old lady on a pig

The signs as Percy Jackson chapter titles
  • Aries: Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death
  • Taurus: Pigs Fly
  • Gemini: My Birthday Party Takes a Dark Turn
  • Cancer: Demon Pigeons Attack
  • Leo: I Have a Dam Problem
  • Virgo: We Meet the Dragon of Eternal Bad Breath
  • Libra: Nico Buys Happy Meals for the Dead
  • Scorpio: I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom
  • Sagittarius: Everybody Hates Me But the Horse
  • Capricorn: Clarisse Blows Up Everything
  • Aquarius: I Am Dumped
  • Pisces: The Council Gets Cloven

Agent Tequila one hundred percent has a fully functioning farm in Kentucky. He has two German Sheperds, Clint and Billy the Kid, a Border Collie named Belle and a Sheepdog named Calamity Jane. He has a bunch of cats roaming around, that sleep in the hay bales, that he’s sure he’s named but a lot are neighbour cats and he can’t tell the difference anymore. So they are all named Kitty and they follow him around when he goes to do his chores in the mornings.

He has a few cattle in the back pasture, along with two thoroughbred horses called Duchess and Princess. There’s a donkey somewhere out there, too, that was his dad’s but that donkey is an actual asshole and it’s only every once in awhile that Tequila will be able to approach him and not almost get kicked in the face. He loves that asshole donkey with all his heart.

He has a chicken coop beside the barn where he sells fresh eggs to his neighbours and friends, along with a rabbit hutch, mostly Holland Lops. He thinks they are adorable and that’s legitimately the only reason he raises them.

For a stint, he raised some goats when his neighbour couldn’t anymore and brought goat milk to Statesmen HQ. Whiskey and Champ told him explicitly that he should never bring goat milk again; Ginger gave him her best “you tried” smile. He ended up selling the goats because god, they are a lot of work, and they eat everything. He misses them terribly.

Of course, he has pot-bellied pigs. He has two old ladies who have been with him for years: Bessie and Joann. His grumpy old grandpa pig, Walter, is a riot and just lays in the mud all day and snorts. Tequila thinks he’s amazing.

For awhile, he also had two llamas, an alpaca and small herd of sheep (it’s when he got Calamity Jane). He sheered them for wool for a local yarn shop. He even learned to knit and has a pair of wool socks made from some of the felt he gave them. They are his favourite socks ever and frequently needs them darned.

In short, Tequila loves animals.

@virgosista

my mom keeps being like “oh dont forget about daisy now that you have a new baby guinea pig :( :( shes getting old but shes still cute too :(” and im just like buddy if you think i cant smother two guinea pigs in affection at the same time u are sorely mistaken

Bad Kids Jokes Special:  Unanswered Jokes 5

Submissions by different kids, all without answers.

why did the chiken wear a hat
what do you call a cow with a drink of water
what do you do when you are face to face with a elefant?
what do you do when you find a old chicken
DID YOU HAVE FUN AT WORK
why do you have five toes
WHAT IS BIG AS A DINSAUR BUT DOES NOT WEIGH ANYTHIG
why did a ladie go outside
how did the egg escape from the police.
why did a sandwitch cross the road.
what do you call a cat with no lags?
whats a parot with one eye
ha ha! u are a pancake
do you now that bears live on trees.
why did the djdhdkdbjdbsjbjbjsjsbsjddjdvdjdgbdjddhdjdbddbes
y was the old lady sad.
y did u become a basketball player.
what did the pig say when the chikeken ate the other chicen
HOWD DO SHEEP PLAY FOOTBALL.
hey can`t you see I am showering hear
why did Keith crosse the road
what do you call a duck eating eating ducks with pancakes on top
Why did the dear eat the duck.
hallo my name is robson
It Is True That A Sock Is As Big As The World!
Why did the kettle fall of the bunker
what do you say to a dirty raccoon
1.Do you like cows.
underwears?
What’s the pirate of cheeses of the mouses?

For Cloud’s Birthday Week 2k14! Fic below the read more :)
Title: Stop, Drop, and Roll
Summary: Cloud’s beloved—but big, dumb and slobbery—puppy Angeal makes a puppy friend at the dog park.  It’s just a shame Zack’s owner is such a dick.

Keep reading

Kaji: (When I was really little while at a supermarket) I put my hand in the back pocket of a woman I thought was my mom, but it was an old lady I didn’t know and she said something like “Stop that you filthy pig!”
Shimono: To a little kid?! Hahahaha!

梶「(幼少時、買い物中スーパーで)母親だと思ってズボンの後ろのポケットに手を突っ込んだら…知らないおばさんで…『ちょっとやめてこの汚ならしい雄豚め』みたいな感じで…」
下野「幼稚園児に向かって?!ww」

—  【息もできないくらいFT】
Iki Mo Dekinai Kurai FT
(As a kid, Yuki Kaji couldn’t catch a break…)