omfg me and my fails

anonymous asked:

46? Something good ;)

46. Share a relationship story.

Something good? How about the infamous rash incident?

Ok so it was halloween and my girlfriend decided to stay over and at that point we’d been dating for 3 months but neither of our parents knew about it. But bc my mum doesn’t trust anyone I could potentially like, we weren’t allowed to sleep in my room and had to sleep in the lounge room, which is very open and right next to my parent’s room.

Anyway we were being all platonic and acting all casual just sneaking kisses when doors were closed or whatever and it was working great. Literally nobody was suspicious at all. When my parents went to bed we decided to make use of the darkness and the closed door to make out (of course) and as it got later to around 1/2am ish things might have maybe gotten a little bit slightly more heated but we didn’t get caught or anything so it was all g we got away with it, right?

The next morning we woke up and literally within a minute it was just “shit” because as I’m an idiot I’d somehow managed to leave hickeys all over their neck. It was bad. Very bad. To be fair tho, it’s not my fault that they’re pale as fuck. I do not have that problem. Stop being so easily bruised.

So my mum wakes up and we’re kinda going “shit fuck what do we do” and so we settle on the excuse “um I think I reacted with something in the middle of the night and I got a bad rash”

and my mother

who was a nurse for 8+ years

believed it.

She fussed around like “oh dear do you want me to get you some cream go have a shower and see if that helps” and meanwhile my life had just flashed before my eyes and I’m having a fucking heart attack bc I thought she’d know within seconds and I’d be dead but no apparently she has too much faith in me and still thinks I’m a little innocent angel. I’m so so sorry mother please never find out

So we made it through my family with no suspicion at all, but then my girlfriend goes home and their mum takes one look and goes “yeah no they’re hickeys” so surprise that’s how she found out we were dating (I think before she’d even met me).

You’d hope that it would end there but you have to remember that this happened on a saturday morning and we had school on monday. It’d faded a bit but it still looked bad and bc they’re a bloody social butterfly of course everyone knew, and also they also had to show up to work like that soooo it was a lot worse for them than me but I still cringe every time people bring it up. The photo makes me want to bury myself in a hole forever omfg

So many regrets.