Love cannot act as a substitute for respect in a marriage. They go hand in hand. When the tone you use with your spouse is the same one that you use for your children, you’re doing it wrong even if you love them.
Here is an exercise for your heart that could save your life spiritually:
1. Think of a family member, friend, or “enemy” that you know.
2. Imagine if you got a phone call that that person’s parent, spouse, or child has passed away.
3. Imagine if you heard they’d been a terrible car accident and might not make it.
4. Imagine if you heard they’d been diagnosed with a terminal disease.
5. Now think about what you would do?
6. Would you call them? Would you go to the hospital to hug them? Would you show up to the funeral of their family members?
7. Now think even worse, what if you heard that that person actually died.
8. Would you go to their funeral and cry knowing that your ego stopped you from working things out, and you have to live with that regret for the rest of your life?
9. Imagine if the next time you see that person is on the Day of Judgment.
10. Now ask yourself: Is it worth it? Should I really wait until one of the above happens?
The Prophet (peace be upon him) mentioned a man being from the people of Paradise simply because he cleaned his heart every night.
It’s time for you to clean yours…
Oh Allah, let our love for You overwhelm our hearts in such a way that they cannot contain poisonous hatred. Ameen
Sometimes the person that excites you most isn’t necessarily going to make the best husband or wife. It takes a lot to see past the glamor and glitter when you’re looking to get married and look for someone who’s going to be a loving companion that will stand by your side no matter what, and better you while also seeking to be bettered by you.
Domestic abuse isn’t always physical. While mentioning the rights of spouses the Prophet (pbuh) said “do not belittle them.” The tone in which you address your partner should be both loving and respectful, not antagonistic. Realize that your children may grow up to speak to their spouses rudely as a result of observing a poor role model, and even address you in like manner
Want to make your children love Islam? Show them how it makes you a loving husband to their mother or a loving wife to their father. You have no idea how much the quality of your marriage impacts the way they view your lifestyle and the lifestyle you’re trying to teach them.
It breaks my heart to see so many amazing young brothers and sisters not married. We need to find solutions for this crisis as a community and inshaAllah I think we are finally starting to move forward.
But in the meantime, my dear single brothers and sisters, know that there IS life outside of marriage and happiness outside of marriage. Practice patience and know that Allah is saving you for an amazing spouse either in this life or the next, but His promise is indeed true. Know also that a person who doesnt have Allah will be just as unhappy married as he/she is single, for that is the only void that cannot be replaced.My heart goes out to you guys, and I ask EVERYONE to pray for the people in our ummah trying to get married and do things halal.