old white wolf

SOME VAMPIRES GROSSLY MISREPRESENTED BY WOLF PUPY TWEETS
  • i didn't do all the clans because shhh
  • Vampires: daylight savings is dumb as hell, who looks directly at the sun and says i want more of this for later, nobody does it
  • Camarilla: i don't want to throw anyone under the bus here unless they are my enemy or betrayer or if it will help me get where i'm going faster
  • Sabbat: if history has taught us anything i dont plan to learn it
  • Anarchs: if anyone tries to tell you your dreams are unachievable just remember i have crashed my dirt bike into all 7 wonders of the world
  • Inconnu: tired of trying to figure out how to solve problems? try simply ignoring them forever instead
  • Assamites: stop being so defensive i am just trying to hit you with weapons
  • Brujah: i feel like if people respected me for the sheer stupidity of my actions i would get a lot more respect
  • Cappadocians: if anyone needs me i'll be dead in my grave
  • Followers of Set: archaeologists have found hieroglyphs on the wall of a hidden chamber inside king tut's tomb that confirms he was a damn bitch
  • Gangrel: people out of the know refer to death as a 'dirt nap' when in fact you can go to sleep on some dirt any time you want
  • Giovanni: honestly now that i have it this throne of human skulls is crazy uncomfortable to sit on
  • Lasombra: i don't "say what we are all thinking" because my thoughts are always far more important and more interesting than everyone elses
  • Malkavian: being thinking about a lot of things lately and have decided thoughts are a waste of time
  • Nosferatu: in today's and all other time's housing market, a dirt cave is the best place to live
  • Ravnos: jewelry making tip; a simple can of gold spraypaint can turn a chicken nugget into a gold nugget
  • Toreador: yeah i looked both ways before crossing the street, i looked both 'handsome' and 'radiant', too bad i got hit by that car
  • Tremere: unsure of what to study? learn magic spells instead, its easy
  • Tzimisce: problem solving skills are well regarded but where is the respect for the problem creators such as myself
  • Ventrue: "everything isn't always about you" i know that's why i don't care about anything
  • BONUS~ those crazy-ass fishman vampires: no song about living on land is as convincing as 'under the sea' is about living on the ocean floor
You’ve heard of it’s locked, now get ready for...

It’s blocked

It’s chalked

It’s clocked

It’s crocked

It’s docked

It’s flocked

It’s gawked

It’s jocked

It’s knocked

It’s mocked

Ist nacht

It’s oct

It’s rocked

It’s shocked

It’s smocked

It’s socked

It’s squawked

It’s stalked

It’s stocked

It’s talked

It’s walked

It’s Xoc’ed

Vampire: the Masquerade Clan Haiku (I am so sorry)

Camarilla Clans:

Brujah
Near Dark was so good
like when they bar-fight bikers?
that was my sire

Gangrel
we are not just beasts!
we are men! we are - shit! cat!
bark! bark! BARKBARKBARK!!!

Malkavian
if i spoke prose they
would all find out I don’t know
what I talk about

Nosferatu
hey there count orlok
oh fuck, i am so sorry
that was pretty rude

Toreador
i really enjoyed
interview with a vampire
not so much these days

Tremere
hey is that your clan’s
deep-sleeping progenitor?
asking for a friend

Ventrue
i can tell you to
eat all of this old cat food
and I bet you would

Sabbat Clans:

Tzimisce
i made you a gift
out of you and me and him
and this horse. you like?

Lasombra
could you tell me if
i put my lipstick on straight?
you better not lie

Independant Clans:

Assamite
our clan is run by
a baby wizard demon
not even kidding

Giovanni
no bad has ever
come from killing your sire
the master of death

Ravnos
our founder was slain
by a big crossover event
you’re surprised we freaked?

Followers of Set
i promise this time
it is not snakes and evil
haha, no, it is.

Bloodlines: 

True Brujah
some serious-ass
doctor who shit in this clan
but no amy pond :(

Samedi
have you heard the one
about the gawker I made
into a raisin? :|

Nagaraja
that’s some fine-lookin’
skin you are wearing like a
hot people gyro

Kiasyd
I can assure you
we know how weird our shit is
we have to live this

Daughters of Cacophony
it’s not how you sing
but how you kill all men with
song. also how you sing. 

Baali
did you think Setites
were the authority on
making players squick? 

Children of Osiris 
no one has ever
actually played this clan
except that one guy

Blood Brothers
playing a single
blood brother is like eating
just one dorito

Harbingers of Skulls
we forgive you for
diablerizing our liege
but not the incest

Caitiff
don’t hate me because
i picked all the physical
disciplines. #YOLO 

Old Clan Tzimisce
we don’t even want
the best discipline ever.
BECAUSE REASONS, MAN.

Gargoyle
guess how few players
named their dude goliath and
got away with it? >:|

Every Nancy Drew game suspect ranked from worst to best.

Methodology: All rankings are personal taste. I only included characters that both had character models and were presented as suspects during the course of the narrative. Obviously, spoilers for every game.

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Hey Clue Crew I have something to ask you

Earlier this year I Made a Playlist on my OLD YouTube channel that consists of Nancy Drew walkthroughs that I listen to to help me sleep and help me relax. Do you think I should make the Playlist public for everyone to enjoy and post a link on here?

Every Nancy Drew PC game ranked from worst to best.

So! Ever since I completed the tedious undertaking of ranking all the Nancy Drew suspects, I’ve had people asking me to do a comprehensive ranking of the games themselves (like two people, but that still counts as people). And if you trawl my tumblr, you can see I have been promising to do that exact thing since 2012! So here it is, finally.

Standard disclaimer applies: these are my opinions and my opinions only. They’re completely subjective and based on my own personal likes and dislikes. There are games I hate that I know people love, and games I adore that I know people can’t stand (lots of them, even!). I in no way claim this ranking as definitive. You do you.

Oh, and Dossier games aren’t included, and spoilers for everything, obviously.

Edit, June 2015: As I’ll update this every time a new game comes out, expect changes to occur. I’ll add some liner notes at the bottom of the ranking to justify these adjustments.

With that out of the way? LEGGO BITCHES.



 

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