old man hitting on me

Mockery (Negan x Lana)

Summary: Lana is the queen of sass. Negan may have just met his match. 

Characters: Negan x Alana

Word Count: 3,560

Warnings: NSFW, Smut, Fluff and Swearing

Author’s Note: This fic was requested by @i-dont-have-a-harp who sent:

Would you be able to do a fic with a girl called Alana (Lana as a nickname) where she’s super sassy and is taken during the lineup from Alexandria? Negan takes a liking to her but she refuses to fall for him, until he begins showing a softer side when it’s just the two of them, but Lana is too stubborn to admit it until something puts her and Negan in danger? 

I had too much fun writing this. Love me a sassy character. This one is jam-packed with sass, fluff and smut. I hope it’s to your liking. 

Thank you thank you thank you to @ashzombie13 for being my beta reader!

Please let me know what you think! You can message me anytime! I LOVE feedback! (Seriously! Send me asks and you’ll make my whole week)

Originally posted by smuttwd

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I remember being put in some sort of yellow room because I had to take a test, with a big computer touch-screen thing that I was using to answer questions. Suddenly, a frail old man comes up from behind me and looks over my shoulder, he starts talking to me and basically giving me all the right answers to the test. I’m annoyed by this and shoo him away cruelly. Once I finish, I am then put in another room with my mom. It’s basically empty except for a tv in the corner and a few boxes. In my mind this meant we were put in here to brace ourselves for combat in the next room. I also realized that being here means I failed the test. It then hit me that the old man behind me was trying to save me by giving me all the right answers. I began to cry loudly to my mom as we had to prepare for the next room, screaming at her that the old man must’ve been God trying to save me (big leap in logic, but it made sense in the dream). I cried loudly and apologized over and over for dismissing the old man. Then the next room door opened and we went inside. Then I woke up.

not-the-shadow-broker  asked:

Today at work an old man hit me with his cart while i was cleaning rubbish off the floor trying to get me to move (there is an way in to where he wanted 2 and a half feet away from where i was standing) now i was already hard off this morning with a damaged muscle in my foot, but now i've also got a huge painful bruise on the back of my leg that makes me limp more. He's lucky i didn't beat him senseless with my fucking broom. Old customers are assholes 99% of the time in my shop.

He’s well on his way out. I hope the hearse’s back door doesn’t shut all the way and he gets a bumpy ride out on a back road near a farm with a whole lot of manure to break his fall. Old farts that are bitter and take it out on others are really the worst kind of people. -Abby

pretty sure the hawaiian shirt im wearing emanates some kind of strange and chaotic energy bc ive had very weird interactions w people all day

Terrible Things (Part 1)

Imagine meeting Dean while working as a waitress in a small-town diner.

Author: hogwartsismyhometoo

Requested By: 13sjacobs

Song: Terrible Things by Mayday Parade

Word Count: 2,785

Dean turned off the TV and stretched his arms above his head, groaning. He blinked a few times to clear his vision, which had gone blurry from staring at the screen for so long, and glanced at the clock. It was almost one in the morning.

He climbed the stairs with heavy footfalls, dragging himself up the stairs with the little energy he had left. He hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in almost thirteen years. The house was quiet and still, causing every one of Dean’s movements to bounce and echo off the walls. Crickets chirped their soft melody off in the distance while the cicadas harmonized. The sounds were drowned out only by the occasional whir of a car driving by. Dean had gotten used to such suburban noises by now. He hardly noticed them anymore.

The rustle of blankets and long, low creak of box springs caused Dean to pause in the hallway. He used two fingers to push his son’s door open ever so slightly, leaning back to poke his head into the room.

The little boy—though Dean supposed he should stop thinking of Mason as “little” now that he was hitting puberty and shooting up like a weed—laid on his side, facing the window away from the door. This was a dead giveaway. Mason never slept on his side, and he never slept with his back to the door.

“Mason,” Dean whispered. “You awake?”

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OLD MAN DOLAN [Super Best Friends Stream Demon's Souls (Part 9)]
  • Woolie: [continues smacking Doran around the area]
  • Plague: Dolan's true power is forgiveness.
  • Spy: Yes it is.
  • Matt: Dammit. This is the hardest thing you've done in this LP.
  • Pat: Absolutely, without any question.
  • Woolie: The physics make no seeeeense.
  • Plague: [old man voice] “He probably didn't mean it when he hit me those five hunderd times.”
  • Matt: “I'm sure it was just a practice!”
  • Plague: [old man voice] “It's only six damage. He couldn't possibly be serious.”

I am nine years old. A man hits me with his car while I am riding my bike in the church parking lot. 

I tell no one because I think it is my fault. 

I am eleven years old the first time a man tells me I have nice legs.

I am twelve years old, and I am followed home by three high school boys who catcall me and throw pieces of trash at my back. I am in my Catholic school uniform.

I start leaving school ten minutes early so I won’t be followed home anymore. 

I am thirteen when I decide to stop eating. A teacher comments on how good I look and I stop eating for six years. 

I am fourteen years old when I am administered an IQ test. My school psychiatrist describes me as “precocious.” It is the first time I have ever heard the word precocious. 

Precocious: adj. having developed certain abilities or proclivities at an earlier age than usual; flowering or fruiting earlier than usual. 

I am sixteen years old when I tell my mother I never want to have children. She says “Oh, you will, someday” and it sounds like every boy who told me “relax, it will feel good.” I am followed home by three grown men in a car. When I flip them off, they circle around my block and pull up beside me. One gets out of the car and grabs me by the arm. I break his nose. 

It is the first time I have ever hit a man. It is the only time it ever works. 

I am seventeen years old. A male teacher offers me a ride home. While his car idles in the school parking lot, he puts his hand on my knee. In a strange French city, three friends and I are followed back to our hotel by a man for ten blocks. On my way back from a funeral, I watch as a marine hits on my mother. I start getting treatment for my bulimia. A therapist says I have anxiety. It is the first time I have heard the word “anxiety” used as an illness.

Anxiety: n. a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks; desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

I am eighteen years old. One of my father’s friends, drunk at a Christmas party, tells me I should be in porn. Everyone laughs because it is so funny. 

The first woman I fall in love with says that she would marry my brother if I had one. The second woman I fall in love with asks if I’ll be her emergency contact while filling out forms in an abortion clinic waiting room. The third woman I fall in love with says she sleeps with men so they’ll like her. 

I am nineteen years old. The first time I am raped.

The first time.

The first time I am raped it is by a man that I love. Over two years, I attempt to leave him over thirty times. I become addicted to painkillers and sleeping pills. I sleep through two summers. I am diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I attempt to tell my doctor about my depression and my abusive relationship. I am prescribed more pills. The flashbacks don’t begin until six months after I leave him. 

I am twenty-one years old. I am followed home from class. I am followed home from dinner. I am followed home from my friend’s apartment. I take a 45 minute train ride to work every morning at 5:00 AM. I have been followed on my way to work. I read an article about how our culture makes women so accustomed to psychological abuse that they can’t recognize it as it’s happening. 

“Psychological abuse, also referred to as psychological violence,emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.”

Trauma: n. a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.

Every time I leave my apartment, I go to war. But,

this is not the first time. 


“I think I like it better when the old man’s hitting me. At least he knows I’m there.”

Oh hell to the no. Johnny, why dude? This is not okay. I’m not okay. You’re beautiful, innocent, and I want to give you a hug through my TV screen.

(I’m watching the movie. Help me.)

Last night I had a dream I was out with my cousin and she was dating Niall so he was with us. And I was dating Harry but he wasn’t there. And some obnoxious ass old man was hitting on me. And it was fine like I was kinda ignoring it but at one point I was really cold so Niall gave me his jacket. And the fuckstick was like “Heyyy you need to watch out for this Niall kid. He loves you. He thinks you’re hot and he only wants to get in your pants.”

And I was like “Ummm no actually we’re really good friends I’m dating his best friend.” And Niall got all grumpy and put his arm around my cousin and I and was like “Hey man fuck off.”

And the guy was like “Oh you’re dating that Harry guy, huh? Just to let you know, he’s probably cheated on you a lot. I mean, I definitely would if I was him.” And then Niall ended up in a fist fight with this guy because he kept going on about how Harry was too good for me and I was a slut anyway.

So thanks Dream Niall for defending my honor I guess 😂😂😂

Okay, there should be a movie with a cop in his 40′s that goes undercover in a high school. But not as a teacher. As a student. And the actor that plays him looks nothing like a teen, so they take him to the salon to get ready to go undercover and when he comes back out, they switched actors to a younger man but have the original actor voice over him. 

And then, there is a scene toward the end where the teenage actor has a gun on the bad guy and the bad guy goes “but you’re just a kid” and the actor messes up his hair below the screen shot, looks up and it’s the original actor again. “Think again, punk.” Boom. Blockbuster hit. 

anonymous asked:

Which songs does lana use quotes from like from literature or other things ?❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


“Light of my life, fire of my loins.” - Vladmir Nobokov - Lolita


“All I hear is music, like Lay Lady Lay” - Bob Dylan - Lay Lady Lay


“Ground control to Major Tom, can you hear me all night long?” - David Bowie - Space Oddity

Burnt Norton - T.S Elliot - The Four Quartets


“I sing the body electric” - Walt Whitman - Leaves of Grass


“Ah he’s in the sky with diamonds” - The Beatles - Lucy’s In The Sky With Diamonds


“Life imitates art” - Oscar Wilde - The Decay of Lying 


“Man makes plan and God laughs” - old Yiddish proverb


“He hit me and it felt like a kiss.” -  The Crystals - He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)


“One for the money, two for the show.“ - Elvis - Blue Suede Shoes