Welp, it finally happened. I’m reaching the end of these fairy tales and I’ve come across the most gruesome and foul thing that the Grimm Brothers ever wrote about. Let me set the stage for you: A princess is trapped in a glass mountain and forced to be a servant for Old Rinkrank (because of course she is). She waits years for her chance to escape, and it finally comes: as Rinkrank is trying to climb inside of her room, she SHUTS HIS LONG LUXURIOUS BEARD IN THE WINDOW. [shudders] The horror! The agony! The beard abuse! I’m having phantom pains in my own beard just thinking about it…
#198 THE CRYSTAL BALL
Princesses that need saving abound in this fairy tale collection. Some rescue missions are easier than others, obviously. Here’s a description of what this particular hero had to face to save the lady:
A wild bull will stand below by a spring, and you must fight with it, and if you have the luck to kill it, a fiery bird will spring out of it, which bears in its body a burning egg, and in the egg the crystal ball lies like a yolk. The bird will not, however, let the egg fall until forced to do so, and if it falls to the ground, it will flame up and burn everything that is near, and melt even ice itself, and with it the crystal ball, and then all your trouble will have been in vain.
After that story, I wouldn’t have blamed the hero for simply saying “No thank you!” and rushing off to live a long and trouble free life without princesses, bulls, fiery birds, burning eggs, or crystal balls.
#199 MAID MALEEN
Maid Maleen’s father wanted her to marry this guy. Maleen loved and wanted to marry another guy. So, her father did what every other well reasoned father would do in that situation: he built a dark tower, shut her inside it for seven years, and waited until she changed her mind. I mean, never mind hearing the poor girl out and considering her feelings. It’s all good, though: his kingdom gets destroyed and she gets to marry her beau. I’m curious as to whether he was more upset about the loss of his kingdom than the loss of his daughter…
#200 THE BOOTS OF BUFFALO LEATHER
A soldier meets a hunter in the forest, and they decide to travel together. The soldier is very forthcoming with the hunter that he has absolutely no talent, and has to beg for his food. They come across some robbers, and guess who defeats them? The soldier. You know how? BY SPEAKING MAGIC WORDS TO THEM AND TURNING THEM INTO STONE. Bro, are you short-changing yourself or just trying to be modest?! No talent, pssh!
#201 THE GOLDEN KEY
I wish I could tell you that the tales part of the Grimm’s collection ends on a high note, and that it is by far the best of all the tales. But nope. This is a single paragraph story about a boy who finds a key and a chest. He turns the key in the chest, and then…nothing. The End. We’re told to wait until the chest is open to see what’s inside. That’s not how literature works, Grimms.
Ah, well. On to the 10 Children’s Legends and the end of the book.
I’ve been anxious about this race for a solid week now and I killed it with a new PR - 20:38
I needed some power lyrics on my leg and they played over and over in my head for all 3.13 miles. My pacing was solid, my head was empty except my song and a couple glances at my Garmin, and I gave it everything I had at the end. Neil, Jim, Grandma, Papa, and Chanel were all waiting for me at the finish and I couldn’t be happier right now. Post-race boocha was the icing on the cake.
“You can’t keep the ground from shaking, no matter how hard you try. You can’t keep the sunsets from fading, you gotta treat your life like you’re jumping off a rope swing baby ‘cause the whole thing’s really just a shot in the dark.”
i just convinced an eight year old girl that buffalo wings are the actual wings of buffaloes, and the only reason she’s never seen a buffalo with wings is because theyre so small that they hide under all that fur.
wonder how long shes gonna go thinking that before someone corrects her. could be months. could be years. who knows. youth is amazing
For all you lovers out there - and the singles like myself, have I got something for you to kill some time with this Valentine’s Day. One of my all-time favorite love stories BUFFALO ‘66 from 1998.
This is one of the most heartbreaking movies I’ve ever watched. The story centers around a deeply troubled man named Billy Brown (Vincent Gallo), who has never come to grips with his unhappy childhood. When he is released from prison, he kidnaps a young girl from a tap dance studio (Christina Ricci), dressed like “Barbie as a hooker,” and forces her to pretend to be his wife while he goes to visit his parents.
And that is where the movie really gets good. Because instead of screaming and trying to get away, our girl Layla actually takes it all in stride, and plays along in good spirits. “Why does her character go along with the kidnapping? Why does she throw herself into the role of 'wife’ with such zeal–and invention? Well,
it’s more interesting than if she was merely frightened and trying to
escape. That would be the conventional approach. There’s not a thing
conventional about this movie." - Roger Ebert
At first Billy just
appears to be a high-strung asshole jerk. But as we learn more about his
childhood through a series of flashbacks, we see that he’s actually just a scared little boy who never learned how to grow up. Gallo shot these scenes in
his childhood home in Buffalo, and has said the parents are based on his
own. His memories are like an open wound.
It really becomes quite sad as his story unfolds, and you begin to understand the psychology behind the mad man. His parents show no concern towards him as they obsess over old Buffalo Bills football game tapes; his mother regrets the day of his birth, because that was the only game she had ever missed; and the family photo album contains mainly pictures of OJ Simpson and Jack Kemp, clearly illustrating their indifference toward their only son. But Layla shows so much warmth and compassion for him that it brightens everything right back up, never leaving us in a pit of despair, which is clearly where Billy Brown resides.
Still holding on to the dark side however, Billy is set on getting his revenge on the person he believes to be the reason for his going to prison in the first place: The Buffalo Bills field goal kicker who lost the Superbowl. In the end will he give in to his anger and self loathing? Or does he accept this new love? Either way it’s an entertaining, introspective study on depression and self-worth, and in the end, real-true compassion and empathy.
What I love most about this movie is the innocence and angst with which it approaches the affair between Gallo and Ricci. It almost feels like a teen dream. It is completely pure and not based on anything superficial. Ricci’s character Layla sees through to Billy’s pain and loves him anyway. It’s real and it’s deep and it’s not about sex. I always feel something when I watch this movie. And I like to have feels.