ALRIGHT MY DUDES I’M NOT GONNA BORE YOU WITH THE RABBIT HOLE I WENT DOWN TO FIND THIS BUT JUST LOOK AT IRL KEITH
His name is Ernie Reyes Jr. but he played a character named Keno (KENO?? KEITH?? COINCIDENCE?? I THINK NOT) in the 1991 movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (again, don’t ask how I got here)
He’s a pizza delivery boy that gets caught up in turtle shenanigans and literally only exists for one movie but please just look at him.
The black t-shirt, the bright red jacket, tHE MULLET. Did I also mention he’s Filipino because I could go for some Filipino!Keith headcanons like sign me the fuck up
AND WHAT’S THIS??? Have you always wanted to know what Keith would look like reacting to meeting cryptids irl well HERE YOU FUCKING GO. THROWBACK TO THE OG CRYPTIDS OF MY CHILDHOOD: GIANT RATMAN AND HIS GREEN DISCIPLES
Here’s him ready to fight a bitch in a tank top because he loves fisticuffs and is a hella good martial artist. Within the first like four minutes of the movie, he sees these dudes robbing a store and goes up to them ALONE telling them “you’re under arrest” HOLDING A BUNCH OF PIZZAS and attempts to take all of them out alone. I mean he beats the shit out of them but like then a bunch more guys come running out and then he’s like oH SHIT I DIDNT THINK THIS THROUGH but luckily the turtles come to save his ass.
Did I also mention that out of all the turtles he is most similar to Raphael? The red turtle. The most impatient and impulsive turtle. Always ready to fight. PLEASE. Also Raphael doesn’t really like him at first but then Keno suggests he use himself as bait to find the baddies and suddenly Raphael is like “I hate to agree with him but he’s gotta point.” So even though Splinter is like “TOO DANGEROUS” the two of them break off from the rest of the team and do the mission anyways (um) and accidentally find The Big Bad™ (uM) and then get into hot shit (UM) and Raphael sacrifices himself for Keno (UMMMMMMMMMM). But don’t worry Keno brings everyone back to save him.
And then later there’s a scene where Splinter tries to teach him how to meditate but Keno physically can’t do it and runs off to fight instead because fuck patience he needs to kick something. Here’s this idiot literally back flipping onto the stage to fight Shredder one-on-one like wtf he’s so extra™
He also had an action figure even though he was only in one movie and HOLY SHIT THIS IS MORE KEITH LIKE THAN THE KEITH ACTION FIGURE????
In conclusion: WHAT THE FUCK WAS KEITH DOING WITH THE NINJA TURTLES IN 1991?? IDK BUT I FOUND HIM
Alright, so I just recently listened to this and holy shit, I cannot believe that this was not posted anywhere else??? God this is a work of art and here’s why:
“This bitch is askin’ for someone to bring him to task, Somebody gimme some dirt on this asshole so we can at last unmask him” Damn TJeffs!!!! I just love how angry this dude gets!!!!
“He likes taxes so much, can we enact an asshole tax?” Okay, straight up, JMads whole verse is incredible. He starts of talking about how A.Ham and him started off as colleagues and worked together for the same issues, however, after working with him for a while, he realizes that A.Ham is wildly dangerous and seems to get his way most of the time, hence the title of the song. This is why I low-key always thought that JMads hates A.Ham slightly more than TJeffs.
“Let’s lower his stack in the eyes of the nation. With misinformation, first we diminish him, then we finish him!” Honestly, one of the great parts of the song. The rumors they spread! WHAT A DAMN MESS!!!!!
“I HEAR HE’S GEORGE WASHINGTON’S ILLEGITIMATE SON!” My damn senior quote!!!!!!!!! I literally shouted the first time I heard this, OMG!!! HOW WAS THIS NOT PART OF THE PLAY HOLY SHIT
“He wants to abolish slavery.” “That one’s actually true.”“NO”
I especially love how it is mostly a TJeffs and JMads song. Like no one else is it, but our favorite Southern Mother-Fucking Democratic-Republicans! This such a great song and I seriously think this is one of the greatest songs ever produced in the entire musical.
Dark in my imagination (Superbat, Clark’s POV) Completely out of character. I don’t know why I made this vid. I was planning to make in from Bruce’s point of view, but nope, didn’t happen. So it’s Clark now and I disagree with that interpretation, so let’s consider this au (maybe some red kryptonite au? who knows. not me). Really hot, wonderful au ;)