olympic decathlon

3

The international sports power couple: husband Ashton Eaton and wife Brianne Theisen-Eaton.

Ashton won his second consecutive Olympic gold medal in the decathlon for Team USA while Brianne won an Olympic bronze medal in the heptathlon for Team Canada in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.

BOY MEETS WORLD SENTENCE STARTERS

“So I said to myself, ‘Kyle’ … that’s what I call myself.”
“I wasn’t sure this day would ever come, but you were.”
“I wasn’t sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were.”
“You were always strong and always sure.”
“Now I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. That’s what I’m sure of.”
“The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you.”
“It’s hard to imagine you as a boy.”
“Hmm, double d’s, just like your grades.”
“If my dolly’s cold, can I put her in the toaster oven?”
“I just thought we were having plastic for dinner.”
“I have a question that I’m going to need a yes or no answer to. How many people get into Yale each year?”
“I don’t wanna be empty inside any more.”
“I have never seen you screw up on anything. I’m the screw-up, remember? “
“I don’t do alone real good.”
“I don’t sweat, I glisten.”
“It was raining… you had an umbrella… I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat, and then I opened it. I Mary Poppinsed ya.”
“Now there’s only two people horribly dead here, that’s an acceptable loss.”
“Duckies are good, cuz not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed ‘em crackers and you can ride 'em.”
“Duckies are the horsies of the ocean.”
“I’m a kid. I don’t understand the emotional content of Full House.”
“My grades aren’t good enough to get me into college?”
“Your grades, my friend, aren’t good enough to get you a Slurpee.”
“You do your thing and I do my thing. You are you and I am I. And, if, in the end, we end up together, it’s beautiful.”
“She got sick and said that chicken soup would help her feel better. I told her it probably would. Then I went bowling.”
“I’ve come to a conclusion: Men are idiots.”
“It was one of those nights. You know the kind. Like day, but darker.”
“When did this school get a library?” 
“Everyday is a new adventure isn’t it?”
“Boy you are disgrace to this community, this country, and humanity in general!”
“The worst thing that ever happened when we were kids was that your Pop-Tart fell on the ground.”
“She goes away for the summer and comes back a woman.”
“Would you be my girlfriend?”
“ If I was only going to be alive for one more minute, I’d spend it looking in your eyes.”
“If you were only going to be alive for one more minute, I’d tell you to stop lookin’… and start kissin’.”
“I believe in love like I believe in God: you can’t touch it, you can’t see it, but you can feel its wrath.”
“Why does everything have to haunt us for the rest of our lives?”
“Book 'em, good-lookin’.”
“Life’s tough, get a helmet.”
“Is this stuff supposed to be burning?”
“I’m no rocket scientologist.”
“I think it’s the opposite of funny. I think it’s… wood.”
“Look at me, I’m breakin’ the law.”
“I never asked to be the man in this relationship.”
“With this outfit and this hair? Hello, buh-bye, I am SO at the mall.”
“I have you. I have you by your ovaries.”
“I just want to have my picture taken, so I can send it to my grandma so she sends me a check.”
“Hey, be careful. Not that I care.”
“Love is the most rare and precious thing in the whole world.”
“I married a moose.”
“I’m a damsel, but not the distressed kind – one who’s totally calm and in complete control of her own destiny.”
“If stupidity were in the Olympics, you’d win a Nobel Prize.”
“It’s against the Geneva Detention Convention.”
“How come last night you kept me waiting for 20 minutes outside your house?”
“How come you parked outside my house, honked the horn, and didn’t come in?”
“I’m sorry I disrupted the class and killed everyone.”
“I have got something incredible to tell you. But for security reasons, I am going to use our code.”
“There’s no such thing as good news until I’ve had my Grape Nuts.”
“We’re gonna have a child? Wait, we’ve only kissed. I mean, I knew I was a good kisser, but wow.”
“How do you accidentally kiss someone? Did she slip on a rug, and your lips broke her fall?”
“I walk alone in this world… Alone I walk… Except for the grilled cheese sandwich in my pocket.”
“I told her I was training for the Olympic decathlon.”
“A girl wrote seven numbers on my hand. What could this possibly mean?”
“You have a very large head. I don’t know why I married you.”
“That was then, this is… not then.”
“Chickens in the hallway. Chickens in the hallway. Somebody must have let 'em loose as the official senior prank. Look at 'em. Look at 'em. Oh, look at the chickens. Oh my gosh, this is crazy. I wonder which crazy senior though this up, huh? This is nuts.”
“Wait a second, the killer’s dead. We’re off the hook.”
“I think that he knows we’re too old for detention to scare us like it did when we were little kids right, so he’s turned this school into a total chamber of horrors.”
“There’s blood on the black board. I don’t think it’s because he ran out of chalk!”
“I’m real screwed up.”
“We’re supposed to see other people..” 
“I’m supposed to see other people, you’re supposed to wait until I die.”
“How do we really know the light bulb goes off when you close the refrigerator?”
“I don’t want to have feelings for another girl.”
“It’s great to be so in touch with my feminine side.”
“I’m gonna get in touch with her feminine side.”
“I think you’re beautiful on the inside.”
“Do you know why a husband talks to his wife before doing something? So she can tell him what a stupid idea it is.”
“Something bad happened, but for the very first time you’re not responsible.”
“When one mocks someone, one should wait until they’re not looking right at them.”
“Who carries these things around? What did you do, dig up your grandfather and pick his pocket?”
“So, do you know what the best part of being a virgin is?”
“I’ve seen you in gym class. Wear pants.”
“Why can’t geography be like history? We always win World War Two, Lincoln always gets shot…”
“There are co-ed bathrooms. Girls shower in there, NAKED!”
“You gave me bad advise in a dream!”
“I am not responsible for dream me!”
“It’s like we share the same brain.”
“That was the longest time out I’ve ever had.”
“I went behind your back and stole your girl.”
“So, what’s it like to have that kind of money?”
“I’m hitting my head. I’m hitting the northern-most part of my head.”
“There’s a dark side to a bake sale too, isn’t there? Fat. Cholesterol. What about that?”
“She’s got style. She’s got elegance. She’s got parents.”
“Canadians skate. How hard could it be?”
“I know what you’re saying and I’m winking right back at you.”
“I do believe your resolve is weakening, my little kumquat.”
“Is it okay, if I rip off your head, and roll it down the hallway?”
“If every marriage failed except one, I guarantee you that one would be ours.”
“I’d kill you, but I can’t move.”
“Gotta love Halloween. It really brings people together.”

So my dad and I were talking and it’s really no doubt that Batman would kick Capital America’s ass in a fight because of all of Batman’s technology. However, what if the two of the fought naked? No this is not some weird gay sex fancy of mine but more of extreme curiosity of mine. There would be no shield or batarangs or armor. The more you think about it the cooler this fight seems to look. I’m a marital artist so I respect both fighters skill but we all know Batman far out skills Captain America but is Captain America’s strength and speed enough to even out the fight? I’d love to see the fight (not because the rules are that both men must be named). So let’s look over the skills and abilities of both characters then plug it into the computer fight simulator program to see who is the true victor

BATMAN: 6'2" 210lbs
Abilities
* Indomitable Will: Although he has no superhuman powers, Batman’s unstoppable determination and strength of will make him an extremely formidable opponent. This makes him able to function while tolerating massive amounts of physical pain, and also allows him to resist telepathy or mind control. His willpower is strong enough to operate a Green Lantern Ring when necessary.
* Intimidation: It is widely known that Batman has the ability to instill fear in others, even the people that know him best are intimidated by him. Even those who aren’t afraid of the likes of Superman fear Batman. His ability to inspire great fear made him eligible for induction into the Sinestro Corps, although he was able to fight off the power ring’s control.
* Interrogation: Batman is adept in interrogation techniques, often using law enforcement methods as well as torture. Several methods seen include hanging a person over the edge of a building by one leg or chaining a person upside down and beating them. He usually just plain uses his frightening appearance to get answers. “Fear is an excellent motivator” he once said.
* Peak Human Conditioning: Through intense training, specialized diet, and biofeedback treatments, Batman represents the pinnacle of human physical prowess. His physical attributes exceeded that of any Olympic level athlete that has ever completed. Strength, speed, stamina, agility, reflexes and coordination are at peak human perfection. Batman began his physical and mental conditioning when he was 11 and then intense physical training and weight lifting at age 12. He has mastered full body control by the time he was 18. Bruce Wayne, since the age of 15, has created a strict diet to enable his body to develop and operate at its most proficient, along with biofeedback treatments (using portable/non portable machines to stimulate muscles to contraction). Batman has performed amazing physical feats due to his superior physique. He engaged in an intensive regular regimen of rigorous exercise (including aerobics, weight lifting, gymnastics, and simulated combat) to keep himself in peak condition, and has often defeated opponents whose size, strength, or other powers greatly exceeded his own. He has spent his entire life in pursuit of physical perfection and has attained it through constant intensive training and determination.
* Peak Human Strength: Batman regularly bench-presses at least 1000 lbs. during his exercise routine.
* Peak Human Reflexes: Bruce’s reflexes were honed to such a degree that he has caught one of Green Arrow’s arrows in mid flight when he tried to shoot him. He has also been able to dodge point blank gunfire.
* Peak Human Speed: He could run at speeds comparable to the finest competing athletes.
* Peak Human Endurance: His endurance was comparable to that of the finest Olympic Decathlon participant. His lung capacity was so great that he could hold his breath underwater for 3 minutes and 15 seconds. He can survive in the airless vacuum of space for exactly 27 seconds.
* Peak Human Agility: His agility was greater than that of a Chinese acrobat and an Olympic gold medalist gymnast. His main phase of movement was Parkour which he learned in France and used that to scale the cities rooftops in an acrobatic manner.
* Acrobatics: He is proficient in gymnastics and acrobatics.
* Martial Arts: Bruce is well trained in multiple martial arts, he is known as the man who has mastered 127 forms of martial arts. His primary form of combat is an idiosyncratic admixture of Tae Kwon Do, Judo, Muay Thai, Dragon Style Kung Fu, Boxing, Jujitsu, Ninjitsu and Capoeira.
* Weaponry: Through his martial arts training, he has become an expert on all melee weapons. Wayne has displayed exceptional sword fighting capability and proficiency with knives, sticks and various other weapons. He practices during his combat sessions to keep his skills intact, but he prefers unarmed combat.
* Stealth: His Ninjutsu training has made him a master at stealth and capable of breaching high security facilities without being detected.
* Marksmanship: Wayne is an expert marksman skilled. He is skilled with throwing projectile weapons, archery and firearms. He has been practicing such skills since the early days of his training and is almost on par with the Green Arrow in terms of accuracy.
* Genius Level Intellect: Batman is a brilliant, virtually peerless, detective, strategist, scientist, tactician, and commander; he is widely regarded as one of the keenest analytical minds on the planet. Given his lack of superpowers, he often uses cunning and planning to outwit his foes, rather than simply “out-fighting” them.
* Polymath: He has studied Biology, Technology, Mathematics, Physics, Mythology, Geography and History. Gained degrees in Criminal Science, Forensic Sciences, Computer Sciences, Chemistry and Engineering by the time he was 21. He has mastered Diverse Environmental Training, Security Systems, and illusion/sleight of hand by the time he was 23. He gained even more degrees in Biology, Physics, Advanced Chemistry, and Technology by the time he was 25. He had learned Forensic Sciences, Medical Sciences, Expanded Computer and Engineering Sciences, and Expanded Device Pool use of personal powered armor and system, database creation on underworld crime bosses, rogue’s gallery foes and other supervillains; improved material sciences for body armor and micro-machinery by the time he was 26. Has also learned Advanced New Development in Forensic and Medical Sciences.
* Eidetic Memory: Batman has total recall and can remember anything in great detail.
* Investigation: He is widely considered as the World’s Greatest Detective, capable of observation, forensic investigation, and inductive and deductive reasoning of the highest caliber. Human intuition is an unlearnable trait and one of Batman’s most effective tools. Given any mystery, he can arrive at the correct conclusions with a fraction of the data.
* Multilingualism: He is able to speak Spanish, French, Latin, German, Japanese, English, Russian, Cantonese, Mandarin, Greek, Portuguese, Arabic, Sanskrit, Hindi, Thai and possibly more.
* Tactical Analysis: He commonly utilizes cunning tactics to outwit his foes. He is an excellent leader and at times commands the Justice League and the Outsiders, Batman is known as one of the greatest strategists and tacticians in the dc universe, and once even Aquaman stated the same.
* Leadership: He is known for having great leadership. He is leader of the Outsiders, the Bat Family and Batman Incorporated. Also he is in charge of his whole company.
* Escapology: He has been described as second only to Mister Miracle as an escape artist. He has been seen escaping from a Posey straitjacket in less than 52 seconds, and remarked afterwards that the time was way too slow for him.
* Driving: Bruce is proficient at driving many vehicles like cars, motor bikes, trucks and he is also skillful at driving jets, helicopters and auto boats and small ships.
* Tracking: Trained in hunting techniques by African Bushmen (the Ghost Tribes of the Ten-eyed Brotherhood, among others).
* Disguise: Has mastered the art of disguise by the time he was 23. Has further learned expanded disguise techniques by the time he was 26. Batman has many aliases he uses to infiltrate the underworld or just to go undercover in public situations. His current aliases are: Matches Malone, Thomas Quigley, Ragman, Detective Hawke, Sir Hemingford Grey, Frank Dixon, Gordon Selkirk, and Mr. Fledermaus.
* Mechanical Aptitude: Proficient at combat driving. Has learned improved vehicle designs. Was trained and proficient in basic vehicles operations.
* Business Management: Bruce Wayne has extensive skills and experience in business management, has thorough understanding of financial marketing and management and is often known as a example of successful industrialist and businessman on par to Lex Luthor.
Strength level
* Peak Human Strength: Batman engages in an intensive exercise regimen, and because of this, his strength, like all other physical attributes, is at the peak of human perfection. He is shown to be able to bench-press at least 1000 lbs.


CAPTAIN AMERICA: 6'2" 240lbs
Abilities

Master Tactician and Strategist: Rogers is an accomplished strategist. He had been widely considered one of, if not the greatest, tacticians on the planet, both on and off the battlefield. He is able to formulate battle strategies and his brilliant tactical sense allows him to alter any strategy to fit the changing need of the situation.

Master Martial Artist: He is an expert in hand-to-hand combat being very skilled in multiple martial arts through his training in military combatives and instruction under various private instructors (he may have learned most of his initial knowledge from WW2 trainers such William Fairbairne and Rex Applegate who pioneered most the methods utilized in that period). Rogers utilizes Boxing, Judo and various other disciplines with his gymnastics ability creating a style that suits his strengths and enables him to use his knowledge to the best of his ability. He is considered one of the finest martial artists on Earth.

Master Shieldmanship: His years of training and experience with his unique shield, as well as its physical properties, allow him to accomplish amazing feats with the item. Aside from bashing foes and blocking incoming attacks, he is able to throw it with nearly perfect aim. Rogers can hit multiple targets with the same throw by means of ricochet, and could even achieve a boomerang-like return effect, allowing him to strike enemies from behind or retrieve the shield without objects to ricochet from.

Advanced Military Operator: He is well-versed in all Armed force disciplines including intelligence gathering, escape arts, assassination, demolition, survival tactics, hunting, swimming, mountaineering, march/drill skills, map making and reading, decoding cipher and other secret code messages, reading and making wood craft signs and other secret code languages, disguising, interrogation, computers, explosives, communication systems, vehicles and electronic appliances used in armed forces.

Master Acrobat: His years of training and experience have made him an expert acrobat, gymnast, and aerialist. He often utilizes these talents in combat for both evasive and offensive purposes.

Indomitable Will: Rogers is a very strong-willed person. He is able to overcome most forms of temptation and resist the effects of extreme pain, drugs and toxins to a great extent. Rogers accepts his own mortality, and refuses to rob any sapient being of their freedom. During the Destiny War, he destroyed the Forever Crystal, deciding it was too dangerous to exist, despite the many benefits of its power. Rogers is also capable of resisting all forms of mind control; only the strongest willed individuals have a chance of enslaving him.

Professional Sketch Artist: He has great artistic skill which he developed from childhood. Rogers often worked as a freelance illustrator and sketch artist even loaning his skills to the NYPD for a time. He enjoys drawing and does so with his free time.

Expert Marksman: He can throw most projectile weaponry with great aim and is well-versed in the use of firearms, though he prefers not to use them.

Expert Swordsman: Steve is proficient with swords and staffs, but is more comfortable with his shield.

Weapons Proficiency: He does not typically utilize weapons other than his shield, but in desperate situations he wields additional weapons to ensure victory. He is proficient in wielding swords, daggers, throwing knifes, staffs, sticks, tonfa, axes, maces and even firearms.

Multilingual: Rogers is fluent in English, German, Russian, Spanish, Japanese, at least some French, and some Italian. He might be lingual in other languages.

Expert Vehicular driver: He is proficient in driving cars, motorcycles, trucks, jets, tankers, helicopters, motorboats, submarines, and some types of trains and utility vehicles.

Strength level

He has been known to overhead press 800 lbs, but had also bench-pressed 1,200 lbs and curled 500 lbs. He is cited as having the strength of 10 men[citation needed] and had himself once stated that he has the strength of half a platoon of fighting men. The average man is capable of lifting his own body weight, around 180 lbs, so Captain America potentially could be able to lift ten times that weight. He had been referenced at least twice as having preternatural strength, but it seems to say that 1,200 pounds is his limit; however, that is still beyond that of an ordinary human.

Classification in handbook bios reference Steve as peak human. He is often referenced as being a “Super Human”, “Super Man”, and even being “beyond man”

So the numbers have come out. Batman’s number score is 1,555,420. While Captain America’s is 1,055004. The winner is Batman with the the chances of him losing are 1 out of 3 (really 1 out of 2.948652327384541 but I rounded)

I’m actually kinda glad, I’m kinda a sucker for Batman anyway