okcupid messages


A guy who violates boundaries is not “being polite.”

A guy who doesn’t think your basic requirements apply to him is not “being polite.”

A guy who sends you a message wanting to meet up immediately for a hookup when your profile states that you absolutely will not meet up immediately for a hookup is not “being polite.”

Don’t be fooled by the word “sorry.” A guy who tells you “Sorry but I and others are going to disrespect you because [fill in the blank with bullshit reason]” is not “being polite” nor is he apologizing. Slut-shaming is not “being polite.”

A guy who ignores everything you’ve said and does what he wants to you anyway has decided that what he wants is more important than your boundaries. This is not “being polite.”

I’m simply blown away by the people reblogging & adding their shitty commentary to my posts who refuse to comprehend these basic concepts.

How to Write a Good First Message

Your first message should include a greeting. It’s polite. Don’t go crazy, just say “hello.”

Your first message should be constructed of complete sentences.

Your first message should be at least 20 words in length.

Your first message should not comment on the other person’s physical appearance in any way.

Your first message and every message you ever send should be respectful and positive.

Your first message should not be generic. If it could be copied and pasted then it’s a bad message. Regardless of whether or not you took the time to type up a brand new message, if it’s totally generic the other person won’t have any reason to believe you didn’t just copy and paste it.

Your first message should start at least one conversation topic which relates to something the other person wrote in their profile. This shows the other person that you didn’t copy and paste your message, that you actually took the time to read the person’s profile. It also gives the person something to respond to. It’s also important to be specific:

Don’t say, “I also like coffee.” Talk about your favorite coffee shop - or the best cup of coffee you’ve ever had.

Don’t say, “I also love to travel.” Talk about a cool place that you’ve been to, or where you hope to travel to next.

Don’t just say, “I like Hemingway too!” Talk about your favorite book by Hemingway and why you like it. Don’t write an essay, but a few sentences is great. Or if you think that Hemingway was a bit of a prick, write about why you don’t like his work. But if you’re going to disagree with someone, make it a fun and respectful conversation.

Ask Questions. Ask a few questions - not the same question this person has heard every time. Don’t ask the most obvious question. Ask the second or third question you think of. (Make sure the question is respectful. If you aren’t certain if it’s appropriate, assume that it isn’t appropriate and come up with a different question). And don’t ask generic questions like “what do you like to do for fun?”

Don’t complain about anything in your first message. Don’t complain about how you don’t get many responses. Don’t complain about how frustrating online dating can be. Don’t complain about your ex.

Don’t write anything anywhere as near as long as this article. Unless you’re comfortable with the fact that most people won’t take the time to read a first message longer than a few hundred words. I personally wrote very, very long first messages for a while, because I like writing long messages/emails/letters and I wanted to avoid getting involved with a woman who would find this tedious.

Don’t try to use lots of big silly words that you never actually use in real life. Write your message in your own voice.

Be yourself. Be genuine. Be earnest - it’s very Important.


Sexy girl :D
Hook up? ;)
You look like trouble.
What do you like for breakfast?
You’re really cute. And pretty seductive at that.
So I see that you’re interested in group sex. How’s that been for you?
Hey, how are you? I was gonna ask to see if you’d be into dominating me?
Hey, it’s Saturday night and we’re both alone. Care to fix that?
Do you receive countless messages on this site everyday?
Since you didn’t put your name up, I’ll refer to you as Angel. You are what I want in a woman.
Not many people listen to Panic! At the Disco anymore. Welcome to the dying breed.
Hellooooo gorgeous!! I just moved here from Indiana and you have GOT to let me take you shopping sometime. No, I’m not weird… I just know what I want and what I like. ;)
I always like seeing someone that knows about the Myers-Briggs types.
I didn’t see any of those tattoos you mentioned.
Shaving half your head doesn’t make you unique. It just makes you half bald.
So if I sucked a guy while you watched, would you like that?
Hello. – Any plans for tonight? – Not interested.
I would swim 15 miles, upstream in the Amazon River, with 45 pound dumbbells tied to my scrotum, and Ellen DeGeneres’ queef as my air supply if it meant I could eat a seafood dinner with you over Skype on a dial up internet connection.
I’ll eat your soul, bitch.
I like those precious eyes.
Sooo I see you enjoy meaningless sex. I may or may not be your man.
I don’t like the word queer or gay or fag, sorry lol
I’m a closet homosexual who’s trying to get my wife to pretend she wants to have sex with an exotic punk girl because I don’t identify them as having standards.
Internet sites are shit. Get off them. Take down your profile.
Women got equal rights and this is how you choose to use them? Pathetic. You’re not the next Spielberg. Have fun living off the government to pursue all of those fruitless hobbies.
One life on this planet and you spend it doing things you suck at and will always be in poverty unless you suck a guy’s dick good enough to get him to marry you so you can feed off his income.
Literally nothing you are involved in is progressing the world or even the town in any tiny positive way.