Being the oldest..

When you’re the oldest in a family, particularly an abusive family, you most likely feel like the protector or some sort of guard or comrade amongst your siblings, most likely those closer to your age because you can relate to them more

And when you’re the oldest, especially in the weining hours of you living in said abusive house hold you may feel some guilt

By being the oldest you might be simultaneously one of the most privileged of your siblings but also the least

Most privileged because you are close to the finish line of freedom, simply due to a birth certificate

Most privileged because you will be able to stand up to them, even if its for a little bit, the soonest

Most privileged because you are the closest to ending your relationship with THOSE people or THAT person who has internally or externally damaged you when they were supposed to build you

But you are also the least privileged when growing up because you experienced the most abuse simply because you had to be the responsible one; something along the lines of being treated like a child when you had to have adult responsibilities

And now that you’re crossing the finish line and plotting what to do once you escape the thorny maze, you may be worried about your siblings and what they will do

Inevitably there will be some sadness

Unfortunately in the conditions you lived in there will be some sadness, but don’t forget they care about you

They want you to be happy

They don’t want you to be chained down with them, they want you to flourish free from your tyrants and be there when they escape

As I reblogged from a post of someone who was a younger sibling “but don’t forget about us, we want to see you happy on the other side when we leave”