Loki: Greetings, my love. I have a surprise for you. I’m sure you’ll love it! Please wait in your room.
Y/N: Really?! Thank you! You shouldn’t have. What is it? Tell me please!
Loki: A surprise, love.
Y/N: Can’t I have a hint? Please, please, please!
Loki: Tony is going to have a fit when he sees it, that’s for sure. Ehehehehe!
Loki: I’m going to try and sneak it in. Give me 10 minutes.
Y/N: … You didn’t get me a bilgesnipe, right?
Loki: I considered it but we already have Thor, one is enough. It’s a midgardian animal however.
Y/N: DOG? CAT? BUNNY? PARROT? A STRAY CLINT?
Loki: No, my love.
Loki: At times I really do question your friendship with Barton…
Y/N: Speaking of which, he’s trying to enter the chat. What did you put the password as?
Loki: Don’t worry, he’ll never guess it.
Clint has joined the chat.
Loki: What sorcery….
Clint: Y/N WHY ARE YOU IGNORING MY TEXTS
Clint: I SENT YOU MEMES THAT I NEED YOUR APPROVAL ON
Clint: I FARMED THESE MEMES MYSELF
Clint: Get it? Because I have a farm.
Clint: You… are dating Loki?
Y/N: No! Who said that?
Loki: Er, why would you think that Y/N and I are courting?
Clint: “My love.” A private chat. Surprises! I’m deaf not blind!
Y/N: … We’re really close friends?
Clint: YOU ONLY TALK TO Y/B/F LIKE THAT!
Loki: I’m one of Y/N’s best friends?
Clint: YOU SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH!
Clint: I’M ONE OF Y/N’S BEST FRIENDS, YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT ONE OF THEM
Clint: Also what kind of stupid password is “LokiLaufeysonIsTheFutureAndRightfulKingOfAsgardWithHisQueenY/N”?
Y/N: Really babe, really?!
Clint: Seriously judging you, Loki.
Y/N: Of all the possible passwords!
Clint: At least add numbers to make it more challenging!
Loki: It’s a good password! Thor would never guess it!
Clint: Wait, wait, wait. We’re moving off topic. Y/N, how could you not tell me you’re dating this ice sculpture?
Y/N: I was going to! I was just waiting for the right time. Please don’t tell anyone yet! They’re not going to take it well.
Clint: You’re dating a psychopath, of course they won’t!
Loki: I’m not a psychopath,
I’m a highly functioning sociopath.
Clint: Don’t taint Sherlock!
Clint: So, I’m the only one who knows about this?
Loki: Yes, thank Odin.
Clint: It would be a shame
Clint: If the others found out
Y/N: DON’T YOU DARE!
Clint: If only there were donuts to keep my mouth shut
Clint: But there aren’t any…
Clint: Maybe I’ll add the team and ask them if they have any.
Y/N: How many do you want?
Clint: A DOZEN EVERY WEEK FOR THE NEXT 3 MONTHS!
Y/N: Loki, love. Get Clint some donuts, please?
Loki: … Fine.
Clint: And I want to go to Asgard.
Loki: I’ll see what I can do.
Clint: I want the fancy armor too!
Loki: Of course.
Clint: And your helmet.
Loki: Absolutely not!
Clint: Let’s ask the team how they’re doing, shall we?
Y/N: I hate you.
Clint: Love you too, Y/N.
Loki: The helmet is yours but nothing else! Do we have a deal?
Clint: Deal. Remember, hurt my lovely Y/N and you will regret it!
Thor has joined the chat.
Clint: I didn’t tell him.
Thor: Brother! You are courting Lady Y/N?!
Y/N: It’s a good password, you said. Thor would never guess it, you said.
Thor: How could you keep this from me! We are family!
Thor: Did you think I would not be happy for you?
Loki: Do you approve?!
Thor: Of course I do! Lady Y/N is a wonderful person, I could think of no one else better than her for you. Hearty congratulations brother!
Loki: I am surprised… Thank you… Brother.
Thor: But Lady Y/N, I must offer my most sincere and heartfelt apologies to you as my brother is far from wonderful.
Y/N: Don’t worry, Thoreo! Loki has been a marvelous boyfriend.
Clint: So far… And when he messes up, I will be there to fight him.
Loki: Why do you have a cute nickname for Thor…?
Loki: And dammit, Barton! I love Y/N. I would NEVER hurt her.
Thor: We must celebrate! I shall ask Stark to take us to one of the finest dining places on Midgard.
Y/N: THOREO NO
Loki: YOU OAF, DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE KNOW!
Thor has added Tony.
Thor: Better now than never!
Thor has left the chat.
Clint: I’m still getting my donuts despite Tony knowing, right?
Loki: … A chat?
Y/N: …. Surprise!
Tony: Did you cast a spell on Y/N? Is it blackmail? Y/N you can tell me!
Y/N: Tony. I know this must be hard to accept but… Loki and I are in love.
Tony: MY ARC REACTOR HURTS! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS
Y/N: He’s no longer the man who tried to take over New York and who threw you off a building. Give him a chance, please!
Loki: My love, I know that you are trying to resolve the situation, but perhaps try not to mention my past misdeeds?
Clint: Are we at the part where Tony shoots him with his little blasty things?
Tony has added Natasha, Steve, Bruce.
Clint: We’re all going to kick his ass? I’ll get my bow.
Loki: I thought you were on our side, Barton!
Clint: I still didn’t get my donuts.
Tony: Steve, do something!!
Natasha: I can’t believe I’m saying this but, I think their relationship is good.
Y/N: But Nat, you just found out?
Natasha: I’m a spy, remember?
Tony: Don’t… encourage them!
Natasha: Ever since they started dating, Loki has been nicer, more kind. Less creepy and evil. Which is really good for us.
Steve: Natasha has a point. I don’t think Loki would jeopardize his relationship with Y/N by trying to take over the world and he seems to love her a lot, I don’t think he’d do anything to hurt or upset her.
Tony: HAVE YOU PEOPLE GONE MAD?!
Clint: … Tony. I think we’ve entered an alternate dimension.
Y/N: Stevie, you’re taking this really well…
Steve: Natasha told me about you and Loki as soon as you two started dating.
Clint: BUT NOT ME??????????
Y/N: Awwww you guys, you knew this whole time and didn’t make a big deal about it unlike a certain bird and billionaire here. Thank you Nat and Stevie <3
Steve: Oh I’m trying my best not to punch Loki.
Nat: Not a day goes by when I don’t want to shoot him.
Loki: I can’t blame them.
Steve: But he makes you happy.
Nat: And you make him a better person, so we grudgingly approve.
Loki: Banner, you’re more quiet than usual…
Bruce: I’m just thinking.
Tony: He’s trying to think of ALL THE WAYS TO HURT YOU IF YOU HURT Y/N!
Bruce: Tony is right.
Loki: I will gladly accept becoming one with the floor if I dare hurt Y/N, which I would never.
Y/N: Soooooooo, now that everyone knows, can you all leave?
Tony: WE WILL NEVER GIVE YOU TWO PRIVACY AFTER THIS!
Y/N: Love, did you uh, manage to bring in my surprise?
Loki: Oh yes, ehehehehehehehehe.
Steve: When he laughs/types like that, it means he’s up to something bad.
Loki: I’m feeding it first and then I’ll bring it up to your room.
Tony: What surprise?
Tony: Feeding it?!
Tony: Look, we have enough strays. We took in Loki and Bucky, we can’t take in more.
Nat: What is it?
Bruce: I’m kinda curious too. Spill.
Scott has joined the chat.
Scott: WHY DOES LOKI HAVE A LEMUR
Scott: A LEMUR
Scott: Also, gross. Y/N, why him?
Y/N: DARLING, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE!
Y/N: NO SERIOUSLY, I’M QUITE CONFLICTED ABOUT THIS
Loki: I remembered how after watching that movie… Madagascar? You said you thought the lemur was cute. Do you not like it?
Clint: Can I pet it?!
Tony: NO WILD ANIMALS IN ME BASE
Scott: THIS LEMUR DOES NOT LIKE ME
Scott: I swear it wants to start a fight
Scott: DO YOU THINK I’M LYING
Scott: AIFPHWEH G GNLKREG
Scott has been disconnected.
Y/N: Is he okay?!
Loki: It attacked him.
Natasha: … I’m not breaking that fight up.
Clint: Who shall come out as the victor? Scott or King Julien II?
Bruce: Probably the lemur.
Tony: I guess we can keep the lemur? Just make sure to keep it out of the lab and my room.
Tony has left the chat.
Steve: I should help Scott…
Steve has left the chat.
Loki: What shall we name him, love?
Clint: I’VE ALREADY NAMED HIM
Y/N: Clint’s name is good.
Loki: Alright, we shall name him Clint.
Y/N: No, I meant King Julien II
Loki: Ehehehe Clint it is!
Clint: .. I’m kinda touched, not gonna lie. Clint Jr. So cute.
Bruce: So now we have a lemur, a raccoon, a hawk, an ant, two spiders, a panther and a falcon.
Bruce: … Can we get a penguin next?
Natasha has left the chat.
Bruce has left the chat.
Clint: What a great day.
Clint has left the chat.
Loki: Finally! I thought they’d never leave.
Y/N: If you’re done settling in Clint Jr. can you come to my room where I’ve been waiting for the past 20 minutes for you?
Loki: To thank me, I presume? ;)
Sam has joined the chat.
Sam has added Bucky.
Loki: STOP IT, YOU IMBECILES!
Sam: OF ALL THE HUNKS ON THIS TEAM,
Bucky: YOU CHOOSE HIM?
Sam: I’m insulted, Y/N.
Bucky: If you ever break up with him Y/N, you know where to find me.
Sam: And me.
Sam has left the chat.
Bucky has left the chat.
Loki: Would you be upset if I set Clint Jr. upon them?
Loki: Consider it, please.
Loki: Clint Jr. has stopped his attack on the bug man. See you soon, love.
↳ for being the most vivid and totally unforgettable character in the history of this show.
And, of course, I want to say big THANK YOU to Chris. Thank him for every Kai’s “stage”, for every emotion, for every second on our screens. Who knows what would have become this character without him.