old chum!!

Your old buddy old pal old chum NeilNevins.tumblr.com has a job interview tomorrow for a position that pays $60k a year with benefits so send me good vibes or voodo magic please
All My Friends Are Heathens, Pt.5

Summary: In an alternate universe where monsters roam freely among humans, eight of these creatures group together under one roof. Their newest member, a dark vampire, comes to meet their reoccurring house guest who may be more than what she seems.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 4135
Genre: AU
Warnings: Mild language, sexual tension.
A/N: HEY IT’S BEEN MONTHS I KNOW BUT HERE WE ARE!! So remember how I lost the original 2000+ words I had written for Pt.5 before the file got corrupted? Well in this rewrite, I somehow doubled it so get comfy! Also, as a show of gratitude for your patience with me, I’ve been working really hard and I’ll be posting Pt.6 tomorrow and Pt.7 the day after! Three parts in three days, look at you! Just a heads up, Pt.8 will be the final update and then that’s it for this monster of a fic! I love you all so much and thank you for sticking around with me. ❤

P.S. I am such a little shit for extending the slow burn and I’m not even sorry about it…okay I’m really sorry, please don’t lynch me ILYOKAYBYE!

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 Prequel | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5Part 6 | Part 7 |

Originally posted by taliesyne

Originally posted by hoaxvault


“I’ll see you tomorrow, James,” you said, blushing at the way he smiled back. Admiring the way his lips still looked full and plump as he grinned, and the way his long lashes fluttered against his cheeks.

Bucky passed his tongue over his fangs as he watched you walk away, just one more day and he would have you again.

“I made a promise, didn’t I?”

Keep reading

Overwatch AU: Partner in Crime

Well, once again a one shot AU received a lot of attention and demand for more so here we are! Part 2 of “To Catch a Thief” @reypadawanjedi‘s Thief AU!

Part 1

Read on AO3

Commissioned by @moonwatcher13


Lena bought a police radio, which wasn’t as hard to get a hold of as she originally thought.

“What do you think?” she casually asked over her shoulder as she tweaked the knobs, searching for a channel to listen into while holding the old headphones that were probably used on a much larger head as she needed to keep a good grip on it to keep it from falling right off her ear.

Amelie had just silently slipped in through the window, gently closing it shut behind her. She was just about to admire the brand new window as it closed without a single squeak or struggle, (Not that this had stopped her before but that gesture was nice) but upon entering the dark apartment save for the small light by the kitchen counter, there was Lena, sitting with complete concentration on the bar stool with a radio on the table.

She couldn’t believe it.

It had only been a few days since they made official arrangements to be partners and Lena was all in.

She continued to work as a deadbeat waitress despite now receiving a cut of Amelie’s “profits” which was more than what she made in a month. She put it in her savings account in bits at a time to not raise any suspicion and made purchases in cash.

She stocked her fridge with drinks and snacks of Amelie’s choosing, leaving them out on the new table, in front of the new couch with new blankets and pillows. All of it would be at the ready when she returned from a successful haul, she could kick off her shoes and relax while the police scrambled to search the city for her. The situation couldn’t have landed in a more perfect place for her.

“Why does it feel like you’ve done this before cherie?” she laughed, playfully plucking the unfinished bottle of hard cider that sat beside the radio, taking a quick swig.

Keep reading

Your metabolisms reaction to treating it right
  • Breakfast: what a great start, thank fuck I don't have to start the day in a panic, now I know I have what I need to not have to hold onto anything that comes my way, and I can start focusing on functioning properly
  • Snack: alright, thanks a lot, I'm glad I trusted you. Another snack came my way and I was able to continue giving you the best possible energy I can deliver
  • Lunch: gee I needed this, I've been working for a while and need to maintain my hard work. Thanks for feeding me, I'll be able to carry on
  • Snack: thank you dear
  • Dinner: hell fucking yeah fish and chips how did you know that's exactly the amount of protein and carbs I needed. Oh? You listened to your cravings? Great we're really close he always knows what I need
  • Snack: I'm getting tiered but I'm going to have to keep working whilst you sleep, so you still need to fuel me. until the morning old chum!

Feeling left behind by her more successful, settled friends, Emma Swan moves to Scotland on a whim. Sure, she’s winning at Instagram, but something is still missing from her new life. Fortunately, her friends back home are on it. #FindEmmaSwanAFriend goes viral. Enter Killian Jones, reluctant columnist, who is on the hunt for his newest subject, and may just have found her. CS AU

also on ff.net

PSA: This is not a chapter of #FindEmmaSwanAFriend, but a complementary work, Killian’s column in the January edition of Saorsa. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Tagging: @katie-dub, @wholockgal, @kat2609, @whovianlunatic, @optomisticgirl, @ladyciaramiggles, @the-lady-of-misthaven, @emmaswanchoosesyou@ilovemesomekillianjones, and whoever else asks.

Killian Jones

January, 2017.

I’m afraid that if you’ve come for another one of Ian McKenzie’s treatises on the everyday heroism of the common man, you’ve arrived at the wrong place. For you see, after fifteen years of loyal service at this revered pillar of journalism, Mr McKenzie has retired to the quiet life, to tend his flock of llamas and work on his Borders accent.

We wish him well, but of course that does leave me in a bit of a pickle. How to respect his legacy, and at the same time, strike out on my own? Well, I had a few ideas about that.

Now Ian had a habit of cornering unsuspecting strangers until they gave him a quote and a photo. A tried and true approach, that, and it never did that Humans of New York lad any harm. Who doesn’t love to see their friends and neighbours immortalised in print? But you see, Ian had that jolly way about him, whereas I’ve got a permanent five o’clock shadow and a glorified hook for a hand. It tends to make the locals skittish. Also, I fear there’s far too much walking involved.

Keep reading

Basket Case

A/N: Anon asked: Could you pretty please do a little something where Barba comforts the reader who is a new detective at SVU and has terrible anxiety and tried to cover it with sarcasm but ends up having a panic attack during a case?

SVU; it had been your dream since you’d first joined the academy, ever since you’d seen Olivia Benson speaking at a conference about the statistics of sexual assault in Manhattan. That had been 5 years ago. You had joined the police force because you’d wanted to make a difference.

At the age of fourteen, your best friend had disappeared, never to be seen again. Her disappearance had take something from you, but had also left you with something in return: an unwanted gift.

The piece of your heart which your friend had taken was now occupied by a creature called Dread. On the whole, you had learnt to tame the wild creature. It had plagued your childhood with fits of panic and paralyzing fear.

But now you were older and stronger, better at fighting the creature, taming the beast, pushing it into submission. You had not let the creature keep you from your goals of joining the police academy, making detective or joining SVU.

Keep reading

Klaine one-shot - “Come to the Cabaret!” (Rated NC17)

Blaine has big plans for his and Kurt’s first weekend alone in the loft, plans that turn out to be a little bit racier than Kurt ever dreamed his sweet, dapper boyfriend would make. Kurt does his best to help pull them off, but they hit one little snafu … (2138 words)

Takes place Blaine’s senior year of high school while Kurt’s living in New York. Written for @sunshineoptimismandangels, inspired by her one-shot Santa Baby, which you should all go and read (after you read mine xD)

Read on AO3.

“Did you get it? Did you get it? Did you get it? Did you get it?”

“Hold on, Blaine!” Kurt chuckles, switching his messenger bag strap and his phone to his left shoulder in order to get his keys out of his right pants pocket. “I just got home! I’m not even inside yet!”

“Was there anything outside the door?” Blaine asks.

“No, but there wasn’t anything in the mailbox, either, so Rachel might have brought the mail in before she went to work. I told her after our last call that you would be sending me something so she knew to look out for it.”

“Well, tell me if you see a box anywhere when you get inside.”

“A box?” Kurt slides the loft door open and takes a quick look around. “You didn’t say anything about a box. How big a box are we talking about?”

“Not too big,” Blaine promises. “About the size of small moving box maybe?”

“I don’t see …” Kurt’s search stops in the kitchen. “Wait a minute … yup, here it is, on the kitchen table.” Kurt looks over the box, plain and brown, with nothing printed on it that would give Kurt a clue as to what might be inside. “Please tell me this one’s not full of puppets like the last one.”

Keep reading

CABARET - Feb 15 ((Full Recording)) ((Emma's Last Performance))

So here it is —I’m sorry it took me so long to upload, I’ve been a bit busy, but here it is :) 

There is definitely some sniffling ((I’m so sorry)) but it is not nearly as bad as I thought it was ((I spent the better part of the 2nd act tearing up, so yeah, I thought it’d be way worse haha))

I hope you enjoy —all of you dear anons that kept asking me upload it; here it is! This performance was PHENOMENAL & by far one of my favorites I’ve been to! Em was so good, and Alan & everybody else too! :) 

((Feb 22 performance with Andrea Goss will follow soon! I’ll have a listen & then put it up, I promise! :)

Dear Reading Slump,

I am writing to ask when are you leaving? I understand that you must visit after particularly good books are done and gone, but why must you stay for so long? I’ve spent my nights trying to read book after book to no avail. I’ve stood in front of my shelves trying to convince myself that I must read a particular book because surely that one will stick. I have opened book after book, read first sentence after first sentence, but there you are, asking me for a snack or a drink or a way to entertain you. 

I understand that we all get lonely sometimes. We all need a companion to egg us on while we binge watch a television show, or talk ourselves into going outside to do regular human being things like meeting up with non-fiction friends. In a way, you are sometimes a friend because your attendance in my life ensures that I do other things that don’t include reading. 

I know what you’re thinking, Reading Slump. You want me to thank you for your services, but actually, no. I need you to piss off. There are about a few dozen books I need and want to read but your constant nagging and hand-holding is starting to wear thin on me. 

Okay, I’m sorry. I may not be going about this the right way. But Reading Slump, old chum. Old Pal. Kindly, just for now and ever more, leave. Just, please, leave me alone. Fade, flip-flop, fly, flee out of here–all of these words are just excuses not to say fuck off, please. 


Your disgruntled hostess. 

P.S. Please put the seat back down when you’re done using the toilet. 

P.P.S. When you’re done with the eggs, please TELL me. 

P.P.P.S. Stop staring at my stack of books. I’m not lending you any. 

Deja-Ryu Week: (Jan.30-Feb.5)

After the reveal of Tracer’s status as a lesbian being confirmed in Overwatch’s last holiday-related comic, I decided to put an end to (atleast my Tumblr involvement of) the Genji x Tracer ship to show my respect to Tracer’s sexuality as well as the people who love and respect her as a symbol for said sexuality. But I made a commitment to this event long before the holiday comic was released and I have a responsiblity see it through! The spot was reserved months ago and I plan to use it. So yes my fellow Genji x Tracer fans, Deja-Ryu week is starting Jan 30th and ends on Feb 5. 

For those like myself that are unfamiliar with how Shipping Weeks work, they seem to be split up into separate days each with a particular theme that you may create art pieces or write fan fiction relating to the ship and the current theme.  The themes are as followed:

Jan 30th Day 1: ( Flank! )- Works focusing on Genji and Tracer’s in-game speed-based flanking abilities, perhaps in a friendly teamwork way or even as rivals for who’s deadlier!

Jan 31st Day 2: ( Training Days )- Works related to how the pair interacted back in their training days while wearing those fetching training suits shown in a photo on Winston’s computer. Perhaps as good old chums or even sparring buddies.

Feb 1st Day 3: ( Reunion )- Genji and Tracer reestablishing their friendship and catching up after the Recall Winston put into action.

Feb 2nd Day 4: ( Punks )- Genji and Tracer in punk-attire as seen in their young and punk skins respectively doin “hoodrat $h!t!”

Feb 3rd Day 5: ( Talon )- An Alternate Universe where Genji and Tracer are Talon field agents instead of Reaper and Widowmaker, I think the pair would make for an oddly more deadly team than the Ghostly Sharpshooter and the Accurate Sniper!

Feb 4th Day 6: ( Butts )- Humorous and/or possibly sexy works related to the two characters with arguably the most controversial butts in the Overwatch community! 

Feb 5th Day 7: ( Damaged )- Works depicting Genji’s damaged body and/or Tracer’s damaged Chronal Accelerator and how the two deal with it!

 The ship can be Platonic (or if you may be so bold, Romantic) and can contain Safe For Work or Not Safe For Work elements, so long as they are related to our two favorite speedy flankers! Also keep in mind to be nice and respectful, this is a hetero ship containing a canonically gay character so controversy may come as a result of this week; just keep in mind that if it’s platonic then there is no problem with it, but if it does come with romantic implications just remember if you come in contact with controversy to be respectful and understanding and explain that your ship came from a time before Tracer’s sexuality was revealed and that you are celebrating the love of the characters and the idea of them loving each other whether it be platonic or romantically and that you are not erasing her homosexuality. 

Remember to have fun and I hope you will join me despite your artistic or writing level, all works are welcome, I hope to see you there! 

ashleybenlove  asked:

The gang, Snoggletog at Dragon's Edge and... [Imperial March begins to play loudly and incessantly] THE YAKNOG STRIKES BACK. 🙀🙀🙀

I’m gonna guess Imperial March is the Star Wars theme :D I’m not in the fandom.

- It all starts when Snotlout wakes up early and he realizes that it’s snowing heavily and there’s no way they’re gonna be able to go back to Berk.

- And they can’t wait cause the dragons gotta go lay their eggs.

- The gang is KINDA upset, but they’re all also hiding half giddy smiles from each other at the prospect of spending Snoggletog together. As a family.

- Astrid is in her element, she starts putting up decorations, cooking, heck, she’s singing carols. Loudly. It’s awful.

- Ruffnut helps her out at the boys’ request so that Ast doesn’t do anything too crazy. Ruff marvels at the fact that she is preventing someone else from being crazy.

- Fishlegs and Tuffnut try to gather as much food as they can. Along the way, they both heartily sing and mimic Astrid’s voice. Old chums singing and laughing together. Fishlegs wonders when he and Tuff got to a point where they could be so casual like this.

- And Hiccup and Snotlout help the Night Terrors get to a safe spot on the island to have their eggs (I’m guessing they don’t go to the one the rest do since they live far out). They both confess that it’s kind of nice to spend a holiday without the pressures from their dads. Hiccup and Snotlout are bonding, having fun, doing imitations.

- Astrid is doing everything with a smile and Ruff’s watching her with a wider smile and asking why she gets so excited about the holidays. Insert Astrid’s Cute Story™ and Ruff nudges her and tells her she should be this happy more often. Astrid punches her shoulder lightly and says, “I’ll try.”

- On Snoggletog, the gang spends the whole day together, with nothing more than light teasing and holiday giddiness. Everyone avoids the yaknog like a disease, and eventually they tell Astrid what they think of it. Fishlegs offers to work with her on the recipe and she relents.

- Basically the gang is happy and full and together and they love each other and this is a plea to let me write a Snoggletog episode of RTTE.

I did this on my phone, so sorry for any mistakes.

Send me HTTYD headcanon requests!

anonymous asked:

gonna need to hear Accent Rant Part II: Featuring** Draco Malfoy (**STARRING)


so you know whenever you watch a film set in England any time between the 1880s and the 1930s there’s always that one posh cock who says something rude and classist and demoralising to The Hero™ while wearing a dinner jacket and everyone TITTERS into their champagne flutes and you know, as you stare murderously at his perfectly parted hair, that he’s going to get his Comeuppance SOMEHOW, even if you have to drag YOURSELF through the celluloid to PUNCH HIM ON HIS ARISTOCRATIC NOSE?

Draco Malfoy sounds like that guy. 

just for example: Benedict ‘bite it… you have to bite it’ Cumberbatch in Atonement, Rupert Everett in pretty much anything, Jude Law as Bosie in Wilde, Achievable Goals Please Jeff in Pride, the classically handsome but predictable shitty one in Kingsman: The Secret Service, Colin Firth in the 1995 Pride and Prejudice (some of these examples don’t fit the bill re: horrid rich dude in a movie, but all of them fit the bill re: horrid rich accent in a movie, so whatever, sorry about it, Colin), every single person in The Riot Club, Jason Isaacs in Peter Pan, JASON ISAACS IN HARRY POTTER, which I will bring up again IN A JIFFY, any Conservative politician in any film – not to mention a great swathe of Tory politicians in real life, but ESPECIALLY Boris Johnson. 

actually, Boris Johnson is probably the best example, mainly for entertaining Parallel Life reasons (PLUS someone actually wrote him as Draco’s uncle/Minister for Magic in a fic once, which I would have found absolutely hilarious if I hadn’t read it the week after Brexit) – him or David Cameron, though I do like to think that Draco Malfoy is more of an Alarmingly Blond, Deceptively Intelligent Career Politician Cultivates Reputation As Eccentric sort of person than a Fucks Dead Pig Mouths sort of person, but then Boris Johnson is at least partly responsible for Brexit, so which is worse, really?

A N Y W A Y, if Draco Malfoy wasn’t a wizard, he’d have gone to Eton, gone to Oxbridge, and then taken up his father’s seat in the House of Lords because you can fucking bet the Muggle Malfoys would be hereditary peers or whatever. he would have only shown up for the votes on, like, rich people taxes, and spent the rest of his time as a member of the Right Honourable the Lords Spiritual and Temporal of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland fucking about and driving all the Lib Dems absolutely crackers.*

*can I just say right now that my political knowledge is extremely lacking, so if this paragraph reads like gobbledegook that’s because it probs is. 

in fact, all the shit I said about Justin Finch-Fletchley’s non-magic AU life? that would be Draco Malfoy’s non-magic AU life, except, unlike Justin, the magical version of Draco Malfoy’s life doesn’t have him ironically located at the bottom of the wizarding and wizard high school hierarchy. Draco Malfoy is the direct wizarding equivalent of Justin Finch-Fletchley’s non-magic AU life. like, canonically. the Malfoys are so rich they don’t work, they have a big, old mansion in Wiltshire, they’re OBSESSED with their own ancestry, and Lucius Malfoy throws money at the government and subsequently has the Minister’s ear despite a) not working at the Ministry, b) having little-to-no background in politics at all, and c) being a pretty much proven baddy. 

and, I mean, if Draco Malfoy isn’t the sort of person who would join a prestigious university drinking club whose Join Our Prestigious University Drinking Club hazing involves burning a £50 note in front of a homeless person, then who would? The Bullingdon Club is basically Young Death Eaters Assoc. (for the record, Draco is the one who’d write the tell-all memoir years later when all his old club chums are in positions of power in the government, Theodore Nott would be the one who rattled a dead pig and then became Prime Minister. I would also like to issue an apology for ever implying that Justin Finch-Fletchley would stoop so low as to shag deceased livestock. he seems like a nice enough chap.) 

anyway. Draco Malfoy is these levels of posh, is what I’m saying. Eton-Oxbridge-Westminster posh. Monty Python’s Upper Class Twit of the Year posh. ALSO, all of this + unnaturally blond hair Draco Malfoy is Magic Boris Johnson. (or maybe Lucius Malfoy is Magic Boris Johnson, in which case Voldemort is Nigel Farage and the war is Brexit. I’m living an AU where Harry decided to stay dead and Voldemort won. ha ha.) 

so yes, posh voice like Boris Johnson.

which begs the question: in a film series in which a good 90% of the characters speak Received Pronunciation English with a Definitive Upper Class Lilt regardless of how they should sound according to the book or, like, the laws of school catchment areas, WHY does DRACO MALFOY not sound POSH ENOUGH? HOW DID THEY MANAGE TO DROP THE BALL ON THIS??? why does Hermione Granger, muggleborn daughter of – I assume – middle class dentists, sound like the fourth Crawley sister, while Draco ‘my father bought seven state-of-the-art, outrageously expensive broomsticks just so I, a 12-year-old, would be accepted onto my school house team’ Malfoy sounds like he’s hanging out in the food court of the Croydon Ikea?

don’t get me wrong, I love Tom Felton. Young Me was utterly enamoured by the slicked back hair and the smirking, and he will always have a place in my heart for being so delighted by Drarry and taking the Lauren Lopez thing so fantastically and for reblogging that gay wizard app tweet. BUT DRACO MALFOY ISN’T POSH ENOUGH. NONE OF THE YOUNG SLYTHERIN DEATH EATER SPAWN, I.E. FUTURE BULLINGDON CLUB WANKERS, ARE POSH ENOUGH. IT IS INCENSING. (I have theories about why, and by ‘theories’ I mean one single theory which is absolutely correct, to do with accent and class and stereotyping and blah blah not Harry Potter-related things blah.) 

at least they managed it for Lucius. Jason Isaac’s intense, hissy poshness gives me LIFE. every time he says anything CUTTING (or what is considered cutting by these PG films) I’m low key like ‘…yesss.’ there’s no way that a snakes-head-cane-concealing-weapon-wielding, ponytailed, hanging-out-at-Downing-Street-whispering-things-to-the-PM-even-though-I’m-independently-wealthy-and-have-no-business-here MOTHERFUCKER would let his ONLY SON AND HEIR sound like anything less than someone who’d been frogmarched to young adulthood by twelve governesses with a silver spoon lodged firmly in every orifice and given elocution lessons from BIRTH. I mean

the only person – THE ONLY PERSON – in the Slytherin Squad who doesn’t let me down is THE OG PANSY PARKO in Prisoner of Azkaban. she has one line and she absolutely nails it. the upper-class drawl. the tone of utter boredom. the way she makes ‘Draco’ seem like a perfectly natural name the way few of the other characters manage. I can hear it, in my head, clear as a bell, like she’s right here in my room with me. “Does it hurt terribly, Draco?” incredible. living art. give Genevieve Gaunt and her strangely on-point name fucking Oscar. she is the posh we need to see in Slytherin house! the posh to which all others should aspire!! why wasn’t Genevieve Gaunt and her all-girls-independent-boarding-school-sexy-ambiguously-gay-bully drawl cast as Draco Malfoy?!?!?!

it’s only now that I’ve gotten to the end of this long, Boris Johnson-centric tirade on Draco Malfoy’s poshness that I’ve realised his TRUE Muggle equivalent is Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh: incredibly posh, tactful as a brick, quite racist, which you can blame on upbringing, someone somewhere will eventually start a religious sect believing he’s a divine being. I mean… it’s obvious. Prince Draco. Draco Malfoybatten. it’s all making SENSE!

for the record: Sirius Black also has this accent. carry on.