An Open Letter to Underage Girls That Want to Be Sugar Babies
I think every sugar baby that has been on Tumblr for an extended period of time has received or read on someone else’s blog your requests for advice, little sister. You’re sixteen or seventeen, you’re mature for your age, and you think that you’re ready for the glitz and glamour of the sugar bowl. But whenever you ask us for advice we tell you no. We must be jealous. We can’t handle younger girls coming into the bowl and making things difficult for us. We can’t compete with your youth and beauty. We have no idea how mature you are. We don’t understand that there was that one time when you had an older man wrapped around your finger. We don’t know how much you yearn for more, to escape the life you have now, to make some money to help your family, to help you achieve your dreams.
I’ve said no. I’ve said that you’re just not ready but little sister you’ve been on my mind and I would like to say something more to you than no. I want to tell you why.
When I was sixteen, I worked at a summer camp. It was easy to work, and it was fun because we went to different places every day. Swimming, the library, the zoo, the movies, museums. I was getting paid to hang out at all of my favorite spots. Sure I was there with a bunch of eight-year-olds, but even that could be fun. We went to the local skating rink once a week. I became friends with one of the co-owners. Friends. I was sixteen, and he was a thirty-two-year-old white man with two mixed race children. He flirted with me, and I was so bored with boys my own age. I lit up. Eventually, we exchanged numbers, and he told me on Saturday when I was sitting on my floor stretching after 7 hours at my dance studio that the age of consent in Maryland was sixteen, so anything we did was okay.
There was something wrong with that. Something I didn’t like. I couldn’t tell anyone what it was especially not my friends who thought I was weird for wanting to hang out with an old guy. But he’d promised me things. Told me about the adventures we could take together. And I was so bored. But what he said. There was something about it.
I never saw him outside of work. Eventually, I stopped talking to him at the skating rink. When he tried to approach me, I moved to be closer to the adults I worked with. I knew he wouldn’t talk to me if I were anywhere near them.
The skating rink was sold. It’s a dollar store or a church now. I can’t remember. I drove past it when I came home from college and looked at it and remembered that man and had the words to put with that feeling.
My mind, my sixteen-year-old mind, recognized a predator. My sixteen-year-old mind recognized that this man wanted something from me that I wasn’t ready to give. I recognized when I drove past that there is something inherently wrong with a man that looks to underage girls as potential romantic partners. Girls that have not lived half the life he’s lived and doesn’t have the experience he does.
Little sister, if you’re anything like me, you’ve had men in their twenties and thirties, good looking men, leaning out of their expensive cars with smiles on their faces and promises on their lips. They can make a woman out of you. They can take you shopping and on trips. They can make their friends want to be you. And, little sister, they can. They have the money to do it. What you have to do is ask yourself what you will have to give in return because you will have to give something.
Little sister, when we tell you to stay away from the sugar bowl what we are saying is to wait. Wait until you’ve lived a little. Wait until you’ve seen the world. Wait until you have boundaries. Wait until you know yourself, can control yourself. We don’t want you to be us, little sister, crying in your dorm room or on your childhood bedroom floor wondering when money and things and what you thought was love became so important to you that you have allowed a man to take you over.
We know about the abuse, little sister. We know about the manipulation. We know how they will isolate you from your friends and family. We know because they did it to us. We know how they will make you doubt yourself and the things you used to know with certainty were real. We know because it happened to us. We know that the men that approach you will do it because you’re young and beautiful and innocent and impressionable and easy.
You say that you aren’t innocent. Those horrible things have happened to you. And they have. We know. But these men have lived, sweet baby. They have seen the world in ways, because of your age, that you just can’t yet. They have recognized things about human behavior, about women, about you in your beautiful youth, that you don’t know yet and can’t be ready for.
Some of you won’t care. You’re rolling your eyes right now. You still think I’m jealous. You still think I just want to stop you from having fun. I’m not. You are young, but I am experienced and don’t want to be you. Experience, baby, will always be better.
I don’t think you should wait until you are 18. I think you should wait beyond that. I want you to wait until you are 21 but I know circumstances and impatience, and I know you may not listen.
And I don’t know about you, but I went to a school where there were boys my own age who had allowances and cars that their parents just handed to them because they had good jobs and more money than they needed. Those boys? Those boys are just sitting around waiting for you to practice on them. Get to it. The adult men that you meet when you are old enough to join the bowl won’t act much different.
To my little sisters and sugar sisters, do you have anything to add that I missed? Let me know in the comments. I read every one even if I don’t respond to it right away.