A guy who violates boundaries is not “being polite.”
A guy who doesn’t think your basic requirements apply to him is not “being polite.”
A guy who sends you a message wanting to meet up immediately for a hookup when your profile states that you absolutely will not meet up immediately for a hookup is not “being polite.”
Don’t be fooled by the word “sorry.” A guy who tells you “Sorry but I and others are going to disrespect you because [fill in the blank with bullshit reason]” is not “being polite” nor is he apologizing. Slut-shaming is not “being polite.”
A guy who ignores everything you’ve said and does what he wants to you anyway has decided that what he wants is more important than your boundaries. This is not “being polite.”
I’m simply blown away by the people reblogging & adding their shitty commentary to my posts who refuse to comprehend these basic concepts.
Super frustrated at dating at the moment. I have a small dating pool to begin with, so when ever I get rejected it feels extra hard. Especially hurts when they seem excited til you to meet and they realize that you’re not a strategically placed camera angle. And then they text less and loos interest.
I’m sick of only being messaged on Okcupid by bi curious dudes or het couples looking for a quirky third. I’m tired of flakes and the inconsiderate forgetting to mention they’re canceling and you waste a day.
Today I joined a ladies dating group and got booted with the person explaining to me that it was only for women, not those who identify as one.
Also, I am sick of every person who messages me on dating sites with their first question about my junk. I’m sick of being a fetish for people.
I hate that every movie has to have a love story, every song is a love story, everything is about relationships. And while I know I don’t need one to be complete, and I put too much weight on them. But some people thrive in them and I’m that type.
I know deep down I have worth. I’m able to survive and pay bills. I do taxes. There’s days where I look pretty. But I don’t know if society will see that. I sometimes I feel like a defective freak.
I don’t like a lot of popular things. I don’t smoke pot, I rarely drink. I hate it because everyone else seems to love that stuff and I wish I could cause I want to belong. That’s all I want. I want a sense of belonging.
I’m frustrated, Im sad, I’m kinda angry. I’ll probably delete this later. Just needed to vent.
Hey! So I wanted to start sugaring so I was wondering if you could tell me how you get started and if there's anything I should watch out for? This is very much appreciated!
To get started, set up your sugar persona. To do this, you’ll need a fake name, email using that name, a texting app, and a way to receive money online. You can use cash app, venmo, or google wallet for the money. Then you’ll need to set up profiles on dating sites with your sugar name. You can use seeking arrangement, tinder, or okcupid. Then just start messaging men!! Watch out for men who want nudes or sex before paying you. Also watch out for men who say they don’t want the relationship to seem “too transactional”. Always get the money first, and don’t give out your bank info!!
Your first message should include a greeting. It’s polite. Don’t go crazy, just say “hello.”
Your first message should be constructed of complete sentences.
Your first message should be at least 20 words in length.
Your first message should not comment on the other person’s physical appearance in any way.
Your first message and every message you ever send should be respectful and positive.
Your first message should not be generic. If it could be copied and pasted then it’s a bad message. Regardless of whether or not you took the time to type up a brand new message, if it’s totally generic the other person won’t have any reason to believe you didn’t just copy and paste it.
Your first message should start at least one conversation topic which relates to something the other person wrote in their profile. This shows the other person that you didn’t copy and paste your message, that you actually took the time to read the person’s profile. It also gives the person something to respond to. It’s also important to be specific:
Don’t say, “I also like coffee.” Talk about your favorite coffee shop - or the best cup of coffee you’ve ever had.
Don’t say, “I also love to travel.” Talk about a cool place that you’ve been to, or where you hope to travel to next.
Don’t just say, “I like Hemingway too!” Talk about your favorite book by Hemingway and why you like it. Don’t write an essay, but a few sentences is great. Or if you think that Hemingway was a bit of a prick, write about why you don’t like his work. But if you’re going to disagree with someone, make it a fun and respectful conversation.
Ask Questions. Ask a few questions - not the same question this person has heard every time. Don’t ask the most obvious question. Ask the second or third question you think of. (Make sure the question is respectful. If you aren’t certain if it’s appropriate, assume that it isn’t appropriate and come up with a different question). And don’t ask generic questions like “what do you like to do for fun?”
Don’t complain about anything in your first message. Don’t complain about how you don’t get many responses. Don’t complain about how frustrating online dating can be. Don’t complain about your ex.
Don’t write anything anywhere as near as long as this article. Unless you’re comfortable with the fact that most people won’t take the time to read a first message longer than a few hundred words. I personally wrote very, very long first messages for a while, because I like writing long messages/emails/letters and I wanted to avoid getting involved with a woman who would find this tedious.
Don’t try to use lots of big silly words that you never actually use in real life. Write your message in your own voice.
Be yourself. Be genuine. Be earnest - it’s very Important.
Hey, so I'm greyromantic asexual and I was kinda dropped like a hot potato by every girl I messaged on OkCupid… I know maybe it's just me but still… can you pull up some positivity for my fellow women-loving aroaces?
Here’s Aya, Asexual Society’s resident alpaca-corn here with some positivity for you :p