omg i can't ok oh god

Caejose Week: Day 1

(also on AO3)

Title: We’re Not Dating!
Prompt: Domestic
Rating: T (for swearing)
Summary: the one where everyone except caejose knows they’re in a relationship (save joseph 2k16)
Word count: 3518
Warnings: tooth-rotting domestic fluff. u have been Warned


The whole thing is Josuke’s fault, Joseph thinks furiously, head in his hands, his leg bouncing up and down nervously. Caesar’s in the kitchen, whistling some old Italian song as steak sizzles in the pan. The bottle of red wine Joseph brought home is sitting on the counter– the fancy kind, because Caesar doesn’t like the way the cheap stuff tastes. Joseph has literally been wearing Caesar’s clothes for the past week. It’s nice, homey. Domestic.

It’s also destroying Joseph’s soul.

Fucking Josuke.

Keep reading

Mass Effect 2 - a (not so) short summary
  • Shepard: this is a routine mission
  • Joker: yeah we are just chillin in the empty calm space without worries that is the life eh
  • Shepard: tru homie no danger in sight we are just like little bugs in the infinite field of the universe
  • Collector's ship: DID SOMEONE SAY BUGS *destroys the Normandy*
  • Shepard: OH DEAR MAKER WHAT'S THAT
  • Shepard: sorry wrong quote
  • Joker: let me save the ship
  • Shepard: let me save your fragile ass
  • Joker: Shepper nooooooo
  • Shepard: Shepper yooooooo *crashes into a planet like a comet and dies*
  • Joker: look at that lemme make a wish real quick
  • Joker: I wish one day I'll fuck a robot
  • ---
  • Miranda: Allusive Man we found Shep's corpse
  • Illusive Man: nice now let's spend a shitload of money to resurrect him/her
  • Miranda: cool let's make him/her our slave by modifying the brain
  • Illusive Man: damn girl what is your problem we can't manipulate someone's mind that's fucked up shit
  • Illusive Man: anyway how is the project of turning Grayson in a human reaper going?
  • ---
  • Shepard: *wakes up after a 2 years coma*
  • Miranda: Shepard we're under attack stand up and fight u inferior slut
  • Shepard: aw shit I can barely move *runs like a leopard* *fight like a demon from hell* *tears shit up*
  • Jacob: hurry up commander
  • Shepard: wait I need answers
  • Jacob: Shepard for the love of god we're in the middle of a fight mechs are shooting at us we can't talk rn
  • Shapard: so how was your day?
  • Jacob: OMG it was nice thank you, I wake up and had a toast then I did some push ups then...
  • Miranda: let's get out of here gossip girls
  • ---
  • Illusive Man: hello I'm Cerberus' boss listen to me you have to find out why humans are disappearing
  • Shepard: fuck you Intrusive Man I don't work for you
  • Illusive Man: I revived you
  • Shepard: oh fuck ok then
  • ---
  • Tali: holy fleet Shap is that u
  • Shepard: ye it is me Tali I missed you so much
  • Tali: cool bye
  • Shepard: no wait Tali join my squad
  • Tali: nah better later I got stuff to do now
  • ---
  • Mordin: *fast shit-talking*
  • Shepard: haha I like you I'll make sure nothing bad will ever happen to you trust me
  • ---
  • Kasumi: god I miss Keiji so much I will never love again
  • Jacob: hey
  • Kasumi: yooooooooooo
  • ---
  • Shepard: Zaeed you squinter swine you set fire to a refinery just to find your boyfriend we are all going to die
  • Zaeed: that fucker shoot me in the head
  • Shepard: aaw isn't this love
  • ---
  • Grunt: Shepurd I feel strange I just want to kill everybody and destroy everything
  • Shepard: oh Grunt baby it's perfectly normal you're just becoming a woman
  • Wrex: Shep he is a krogan. Male. It's like our puberty
  • Grunt: do you mean I don't need this XXXXL tampon?
  • ---
  • Thane: my son is in trouble and my wife is dead
  • Shepard: k
  • Thane: "The fire has gone to be kindled anew.” He begs them not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water. He hits me. “Don’t let them! Stop them! Why weren’t you–” It rains. It always rains on Kahje. Warm water pours down his face.
  • Shepard: Cole is that you
  • Thane: what
  • Shepard: what
  • ---
  • Jack: fuck you and fuck everything and fuck Cerberus in particular
  • Shepard: girl put a shirt on it's raining cats and dogs
  • Jack: fuck shirts fuck cats and dogs and fuck me
  • Shepard: kinky
  • ---
  • Samara: help me kill my daughter
  • Shepard: shit why everyone in my squad are psycopath or have tragic stories and why do I have to solve everyone's problem?
  • Samara: so you won't help me?
  • Shepard: sure I'll help you let's do it girl
  • ---
  • Garrus: guess who's fucking back and ready to be romanced
  • Shepard: fuck yes I'm gonna date the shit out of you
  • Garrus: ...
  • Shepard: so-
  • Garrus: shut up I'm calibrating
  • ---
  • Shepard: why do you have a piece of my armor you creepy weirdo
  • Legion: there was a hole
  • Shepard: are you telling me you just have to close every hole you see?
  • Legion: yes
  • Shepard: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • ---
  • Shepard: all right let's go kill all collectors as requested from the Incisive Man
  • Harbinger: we are the beginning, you are the end
  • Shepard: yeah I'm YOUR end
  • Party members: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH SNAP!
  • Harbinger: this hurts me
  • Shepard: fuck my second life what is that big ass blue motherfucker
  • EDI: it's a human reaper
  • Shepard: woah tough shit better destroy this ship and everything in it
  • Illusive Man: wait Shepard don't do it we need this technology
  • Shepard: shut up Disquisitive Man I do what I want and I want to tear this abomination up
  • Illusive Man: damn no I should have enslaved your mind when I had the chance
  • Miranda: called it
  • Shepard: well too fucking bad Dispositive Man let's do this homies
  • ---
  • Shepard: and that's how I saved the day once again
  • Hackett: Shepard you gangsta you forgot to say you killed 300.000 batarian in the process
  • Shepard: I do it for a good cause
  • Hackett: what cause
  • Shepard: peace
  • Hackett: *cries* this is beautiful
  • Shepard: I know buddy
  • Hackett: you're under arrest

anonymous asked:

WOO HOO OMG FOR THE REQUEST THING CAN I HAVE AKASHI AND 'Who are you with? That's no good, that's no good! You can't be with anyone but me' ? ITS LIKE MY FAVORITE SONG FROM AN ANIME OH MY GOD thxs lol

OK I DID CHECK OUT THE SONG but at the same time I read a fic with the Hanahaki disease idea and I can’t let it go D: So I hope you still enjoy this!


Accompanying Soundtrack: かたわれ時 from 君の名は [Katawaredoki from Kimi no Na wa]




Hanahaki disease - an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.


Uses Japanese flower language (hanakotoba) as reference.




Akashi had been doing a pretty good job of telling himself that he wasn’t in love with you until one day he felt something tickling his throat and before he knew it he was doubling over, leaning over the bathroom sink, coughing out flower petals. Some yellow, some red, some white.

Akashi knows exactly what it is, as soon as he sees the colourful petals spotting the pristine porcelain sink. He picks through the petals, the flowers, identifying each one and burning the sight of them in his mind, before he gathers them up and disposes of them down a toilet drain.

White petals: gardenias, for secret love.

Red petals: camellias, for being in love and perishing in grace.

Yellow petals: primrose, for desperation.


Damnit, Akashi thinks, as he tries to recall the details of the peculiar disease he has been overcome with. He knows it’s from unrequited love; but what was the end result of it? He can’t remember how to deal with the disease.

Was it that the patient’s love had to be requited?

Or did the patient have to give up their one-sided love in order to be cured?

Was the disease fatal? Could he simply leave it?


Akashi casts his mind back to the flowers, the image of them: and he thinks of the primrose flowers, bright yellow - for desperation.

“Well, they’ve certainly got that right,” Akashi mutters to himself as he exits the bathroom, hand over his mouth.


He decides to head home without telling anyone at work, including you.




“Akashi-kun? Are you in there? It’s me! I came to check up on you - and I may or may not have brought you lunch…”


Akashi’s so surprised by the sound of your voice floating through his apartment door that he freezes for a few seconds, staring blankly at the state of his room, unable to respond.

The floor has almost completely disappeared under layers upon layers of flowers, and there are more petals covering his bed, where he hasn’t moved from since he came home last weekend.

Over the days Akashi hasn’t had the strength to clean the flowers up. He’s only had the strength to drag himself out of bed just to eat and sleep, then he collapses again with flowers spilling from his hands, his chest hurting and his throat dry.

It’d gotten worse. It’d gotten so much worse.


The knocking came again. “Akashi-kun?”


Akashi dissolved into another fit of coughs, breaking the silence, feeling pain spike through his whole body; there was a crash and then you were standing at the doorway of the room, eyes wide and mouth open.

“I…” Akashi begins, but he can’t finish his sentence as another cough racks his body, and petals are spilling to the ground, looking about as ridiculous as it sounds.


“Hanahaki?” you whisper.


Perhaps this was it, Akashi thinks, refusing to look up at you. You recognised the disease. Perhaps you would return his feelings, perhaps you would understand, if you could identify the flowers and know what he was feeling, to watch you from afar and wish to love you but be unable to because…


“Akashi-kun.” You come closer to him, your eyes gentle. “You dummy. Who’s the idiot that you’re in love with? I’ll give them a pep talk, okay? You can tell me, you know. We’re friends, I’ll help you no matter what.”


Akashi feels his heart sink; his chest feels heavier than it ever has and his eyes start welling up with tears - but instead he coughs, pretends it’s from the disease, and thanks you for your concern and tells you that he’ll be fine, that he’s got the disease under control.

He pretends not to see the silver band on your ring finger, the engagement ring that wasn’t there before, that must be from your partner without a doubt, that seals his fate.




Either have your love returned, or give it up.


That was the condition for surviving the hanahaki disease - if neither condition is met, then death.


But giving up love is not as easy as it sounds.


The flowers had changed, too. Not just yellow primrose, for desperation. Yellow tulips, for unrequited love, and yellow roses, for jealously - all bright amber and golden-coloured, just like his left eye, as if mocking him, laughing at him.


I don’t have much time, Akashi thinks, as he looks down at the wedding invitation in his hands - from you and your partner. He looks at the picture attached, of you smiling and laughing with another person, and his fist clenches on the thin paper.

No - I’ll make more time.

3

“So I’m standing there filling up like I’ve done a thousand times before, and I hear a chunk. You know, the pump’s nozzle. The– the metal thing. The thing you squeeze, right? I hear a chunk. So I suppose, in my naivete, I took to understand that gas is no longer coming out of the nozzle, so I pull out the hose to put it back and whoosh! You know, I am suddenly soaked in gasoline. I mean, on my arms and my legs and my– my groin. So now I am in a panic, and I race home, I run inside the house, and I’m stripping off my clothes as fast as I can. I jump in the shower. It’s not until after I get out of the shower that I realize my gas-covered clothes have been soaking in the living room rug this entire time. I mean, it’s– it’s– the whole thing is just so stupid. I could have rinsed off at the station. Halfway home, I’m starting to realize– wait a minute– there’s a water hose right there next to the air pump. You know, for tires. Anyway, so that was my day. How was yours?”

Season 1 feelings
  • 1x01: this seems kind of offensive but at least that blonde girl felt something
  • 1x02: ok actually this is pretty gay
  • 1x03: alright well this is gonna ruin my life, time to make a blog dedicated to this stupid show
  • 1x04: THERE WASN'T ANY KARMY THIS EPISODE OH GOD NOW I HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK
  • 1x05: omfg will these idiots just marry each other already
  • 1x06: I'M PREGNANT
  • 1x07: well this turned out better than exp- oh god no no no NO NO NO N
  • 1x08: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT THIS RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE NOTHING IS OKAY EVERYTHING HURTS
  • hiatus: I can't wait for season 2 omg
How I came to love Flaurel
  • Me, watching season 1 for the first time: Wow, that guy IS a misogynistic ass! She's smart and knows what she does, give her some credit!
  • Ok, she's "Frank's girl". That's kinda bad..
  • Helloooo, who's that hottie?! Oh, Frank saw them together.. he looks... sad. Now I kinda feel sorry for him.
  • She hooked up with Kan, great! He's so handsome. Even hotter than Frank.
  • Nooo Laurel, Kan is much better for you!
  • Ok, maybe Frank and Laurel are super hot together. And cute. But, come on. He's a bit of a bad guy.
  • Oh, he really cares about her. Like, a lot...
  • Right, Kan is a thing. Almost forgot about him. After all that stuff happened.
  • Starting season 2: Frank and Laurel are still so hot for each other, omg. And he's shirtless. Damn, he is hot. How didn't I see that in season 1???
  • They're gonna fuck. Please have sex.
  • OH MY GOD, FRANK. MY HEART. WHY.
  • Ok, he's kinda right. Using him only for sex is not a nice thing.. and he has feelings for her! That's so amazing.
  • I miss scenes between them. Come on, I need more..
  • OH MY GOD HOT SEX IN AK'S BASEMENT. I live for this. Let's watch that scene again.
  • Uuuuh.. I'm in love with Charlie Weber.
  • DOMESTIC FRANK AND LAUREL. His family. I can't breathe anymore..
  • Just seeing them kiss makes me swoon. Basically any interaction.
  • Ok, they have a little fight, no problem. They can get through this.
  • And now they're insulting each other. MAP. Oh..
  • THEY JUST HELD HANDS. Or did I imagine this? *rewinds* NOPE, it's real! They're so cute.
  • Uhm.. I'm a huge Flaurel shipper. Yep.
  • More domestic Flaurel! Awwww!!
  • He's wearing an apron and looks hot af. Send help.
  • He wants to save their relationship from Annalise. I could actually cry.
  • "You taste like my sauce" I'm drowning in feels and happiness.
  • They are so hot. This isn't fair. I never meant to ship them this hard!!
  • Also, Karla calls Frank "bae" on Twitter, so I'm just so happy all the time.
  • Rewatching season 1 before the winter finale: But he's YOUR misogynistic ass!
  • "Frank's girl", hell yeah she is! But still, she's smart and really good at her job.
  • Oh, Kan. Yeah. I used to be really into you. Now you annoy me.
  • HE LOOKS SO SAD I'M DYING.
  • Seriously, Laurel, Frank is so much hotter.
  • KISS KISS KISS KISS!
  • AND HAVE SEX!
  • He loves her so much, I wanna die.
  • Now: I have to read all the fanfiction. Right now. And then I'm gonna rewatch all the Flaurel moments until HTGAWM returns. And reblog everything on tumblr. Perfect.
Watching TFA...
  • Poe: *shows up*
  • Me: I think I like this guy.
  • Poe: *does stuff*
  • Me: Yes, I like this guy. Like a lot.
  • Poe: *is missing*
  • Me: Oh my God. Is he ok?? Is he hurt??? Is he dead???? No!! He can't be dead!!! I mean, seriously?? He's about to show up, is he not? IS HE NOT????
  • Poe: *is still missing*
  • Me: No but seriously, where the hell is Poe?? WHERE IS HE??? He's dead, I know. Fuck.
  • Poe: *shows up again*
  • Me: OMG!!! IT'S HIM!!! POE!!! HE'S ALIVE!!!! POE!!! MY SON IS ALIVE!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!! POEEEEE!!!!!
  • Poe: *exists*
  • Me: *______* POE *______*

actuallypjo  asked:

ok omg new head canon feel free to add on but as a human he gets dyslexia and has to constantly spend ages re writing his poem for her but one day gets mad and just throws it in the bin and she notices and cries and I can't even what have I done

Oh gods… And so she just writes down whatever he speaks up, cause with every day his dyslexia gets worse and worse. And plus he likes her handwritting. “That makes my poems look even nicer that they actually are!”@absoluteapeltrash  @pjoracle

Oh my god I can't get over the MUTSUKI URIE moment

Like omg urie has been a complete prick to everyone up until now and he completely snaps and reveals how he’s truly feeling, finally, to Mutsuki and you know what he does?

Hugs Urie and tells him that it’s ok.

How fucking adorable is that? My heart oh my heart how it hurts…

And let’s not even talk about Hinami protected her brother like holy shit that was so cute and badass as fuck

Girl is either gonna fuck Seido up with her double kagunes or she’s gonna pull out the “I’m your superior bitch” card and tell him to fuck off

Either way I cannot wait I cannot wait