old folks home

anonymous asked:

like your blog but no offense how are you on Tumblr in ur late 20s?

Good question anon! Here’s my secret: the old folks home lets us out for an hour of water aerobics every day and while the other residents are huffing and puffing like a bunch of suckers I’m off to the side of the pool with everything I need for posting quality content to Tumblr Dot Com.

anonymous asked:

Wow you literally remember 1991? That's so weird to me, I was born the year The Phantom Menace came out :') Gosh I feel soo young now hahaha

LOL well I’m glad to have made you feel youthful…because if you were born in 1999, you most assuredly are youthful. ;) 

And yes, I do indeed remember 1991. Twas a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…but I was there! 

Music Lessons

My father had a recurring dream over the last several years of his life. In the dream was he was standing in the middle of a green field listening to cows argue about grass. He claimed that after a while their strange cow language became a kind of music, which he eventually composed on an electronic keyboard. He felt the music was important so he played the music in our church. But when he wanted to do a repeat performance, the church thought it best to give other members a chance to share their talents. So, he played at the old folks home. They asked him to stop after about ten minutes and told him not to come back until he learned some “songs.”

Eventually, he invented 23 original musical instruments and recorded himself playing them one at a time. He performed out in the woods behind an abandoned factory, where the sound and color was just right. He intertwined all the tracks together in one big master track. He played the full  3-hour recording for our family one Saturday afternoon in a mountain lodge full of speakers he’d rented for the occasion.

The music started as a low buzzing that slowly gave birth to the entirety of sound. Mind numbing boredom transformed into bliss-inducing catatonia. The weird resonating frequency caused me to go into a trance. My brain felt like it was being stroked by a million electric feathers of pure white awareness. I lost consciousness.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I was completely blind. I could see nothing but blackness. But I was told my blindness was psychological. My father had killed himself after he’d shot everyone in the family. I must have fainted when he shot at me so I wasn’t hurt. Just psychologically blinded.

Apparently, there was no music. My mind had made it all up. My mind has made up a lot of things over the years, I guess. The doctor said this was because I couldn’t bear the truth. The funny thing was, in the end, my truth was really no different than anyone else’s. But for some reason, my poor little mind couldn’t handle it.

I regained my sight 3 ½ months later. One Saturday night, King Kong was on TV and I really wanted to see it. It was the 1970s King Kong with Jessica Lange and Jeff Bridges. When I heard Kong’s first roar, I could suddenly see again. I was thrilled! Still, I cried when King Kong fell to his death. I cried so hard I hid under the blankets, even though there was no one there to see me.

A child that never knew their grandparents has just learned what grandparents are, and thinks that they sound wonderful. The child sneaks out to go to the nearby old folks home to choose their very own grandparents.

5

okay but have you considered little old lady fanclub

(because if there’s one thing conversations with my grandma and her crew at the old folk’s home has made clear to me it is that polite young people with nice arses are a desirable commodity at all ages)

Jerome X reader Jerome’s point of view Continuance of a request I had received.

I woke up in a cell in the asylum the blackened ceiling staring into my eyes. seeming to mock and scream at me. The last memory I had was seeing Y/N  damned tear soaked face. Her make-up was running down her face- it was hideous looking but my eyes continued to watch her as Gotham’s finest in uniform tug at her pulling a little to hard for my liking. My cop friends had gotten me to the police rig that was going to bring me to my judgement but before they could open the door I had jumped up putting both of my feet from the door, there was no stopping their actions they had complete control of the situation. I regretfully had no tricks up my sleeves either.

 We killed all the old hags and were going to string them up around the old folks home as a… well.. there was no real reason to it, just something to do. The one of those cocky son’s of bitches stabbed me.. Foul play, I wasn’t ready for it. Now I’m here wondering where she is. Damn. Nursing my undeserved wound I kicked my feet over the cot coming to an uneasy stand then walking towards the bars I rotted behind. “You-who!?” I shouted out not expecting an answer. I growled at the silence clearly hearing the fat slob at the desk at the end of the hall breathing while he downed one of his many donuts. “Honey I’m home?!” I tried again hearing a slight chuckle from the pile. Snarling I grabbed the safety pin I kept hidden behind the loose part of my face, laying in the right side of my forehead. Despite all the doc’s fine work that part comes loose. 

Pausing I waited to hear his deep snores. I was going to unlock my cell hoping none of the idiots around me would say something ruining everything… Then I would grab his gun shoot him in the head and escape! I furrowed the muscles under my face at my plan. Wait what about Y/n she’s got to be here as well. I hadn’t seen her in two days now.. I think.. They would have ruled her insane just as they had done me many times… But what if they didn’t? I froze not liking the sound of that thought. “Damn” I grunted not waiting for the slob to fall asleep. Once the cell door clicked open I stepped out walking casually towards the guard I now recognized to be Burt… I hate Burt. He didn’t spot me until I was at the front of the desk watching his face twist in longing as he stared intently at naked women in one of the dirty magazines he partook in ever so often. I knocked on the desk. “Hello Burt” I said he jumped up out of his seat throwing the magazine to the floor. “What are you doing out of your cell?” he said. I put my hand out shushing him. This was no time for games I had my pain in the ass to save. “Nows not the time Burt” I suddenly jumped at him snatching his gun readying myself to fire it in his face. 

Then I thought to myself if I shoot him I might waste time looking for her all to be arrested and locked up again. I squinted my eyes at him watching him shake and sweat. Gross. “Now Burt I will let you live if you tell me something only you loons should know” Suddenly I choked on the blood that ran down my throat. “-Excuse me. Where do they keep my girlfriend. Ya’ know smokin’ hot blonde, green eyes…” 

Something ugly in my switched on. A dark feeling that made my body feel like it wanted her around. Shaking my head I continued on. “Tattoos?” He seemed to calm down. “You will let me live if I tell you?” He said with misplaced hope of course I wasn’t going to let him live but if he was a smart man he could just grab the gun they keep strapped under all the desks in case of a situation just like our current one and shoot me ending all of this… But no. “Yes Burt now spill the beans”  He nodded his head looking nervously around, other inmates had crept to the end of their cells peering with beady eyes. “They keep her in acute and-” I cut him off concerned at the word acute that’s where they kept the suicide kings and queens. “Acute? why there?” He stuttered “Well she tried to kill herself, she stole one of the therapists belts and they found her hanging from the top of her cell. She’s alive but unstable.” My eyes widened and a hot feeling rose to my head. Calmly I thanked Burt shooting him in the throat being careful not to get any blood of his suit, I would need it. The inmates around me began to cheer. “Quiet down! Are you trying to get me in trouble?” I stuck my gun up and they quieted down. “Thank you” Quickly I changed out of my clothes in to the officers, snatching the gun for y/n from under the desk. 

It was pretty easy getting to the doors that led into acute, getting in was worrying. Carefully watching around me I beeped Burt’s badge on the scanner allowing me to open the doors. The scars around my face made it easier o recognize who I was as flattering as it looked on me people generally didn’t like to see me. I looked around the completely white room. Growing jealous at how the living quarters these patients got to sleep in. There was actual padding on the bed even a little blanket. My eyes wandered around before continuing in my search, there seemed to be only one patient in the room so there was no guard on duty, ,something totally against policy and when I got out I am going to write a letter to the administrators.”Y/n” I hissed waiting for a reply “Baby?” I said again gentler. “Yes?” I heard a sad voice. My heart thumped ridiculously and my legs carried me automatically towards her crackling voice. Something in me didn’t want to look at her again in fear?.. of seeing her torn up and bleeding again.

 When I got to her cell I looked at her and she was… beautiful as always.. Sitting in the middle of the white cell, a white bag type uniform covering her as well as a deep purple and blue bruise peaking through all the new tattoos she had proudly given herself. Her green eyes red rimmed like she had been crying for years. I knelled down in wonder of how sad she looked. “Have you been crying?” I said watching her face twist in disgust. “Of course I have Jerome you pile” She turned away from me whispering “Go away” My fist slammed the bars in anger with myself “Look Y/n I’m sorry.. I think” My thoughts questioned my emotions but I snapped out of it for her. “You’re never sad. All I have ever seen you do it smile?” She turned around scooting closer to me. As fast as I could I stuck my hands in between the bars to touch her. something I think I was wanting for awhile. “You mean that?” She said her lunatic eyes matching the same color of mine scanned my face. I nodded solemnly looking down at my bloodied hands in sadness, which I never did believe me. “It’s been gross not having you around” I said peaking up at her. She was looking at me in wonder her pink lips slightly opened, I wanted to touch them. Slowly I brought my face in between the bars puckering my lips. She didn’t catch on as fast as I was hoping but when she did a smile spread a crossed her pale face then she began leaning forward which took for to long. My arms itched to grab her head and slam it against mine but I waited patiently until I could fel the heat of hers just about to connect with mine and… 

“What in the hell is going on here?” An angry sounding man said behind me. I growled turning around pointing my gun at him. “Excuse you?” 

  Thank you for reading this is the continuance of a request I had received because I liked it and decided to run with it. I will be posting four stories today- one more Jerome, two Jared and one of my Bruce Wayne x Wife x Joker’s son. More to come Same Bat-Time Same Bat-Channel!

Originally posted by gonfreaked

  • Geoff: One day, I'm going to be in an old folks home. I'm going to be like seventy-eight, and Gavin's gonna show up, being like, seventy-what? Sixty-nine or however the fuck, and he's gonna be, like, [old man voice] "It's on!"
  • Michael: He's gonna come in and throw his walker at you.
  • Geoff: [old man voice] "I'm finally ready!" "Gavin, no, I'm on dialysis."
  • Gavin: [old man voice] You ready to go, bitch!

Hey, old folks home waitress again!

Boy howdy do i love it when the old bats think i can do a million things at once! I’ll be taking an order and i hear “excuse me! Miss! I/he/she would like such and such” and i give them the 1 sec sign and they’ll look so offended! Like i know you can’t see that great but i am obviously in the middle of taking someone’s order so now i have to ask them AGAIN because they talked over their order. Oh and it’s fantastic when someone orders something and another person at the same table says “i’ll have what she’s having” right when i drop it off when i could have been making both oh and by all means ask me for another thing when i drop that off too when you could have just asked for the thing with your order. And yes PLEASE make me get the smallest thing for you that can wait till AFTER i reset a table right this instant, it’s not like i’m trying to create less work for myself and my coworkers when i get back from my break or, hey, actually get to my break ON TIME for fucking once.

anonymous asked:

I've been with my work place for about a month now and I'm already considering starting to look somewhere new tbh. The work itself isn't bad (catering in an old folks home) but some of the management stuff is driving me up the wall. Trying to plan for personal things has been a nightmare just bc I literally don't get my roster until a day before the work week starts.