Pssst…when Oliver’s not wearing green he likes to wear blue because Felicity said he looks good in blue as it brings out his eyes. Bonus: she told him this while he was doing push-ups and distracting her from work. Pass it on.
So this would by my dream chat between Oliver and Felicity in say 5x20. This has no chance in hell of happening but hey it made me feel so much better! Enjoy!
“That door still makes a lot of noise doesn’t it?” she lightly
hollered from her seated position along the dust laden floor. He stopped
at the midway of the once often used stairs. The time spent unused made them
feel weak as if time itself had caused the iron to rot from the inside. Her red
rimmed eyes flew towards as he lumbered downward; in turn he gazed at her
sadly. Her once bright eyes no longer lit up when he entered the room, now they
flickered with despair at the state of their once unbreakable bond.
His nose crinkled slightly in faded humor, “Felicity you
know the entire police department is looking for you right?”
He watched her head tilt in disinterest, “You know I never
noticed how damp and dark this place actually was…I guess it takes a change
of perspective to see what’s really there doesn’t it?”
Oliver held back a pained sighed, “How drunk are
She hiccupped but it wasn’t the one he’d expected, “I’m
sober Oliver or should I say Ollie since he’s the person you’ve become since
you chose to fight for a relationship with Susan.”
He padded down the few remaining hard steps and didn’t reply
until his feet were over the hard, cold, and still wet cement of the old lair’s
unforgiving floors. “So you’re starting with the cheap shots I
She snapped her head and glared darkly, “No, I’d just
rather avoid another pointless conversation with a man I barely know.”
He shoved his nervous fingers into his pockets and crossed the
empty room. She kept her rigid body pressed against the furthest pillar as he
himself used to do. Her usually perfect blonde hair was now almost dirty
blonde, her nails were chipped, her cuticles were bleeding along the sides, and
her skin was pale. “I didn’t come here to hurt you Felicity, I just came
to talk,” he breathed in torment as the light flickered above her face.
She shot those dark, grey, stormy eyes at him for a moment
before they fell back to her knotted fingers. Her once brightly colored lips
now cracked as she curved them into a dark smile, “Hmmm now you want to
talk. Isn’t that just great,” she sneered snidely.
“The new lineup could use a little more green, Hoss,” says Rene.
“I’m not quite there yet,” Oliver says. “But I’m thinking that with this team behind me, it’ll be sooner rather than later.”
“Well, good,” says Felicity. “Not that black isn’t a great look on you and all, but I prefer the green.”
Oliver smiles, turning to Felicity, just as the rest of the team murmur their goodbyes and begin to disperse from the room.
“I do too,” Oliver admits, “but it’s too soon.”
“That’s okay,” Felicity says. “Take your time.”
“You mean with the hood or with what Chase did to me?”
She considers. “Both. But, uh, speaking of which, your tussle with Anatoly may have worsened your injuries, so for the love of God, if you’re not going to see an actual doctor can you at least let me check on your wounds?”
Oliver chuckles faintly, unzipping his jacket to reveal his bandaged chest. “Sure.”
Soooo this was going to be a “5 + 1” fic but I really gotta work on my project now, boo. but I wanted to send you what I had :) so here’s three parts! I tried to write from Icarus’s point of view this time… not sure how great I did lol anyway I hope you like it though :)
Icarus is taking four classes this term; the standard for a full-time student. He also signed up for a handful of extracurricular activities, not many, but enough to keep him involved. He’s discreetly in the student LGBTQ+ club, though he doesn’t often speak up. And of course, astronomy club, which is the thing he lives for every week.
He also has five separate jobs, that require his efforts at various times of the day/week. Between the five of them, Icarus manages to make enough money to keep his monthly bills in check, as well as taking a chunk off of the cost of tuition. He’s not rich, for sure, but frankly, it’s enough for him to keep his head above water (a phrase that’s always made him shudder, for some reason), and not burden his family with debt.
So many jobs, classes and extracurriculars requires Icarus to keep a detailed schedule on his refrigerator so he can keep track of where he’s supposed to be and when.
Tragically, this becomes his undoing, as certain other individuals also consult this schedule at their leisure to determine how and where to find him and maximize their pestering.
I haven’t been around for the last few episodes so I sorta missed doing my standard bullet point list. So let’s do that again, shall we?
I have PTSD from Oliver on snowy mountains.
I feel like the stuff Talia told Oliver should be shocking but it’s not shocking. Thanks, spoilers!
Oliver going directly to confront Adrian is kinda hot and amazing.
Now that you mention it Adrian, he DOES look tired. Are you getting sleep, Oliver?
Felicity touring Helix is interesting but I just feel “doom doom DOOM!” with every footfall.
I don’t like Helix. I don’t like the Helix girl (I can never remember her name). I’m the physical representation of this emoji: 🙅
Adrian being super creepy is super working for me. I was concerned about him as Prometheus before but my fears have been assuaged.
Nope, still don’t give a rats ass about Snoozan.
Did it literally take Oliver a whole week to realize she was kidnapped? They can’t still be together, can they? He would have known, right?
Oliver concerned about where Felicity is is my jam.
Watching Oliver spin his wheels during this episode is also my jam.
He makes a lot of stupid decisions tho. Namely: going to Adrian’s house. Also: bringing Doris to the confrontation at the end.
Soon as she showed up I KNEW Adrian was gonna kill her. I thought he’d snap her neck but he went for the knife in the gut. Eh, it works.
When Felicity DOES show up in the bunker, Oliver asks to speak to her alone.
Felicity says she likes to get her tongue lashings in private and I immediately burst into flames. Why do I let them do this to me.
Oliver’s worried about her. HER. He knows she’s hiding something and he’s concerned about it. He radiates concern. It’s beautiful.
Felicity gets that but she wants to keep hiding the Helix thing so she basically says “let’s put a pin in this for now”.
She asks him to trust her and he does readily and I am SO LOVING the shoes being on the other feet.
Adrian’s name is Simon. Meh. I’m gonna keep calling him Adrian until they tell me to stop.
Felicity goes to Helix for help in finding Susan and they want tit for tat which is so very Bratva. I love it. So Felicity does illegal things and Curtis gets scandalized like a little old lady.
There’s a lot of taunting about Oliver killing Adrian in this episode. Which of course means he won’t kill him. He can’t. This season is showing that all these problems, even TALIA, is because he’s killed. Makes sense the answer is: stop killing.
The pep talk from Dig was glorious and I need about 500% more of those in the coming weeks.
Oliver is worried he’s a monster. Dig is showing him how to hold onto his humanity. This will be key, I feel.
I also see more seeds of Oliver merging his personas and coming out as the Green Arrow being sown.
Oliver barely glances at Susan after he frees her. So much warmth. So much affection. So much for him giving more than the bare minimum shit for her.
Stupid decision #3 (there’s probably more in this ep but work with me): not realizing that Susan was just bait to draw him in so Talia and Adrian could kidnap Oliver. LE SIGH.
Felicity being willing to burn the world to find Oliver and get him back is SO VERY MUCH MY JAM.
Next week is gonna be rough but I’m also kind of excited for it. What a crazy way to feel. Welcome back, Arrow. We’ve missed you.
Summary: Based off of 5x12 Bratva episodes. Later that night, she crawls into his bed, and whispers “Can you give me this one night, Oliver?” But then he looks at her clear blue eyes, that are pleading with him, and he knows that he’ll do anything she asks of him.
Aka what I wish would have happen. Susan also does not exist in this fic.
AN: This fic is for the Olicity Valentine smut a thon my prompt was “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
They make their way back to the secret ARGUS house, Rory and Curtis are singing like two drunk merry men and Oliver looks across at Diggle both of them exchanging a small smile of amusement. Dinah comes into view her eyes trained on the two drunk men who are walking into the house or at least trying to. They both stop to bow at the large fern that’s standing next to the front door.
“I’ll keep an eye on Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, tonight.” Dinah says with a dry tone, her eyes trained on both men. Things are still so new with her and the team but Oliver is glad that not only she gets along with everyone on the team, but they have already starting looking out for each other. It makes him feel like he’s done something right for a change.”I suspect you have your own problems to deal with.”
At her comment Oliver frowns, both he and Diggle turn their heads to the right, and sure enough there is Felicity currently swirling in the spot arms raised in the air as she dances to the beat of her own song.
The corner of Oliver’s lips tick up in amusement, the fact that she’s dancing gives him a big clue to her level of drunkenness. She’s at that happy medium where her body is light as a feather and everything seems blissful but she’s still aware of herself and more importantly her surroundings, not that the team would let anything happen to her. Oliver is very familiar with this Felicity, his smile doesn’t go unnoticed by either Diggle or Dinah cause Diggle only rolls his eyes in response.
“She did say you would deal with her.” Dinah says in amusement, it’s the first time Oliver has ever seen the woman smile so brightly, “Well she didn’t say that exactly. She said ‘Oliver would put me to bed’.”
At her words Oliver’s ears pink up, and he tears his gaze away from Felicity to look at the other woman, who is now outright smirking at Oliver, “The moment I met her, I knew there was a story there. You’ll have to tell me about it one day, for now you’ve got other concerns…why is she sitting on the cold wet floor?”
Oliver whips around and sure enough, Felicity is sitting on cold gravel, brushing away the dirt on her grey coat, “Crap, she’s gonna fall asleep on the ground.”
He can hear Dinah protesting at the notion, but her protest die on her lips when she sees Felicity lean forward on her knees looking very much like she’s actually getting comfortable. Oliver shakes his head, taking two quick strides and hooks his hands under her armpits pulling her to her feet with little protests from his sleepy drunken blonde.
“Hey, let’s get you inside.” Oliver whispers softly, hand sliding to her waist to steady her, but Felicity seems to not care that for the space that he’s putting between them and she practically curls around him, her hands wrapping around his waist.
“You’re very pretty, Oliver.” Felicity declares loudly, her face smushed against his chest.
“Oliver.” Diggles calls out with a warning tone, “Maybe I should take her.”
“Hey! It’s my diggle-nator!” Felicity says with delight and Oliver has to grab hold of her waist when she almost tips forward to look around Oliver to see Diggle.
This time his brother does crack a smile, greeting Felicity warmly. Diggle then turns to Oliver, his face sobering, “Be careful.”
summary: How do you break a man that is already so very broken? You break the love of his life, of course. (prompt by @chlodeckers ) a/n: [rubs my hands together evilly] So, I might have taken this prompt to an even dark place than originally intended, but… that’s just the kind of person I am. I hope y’all enjoy it anyway.
warnings: depictions of violence & torture (altho i tried not to be too graphic)
Felicity had been working endlessly for the last two weeks. She was using every spare minute she had to look for Oliver, which wasn’t many. Helix had her working overtime to make up for the resources she was using. It felt like she was never going to get the chance to really look for Oliver and it was driving her crazy. She knew that signing on to Helix was like signing her soul away. It might look like she was stupid for joining them, but she knew that they had what she needed to find Oliver. And that was the most important thing.
She was just so tired now. Emotionally and physically drained. The thought that she might not find him, might not to get to tell him that she loves him, it haunted her every moment. She couldn’t even remember the last time that she actually slept past a few minutes of dozing at her desk. Not that she could seriously entertain the idea of sleeping while Oliver was missing.
At nearly four in the morning, she left Helix’s home base to go back to the bunker. She hadn’t been in the loft for awhile. It didn’t feel right. It hadn’t felt right since she and Oliver had broken up, but now there was something so cold and empty about their once home. She didn’t care that the bunker was destroyed either. It did hurt to see the place trashed. It’d happened before, but this time it was by Oliver’s hands. The pain and anger he must have felt at the time was enough to make her chest ache.
As she reached her car, she fumbled with her keys. She probably shouldn’t have been driving, but she couldn’t very well sleep in the car. The keys slipped out of her hands and on to the ground.
“Fuck,” she muttered.
Before she even got the chance to bend down and pick them up, she felt a sharp pain in her back. It made her gasp and fall forward onto the car.
“What the hell…” she reached behind her and grabbed onto what felt like one of Oliver’s tranquilizers.
Warnings: angst, angst, no cursing this time though I guess
Author’s Note: What is with me and the angst lately? Goodness, Enoch deserves better than this. Alex Summers deserves better than what I’ve been writing for him to. I’ve gotta add more fluff for these two.
Enoch’s heart drops when he sees you fall to the ground. One second, the snow is flying up around the holos at your command, and the next, you’ve dropped. The smile is wiped from Enoch’s face when he sees your body lying there with the dead holo and skeleton bones.
“We, we have to go, Enoch.” Olive says sadly as she to pull Enoch from your fallen body and into the loop. The boy just huffs, coming to his decision, “Well, I’m not leaving her here.” Shaking her head, Olive puts her hand on his shoulder, “There’s nothing we can do for her.”
Deep down, he knows, but he refuses to believe it, hoisting you in his arms and making his way to the horror house. “I said I’m not leaving her, Olive.” He grunts out as he carries you. knowing this is a fight she won’t win, Olive sighs sadly and gives Jake a hug before entering the horror house.
When Enoch stops at him, Jake holds his breath for a moment, the two speaking at the same time.
“I’m sorry I dragged her into this.”
“Do well for yourself, Jake.”
Jake’s eyes widen in surprise at Enoch’s words, his lips still stammering for words as he walks off with a curt nod.
Everyone watches silently as Enoch passes, your limp and paling body in his arms. Struggling to keep his composure, he gently sets you down in the barren room that once held an army of skeletons. “Wait here just a second, okay? I’m gonna fix this.” He says, kissing your cold forehead and shuffling quickly to the last jar he had left.
Enoch gets back to you, the heart heavy in his hand. “I’m just gonna stitch you up a bit.” He says, voice wavering. He doesn’t notice everyone peeking in from the doorway with sad, leaking eyes. Working through sniffles, Enoch wipes his hands on his pants and plants a kiss to your lips softly, “I love you. Please wake up.”
He scoots back, rising to his feet. It has been 15 seconds and you haven’t moved yet. Enoch is just about to lose hope when your eyes open and you pull yourself to your feet. Plastic smile on your face and blood staining your dress, you turn to face Enoch.
As soon as your eyes meet, he drops to the ground in a heap of sobs. This isn’t you. You’re really dead, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Claire comes running in first, not noticing the severity of the situation. All she knows is that Enoch is crying and he always gave her a hug when she was crying.
Noticing his sadness, you make your way over to him, “Shh. It’s okay Enoch. Everything is going to be okay.” His sobs only grow stronger as he throws his arms around your waist, the blood getting on his face not phasing him, because he’s going to have to lose you all over again. And honestly, there’s only so much death he can take.
I just can’t seem to
break away from this damn show. It is a five+ year investment. It has gotten
under my skin. It is in my blood. Maybe I shouldn’t even try anymore. Writing
Arrow/Olicity fiction brings me small comforts in uncomfortable times. So be
I wrote this story in
flight from Alaska down to San Diego. I was looking for something to do to pass
the time. Reading wasn’t working. Playing games wasn’t either. Instead, I came
up with the following story.
I need to stop.”
stopped and turned back to look at Felicity. They had been running in the
tunnels beneath Star City for over an hour, managing to stay ahead of the
ACU—just barely. Oliver could their boots stomping behind him, echoing off
the tunnel walls like ghosts. They were no more than 15 minutes behind Oliver
and Felicity, and they could smell blood.
morning, Susan had gone on air and reported to the world Oliver’s connection to
the Bravta, and then she dropped the real bombshell and ousted Oliver as the Green
Arrow. She had detailed information on him, (mostly provided to her by Prometheus)
leaving no doubt as to the authenticity of her claim. The woman was in a fever
pitch as she made her report, and as Oliver and Felicity watched the newscast
from the Bunker, they both could see and hear anger in Susan’s voice.
after Susan finished her reveal, and before the cameras turned off, a sniper’s
bullet hit her between the eyes. Blood and bone fragments splattered the podium
she stood at and sent shock waves throughout the city. Everybody immediately assumed
that Oliver was the shooter, given the information Susan had just related. The SCPD
and ACU were dispatched to seek out and apprehend the now defrocked Mayor
Oliver Queen. Oliver suspected that with
the ongoing manhunt for Green Arrow over Detective Malone’s murder, that this
public execution of Susan Williams would motivate the police to ignore the apprehend
directive and put Oliver in their cross hairs. Oliver and Felicity were shocked
at this turn of events and Oliver felt a certainty come over him that
Prometheus would further add to all this by revealing the location of the
Bunker, probably through an anonymous tip.
right in his instinct and he told Felicity that the Bunker was now compromised.
They needed to get out of there.
looked at Felicity as they stopped the mad pace he had set for them. She was
bent over, panting and teetering from exhaustion. His heart broke as he watched
her struggle to catch her breath. When they left the Bunker on the Ducati,
Felicity’s arms tightly clutching around Oliver’s waist, his plan was to try
and make it to the chamber he had found 2 years earlier, an off-shoot of the
old subway system that used to run beneath the city. It was a small compartment
furnished by the builders, a place they used for breaks and rest during the
grueling work. It was not on any map or city plans and Oliver knew that if he
could make it there ahead of the ACU’S pursuit, he and Felicity would have a
temporary safe haven.
continued to look at Felicity and he fought against the urge to go to her, to
enfold her in his embrace. But now was not
the time for tenderness and intimacy. It was time for survival.
he spoke to her. “We can’t stop yet. They are right behind us and catching up. We
have to keep going. The chamber is only 10 minutes away. We will be safe there
until I can figure out what we’re going to do.”
up and looked back at Oliver. There was dirt and grime streaked on her face and
clothes. Her ponytail had come undone and her blond hair lay limp and plastered
to the sides of her face, dampened by the condensation in the tunnels. Oliver
also saw fear and defeat filling her eyes.
Felicity started to say, and then she collapsed down to the rough stone floor
of the tunnel.
went to her, lifting her into his arms. Felicity’s breathing was shallow and
Oliver softly brushed her damp hair away from her face. He secured his hold on
her, then turned back around and started running again, hoping he would reach
the secret chamber before the ACU caught up and open fired.
Felicity made it to the chamber 12 minutes later. Oliver found the marker he
placed there last year, an arrowhead he wedged into the wall just below the
entrance. Unless the ACU stopped for a closer look, the chamber was well
camouflaged and not easily found. About 3 feet above the marker was a small
crawl way. Oliver was able to hoist the sleeping body of Felicity into the
space then squeeze in next to her.
Once inside the chamber,
Oliver gently laid Felicity onto a small cot and covered her with some blankets
he stored there. There was also some supplies, food and water, enough to last
them for at least a week. Felicity instinctively curled into a fetus position
and fell into a deeper sleep. Oliver was relieved that her breathing had evened
out as he began to feel his own exhaustion move through his body. He might be a
superhero, but he was still mortal. He pulled up a small camping chair and sat
down next to Felicity. He felt a familiar comfort being next to her. He was now
in complete protective mode.
10 minutes, Oliver surrendered to his mortality and fell asleep.
came awake, and as she opened her eyes, she saw Oliver sleeping in a chair next
to her. She had never felt as tired as she did now. It settled into her bones
like lead bars. This whole day was so surreal. In the Bunker, before Susan
changed everything for them, Oliver and Felicity had been finally reaching out to
one another. A few days ago, Felicity felt a shift in how she was handling
everything that came between them. After the debacle that was Helix and the
danger they represented, Felicity reminded herself that the only time in the
past 5 years she felt truly safe was with Oliver and the crusade she joined him
in. After John told Oliver about her participation in Helix, Oliver was able to
track her down. Felicity had lost count over the years of how many times Oliver had
come to her rescue, whether she wanted him to or not. In the case of Helix, she
had lost control of the situation and Oliver was a welcome sight when he burst
into their lair.
memories took hold of her, Oliver woke and sat up, reaching his hand out to
her. “Hey, “ he asked her. “Are you okay?”
back at him. “Yeah,” she replied. “I think so. Thanks to you, Oliver. I would
have been caught without you.”
his head. “Felicity, no. You have always been so resourceful and brave. You told
me that you fell in love with me because I always found a way. I fell in love
with you for the same reason.”
smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “Actually, I said you finding a way was
one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”
sighed and sat back in his chair. “Does that mean that…uh…that you still…”
Felicity responded. “Well, I guess that was what we were going to discuss
before we started running.”
not have ever imagined having this conversation with you sitting in an
abandoned chamber under the city, not in a hundred years.”
seems that we are stuck here with a lot of time.” Felicity felt a surge of
apprehension course through her tired body. “Oliver, things really got out of
control between us over the past year.”
nodded at her. “Yeah, and I’m sorry I ruined everything.”
We both made mistakes. Yeah, you really screwed up keeping William from me, but I did
too by slamming the door in your face and not at least giving you a chance…uh, I
mean another chance to explain it all to me.” Felicity paused and felt the
anger she carried with her over all this. But now that they were finally
bringing it all out in the open, she released it. “Oliver,” she went on. “I’m
sorry too. Do you remember what we confirmed to each other after we saved Ray? We
said that neither one of us ever had a normal, healthy relationship.”
at the memory she called up. “Yeah,” he added. “And then you told me that we
were going to be fine. “
lost herself in the memory. “I said we found ourselves in each other.” She
shook her head. “It was all such a fantasy. Dialog right out of a romance
his head, all levity gone. “Felicity, you were right.” He looked into her eyes,
unwavering and sure. “I felt, and I still do, the best part of me is you. When
we broke up, that part of me felt empty and without direction. Felicity,
without you next to me, in my life, I am lost. Yes, I continue to fight for
and protect the city, but there is no redemption unless you are with me,
fighting and protecting…and loving.”
reached her hand out and Oliver put his into it. “Oliver, I’m sorry I pushed
you away. But in the spirit of that, I think it was what both of us needed. I think
we’re both better and stronger for it.”
squeezed her hand and smiled for her. “Felicity…I love you for a thousand
reasons, and for only just one. I’m done running.”
“Me too. So,
said to her. “I can think of two things. First, do you think there is enough
room on that cot for both of us?”
smile filled her heart. “Well, if not, there’s always the floor. What’s the
climbed out of his chair and stretched out next to Felicity. “The second thing
is—now we fight back.”
do you have in mind?”
glad you asked me that. I wanted to get your input on a plan.”
“Somewhere deep inside me, I still have hope that you’ll fall in love. How pathetic.” (Coliver and make it really frickin' SAD) cos I'm in a weird mood :,D
Wow this took long to write but anyways here you go, have a Coliver High School AU :)
Connor clenches his jaw and forces himself to stare back at
Oliver with cold, hardened eyes.
“You…you want to stop this?” He asks, his voice lacking any
specific emotion as he echoes Oliver’s words.
If Oliver is affected by this conversation at all, he
certainly isn’t showing it; instead he chooses to stare right back at Connor,
standing his ground with his head held high. The only difference in the two of
them right now is the tiniest glimpse of vulnerability in Oliver’s eyes that
only Connor would be able to notice because he knows him so well.
“I have to” Oliver responds “I just…I can’t do this anymore.”
Connor frowns, his eyebrows drawing together so hard that
distinct lines form on his forehead.
“Why not? It’s been going good hasn’t it? You can’t say you
didn’t enjoy any of it!” Connor adds the last part in with a small laugh, “Come
on Ollie these past few months have been great-“
“I’m not denying that.” Oliver says simply “I just can’t
continue like this, us fucking all the time but hanging out at school and at
parties like we’re still just best friends, I can’t go on as if-“
“As if what, Oliver?” Connor’s voice has turned almost
mocking and cruel in an attempt to guard himself and his emotions and he tries
his best not to clench his fists so much that his fingers force blood from his
palms. No matter how tempting the thought is, he doubts it could hurt more than
this sinking feeling in his stomach as he waits for Oliver’s explanation.
Oliver sighs exasperatedly, “As if I’m not in love you”.
Just like that everything freezes and Connor’s bedroom falls
completely silent, except for the faint ringing in Connor’s ears.
He feels lightheaded, his mouth unconsciously drops open and
his eyes widen and he feels like a professional boxer just took a strong swing
It’s not the words themselves that shock Connor. Being
friends with Oliver for the past five years, he knows how to read him and
Connor may have suspected Oliver had feelings for him but Connor was determined
to bury those suspicions, if Oliver didn’t want to tell him then they could
continue with their friends-with-benefits charade and everything would be fine.
Except Oliver has just told him that he loves him and he
told him in the most exhausted tone that Connor’s ever heard. That’s what
shocks him and that’s what hurts.
The knowledge that Oliver has…just given up.
“I…” Connor starts, he doesn’t know what he wants to say,
doesn’t know how to fix this or what he wants to happen but he just knows he
has to say something. “Oliver I…I
like you…you’re my best friend. I just…I…”
“Don’t do relationships?” Oliver supplies and there’s no
resentment in his voice, it’s even and balanced as if he’s just stating a fact;
which Connor supposes he is in a way.
“Exactly.” Oliver whispers “You don’t do relationships and I
“Hey, you were the one who started this.” Connor reminds
him, his words dangerously boarding on the side of harsh.
But it’s no lie. Six months ago it was Oliver who approached
Connor at Asher’s house party. It was Oliver who pushed him against the wall
and rambled into his ear about how much he wanted him.
Connor had reluctantly shaken his head and refused. Oliver
had been drunk, so much so that Connor could smell the revolting scent of cheap
beer every time Oliver leaned in towards him and there was no way in hell that
Connor was going to take advantage of his best friend, especially when he wasn’t
in his right mind.
Oliver had glared back at him, utterly furious and stormed
off to Michaela who later brought him home because Oliver refused to go home
with Connor as originally planned; the next morning Connor woke up to Oliver’s
ringtone and the second he answered, Oliver’s desperate apologies flooded his
“Hey, hey Ollie calm
down, it’s fine.”
“No, no, fuck it’s not
Connor I’m so sorry, please, I was so drunk and I’m sorry, I-“
“Did you mean it?”
“Oliver. Did you mean
“Y…Yes I meant it.”
“That you wanted to
“I…fuck Connor you’re
such an asshole, yes.”
“Well then, what are
you doing later today?”
And that was that. Afterwards Connor asked if Oliver was
okay with this just being a sex thing with no romantic feelings attached.
Oliver had readily agreed and as far as Connor could tell, Oliver hadn’t been
lying when he said he was okay with it.
Perhaps it was the afterglow that had clouded Connor’s
judgement. Maybe Oliver had looked upset or disappointed when he said that but
Connor never picked up on it. If he had, he never would have continued this in
the first place.
“I know I did. I’m sorry. This wasn’t fair to you.” Oliver
wraps his arms around himself, his right hand clutching his elbow and his left
hand underneath clutching his side.
Connor runs a hand through his hair, swallows hard and
stares down at the stain on his carpet that Oliver made two years ago when he
spilled his spaghetti bolognese dinner from laughing too hard at something
Connor said that neither of them can remember now.
“So why did you…why did you keep this thing going if you…you
Oliver’s dark, sarcastic laugh is what causes Connor to look
up at him again and the pain on Oliver’s face cuts through Connor’s heart like
“Because somewhere deep inside me, I still have hope
that you’ll fall in love. How pathetic.”
Connor shakes his head hurriedly,
feet thinking for him as he steps towards Oliver until there’s barely any space
“You’re not pathetic.”
Connor promises quietly
Oliver smiles but his eyes
remain lost and uneasy as they look at the ground between them,
“I am; I always have been. I’ve…
Connor I’ve loved you practically since we first met and you…you’re perfect and
you’ve always been there for me and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship but
that’s exactly what I’m doing and I’m really sorry but I just…I can’t take this
anymore I can’t I-“
The tears that must have
been building for the past half hour finally fall from Oliver’s eyes, one after
the other until Oliver’s breathing sounds more like continuing, wrecked gasps
and his whole body is trembling.
It’s a split second decision
that Connor makes without any thought of why this is the most inappropriate
moment to do this but he takes Oliver into his arms and hugs him tight. He
feels Oliver’s sharp intake of breath against his neck, most likely stunned
that Connor is hugging him because they’ve never hugged, the reason for that
being that Connor never hugs anyone.
But then again, Connor’s
never felt what he feels for Oliver, for anyone else.
He’s never felt that
sickening, consuming, agonising pain like he’s going to throw up and never stop
when he saw someone else in physical or emotional pain like he just experienced
with Oliver a few minutes ago.
He’s never wanted to stroke
someone’s hair back from their face and watch as they smile softly back at you
with wide loving eyes after sex like he did with Oliver just the night before.
He never felt like he could
trust or care for someone as completely as he does with Oliver.
He just never accepted it
Rubbing Oliver’s back in
circles gently, Connor waits a few minutes for his sobs to subside and until he
himself gains total control and fights back his own tears before he says all
the words he never could into Oliver’s ear,
“Ollie, you’re not pathetic.
You’re not you’re…you’re kind and good. You’re fucking gorgeous. You’re my best
friend. So I thought it was normal liking you, being willing to die for you and
by that I mean the amount of times I studied for a test because you told me to.
I just…I pretended that the only reason why I wanted to sleep with you was
because you were hot and we were friends so surely that would make it better
but…but that wasn’t the only reason.”
Oliver sniffs into his
shoulder and Connor hears him faintly say, “You don’t have to lie to me.”
Now it’s Connor who laughs
sarcastically, “I’m not lying. Oliver I…I tried not to like you, I tried not to
love you. Before, it was easier because I just had sex with other people and
tried to forget you but even then something wasn’t right. I kept thinking their
eyes weren’t beautiful like your brown ones or stupid things like that and then…then
when we started this…this thing, I thought my feelings would stop because I
assumed they were just because you’re attractive but Ollie they just got worse
and worse and I tried to-to fight them but I-I couldn’t….” Connor shuts his
eyes as a single tear betrays him and falls down his cheek, “I couldn’t stop
myself from loving you and I…I’m sorry it took so long for me to say it.”
A minute of silence passes…and
then another and another until Connor’s heart is beating so hard in his chest
that it’s physically painful but he knows he has to wait for Oliver to speak,
for him to adjust to what his best friend just said.
Finally Oliver pulls back,
his eyes are rimmed with a light, disturbing shade of red that makes Connor’s
blood run cold but there’s a sparkle of hope in Oliver’s eyes that Connor feels
like he hasn’t seen in such a long time.
“Did you mean all of that?”
“You…you love me?”
Connor’s lips turn up into a
genuine soft smile and he nods again.
Oliver swallows hard, his
eyes flickering across all of Connor’s features before daring to ask,
“What about your strict ‘no
Connor blinks and his mind
races with a million possible answers to this question but none of them stick
out as any good, none of them feel right anymore so instead Connor leans
forward and kisses Oliver gently on the lips.
It’s a chaste kiss, one they’ve
only shared a handful of times and only when they were half asleep and drained
from their previous activities.
Connor lets his lips linger
over Oliver’s for a second longer than necessary before pulling back and
lifting a finger to stroke Oliver’s cheek until he opens his eyes and meets
“I meant what I said, I don’t
want a boyfriend. I don’t want faceless boyfriends who don’t know me and who don’t
care about me, the type of guys who usually ask me to be their boyfriend. I don’t
want them, I never have. But I…I always wanted you, in whatever way you wanted
me. You do know me…I’m lucky enough to have you care about me and want me so…so
yeah…if you want to be my boyfriend then…then alright, let’s go for it.”
“You mean that?” Oliver
asks; his voice already lighter and a ghost of a smile playing at his lips.
Connor nods, grinning as he
leans in to kiss Oliver again, not so chastely this time.
“Yes, yes I mean it.”
Oliver finally grins wide
enough to display his adorable, prominent dimples but Connor doesn’t get time
to fully appreciate them before Oliver captures his lips in a soaring kiss and
wraps his hand around Connor’s waist to pull him closer.
“I guess you’re not the only one who’s a good liar.”
Oliver stares at him for a solid five seconds before his composure collapses with a disbelieving scoff. He shakes his head, going over the facts he knows again and again, wondering where he missed it, how had he missed it…
“Is that all you have to say?” Oliver whispers.
Connor’s jaw clenches painfully, but he stubbornly holds Oliver’s gaze, as painful as it is. “What did you expect?” He whispers harshly.
“How about the truth for once?” Oliver demands, and suddenly Connor is paralyzed by a familiar wave of terror.
He’s spent too long terrified of the truth coming out. It’s exhausting.
“What happened to blissfully ignorant?” Connor finally murmurs softly.
Oliver shakes his head. “Not with this. Not with you.”
He says it like they’re something special. Like Connor and Oliver are something held above the rest of the shit storm that’s overtaken their lives. Like they’re still something worth salvaging.
But Connor just shrugs, makes a face like it’s no big deal. Anything to throw Oliver off.
“I don’t know, I kept all this from you for a whole year. I came home to you every night like nothing was wrong.” Connor shrugs again. Looking around their little apartment, he’s flooded with memories. Memories of home. “Woke up next to you every morning, pretending like our entire life wasn’t a lie. Fucked you like I wasn’t thinking about the blood on my hands–”