okcupidisdark

okay, stupid.

I’m almost offended that I keep getting called a ‘hero’ or keep being told that I shouldn’t be on OkCupid because I have 'a delightful smile’. And quite frankly, I’m annoyed at having to feel guilty about genuinely trying to meet someone that is worth my time, without having to stress myself out or deal with the creeps at bars. I don’t want to feel guilty for being lonely after being dumped last year - like, can I live? Fuck this impending feeling I have for being public about being on a dating site. Just because I’m not fucking my circle of male friends that shouldn’t reflect anything bad about my personal life, or should it even represent any amount of  self doubt in my ability to get laid. That has clearly never been an issue for me, I just prefer not to fuck familiar faces or dip into a tub of old bathwater.

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He was cute for like 3 seconds when I read a very nice message from him, yet after I began to further lurk his profile and saw the following. 

There’s nothing wrong with having those likes/dislikes. But he’s 28 years old, and still listens to music that I used to listen to as a Sophomore in high school. I literally don’t know anyone who enjoys Hollywood Undead. And if I do, they’re ashamed of it because I can’t for the life of me remember why they would. I’m positive they were fake myspace profile back in 2004.

For that, and that alone I’ve judged him harshly.

Kentucky Fried Failure

A really good friend of mine went on okcupid at my suggestion when I first signed up last year and is currently in SF with her boyfriend whom she met the first week she was on the site. I’m at home crying while watching The Voice and eating fried chicken while I hate myself on my bedroom floor for swimming in a sea of miscreants on okcupid and literally having zero interest.

But I’m doing great guys, everybody be cool. It’s just another day.

  • 44 yr old OKCupid guy:(quoting my profile)"This is dumb. I dislike and like everything."(end quote) Yes, it's dumb. No one likes and dislikes everything. Makes no sense. As far as not liking to be on the site, princess, why don't you get off it then, if the messages you get are so disappointing. Guys are just trying to woo you. What in the hell do you want them to do? Yes, they're clumsy at it but these kinds of sites are so artificial that it's just frustrating for the ones who have to pursue, i.e. men. You try it. YOU pursue and see how you feel about it. So "ugh" back, princess. No one forced you to do this. A plus in your favor: you like Woody Allen. Other than that, you come across as quite snotty.
  • Me:Wow. That must have taken a whole lot of breathing on your side of the computer screen. I appreciate you're giving a fuck, but really sir, it is not needed as I threw mine away a long time ago. Truth of the matter is, my purposefully pretentious (as I clearly stated on there) shows no insight to the person that I really am - so again, Sir, your reaction to the worlds lamest and laziest profile has got you.... nothing in the battle of the online dating world. Good luck to you. Los Angeles, has plenty of the non snots you look for.
  • 44 yr old OKCupid guy:Threw what away? Giving a fuck? If that's what you're saying, it's bullshit. We like to pretend we don't care, but it matters, it matters. I see right through the pretense. As far as the non snots in L.A., there are a hell of a lot more snots than non snots in this city. That's why many call L.A. the loneliest of cities. As for "the battle" of online dating, I thought I'd give it a try but like most everything else in cyberspace, it's disconnected, alienated, remote and false. Profiles are fabrications. Better to meet people in the produce aisle near the broccoli in real time and real space. You could ask me what I asked you, Why am I on this site? I thought it amazing at first, that I could meet others that I would likely never ever run into in that real time and space place. But I was wrong. Online dating is fraught with problems. If you're interested, this is a fascinating article exploring online dating in the New Yorker. http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/07/04/110704fa_fact_paumgarten I, for one, will probably get the hell off this site sooner than later. Next time I'm buying my veggies, perhaps I'll meet someone there.
  • Me:I am literally so much more upset at myself for misusing 'you're' in my previous message, that I simply forgot to ask the rhetorical question of why you're even on here. I'd take the opportunity to ask you now, but I'm just not interested in any answer, justification, or New Yorker article you want to throw my way. You obviously felt the need to send me a message because my "dumb" profile made you feel some sense of intrigue, or otherwise leads me to believe that it pissed you off enough because I'm not someone that would be otherwise interested in meeting someone like yourself. That being said, my profile is meant to adhere to people of the age bracket I designated on my profile as asked for by the creators of this website. Your opinion of my online persona is based on a few sentences and pictures of me on Instagram, and are completely irrelevant to my cause to meet other like-minded snotty individuals. So I don't care to ask you why you've messaged me, or felt the need to spam my inbox feeling superior based on only evidence I have that you're old enough to be my Father or that creepy uncle I choose not to be around. Your condescension (while on any given day would be much appreciated) has just been wasted. In closing this time waster of a response/reply that has just brushed up my verbose vernacular, I wish you the best of luck trolling your local Whole Foods, and/or the internet for the remainder of your stay on OkCupid.