buy a headboard.

With the new contract Dex signed, finally featuring a no trade clause, they decided to buy a house. Nursey went all out; he spent weeks touring places, picking out furniture, and giving Dex the silent treatment (apparently ‘whatever you want’ isn’t the right answer). The only thing left was a new mattress.

They saved it specifically for a week when Dex didn’t have any scheduling conflicts. He tried to tell Nursey that it was fine, he could go ahead and buy one without Dex there, but he refused, insisting that a mattress was an individual experience, both of them had to agree.

They both knew that, in the end, Dex wouldn’t have an opinion. A bed was a bed to him, and any bed was better than no bed. It felt nice to have a full day with his husband, though.

They stood in front of a huge mattress store, and for some reason, Dex felt uncertain. There was something about this, buying a bed, that made everything real to him. He was an adult. He was well off financially. And he was about to walk into a store hand in hand with his husband. And he was happy.

He wasn’t the angry kid from Maine, anymore.

A saleswoman nearly a foot shorter than the couple (call me Cici!) dragged them all over the store, practically pushing them down on mattresses and asking about their firmness. She asked about hteir opinon on memory foam versus tempurpedic, about fabrics and springs and coils and all sorts of questions Nursey has answers for that Dex can’t make heads or tails of.

He zones out a bit, but jumps back into the conversation when the topic of temperature comes up (so, are you two warm blooded or do you use a lot of blankets at night?). He had no idea that they made some mattresses cooler than others, but yes they wanted to try those out, because his husband is a furnace and the three stupid cats Nursey snuck home were like little fuzzy ovens.

So, they go to the other side of the store and try out hybrids (of what, Dex really couldn’t say). Without even trying it out, Nursey pointed at one of the set-ups and declared, “it’s going to be this one.” Dex had to admit that it was pretty comfortable. He didn’t feel like he was sinking into the mattress, which was nice.

Nursey clamored on top, cuddling into Dex’s side with a smug grin. “Told you it was this one.”

Still grinning, Nursey asked Cici, “Can you show us some headboard options?”

There was an entire room of them. Bed frames and headboards and footboards. Big quilted ones that Dex thought would go great in his baby sister’s princess room, studded leather ones, wrought iron frames that looked a little too bondage for Dex’s comfort.

Dex wasn’t sure what his face was doing, but  Cici told them quietly that she would give them a few minutes to look around, even though she had been attached at to their side for the hour they had been in the store.

They wandered around, looking at all the choices. Dex knew he held Nursey’s hand a little too hard, but Nursey didn’t say anything. He let Dex take the lead, inputting his opinion but never tryng to influence Dex, never pushing him to talk about it.

They made two circuits of the room before stopping (for the second time) in front of a simple padded headboard. It wasn’t anything fancy, just smooth, cream colored fabric. Dex ran a finger over the display. It was softer than it looked.

“I don’t understand headboards. Or footboards. They’re totally pointless.”

In the past, that may have been an invitation for Nursey to chirp Dex, to ask what the hell they were doing buying one if Dex thought it was pointless. But after so many years together, Nursey knew Dex needed to talk it out, not have a conversation.

“Did you know that before I went to Samwell, I never slept in a real bed?”

“I didn’t, babe.”

Dex never took his eyes off the headboard. “For a while I had a matress thrown on the floor in me and Adam’s room, but then I gave it to Hannah and I started sleeping on some sleeping bags on the floor. I told myself it was like camping. Even when I imagined my house, I never imagined a having a real bed. What’s the piont of buying something that’s totally pointless? It’s just a waste of money.”

Nursey ran a warm hand up and down Dex’s back. Dex rarely talked about his childhood. It was one of the only things they still faught about sometimes: Nursey taking their money for granted and Dex not being able to accept that he can spend money when he wants to.

“But we can buy this. We can buy something that’s totally pointless, just because I want it.”

It wouldn’t match the room, even a little bit. The whole house was stark greys and bright whites, accents of bright colors. The cream fabric would stick out like a sore thumb. It was meant for a softer house. There was something about it that Dex like, though. He couldn’t put his finger on what, exactly, but he loved it.

“What do you think?”

Nursey didn’t bother to look away from Dex when he answered. “I think it’s great, babe. It’ll look good in the bedroom.”

Dex gave him a hard look. “really.”

“Okay, no. but if you like it, then I couldn’t care less.”

And just like that,they bought it. And later that night, in their brand new bed, in their house (their house, not a house they were renting), Dex slept better than he could ever remember sleeping.

The A-mew-sing Sequel To Adrien’s Game

This time, there are only four episodes covered but a lot of pictures so I’m adding a “read more”…eventually.  Also, Ladybug is on Netflix!  Go watch.  Here we go with the next four eps!

The last time we left our boy Adrien, he was developing his flirting technique with the lovely Marinette.  Or not.  It’s fun to speculate though, right?  Right?!

…ANYway, let’s see how he tops the almost kiss.

 In “Darkblade” (Le Chevalier Noir):

  • Marinette decides to run against Chloe for class something-or-other
  • To the utter delight of 95% of the class
  • That’s right man, just play it cool…
  • CASUAL FINGER GUNS and AMBIGUOUS SUPPORT!!!


In “The Mime” (Le Mime):

  • Hey, I didn’t know y’all were gonna be here too lol!
  • Smooth move, dude.  Just play it off like you had NO IDEA.

Our cat son heats things up below the cut!

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✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’
‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’
‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’
‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’
‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’
‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’
‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’
‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’
‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’
‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’
‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’
‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’
‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’
‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’
‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’
‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’
‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’
‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’
‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’
‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’
‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’
‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’
‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’
‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’
‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’
‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’
‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’
‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’
‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’
‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’
‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’
‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’
‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’
‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’
‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’
‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’
‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’
‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’
‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’
‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’
‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’
‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’
‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’
‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’
‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’
‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’
‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’
‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’
‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’
‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’
‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’
‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’
‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’
‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’
‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’
‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’
‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’
‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’
‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’
‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’
‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’
‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’
‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’
‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’
‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’
‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  you can start again anytime!  ’
‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’
‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’
‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’
‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’
‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’
‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’
‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’
‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’
‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’
‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’
‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’
‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’
‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’
‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’
‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’
‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’
‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’
‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’
‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’
‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’
‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’
‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’
‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’
‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’
‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’
‘  you son of a mumford!  ’
‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’
‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’
‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’
‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’
‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’
‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’
‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’
‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’
‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’
‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’
‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’
‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’
‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’
‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’
‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’
‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’
‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’
‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

*squints* is that a happy soccer au i see? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

here’s the lowdown:

  • mari and adrien are childhood best friends™ 
  • they met through being new neighbours adrien used to be legit just a loner until he met mari who was like ‘dude play soccer with me’ and they became straight up bffs after that 
  • they both loved sour patch kids and space and drew what they thought was a genius graphic design of a space sour patch kids logo when they were young 
  • they end up going to different highschools in the same town and still live in the same neighbourhood. they both join soccer teams in the their respective schools.
  • in terms of skill and technicality, mari is the better player but adrien seriously pulls unexpected moves that make him stand out. 
  • uhmm..everyone girl is rlly gay for mari in her school they are just her fangirls lmfao same thing for adrien but mari has got like 4k followers on instagram and all she does is take a photo of her soccer ball 
  • they have this tradition to draw the space sour patch kids logo on their team shirts ever since they started soccer in high school so that neither forget the other and wow that’s romantic guys 
  • their coaches were at first like wtf no but they used permanent marker so they ended up accepting it over the years and now everytime they join new teams or get new shirts everyone is like ‘when r u having the logo’
  • their schools r so nosy on who tf the person who draws their logos is omg everyone is always trying to spy on them to figure out who adrien/mari is
  • this time it’s adrien who has a crush on mari and mari is the one to eventually fall in love 
Olivia Puckett as Zoe Murphy

Here, I’m gonna analyze and describe Olivia Puckett’s performance as Zoe Murphy, and the ways in which it differed from Laura Dreyfuss’s. Enjoy!

First of all, Olivia Puckett is a blessing to us all. I love her so much (have you seen her Instagram stories?!) you all have no idea. She was so sweet, so good.

I’ll start from the beginning. Instantly, right as she entered during “Anybody Have a Map” her differences with Laura Dreyfuss were evident. She slouched in her chair, her foot giggling under the table. Also, with Connor, her dialogue was lighter, in a way. She delivered the “He’s definitely high” line almost jokingly, like she was just this younger sister poking fun at her brother. It wasn’t disapproving and harsh the way Laura’s delivery felt.

Even while they were exchanging “Fuck you’s!” they seemed more like siblings messing around than two extremely damaged teenagers taking out their anger on each other. It honestly felt like a normal sibling relationship. She wasn’t even yelling, and neither was Mike Faist. It wasn’t mean or anything. It was. Good.

Even when she marched off the stage, proclaiming that she’d leave without Connor if he doesn’t spead up, I felt as though she wouldn’t leave without him. Like that was yet another joke. No big deal. Like she’d wait in the driveway for him to come, and maybe give him a bit of a hard time about it all later, but that they’d laugh about it next week or something.

Then, she met Evan. She rushed over to him in the middle of WTAW, and he instantly recoiled, his shoulders turning inwards, his eyes on the ground, his hands twitching. She seemed genuinely concerned. Her voice was low, and she seemed to purposefully stay away from him, almost fearful of scaring him, while simultaneously wanting to be closer.

When she called Connor “a psychopath,” it sounded like she was angry with Connor for pushing Evan, who obviously didn’t deserve anything, but wasn’t disgusted or hateful. She didn’t sound like she hated Connor. Or even really disliked him. Just has a stereotypical teenage sibling relationship that’s a bit edgy.

When she walked away– “Okay…Jose…” –she turned around and looked back at Evan before leaving, almost fondly. It almost gave me the impression that this crush was requited, and perhaps had been for some time. That Evan’s love for Zoe wasn’t one-sided, that Zoe didn’t grow into liking Evan throughout the musical, but actually, in fact, liked him before it even began.

She entered, again, before “For Forever” and I could see a physical change that occurred in her during the 10 minutes or so she was off-stage. I could almost see her lose Connor, in that entrance. As she noticed Evan’s presence, she didn’t ask “Why is he here” like “Why is this weird kid in our house” but more like “Why is Evan, who I talked to in the hallway a few days ago, here?

Throughout the dinner before “For Forever,” she did this leg jiggle again. Which was. So fascinating. She had these particular ticks, ones which almost mirrored Evan’s. They seemed like two pieces of the same pie, in their own peculiar way. Simply, if Olivia Puckett announces one day that Zoe Murphy has a minor anxiety disorder, I would believe her in a heartbeat.

When she retorted about good times with Connor, saying that “There were no good times!” she didn’t sound like a possibly abused sibling. She sounded almost angry with herself, as though she was wondering why she didn’t notice something was wrong with Connor, as though she wished she’d tried harder. She didn’t sound like someone who was wronged and was furious, she sounded like someone who was remembering her entire childhood and trying to pinpoint where everything went wrong.

Laura’s Zoe seemed like a young person who suddenly lost control over seemingly everything in her life, someone who was almost drowning. Olivia’s Zoe seemed like a young person who had just temporarily misplaced control, someone who was floating just above the water’s surface.

During “Requiem,” Olivia cried, actually cried, which is something Laura definitely did not do. 

The whole “You were not the monster that I knew” thing was much less believable. But the “You’ve given me my brother back. Thank you.” thing at the end of “You Will Be Found” was so. much. more. believable.

I really felt for Olivia’s Zoe. “Requiem” was when I started crying fully during this performance, rather than during “You Will Be Found” (which normally what gets me). I felt her loss so deeply and profoundly, like she was taking the whole audience on this journey with her.

She truly seemed to mourn Connor, to have loved her brother. She seemed so devastated during “If I Could Tell Her” that she never got to tell Connor what she thought. 

It was just a different kind of loss.

As well, her relationship with Evan was so vastly different. She seemed to be more interested in him specifically and less interested in his connection with her brother. At the end of “You Will Be Found” when she kissed Evan the second time, she kept a hand on his when he pulled away. When he kissed her back, she wrapped her arms around him and like hug-kissed him. In the boot, with Laura Dreyfuss, Evan leaned Zoe into her back on the bed. 

The opposite happened here, with Zoe really taking control of their kissing, pushing Evan into the bed.

Also, during “Only Us” she put a hand on either side of Evan’s face and held him so softly when she sang “We can’t compete with all that” rather than motioning with one hand (see: Laura and Ben’s performance of “Only Us” on Seth Meyers). There was a part where she sat on Evan’s bed and Evan kneeled before her, and she held both of his hands between hers.

They held hands whenever they were together after that, honestly. During “Only Us,” Zoe normally kisses Evan once, at the very end of the song. Here, Olivia kissed Ben three (3) times. Twice while singing and once at the end of the song.

I cannot over-exaggerate the softness in her eyes when she looked at him. In all honestly, y’all, I felt myself really loving their relationship, which isn’t something I did beforehand. 

With Laura’s Zoe, I never would recommend Zoe and Evan being together for their own health. With Olivia’s Zoe, if they had met under different circumstances, if Evan hadn’t lied, I firmly believe that they could’ve had a healthy and happy relationship.

And the kegger skit!!! OMG!! She did the same dorky voice that Evan did with “til your mom gets home” when she said “in three hours!!” and they laughed. They laughed a lot.

It was so interesting to see almost Ben’s reactions as an actor to what Olivia was giving him. This was only the second time they’d ever done the show together in those characters, and it must’ve been so unusual to what he had been doing for the past hundred or so performances.

Zoe was so sweet? And? So strong? And never once mean to Evan? With Olivia, the whole “you don’t have to keep saying sorry….I was a little impressed, you ruined it” thing wasn’t as weird? It didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt like: Zoe liked soft Evan, who apologizes all the time, she just wanted him to be comfortable enough around her to not feel like he had to apologize, rather than wanting him to change.

She felt like a young girl, who had suffered an immense loss, who was coping as best as she possibly could. She wasn’t some semi-popular girl who Evan liked purely because he thought she was hot (neither, of course, is Laura’s Zoe, or any form of Zoe, in fact). She was a multi-dimensional person who existed in her own right outside of anyone else. There was no room to see her as anyone else.

When she found out about Evan’s lie, it was almost more devastating. 

I would have believed her if she had said she loved Evan. 

Laura’s Zoe was angry and possibly depressed. She was desperate to grab a hold onto anything in her life, her life which was quickly spiraling out of control before her eyes. There, Evan seemed like the perfect person to grab onto, someone that was malleable and almost willing to be controlled.

Olivia’s Zoe felt in-control, like she knew what she was doing and knew where she would be in ten years, she just wasn’t there quite yet.

She obviously loved Connor and was mourning his death, but there didn’t seem to be as much guilt involved.

In her final scene, where she met Evan at the orchard, she, like Evan, seemed to have also gone through a metamorphosis. She seemed to have grown so much, and she held her head higher, too, just like Evan. To me, Zoe is a lead character, sharing the female lead title with Heidi Hansen, rather than a supporting character.

I love Laura Dreyfuss with my entire heart and soul, and her Zoe was a very particular character as well. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact differences between her Zoe and Olivia’s Zoe, because they are both truly incredible. Both woman are powerhouses of whom I will forever be in awe. Both portrayals make Zoe a fascinating, dynamic, complex, female character, one that is much, much more than a love interest or plot point. She, in some aspects, feels like the beating heart of the show. It’s hard to put my connection with her into words.

Again, like I said with Michael Lee Brown’s Jared vs. Will Roland’s Jared, neither performance was better. Both are heart-wrenching and powerful and conveyed a message to the audience, reached out and grabbed our hearts in their hands. Both are incredible. Just very, very different.

Essentially, Olivia Puckett’s performance was incredible. Unbelievable actually. Any desire to not want to see the understudies is pointless and wrong, let me tell you. This entire cast and entire crew are the most talented people I’ve ever seen.

Getting my sister and all of her friends into trouble... for something they didn't do.

When I was a tween and my sister had big sleepovers, I was allowed to have one person over to keep me company as well. I usually asked my cousin over, because she and I were around the same age and the only person I was really close with.

Things usually went pretty smoothly during the day, but come night time, my sister and her friends would begin pranking us mercilessly. Everything from putting our underwear in the freezer to putting shaving cream on us while we slept to popping out of random places and scaring us. One night, we decided we had enough.

My sister had been warned earlier about the pranking after my cousin and I complained about it. We stayed up late, chugging soda to keep us going until all the older kids had fallen asleep. Then, we pulled out the markers and began drawing all over each others faces. Smears of red and green and purple, we left no areas untouched. We even added little marker streaks to our pillows, to make it look like somebody’s hand had slipped while they were scribbling on our faces. Then we went peacefully to sleep and waited for the chaos to ensue.

Everything went as planned. Their pranks had been mostly harmless until now, they certainly never did anything that would stain or last more than a couple of hours. My sister and her friends were in deep trouble, and we got off scot free.

The highlight of this story for me is a conversation from the following day between my sister and my grandpa:

sister: But I didn’t do anything!

grandpa: What? So we’re supposed to believe they did this to themselves?

OVERCOME (M)

Originally posted by jeonify


GENRE: noona&youngerboy, smut

BACKGROUND: Jungkook’s first time had left him traumatized of having sex ever again. It had gone so far to the point that a rumor had even spread about him not being able to get hard-ons. You then decide to step in and prove the rumor wrong. What was supposed to be a simple test of theory leads to a night that you weren’t going to forget for the rest of your life.

AUTHORS NOTE: Omg I haven’t written something in so long. I’m so sorry this took me quite a while. This actually started as a drabble but I kind of got too into it and finished it into a full blown story. I’ll be working on the remaining requests sent to me before, soon I promise you guys, I’m just trying to come up with ideas! But I do hope you enjoy this, tell me what you think. 

Jeon, as forever, is a sinful little shit. 

If there are any errors, I am sorry about those! I did proof read but I know I still missed some. 


Your pen hangs off of your lips, fingers tapping lightly against the glass table as you study the boy in front of you. He has his face buried between the pages of his Physics book, eyes scanning through each paragraph in close precision, oblvious of your scrutiny. You slowly turn your logistics book shut, choosing to ignore your studies as the conversation you had with your brother during last night’s party flashes through your mind.

Keep reading

my thoughts on logan *spoilers*

-LOGAN WAS SO FUCKING GOOD HOLY FUCK
-never in a million years did i think i would cry so many times during an xmen ~related~ film but bitch!!!
-this movie came after me so many times i am shook
-this was such an emotional experience
-it was so packed too i usually go on discount days but i had to see this and wow literally not a seat left open!!!
-first movie from the franchise to be rated r and damn!!! It really needed it, i can’t imagine the film being pg 13
-i really loved the r rating… the gore the cussing the darker and more mature tone was something i didn’t think i needed til i saw this film
-the darker tone made it so much more intense and made logan feel more human
-fight/action scenes were all pure gratuitous fun i enjoyed all of it
-laura is adorable and shes a bad bitch my daughter will be like that!!! like wow this girl got paid to deadass be silent for half the movie but when she talked i was shook af
-and the nurse gabriella being aleida from oitnb like hey girll!!
-the banter between professor x and logan ugh and when logan called charles his dad
-this side of wolverine/ logan was so raw and sad.
-he def was not the mutant hero ive grown up watching but that was also the refreshing part bc it made it seem more realistic to me
-heartbreaking to watch someone spiral downward especially with the drinking and self hatred and the suicidal thoughts ugh
-laura is a mini wolverine but gonna grow to be so much stronger i love her every time she fucked someone up i was screaming YAAS
-finding out shes his daughter ugh i knew it bur dang!!
-honestly pierce the bad guy was sexy af i was having dirty thoughts while hating him at the same time
-i’m not a box of avocados logan
-logan is really so broken and traumatized inside
-charles telling logan that this is what its like to be normal before he left with that mans to fix the water or whatever
-and its sad to see charles so weak and sick and trapped in his mind and broken as well after what he did in westchester
-losing control is so awful and seeing someone who was once so great be at this point hurts
-THIS FILM WAS AFTER ME YALL I WAS SO ATTACKED
-when charles woke up in that familys house and was talking about how he remembered things and that it was the best night of his life but he didnt deserve it I WAS CRYING
-then i was like OMFG LOGAN IS ABOUT TO KILL HIM??? Turns out it was his fuckass clone mutant but i was still shook
-hugh jackman is a daddy he can still get it
-logan coping with charles was so sad this father son relationship rly fucked me up it was so cute when they were joking abt the past at academy during dinner
-laura gives me life!!! W her docs and cute ass outfit in sunglasses but she still vicious yas queen
-her relationship w charles was so beautiful too
-her driving!!! Aha and finally speaking that was a funny cute lil scene i was expecting her to be a little sassier but that wouldnt fit the tone of the movie so its all good
-all the cute lil mutant kids!!!! omfg so adorable its really fcked up what they were doing at transigen i was heated ugh
-they were so sweet helping him and ugh the scenes just between logan and laura rlly fucked me up like when she held his hand after he buried charles…
-my god the development of these relationships really messed me up!!!
-honestly his self loathing and pity party was getting a little annoying and the whole im no good for you act etc etc but i understand i guess
-telling laura she and her friends reminded him of the xmen RIP
-“people hurt me” “were different i hurt people”
-ugh i literally love them so much when he told her he was gonna shoot himself w that bullet then she took it from him wow cryin
-him being like u dont need me everyone i care about gets hurt or killed then she roasted him with the “THEN I GUESS ILL BE FINE” like damn girl
-ugh him coming to the rescue and taking the green stuff ugh i just knew this wouldnt end well but the fight scenes and seeing some of the kids use their powers was nice
-also enjoyed all the bad guys gettjng absolutely destroyed
-literally FUCK clone logan so hard she was really goin at him but i knew logans fate was inevitable since it was hughs last hoorah but wow
-SOBBING HES LITERALLY IMPALED ON THAT FUCKING TREE DYING ANS SHES CUTTING THE TREE AND REALIZES SHE CANT SAVE HIM
-SHE LITERALLY LOST EVERY ADULT WHO CARED FOR HER “dont be what they made you”
-i was in fucking puddles then she held his hand and called him fucking daddy!!!! THAT RUINED ME WHEN SHE ACKNOWLEDGE HE WAS HER FATHER HOLY FRICK
-“so this is what it feels like” logans last words realizing what its like to care for someone again/what it feels like to die omg laura crying made me cry
-then her speech after she buried him!!! THEN SHE WENT AND TURNED THE CROSS TO AN X AND I FELT APART OF MY SOUL DIE LIKE KNOWING EVERYONE IN THAT UNIVERSE FROM THE XMEN WERE DEAD. IT HIT ME SO HARD
-the end. thank u for sticking w me if u read this whole thing talk to me about it im emotionally unstable
-idk i prob left some stuff out but this is a lot already im lowkey so sad rn
-i cant wait for the next xmen movie with the other cast i need more this was all my childhood upto now i need it all please

ummm … why was this video so cute??? why was phil offering up nostalgic stories from his childhood every 3 minutes? why were they so fond of the family bonding time? of picking childrens clothing for dab???? ive not felt true emotions during a sims vid in so long??????? ? anyway here r some thoughts:

  • why did they try to make bowling strike noises for 30 actual whole seconds
  • phil dragging dan for not being able to read the word ‘mirage.’ good
  • the fact that phil kinda sorta equated the connotations of ’mate’ and ‘friend’ with ‘partner’ gave me heart palpitations ahhhhh partner is legit my fav word for what dnp are to each other and to hear it used in the same context as phil’s cheeky use of friend/mate was v affirming
  • apparently a typical dad move, according to phil, is stealing your child’s electronics. when phil got his first iPhone his dad took it and put angry birds on it? for some reason this is vital information to me
  • letting your child have cake on the bed is terrible parenting. both of them agree
  • when phil was a kid he had a toy where you rubbed its back and sparks came out. uhhh cute and also concerning
  • phil singing ‘fireman dan’ made me giggle and simultaneously forced me to reminisce on the fireman pic from their ‘dan and phil go to work’ calendar
  • the wholeeeeee bit where they’re looking through dab’s clothing choices made my heart melt. they are so supportive of eccentric fashion choices and they’re def going to be the dads that let their kids pick out their own clothes and support their choices and their individuality no matter what
  • omg 4:51 and phil saying, ‘you can make references that are old dan’ holy shit this bit. once again i love phil not taking dan’s shit and i love how fucking synchronized that god damn joke noise they make is, like they somehow made them at nearly the exact same microsecond??? and i have so many thoughts about this bc they both tend to make that noise when the other messes up or says something wrong or has a word flub of some sort, and it has always struck me as being something they use to dilute the awkwardness of that kind of misspeak??? like to take the attention away from the misspeak itself and draw each other out of the awkwardness of that moment by making each other laugh w this weird goose noise instead?? which is just??? fucking cute? i feel like in this instance the applicability was that dan didn’t have a retort to phil when phil stood up for himself so instead of just staying awkwardly silent he makes this goose noise (v slightly before phil does) as a way of being like lol this is awk i have nothing to say pls help me here and phil v instinctively/automatically follows as a way of joining in and being like it’s all good, you’re good, this is chill, pls don’t feel awk for not coming up w a witty response, and look now we’re laughing!!! and that’s the purpose that noise generally always serves them?? at least it seems that way to me, but idk like obvi i have no real basis for understanding exactly what the origin and meaning of this reflex is for them, this is sort of just how it seems from the many instances we’ve seen of them doing this. either way overall it’s just such a cute and  warm lil thing they do bc its so obvi instinctive at this point and a shared gesture that makes them laugh and i love it
  • phil wasn’t allowed ripped/distressed jeans when he was younger. those traditionalist lesters staying true to their colors
  • dan thinks phil could be a stylist wow that is like the height of praise coming from the dark prince of fashion himself
  • dan thinks its cute when dab is in the parental bed while phil yells ‘get out’ hahahaha
  • phil used to talk to the monster under his bed bc of course he did
  • ok omg the whole bit starting at 9:30. holy shit y’all. i’m baffled. they’re having what seems like a v benign convo about sleepovers during their youth and talking about the frustrations of having to sleep on the floor and dan says “the older you get, the more you’re like what the hell i’m so uncomfortable i wish i was just asleep right now.” and then wATCH HIM from 9:38 to 9:42 like what is he doing why did he follow up that contextually very chill statement with that intense stare into the camera and pointed sip of his water I’m SO confused. this immediately made me think about double meanings to that statement and the main thing that occurred to me was that it was an allusion to their separate beds,, that the older you get the more you value comfort when you’re sleeping over the fun of having a “sleepover with your friend” and one possible fix for that is sleeping in a separate bed to your “””friend”””???? idk??? am v open to other interpretations tho i have no idea, and like of course maybe dan is just being inadvertently cheeky but idk that jst seemed like SUCH an intentional stare and i am going to be kept up at night wondering what it all MEANS
  • dank brekkerini dan’s right i want to fight him for that
  • phil’s grandma used to cut up apples and sprinkled sugar on them depending on the activities they were doing wow why is his whole family quite literally the sweetest
  • phil correcting dan by pointing out that you could always cook a gourmet meal and dan’s only available response being “well … shut up” wow fucking shots fired
  • dan is incensed at the wasted breakfast bar. why is dan literally obsessed w breakfast bars
  • 12:56 another synchronized moment when they both say brayden in an obnoxious attempt at an american accent
  • i love that they are both immediately in agreement that the only reason to go to a bowling alley would be to play on the ddr machine fuckin nerds
  • martyn worked as a mascot at a bowling alley for his work experience prime lester family trivs. also cute ass mental image
  • their shared reflection about bowling with the bumpers up and the dumb toxic masculinity of teenage boys fuCK YES
  • editing mistake numero uno: they overlaid a backing track for tabitha’s bowling turn starting at 14:27 but then kept the music in for like a full THREE AND A HALF minutes omg (it plays on repeat until 17:57 lmao i was ready to click out of the video it was so annoying)
  • editing mistake numero dos: they do the exACT SAME THING with yet another backing track starting at 19:57 and continuing for like one min this time ugh omg (tbh its kind of fun to see such a blatant reminder that they’re just human beings who were either v jet lagged or v distracted by their fam vacay while editing this)

this video was good. i’m gonna go shower and continue to be haunted by that fucking sleepover comment and dan’s stare. good night 

(sims #40)

Next door neighbours and their expectations.

So I live next door to a couple (a VERY conservative couple ) and their twin boys. The boys can’t be more than 8, and like most kids, they like to play in the back yard. Which is totally fine, doesn’t bother me at all. They’re kids and like to run around. What bothers me though is that they love to throw their toys over into my yard. Alot of toys. Action figures, balls, frisbees, rackets, etc. Them throwing them over don’t even really bother me that much. What bothers me is that the parents keep demanding that we have to throw them back. They don’t ask, they don’t knock on the door and apologize, they just yell over there fence when they know that we are outside and TELL us to give it back. And that bothers me. They also seem to encourage their kids to throw it over to our yard.
So after Christmas I was at the store and saw that they had a ton of   Barbie’s, nail polish, Bratz doll frisbees, and balls on the clearance. I bought 5 of everything I could find that I knew my neighbors would hate seeing their sons play with. Every time an action figure gets thrown over to my yard, I will throw a barbie back with it. Every time a ball gets thrown, a Bratz ball will be returned. I already threw a couple nail polishes over and the twins went crazy. They loved it. They’ve had pink, purple, and green nails all week.
It’s been 2 days and not a single action figure has crossed my fence. More importantly, not a single rude demand from the parents to return them. The kids are having fun, and I have pretty revenge.

What We Know About Purple

This is so long omg, sry.

Disclaimer: STOP TELLING PETE YOU HATE HIM AND/OR WANT TO FIGHT HIM. HE HAS STATED THAT IT MAKES HIM FEEL AWFUL AND UNEASY BECAUSE HE USED TO GET INTO FIGHTS AS A KID!!!

He just wanted to do something exciting for the fans, respect that!!!

1. The announcement was made on the 1 year anniversary of Prince’s death.

2. The announcement was made in movie theaters across Chicago.

3. The initial release date for whatever is happening was on 4-28-17, but was moved up to 4-27-17, which is Patrick’s birthday.

4. Pete has previously stated that “someday we need to make the purple one” in regards to fob’s previous albums on Instagram.

5. Fob filmed a music video around two weeks ago, which was stated by a fan in the area who witnessed filming.

6. Pete backed this up through his now-deleted-tweet that said something like “this week was 😑and the next is😎” around the same time of the music videos filming. (I don’t remember the actual wording of the tweet, but it was something like that).

7. This now makes sense that the video he was talking about was probably either an actual music video or the teaser released yesterday.

8. Purple is probably an album because of all these previous statements above and the many hints both Pete and fob have dropped.

9. This is also the start of a new era, which is defined by the gif of a purple wave that is now of fobs official website and their new twitter layout.

10. Pete has a string of tweets that have the emoji 🔮, which is purple, and sound like lyrics. (Documentation of these are on this site somewhere)

11. The album is probably titled something like “young mania” or “young maniac” because of Petes current twitter name which is “yng mnc” with purple emojis in between.

12. The teaser for the movie theaters was also in a purple color wave and started off with the words “Mania Entertainment”. This is a music production company.

13. Late last year and into this one there was some drama about fob maybe leaving island, their current label to our knowledge, so maybe this is their new label? This is backed up by some of Pete’s tweets during late 2016 and early 2017.

14. If this is new music, it is probably a mixture of previous fob music styles with something new. This is because all of their previous albums have been red or blue, which switch every album cycle and red and blue mix to make purple.

15. They have a show scheduled in Brazil in September of this year.

16. It has to do with the ocean because of the theater teaser and the wave gif on fobs site.

17. DCD2, Pete’s record label, has been tweeting more actively lately. Idk if this means anything, but it would also add more credibility to the whole “leaving island thing”.

18. Island Records hasn’t tweeted anything about the fob news to my knowledge, so maybe they really did leave the label?!!?

19. I’ve seen some speculation on this site that this is their last album. This is because all of the previous albums fall into either a blue or red theme in order (tttyg-blue, futct-red, ioh-blue, fad-red, greatest hits bnd-blue, srar-red, abap-blue). Purple breaks this cycle and thus may be their big finale. All the hype going on alludes to this as well.

(If this last point is true I will die)

And lastly, whatever this is, I can’t wait. It’s definitely something new and I want to be supportive in any way I can 😊!

Thanks to anyone who read through this long post. It means a lot.

If anyone else has more info feel free to add onto this post.

lil things i love about firebringer

this accidentally became rly long. lmao sorry

• molag’s turtle shell shoulder pads

• lauren i think is singing alto parts in a lot of the songs? and she is usually a soprano right? we got an alto lead kids i’m v happy

• when they go to use a modern-day idiom but they stop halfway through because a word in the idiom wasn’t a word yet (“i don’t wanna be around when the shit hits the … i don’t even know what”)

• tiblyn bowing down and dancing & stuff with her arms still in the air

• “keeri JUST invented dancing”

• EMBERLY’S HAIR that must have taken forever to brush out

• chorn can only SAY chorn but it can SING other words

• “it’s not yet been scientifically proven how big the turtle we live on top of really is”

• jemilla’s freakout when she finds out the duck isn’t a god

• keeri just fucken gnawing on a rock in the background

• meredith cutting off the band to change them to another musical theme

• keeri copying zazzalil’s movements

• KEERI SHOVING THAT BEETLE IN HER HAIR LMAO

• at the end of welcome to the stone age “chorn!” “ha, yes!”

• “it’s happening!!” “what a lion is befriending a little baby pig and now they’re hanging out ??”

• schwoopsie’s squirrel tie and dandelion microphone

• emberly’s really frantic body motions all the time she literally can’t calm down

• “you know how sometimes there’ll be a pack of coyotes feasting on a rabbit, and there’s one small coyote who’s being kept from the meal?” “yeah,” “I’m like the rabbit”

• DUCK IS L O R D

• ducker’s face when tiblyn puts her arms down and the sky doesn’t fall

• “she is the spirit of the river! i know this because i saw her standing by a river once”

• “don’t be mean to lauren!”

• smelly balls dancing alone onstage at the beginning of the night belongs to snarl

• sexual tension between keeri and zazzalil JESUS

• “YEAH IT’S LIKE DO MY BALLS EVEN SMELL?”

• LAUREN SINGING THAT ONE PART IN INTO THE NIGHT IN CHEST VOICE H E L L Y E A H

• the “light that flame” sequence

• the one guy in the band who has two vital lines in the show “time is frozen now” and “did you see that spark upon the wall”

• when smelly balls looks at the flame and says “what is that, a man?”

• in the night belongs to us when jemilla sings “I” while the tribe sings “we”

• choreography in climate change omg omg

• lauren’s super sassy flirty dancing throughout the whole show

• keeri’s supreme love of animals

• jemilla & zazzalil’s two completely different reactions to clark wrapping his arms around them

• “it’s grunt to see you too, grant!!”

• the slide noise when grunt holds up his self portrait

• when grunt asks emberly if he can paint her and it’s the most pure thing in the whole world wtf

• emberly’s lil dance in paint me aw

• “we TRUSTED YOU ZAZZALIL!!!” “who the fuck are you?”

• chorn & smelly balls brotp for life

• “emberly, you just shat out a fire.”

• “well, well, well, look who was wrong!!!”

• clark preaching from the band

• the whole song “together” jfc sorry it’s so gay & pure and i love everything about it

• ba-dum ch everytime schwoopsie says her own name

• when they’re petting snarl and the band starts playing the night belongs to snarl but in a major key

• snarl saying “tell my wife trunkell i love her” as he dies

• chorn’s weird body suit

• how much do u wanna bet they were having a “who can make the ugliest face” contest when chorn taps their foreheads. lauren & brian won

• IN “CHORN” WHEN THEY RESTATE THE THINGS THEY SAID IN “WE ARE PEOPLE NOW” BUT NOW INSTEAD OF “IN THIS TIME, WE DONT KNOW WHY” IT’S “AND IN THIS TIME, WE FINALLY KNOW WHY”

• those high notes jamie hits in chorn!!! get it!!!

• jemilla’s line “they need you as much as me” which could be interpreted as “they need you as much as they need me” or “they need you as much as i need you”

• jemilla & zazzalil proposing at the same time and then ducker marrying them seconds later

Listen up folks...

I’m not gonna talk about what sparked this rant. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is what I’m about to say.

I’m freaking done with the hate.

This SPN Family is supposed to be encouraging, accepting, we’re supposed to at least try to get along. Apparently that’s too hard. Now I could rant for hours about how some people in the SPN Family are treating eachother, but that’s for another time. This rant is going to be about one thing, the hate that the wives of the two leaders of this SPN Family receive. For this post I’m going to focus on one of the wives in particular…Danneel Ackles.

Once again as the Ackles family was nice enough to share parts of their life with us, people decide to be douchebags. This time Jensen isn’t happy with his life because he isn’t smiling in the photo of him & JJ. Also apparently comparing his kids to the comedy & tragedy is just a terrible thing to do. Oh, did you also hear that the twins might not be his because he said “my” twins instead of “our” twins. This is all Danneel’s fault too because she makes Jensen hate his life.

She can’t do anything right in the eyes of some people and it’s pissing me off. What did she do to cause so much hate? Now is the part when I ramble on about all she’s done…

She told her husband to go to a convention for the fans a few days after giving birth to twins.

Jensen told the story about finding out about the twins…JJ gave him a letter about it when he arrived at the airport…meaning he couldn’t be at the doctor appoint. How many doctor appointments do you think he had to miss because of filming?

She uses her “celebrity” to bring awareness to different events and situations going on in the world. I didn’t know about the Yulin dog festival until she talked about it. She does different work for a variety of charities, freaking google it if you don’t believe it.

Her husband is in a different country for the majority of the year while she stays back home in Austin. Have you ever had your husband away for a long period of time? Cause I have. It sucks. I complained about it on social media ALL THE TIME, but she never does.

She was a working woman in Hollywood. IMDb that shit. She was a steady worker in Hollywood however she slowed down/stopped when they had JJ.

Think of all the times she’s been out with her husband, cause that’s what Jensen is, he’s not “omg Jensen Ackles TV star”, he’s Jensen, the pain in the butt who forgot to take out the trash or forgot to grab the milk when he ran to the stores. Think about how many times she’s probably been out with him & had to deal with people coming up to talk to him. Now think about how many times this has happened & people have ignored her existence or used her as nothing more then a photo taker. Fans don’t mean too, but that shit probably happens more often then you think. I would get so sick of that.

Did I forget to mention how Jensen freaking lights up whenever someone brings up Danneel? CAUSE I WITNESSED IT IN PERSON A FEW WEEKS AGO & HE LEGIT LOOKS LIKE A TEENAGER IN LOVE WHEN SOMEONE TALKS ABOUT HER!

But no.

Apparently we’re supposed to hate her just cause.

Now is when the “haters” start to go, “you just like her because of who she’s married to.”

No haters.

No.

I knew about Danneel before I knew about Jensen. I know Danneel from One Tree Hill but I started to admire her when she hosted Maxim’s Hot 100 in 2009. She was the really pretty model/actress that I looked up to because she was funny & pretty. It wasn’t until I started watching Supernatural in 2015 that I had the “holy cow they’re married to each other” moment.

So.

To sum up this rant; you don’t have to like Danneel, just don’t be a dick. If you admire Jensen as a human, don’t disrespect his wife or his family.

Basically if you wouldn’t go up to a person & say it to their face, don’t say it. Plus why bother wasting your time hating something when you could spend your time on something you love?

End rant.

One example of how an exchange with a spirit works for mutual benefit

As a spirit worker of some years of experience, this is how I would personally go through contacting a spirit in order to receive help from the spirit world.

PEN AND PAPER For a serious working I will take a piece of paper and write things down and organize them just as if I was planning them for a spell. What I want to happen, what I would not like to happen, and so on. Then I will also plan my offerings to the spirit. This does not always mean physical items like candles, incense, or bread. This can regularly mean offerings of service. For example some nature spirits may request you spend a certain number of hours doing litter removal or conservation work. Another type of spirit may request that you make a post about it, to increase its fame so it may work with more humans. An important part of this step is what you are not willing to give. 

If I am in a more informal setting or doing a less serious act of magic I will often do this phase of planning in my head.

PREPARATIONS Depending on the type of spirit being called there must be certain preparations in place. For a certain type of ritual (which you can find under my articles tag called “spirit worker’s spell”) I will call the quarters and see which spirit of the elements is best suited for the job. To prepare for that I would want my ritual tools to represent the quarters as well as a simple offering to thank the spirits for showing up. If it were a Goetic demon there would be very formal preparations, for example. Just be prepared for your guest.

In general: Work in nature or a clean space (clean space = respectful of your guest). Incense is nice because it is pleasing, especially if you can determine a scent your guest might like. In my path it is polite to have a simple offering of incense to thank a guest just for arriving. Then if you anticipate the spirit will require other physical offerings, have them close at hand. Also have things you regularly rely on such as your grimoire, tarot deck for communication, and so on.

Extra Safety: Work within magic circles. Cast one around yourself with the specific intent to keep out all negative energies and any spirit which wishes you harm or ill-intent. Then, summon the spirit in to a second protected circle, from which it may return home but otherwise cannot leave. (This is assuming the spirit is summoned, as opposed to walking up to it in nature and saying hello). Besides your magic circle have with you a strong amulet of protection (excellent practice if you don’t have one yet!!) and special banishing and “emergency” tools like banishing powders, flying devil oil, salt, and highly uplifting and banishing incenses such as frankincense, rosemary, and bay leaf.

If I am doing a very serious spell I will take a full purifying bath. In general I make sure to never go in to spirit communication with too much “gunk” on me and I often do small or large purifying rituals before spirit work. If your spirit contact made you feel uneasy in any way, consider a purifying and protective bath afterwords (try rosemary, bay leaf, and a heap of basil in salt water!).

CONTACT If I am seeking the help of a specific nature spirit I will go to that place and simply say hello and initiate conversation. Another way to work with nature spirits is having a piece of that natural thing, like some bark, a stone from a mountain, or a jar of water. Use this smaller element to contact the larger spirit! The way I perceive spirits is through the platform of my imagination. A being will appear in my mind’s eye, and I will speak to it through words, visions, and feelings. Other people will have different experiences. “Seeing spirits” is a Golden Standard ™ that distracts people from real communication. A big hint for me is that the energy changes around me when a “real” spirit is near. I really recommend just talking with plants and stones and trees to learn what spirit communication is for you. Don’t compare your experiences to that of others. Don’t you want your own beautiful and unique way speaking with spirits, true to you and your true nature?

If I am instead summoning a spirit I will go through the steps to do that. Usually I can feel the energy change around me before I perceive the spirit. Nature spirits can still be dangerous but especially if summoning ensure you have the proper protective steps such as those mentioned in italics above.

PLEASANTRIES I don’t go straight to business unless I am working with an entity who is known for not liking small talk. I don’t sit down and have a cup of coffee with a spirit and catch up about the kids, but I introduce myself with my magical name, say why I have asked them to come, and ask them if they are agreeable to continue. Sometimes spirits will have certain questions, such as, “why am I in this circle?” I will answer honestly (don’t lie!!!!) and say, “this circle is for my personal protection.” Often, spirits congratulate my forethought on safety. Another spirit may ask if they may first have a glass of water, which is alright by me. I do consider it a red flag if a spirit asks for a big offering right away, as this is not proper protocol. Just as we treat them with etiquette, they should treat us with etiquette.

At this time I also begin reading this spirit in a polite way (not trying to force my way in to their mind; like reading body language). I want to know if the spirit is uncomfortable or gives of bad vibes, or if they seem pleasant and helpful. To do this I pay special attention to my emotions and “back of the mind” thoughts that often slip by unnoticed.

In general once the spirit has finished asking questions, if they even have any, most seem willing to get right down to work. This is after all a business meeting.

THE CONTRACT I will state plainly what I wish to be done. There is no need to say why; I don’t think it’s the spirit’s business, and I don’t think most would care! “I need to ensure my credit card is paid off by June.” “I need my friend’s day at work to go smoothly and quickly.” “I need a teacher in meditation.” Whatever it is I have to say I am clear about it, using carefully thought out language so I am not confusing or vague in the slightest.

There’s a caveat I put in, somewhere, along the line. It sounds like this: “If you are able to accomplish this task for me, then…” You want to make sure you actually state that you expect RESULTS. Anyway, moving on.

Right away, without pause, I roll in to what I have to offer the spirit. If I am working with a certain spirit or type of spirit I have worked with before and I know what they usually like I will come out and say, “I have prepared for you the best wine and cakes” or whatever. Otherwise I will say, “I wish to know what I may pay you in return for this great service.”

This is the moment the spirit may reject this contract. If they have heard what you want and aren’t interested in helping, they’ll make it known to you and either leave immediately or wait for you to say goodbye. Sometimes your first offering wasn’t what they were looking for and that “hold up” feeling you are experiencing could just be the spirit looking for something else. If you get this “woah pause” feeling, try asking the spirit if it prefers a different payment and go from there.

Spirits are sometimes quite clear in what they want in terms of offerings and will tell me immediately, perhaps through a vision of what they want to occur, or maybe through words. Other spirits are a little more reserved and want to know their options; obviously I can’t offer everything, so what’s on the table?

NEGOTIATE In general we settle what the payment is quite quickly. Then comes the negotiation! You are in a business deal. Unless you’re working with some high level systems that tell you otherwise, never give the entire payment up front. If I expect this task to be performed quickly, in a matter of days or a week or two, I say I will give a small offering now to thank them for their arrival, and the full payment will be delivered when the task has been complete. Spirits so far have not had a problem with this. Sometimes I feel reservation as the spirit thinks it through. Don’t worry if you get “pause” emotions or messages like this. You are communicating with another being. Give them space to think.

If you’re asking for something that will take a while to manifest, work out a payment plan. “I propose that I will give you a portion of this payment every time I see X manifest. Is that agreeable to you?” and let them respond. Most spirits I work with tend to prefer simpler arrangements. They will tell you what they can deliver, and expect fair pay for it. A spirit may request payment on a time table (such as partial payment once a week) and I find this to be an alright deal as long as I see results manifesting. Like put your foot down. You are expecting something out of this… you are paying for a job to be done.

Talk about what might happen if the job is not done. In general I just consider all terms to be broken and we walk away. Don’t go in to punishment land. If the spirit fails to uphold their end of the job, their payment is denied. Walk away. On the other hand, if they do the job and you don’t pay…. that’s a whole other ball game. PAY THE SPIRITS. Like omg don’t even go there.

Once the payment has been agreed on, and the payment method has been agreed on, I proceed to the “handshake deal.”

BROKERING THE DEAL No need to sign contracts in blood. You can, however, have a written contract which I think is a great idea, especially for longer “jobs”. Write out the terms clearly. Sign your magical name, then ask the spirit to put its energetic imprint on the page as a symbol of your deal. I rarely bother to do this but it may be preferable for some people.

Generally, I just say, “I am Crann, offering you X and Y payment to help me get my credit card paid by June. I will pay you in full once the job is complete in June. Do you accept this agreement?”

I will then get a word of “yes” or “I agree”, or a vision of a handshake or some other symbol which means “we are in a contract”, or an emotion of acceptance.

SAYING GOODBYE Once the deal is done I often light a candle and incense in honor of the deal agreed upon. I ask the spirit to stay and enjoy the incense as long as it wishes to, which usually is not long. I usually ground out right away by cooking, watching television, and talking to friends.  

MONITORING THE DEAL I will keep an eye on things and make sure it all seems to be going according to plan. If it’s an “easy” deal I generally expect to see results immediately; within the day or so. If it’s a big working with big goals I would not be surprised if I had to wait many days or even a period of weeks before I see the results I desire. However, in my opinion there should be signs your spirit agreement is working out. If you make an agreement with a spirit and within a week or two nothing is really happening, there is a possibility that spirit was taking advantage of you or something in your contract imploded.

PAYING THE SPIRIT When the correct time(s) come I will do a small ritual to give payment, partial (according to a ‘payment plan’) or whole, to the spirit. I will typically use a candle as a monument to the occasion as well as pleasing incense. If it is a physical offering I will present it and call the spirit and ask it to partake of its payment. If it is a nonphysical offering I will contact the spirit and tell them I am going to begin my end of the payment, and they can expect to see my end of the deal be performed shortly.

Once you believe you have fully paid the spirit, contact the spirit again and ensure that everything is even-Steven. If it is a physical offering ask them, “are you satisfied and pleased with this agreed upon payment?” Don’t let a spirit weasel you in to even greater payments; if you provided what you agreed upon, you are good. If it is a nonphysical offering I believe it’s good to check in just to make sure there is no misunderstanding of what you are supposed to provide, and to ensure that you are carrying out your payment as you need to.

Here’s a word of advice: Don’t forget to pay them. If you are neuroatypical like me, if you forget things, if you get distracted, if you cannot GUARANTEE you will give the payment, don’t enter in to contracts. Use alerts on your phone, journals, calendars, written contracts, whatever you need to do to remember. But if you are at risk of not remembering, don’t make deals.

BITS AND BOBS There is a fine line when it comes to working with spirits that make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes a being is just so powerful that our little instincts go AHHHHHH and that’s not necessarily negative. But then sometimes, the spirit does mean us malicious intent and the feelings can be similar. In general I would just advise people to work with spirits that do not give them any feelings of discomfort; many of these spirits exists, and there are times to work with more intimidating spirits up ahead :)

You do not need the MOST POWERFUL ULTRA MEGA SPIRIT to get the job done. The more powerful a spirit is, the more you will have to pay it, and the more experience you will need to manage your encounters with it so you remain safe (this doesn’t even mean negative entities… encountering a huge power wave from a positive entity is something you have to know how to control and handle. I have almost passed out from encountering powerful, positive energies.)

Think about nature. Do you need a problem swept away? Ask a stream spirit. Do you need something burned away? Ask a fire elemental. Do you need something glamoured? Ask a fae. Don’t start with encyclopedias of powerful, named spirits. Start small and local :)

If you need magic done, make a deal. But in general it’s really polite and positive and just a good thing to befriend spirits before you ask them for help. This is in my opinion only!!!! For example I have good connections with many species of magical plant spirits. I am known to them and they are known to me, and in the past some have state they will help me when I need it. If you are a stranger knocking on a door a spirit may help you for pay, but if you are knocking on a friend’s door in need, imagine how much better they may care for you and see your needs are met. This is also why it’s important to give back as much as you can. Take care of the spirit world and nature when you can, and be polite and respectful as often as you can. The spirit world really does take notice.