every time a family member comes to him for help with a piece of tech he only responds with “have you tried turning it off and back on again”
@ damian: “shut up you’re like 12″
[bland-faced] “im super excited!” [dead-pan] “that’s the funniest thing i’ve ever heard”
once when he was running on only 2 hrs of sleep over the course of 3 days, he accidentally used jason’s toothbrush and when he realized what he did, he panicked and went and bought jason a new one that looked exactly the same and jason still doesn’t know
“tim what’s your status” “tired”
“tim look at this” “very wow much cool”
he learned to fall asleep with his eyes open to avoid listening to bruce’s lectures
in the background of a lot of pics and videos recordings of ‘Brucie’ Wayne, tim is there, doing something really weird
usually he’s dabbing
bruce never realizes it until later when he’s watching the recordings on tv later and the camera pans to focus momentarily on tim in the background, and bruce is just. he’s so tired. where did he go wrong.
jason calling the manor like “WTF I JUST SAW THE NEWS AND TIM IS THAT YOU IN THE BG” “YEAH IT IS. here im texting you a pic of Bruce’s disappointed face”
doesn’t realize it’s not okay to sleep in a laundry bin it doesn’t matter how warm the clothes in it are Master Tim
[does something really mundane] “witness me”
Bruce: [recounts something that happened a while back] Tim: “we get it, you’re really old”
It's Dick's fault that everybody believes that Bruce is older than them, people expects that if you're the parent figure of a 15 yo you're at least 35 and married.
“22 year old puts on bat costume to punch criminals, has no powers” is hard enough to wrap your head around but throw in “24 year old adopts 12 year old who also punches criminals, has no powers” and that is not something that would ever occur to anyone
like OBVIOUSLY batman must be an older man who knows what he’s doing, and not just some traumatized 20-something accidentally collecting traumatized children
haha wow referring to bruce wayne as a 20-something really puts things in perspective. batman: probably actually younger than joey from friends.
Idea came from @atomicnightbear
- In school (or at least when i went to school) there was always fundraisers for like PTO or new school items.
- Now the batkids would have to particpate because well they are school students.
- Bake sales are the easy option, or so they think.
- Dick learned it firsr, but Alfred insist the kids help with making the food since it was for their school.
- No matter how many times they destory the kitchen or set off the smoke alram Alfred sticks by this rule.
- Jason impressing all his classmates with browines.
- Jon wanted to join in, so he made Puppy Chow with Damian for his schools bake sale.
- When it comes to selling stuff like wrapping paper or cookie dough, they totally use Bruce.
- Like he leaves the sellling sheets in his office and with his secretary.
- Needless to say they usually meet their goal.
- Duke proving he can do it without Bruce and raising a lot of money.
- 13 year old Dick convincing everyone to buy cookie dough.
- Tim now working at WE when Damian does the fundraiser and getting himself a few tubs of it and telling Bruce to not let Alfred know.
Bruce: *walks into Batcave and sees Jason with a guitar*
Jason: Hey B I wrote you a song! *sings to the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel*
It’s 12 o'clock in Gotham City
The Joker is busy killing everyone
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Makin’ love to his Catwoman cuz he’s nasty
He says, “Son, you gotta stop shooting bad guys”
And I’m like “Bruce, don’t tell me what to do”
Cuz I died and he cried but I came back and stuff
When I wore green Robin panties
(Batkids join in)
La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Sing us a song, you’re the Batman Beat up some thugs tonight
Cuz you’re boring and brooding and it’s getting annoying
And you’re the one and only Dark Knight
Now Roy from the Outlaws is my BFF
I hang out with him and Kori
And he’s quick with a joke or to shoot an arrow in your foot
And together we like pissing off Batman
He says, “Jaybird you’re the most awesome guy ever”
As we kicked an alien’s ass
And I’m like “I know I’m the coolest
“Learned it all from the All Caste”
Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Now Dick was Batman while you were dead He never had time for Barbara cuz he sucks at relationships
And Tim’s dead inside cuz everyone he likes died
And he probably hasn’t slept in five years
Oh Damian is a murderous freaking demon spawn
Who is probably gonna kill someone the second he’s left alone
Also Steph keeps stealing all the food from my fridge
But I don’t mind cuz I stole it from the manor anyway
Sing us a song you’re the Batman You have a cool British butler Also you don’t know when to stop adopting orphans
And you probably need an intervention by now
By the way Cass stole my jacket yesterday
And you didn’t even care when I told you
So I went to all of your Rogues and gave them your number
So suck it old man, you totally deserved it
And you’ve had seven sidekicks so far
And at least six of them have died at some point Now I’m starting to think maybe that’s a bad sign But oh well it’s too late to deal with that now
Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Sing us a song you’re the Batman And you’ve got a pet cow for some reason even though I’ve asked you several times for a dog and you kept telling me we couldn’t have animals in the Batcave but I guess that’s just a big fat lie so fuck you Bruce
Well we’re all in the mood for some crimefighting And by the way you’re really old
Jason: *guitar solo and ends song* What’d ya think old man?
Bruce: *tired sigh* Where is the sweet embrace of death when you need it
You guys were all coming home from a (rare and peaceful) day at the beach, when he noticed it. And curiosity got the best of him.
Of course, you’ve always had a lot of tattoos even before you became his mother. It was so normal for him, so part of…You, that he never even wondered once what they meant.
Until that day.
Until he noticed a small symbol on your ankle, surrounded by bigger designs that attracted all the attention. And it surprised him so much, that he just had to ask you. He resisted the urge to ask you right away, thinking it was none of his business but…it was too much now. He couldn’t stop himself. And as all the family is helping Alfred putting away their beach stuff, Tim cracks.
You noticed him staring at you for a while now, so you were expecting a somewhat personal question (which never bothered you, why would you have secrets for your own family ?). But nothing really prepared you for what he was about to ask :
-Mom…Why do you have Superman’s symbol tattooed on your ankle ?
Bruce freezes. Your other boys are suddenly very attentive, and Alfred…Oh bless Alfred, he couldn’t help but smile because he thought that the way Bruce tensed up each time the word “Superman” was uttered was just the cutest (they all knew by now, that you and Clark used to date).
Your husband turns toward you and, his brow furrowing, asks :
-…You have a Superman symbol tattooed on your ankle ? I never noticed…
-You should have had, you often kiss it when we…
-OH PLEASE MOTHER ! No details about anything regarding your intimacy with father please. Just tell us why you have a Superman tattoo…Please.
You chuckle a bit at your youngest son’s comment, but your gaze doesn’t leave Bruce’s, and you smile at him…it’s not a mocking smile, far from it, and he relaxes. You’re not going to tease him about Clark once again (ever since he discovered you had a thing with him, one of your favorite past time was to make comments about it, just to provoke a reaction in him…and oh a reaction it provoked each time alright…a very nice and pleasurable reaction you might say).
But you’re in no mood to tease him on the subject, especially since you had such a pleasant day and you just don’t want to ruin it by making him grumpy (even though he never stays grumpy very long once you manage to get some time just you and him). Besides, you can see it kinda disturbs him that he never noticed this particular tattoos…He thought he knew your body by heart ! And yes, he did kiss your ankles more than once so…why did he never notice it ? If you could read his mind you’d tell him that maybe, he was always a bit too busy to actually pay attention to that minuscule tattoo.
To be honest, you’re quite surprised Tim saw it…Bruce was right. That boy really was the most observant and smartest you’ve ever met. You were pretty sure that he even surpassed his father in that area and…the fact he noticed that tattoo while Bruce had your ankles right in his face more than once proves it (oh the number of time your ankles ended up on his shoulders, and he turned his face to kiss it as he pumped into you…well, come to think of it, maybe that’s why he never noticed indeed, you guys were always quite busy when your ankles were close to his face…).
You smile at your sons and you say :
-It’s just because Clark has been an important part of my life, and still is. He’s one of my best friend. Just friend dear, don’t make that face.
They can’t help it, they can’t help but snickering at their father’s reaction, this little “jealous face” he always make, where his nose and mouth crease.
But, what you just said about this tattoo makes Tim think and he asks :
-Do all your tattoos mean something ?
You give him an enigmatic smile and nod. And you just know they’re going to ask you what they all mean.
And that’s how you all end up in the main living room at the manor, with you in a sport bra and shorts, explaining what every piece of art means on your body.
The bat’s meaning on your collar bone is obvious. You don’t even have to talk about it. So are the four little bird following it.
The huge piece you have on your back, that seems abstract…actually isn’t. It’s the blueprints of your birth place, The Narrows, one of Gotham’s poorest and most dangerous neighborhood. You got it tattooed when you turned 18, it was your first tattoo, and you got it in honor of your parents who were murdered, and of your brothers who unfortunately hung out with the wrong people and got killed in a drug bust…You also got it tattooed to remember where you’re coming from. So that no matter where you’d go, you’d always know that the Narrows were printed into you. That it was just part of you.
Your arms were bare, when Bruce first met you, and Dick even remembers that he saw you with tattooed less arms too…And yes. Yes it makes sense because…Your arms are dedicated to your sons.
The little circus on your bicep is for Dick, when the official adoption papers were signed. Below the circus is written a date, the day Dick Grayson officially became your son, and next to the date are little symbols that do not seem to make any sense…That is until you explain that, when Dick arrived home, a lost little 8 years old boy, he was just so shy. And to communicate with him, you’d draw things. Like, yourself smiling and hugging him…and slowly but surely, he warmed up to you. Hugging you for real, calling you “mom”…but when you still communicated only through drawings, he drew things for you and…you got them tattooed on your skin.
Those symbols meant something, and just showed how bad at art Dick used to be. They was a heart that looked like an apple. A house or…maybe a gift ? There was a stick figure…dancing ? And the face of a character smiling.
Dick tried his hardest not to cry at the thought that you got tattooed on your skin those silly drawings he made for you…and the memories of how amazing you’ve always been to him were almost too much.
On your forearms, there was a tire less car and…oh that was about Jason for sure. It was an aston martin (one of Bruce’s favorite car…you couldn’t really get the bat mobile tattooed) and it missed all its tires. Below that, there was a silhouette of a boy wearing a hoodie, with a comic bubble that read : “Haha gotta run faster old man”. Bruce wasn’t amused (but deep down, he thought it was extremely cute).
The two tombstones on your other bicep didn’t need any explanation either…and the little arrows below them that pointed to a two bright star design didn’t either. Every thing was symbolizing Jason’s and Damian’s death, and the stars were them coming back to you.
You had a small coffee cup on your wrist. For Tim of course. Next to the coffee cup was written “X 9324″ and your family couldn’t help but laugh at your accurate portrayal of the number of coffee cups your son drunk. There was also a little computer, and a “sleep is for the weak”.
You had a lot of arabic things written on your arms too and Damian almost teared up when he realized they were things he told you that you loved…Things he told you that came straight from his heart.
You had each of them drawn as Robins. Dick being the biggest one, blue. Then Jason, red. Tim, yellow. And finally, Damian, green.
Above your elbow was a drawing of Damian and Tim drawn Chibi style, and they were fighting. Above was a very exasperated Dick, and a “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT” Jason and they all burst out laughing when they realized that those little characters on your arm, it was indeed definitely them. How did they never notice ? They were just so used to your tattoos…
And oh there was so many tattoos on your arms related to them…A staff, Dick’s two stick, a gun in a “stop” sign, their symbols, their date of birth, their favorite food (Jason got excited to see you tattooed some chicken drumsticks on you, he thought it was hilarious) etc etc…your arms were a canvas in honor of your children, and oh how touched they were by all of that.
Your legs had massive pieces on them. One leg was…just wonderful. A sort of abstract depiction of your relationship with Bruce. From the day you met at a charity event you organized (one to give easier access to books to poor population in Gotham) which was represented by books flying off at the start of your thigh, to your wedding, represented by a lot of colors (your super friend’s costume colors) and two rings, to when you adopted your children (four colorful dots tattooed with the aquarelle technique…one blue, one red, one yellow and one green). Everything was there. Even the way you were so sickeningly in love with each other, there was definitely your silhouette and his kissing…Gross.
Bruce’s heart beat wildly as he realizes you had an entire leg tattooed just for him…That it symbolized your life with him…And he never even wondered what all those things meant !
On your other legs you your favorite places in Gotham drawn. One of the park. The rooftops. The docks. It was just a lot of wonderful pieces about your favorite city in the World (though not many understood why you loved that place so much), and there, lost in the middle of all of it, was that superman tattoo…You told them it was one of your first one. You didn’t really expect to have that many tattoos.
Alfred full on cried when he saw that you had a “butler” drawn on your ribs, but hey, why wouldn’t you ? Alfred was such an important part of your life…You also had other things on your collar bone that didn’t have the bats and the birds, related to Alfred : a few tea cups, and a “sassy, butler is sassy” that made everyone laugh. The other side of your ribs were still bear, so was your stomach and belly in general, and you told them that, once another important event would occur, you’d draw something there too.
All of your tattoos had meanings. All of them. And you had too many to explain everything to them but…Now they knew.
They already knew how important they were in your life, but now even more than ever. You had your skin permanently changed with reminders of them…
Many hugs were exchanged, many laughs too as some of your tattoos were just based on very funny memories (like for example, you had a “R.I.P Sledges” with a broken red sledge representing all the sledges you broke with your sons over the many winters you all had together), and almost tears too, as some memories were painful, or just made them have happy tears.
You spend the entire day talking about your tattoos. And finally, you told them about everything and…satisfied their curiosity.
After kissing your cheek lovingly, your sons’ follow Alfred in the kitchen for their snacks ritual of the day (tea and crumpets…for real) and you’re left alone with your Bruce.
He comes closer to you and asks :
- What about the one you have…you know…between your thigh, right before your…
-I know which one you’re talking about Bruce, and this one ? It’s just a meaningless cute one.
You can see he doesn’t believe you, and as he narrows his eyes at you you just smile and can’t resist to laugh.
-Meaningless cute one uh ?
You nod, but you damn well know he won’t let go off this. And you also know what his technique to make you talk is…When the first tickle wave hit you, you are able to hold your laugh in but…Oh it’s always impossible. He knows all your sweetest spot. He knows where to touch you to make you beg for him to stop tickling you.
-I won’t stop until you tell me what’s that tattoo means !
-Fine HAHAHAHAHAHHA I’LLHAHAHAHAHAHA I’ll tell you !
And it stops. But he’s ready to start again if you don’t actually comply…You look at him and you say :
-It’s about my first time.
-Your first time ?
-Oh please, you know what I mean. The placement is pretty obvious really.
-I just wanted to hear you say it and…Wait, why is it a manta ray ?
You slyly smile at him and manage to slip away from his grasp, and can’t help but laugh loudly and run away when you hear him say :
-Don’t tell me your first was Aquaman !?
Hope you liked it. Wrote this during my pause at work, so like in 5 minutes so if it feels rushed I’m very sorry. Hope it’s still fine.
Requested: “can you do an imagine where bruce gets jealous?”
Bruce gets Jealous when you’re talking to another man. Ft Jason (Bruce POV)
He huffed in the corner of the ball room, his mind on no particular conversation that was buzzing around him, but rather on you. You stood there, laughing and smiling whilst sipping your wine, content in the conversation you were having with that man.
Bruce watched on silently, only thinking about how he was making you laugh and smile.
But he could make you laugh without even trying like he was.
But he could make you smile with a simple caress of your hand.
But he could-
“Well i’ll be damned, Bruce Wayne you are jealous.”
Bruce spun around in a flash, and jumped at Jason’s sudden presence.
“What are you doing here?” Bruce asked in a noticeable stutter.
Jason sighed and placed his hand on Bruce’s shoulder, “Bruce, you drove me here.”
Bruce stood staring at Jason.
“Oh.” Is all Bruce could muster up.
“I think jealously is messing with your head.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Yes you are.”
“No i’m not.”
“Then what do you think of the guy kissing (y/n) right now?”
“Wh-?!” Bruce spun around in a beat, his heart racing; only to be disappointed. You weren’t kissing anyone, merely talking to the same man.
Behind him, Bruce could hear Jason laugh.
Turning around he was met with a Jason who was holding his stomach in a fit of amusement.
“Jesus Christ Bruce.”
“I’m not jealous.” Bruce tried to convince Jason. He took at swig of his scotch, wanting every last drop of the substance.
“Why weren’t you that attentive when i was about to fall off the kitchen counter.”
“Because i know you’d make it.”
Jason scoffed, “Tell that to my broken arm.”
Bruce’s attention was back on you, and for some reason, he couldn’t take it away. Every time you laughed, or the man went to touch your arm, his stomach squeezed into a ball.
“Look,” Jason placed a hand on his shoulder, and looked over to watch you. “(y/n) wouldn’t do anything, you know that, i know that, heck, even Damian knows that and he’s the stupidest of them all.”
“Hey.” Damian said, as he walked past.
“Where did you come from?” Jason whispered to himself as he watched Damian walk away, “…anyways, Bruce,” Jason continued, “Just go over. You’ve got nothing to lose. She’s your girl after all.”
And with a muster of courage, Bruce began to stride over with a wave of confidence.
The man placed his hand on your arm, and you laughed awkwardly, trying to undo his touch.
“So, do you wanna’ get outta’ here?” The man said.
You then felt the familiar touch of Bruce, as his hand slid behind your waist and to the small of your back.
“Unfortunately, later duties call. We must be off.” Bruce said with a smile. The man caught his tongue in his throat, and watched, with an awkward stance, the two of you leave. He nodded and watched as Bruce led you away towards a watching Jason.
“Jeez, why do they always mistake being polite and nice with wanting to get in their pants?” You ranted.
Bruce smiled softly,
You hugged his arm, “Even better now.”
It wasn’t long until you reached Jason, who had a cheeky smirk playing on his lips as he blurted out;
“Did you know that Bruce has the ability to conjure up such emotions as jeal-?!?“ Bruce put a hand to Jason’s mouth quickly, and smiled at you,
“I think it’s time to go.” Bruce stated, “Bye Jason.”
You looked around confused, but followed as Bruce led you outside. But before Bruce left, he lent back, and whispered in Jason’s ear, “Don’t make me re-break that arm.”
“Try me old man.”
And then Bruce chuckled, with a warm and grateful heart.
Jason stood straight and smiled kindly, “You’re welcome Bats.”
Your family is a lot to handle. As the matriarch, you know this. However, you don’t really understand how much they are until Duke comes into your lives. Cass had come from a horrible situation, but a familiar one. Bruce knew how to deal with her training. Duke’s situation is completely different.
The boy had come from a loving home, with two wonderful parents. You’d read up on them, and with Duke’s help, you’d written their obituaries. In the days leading up to the funeral, you can’t help but worry. He barely eats anything, and he leaves the room when more than three people are in it.
The only one who doesn’t seem surprised is Alfred. When you question him about it he says, “The poor boy is grieving, Mrs. Wayne. His entire world has been turned upside down, he’s in a brand new environment, and to be quite honest, your children can be a lot to deal with.”
You purse your lips, “So Bruce went through the same thing?”
The old man smiles, “Master Bruce was quite different. With him I had to deal with him risking his life, and other odd entities.”
You roll your eyes, “Of course. What changed that?”
The butler smiles, “You, Mrs. Wayne. You pulled him out.” Without another word, you watch the butler go.
You lay in bed awake the night before the funeral, and without thought you send you arm flying so that your hand lands right on Bruce’s face. You feel him smile, before he kisses it. Turning towards you he asks, “Can’t sleep?”
“I’m worried about him, Bruce.”
“Me too.” There’s several minutes of silence before you toss the covers aside.
Bruce groans, “Don’t go, the bed will get cold.”
You smile, “Well I should hope so, I’m going to get ice cream.”
He smiles back and says, “Alfred will kill us for eating upstairs.”
“Then we shouldn’t leave any evidence.”
You make your way through the Manor, and you’re a bit surprised to find the kitchen light already on. You find Duke at the island with a plate of leftovers in front of him. You hesitate before walking in. He looks up and meets your gaze.
There’s a few minutes of silence before you say, “I came down to sneak ice cream. Do you want some?”
It doesn’t surprise you when he doesn’t respond. Instead of pushing, you head to the fridge, and then you hear, “What kind is it?”
You smile, “Cookie dough. I keep it hidden behind the broccoli, but that’s just between you and me, but I’m willing to share.”
He nods, and you pull out two bowls. You scoop generous servings into each and slide a bowl in front of him before pulling your own bowl in front of you. You don’t push him to talk, you wait for him to make the first move, “I’m dreading tomorrow.”
You meet his eyes, before sticking a spoonful of ice cream in your mouth, “I get it. My parents’ funeral was horrible.”
You nod, “They died in a car accident when I was eight. My grandmother raised me until she died when I was sixteen. Since then, it’s been Bruce and me.”
You watch him play with his ice cream, “Why was it so bad?”
“There were a lot of people there that I didn’t know, all saying how sorry they were. I was tired of hearing sorry by that point. Sorry didn’t bring them back, and none of those people could understand how I felt. Everyone’s pain is different. And losing parents at a young age is just…”
He nods, “Yeah. You think it’ll be that way for me?”
“There’s a good chance. That being said, Bruce and I have both been there, we have a few tricks.”
“Bruce has been there, too?”
“It’s one of the things that brought us together. Bruce’s parents were killed when he was eight too. But he had a lot of focus on him, being the Wayne heir. Alfred kept him pretty sheltered.”
“What tricks do you have?”
You smile, “Sandwich yourself between me and Bruce, use the other kids as shields if you need to. They know how to deal with people who might not have the best intentions.”
“You think there will be people like that?”
You sigh, “If only because of Bruce and me, I’m sorry in advance. We draw a lot of press attention, and there’s not a whole lot we can do about it. Now you’ll have to deal with it too. I’m sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be.” You meet his eyes, and he gives you a small smile, “Bruce saved my life, he didn’t have to do anything else. He didn’t even have to do that. Instead he stayed with me, he was there every time I woke up, and then you guys took me in. You guys didn’t have to do that.”
You blink back tears, “Duke, I want you to know… we know we can’t replace your parents. We don’t want to, either. We do want to be your family, though. I know the kids are a lot to deal with. Damian and Helena are a pair of hellions, Lord knows, and Dick loves to flip around, and Jason and Tim bicker, and Cass has this ability to sneak up on you…”
Duke reaches over and places a hand on yours, “Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for being here. I look forward to being a part of this family.”
With a smile, you stand up and walk over to him, and then you wrap him in the tightest hug you can. He hugs you back, and a moment later, he starts sobbing. You hold him until he falls asleep. When the sound of light snores hit your ears, you feel a hand settle on your shoulder. Turning, you smile at Bruce, and watch as he effortlessly lifts your newest son into his arms.
Together, you put him to bed. You stand there, watching him sleep, with Bruce next to you. You stare at his sleeping face and you know, he’s your son. He’s one of your kids.
“I wonder if I’m showing up in a comic book right now,” you said, staring out the apartment window. “That would be pretty cool.”
Jason laughed and joined you by the window, “Yeah, but how would they draw you? From what I’ve heard, you don’t like all of the styles they draw me in.”
You nodded, “It’s probably the dude that’s in charge of drawing Red Hood and The Outlaws.”
“He does get my good side,” he joked.
You snorted and nodded once again, your focus still on the beautiful horizon of Gotham. It had been two months since you magically appeared in Jason’s apartment, freaking both him and you out. After that fiasco, he called Roy to help you adjust to the weird universe you might be stuck in. None of the members of the Justice League called Jason to tell him they figured out how to send you back home, and you were starting to lose hope. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy spending time with Jason and Roy, but you worried for you family and friends. You worried that they might think you were kidnapped, killed or even sold in human trafficking. You shuddered at the thought.